Kissing Nate was an overwhelming yet outstanding experience. All my senses were focused solely on him. My right palm was on his chest, as my left hand found its place on the back of his neck, making him groan and pull me even closer. His strong hands hoisted me and placed me over the counter. Then, they slowly moved to my tights leaving a soaring trail behind them.
I'd never been kissed before like that.
It was as if time stopped and all that was left was this imminent need to have him even closer. There were no sparkles. There was an explosion of different feelings all over me.
All because of him.
Restraining himself, he pulled apart breathing hard. His grey eyes were shadier as he stared at me for the longest of moments. His usually pale pink lips were darker. A flicker of pain and concern passed through his eyes. "I really, really don't want to hurt you Cassie."
My heart soared for him. "I know you'd never do it intentionally."
He took a deep breath, closing his eyes. "That's the thing. I never intend it to happen. Yet it does." Swallowing hard, I gazed at him for a moment.
He was the definition of perfection.
I wasn't talking about his muscled arms or chiseled features.
I was talking about him.
The real Nathan Rivers.
He was perfect for me.
I wanted to be there for him, to understand where the pain was coming from. I needed him to trust in me.
"Don't shut me out, Nate." I cupped his chin as he closed his eyes again, as if he was in pain.
I bit my lip as he opened his eyes. "Fuck," he groaned huskily before kissing me once again. His hands gripped my tights harder and I kissed him back.
When we were both out of breath, he leaned on my forehead. "I don't think your father would appreciate this." His voice was huskier.
My lips tugged up, "No, I don't think so."
He took a deep breath and nodded. "I should probably go," his brows furrowed. He clearly didn't want to. And to be honest, I didn't want him to.
"Nate, if we want this to work out, you need to trust in me." My eyes widened at my boldness. I couldn't be more direct now. I scrunched my nose and averted his eyes. "You know, if there's a we in the future. Or if you're interested in that."
Nate's hand cupped my chin. "There's a we. Definitely." He pecked me lightly on the lips. "But I'm not sure if you would want that if you hear all my story."
I met his intense stare. "I don't care about your past, Nate. I could be the last person to judge you giving my own background. But I care about you." His lips parted as he took a sharp intake of breath.
He wet his lips. "We should talk outside or something." He murmured as his grey eyes bored into mine.
My heart fluttered. "I could make some cocoa," I trailed breathlessly completely absorbed in those deep eyes.
He swallowed hard. "That sounds great." He pulled me closer getting me off the counter. We stared at each other for a moment as we both leaned closer. As our lips were about to touch, Nate murmured, "outside. Now."
I chuckled as he pulled away completely. Leaving like the whole kitchen between us. "I need" he gestured towards the door, "to go outside."
Completely amused at his attitude, I suppressed a smile and nodded. He bobbed his head once and with tight lips walked outside the house. He left the door open and a moment later, I could smell the distinctive aroma of a cigarette.
Tingly all over and with butterflies revolving around my stomach, I took out the two mugs and the milk and prepared the hot cocoa.
A moment later, I heard him walk inside the kitchen. He passed both arms around my waist and leaned his head on my shoulder. My heart fluttered as he whispered by my ear, "Need help?"
With a dry mouth, I shook my head. I had just plopped two marshmallows inside the hot beverage and it was now good to go. He grabbed one of the mugs with a soft smile on his face and I couldn't but copy him.
We sat on the front stairs of the house. "Is this necessary?" I raised an eyebrow.
He nodded and kissed me lightly on the lips once more, "Yes."
I shoved him playfully on the chest and he grabbed my hand. He watched me warily for a moment before taking a sip of his chocolate. I sensed he needed some time, I intertwined our hands while glancing to the street.
I heard him take a deep breath. "Leah was my sister" I glanced at him as my heart skipped a beat.
This was it. He was actually opening up to me.
It was hard for him. I was deeply touched that he would do it for me. I squeezed his hand trying to be reassuring. His grey eyes gazed at me for a moment. Fear and hurt flashed on his face and my heart clenched for him.
In a soft voice, he started his story. "She was three years older than me. We weren't really close but we got along well. One day, she came by to visit from college. She didn't look like she always did. Her eyes were sunken and she had lost a lot of weight." His eyes were sad as he gazed at the distance. "My parents, like always, couldn't care less about any of us," he murmured somberly. "And I was more concerned on playing videogames with my friends. I didn't ask her any questions. She said she was tired and went to sleep." His eyes brimmed with tears as my heart clenched. "The maid found her a day later. She had taken a bottle of my mother's sleeping pills." He swallowed hard and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, there were no more tears. However, his eyes showed guilt, pain and agony. I squeezed his hand harder. "She didn't even leave a note," he shook his head. "But the coroner found several marks on her body. Apparently, she'd been in an abusive relationship of sorts. I guessed she couldn't handle it anymore and decided to end her life." His voice was low as he gazed at his feet. "I should have asked her something. I should have been there for her. Like I was supposed to."
My own eyes were teary as I heard him in so much pain. I swallowed my tears and passed an arm across Nate's back. He pulled me even closer. My chest was tight as I felt him swallow hard.
"It's not your fault, Nate," I murmured to his chest. His arms encased me tight.
"I didn't know anything about her, you know? I was just as absent as my parents always have been and I know that if there had been someone for her she wouldn't have done it." His voice was a faint murmur.
"Nate," I pulled away to better look at him. "It wasn't your fault." His grey eyes were glazed over. My heart broke for him. "It wasn't." I cupped his chin and he leaned on my touch.
He was in so much pain.
A part of me finally understood how much pain and sorrow my father must have felt when I tried to end my life. It had been such a weak choice. I felt like I had no choice, like I was cornered but I never stopped to think about my family. And I could understand Leah's desperation. But seeing Nathan like that, it made me realize that no matter what happens in your life, there's always a choice. Always.
"The police found out that she'd been going out with some street fighter. They couldn't find more." His jaw was clenched.
My eyes widened in understanding. "Is that why you fight?" He swallowed hard and looked down. My heart stopped when it all dawned on me. "You want to find him? What are you going to do if you do? Beat him to death? Is that going to bring Leah back?"
He pulled away, "You wouldn't understand, Cassie."
My stomach plummeted to the ground. "I know one thing. I don't think Leah would want you to get hurt." His eyes snapped to me. "And I don't want you to get hurt either." My voice broke on the last words as my eyes brimmed with tears.
Nate stayed in silence. His grey eyes set on me. He took a deep breath. With a trembling hand, he caressed my cheek. My heart raced as my eyes roamed all over his face stopping on his lips. We both bowed our heads until our lips met.
We stayed in silence for a while. Both in deep thought. His thumb stroked the back of my palm.
I wanted to ask him about his parents. They were definitely not close. I could see how much it pained him so. I would have never guessed that behind that tough bad-ass pose he had, there would be someone in so much pain.
It dawned on me why he'd asked me to be completely honest on my essay. Because at the end of the day, we really didn't know each other at school. We didn't know if someone was in pain or needed a friend. We could pass in the hallways not really knowing the person behind the mask.
I'd been like that for three years.
Leah had walked around and no one had reached out for her.
In my case, I'd push everyone away. I had no idea if she had done the same thing but it was clear that when people are suffering they tend to pull away. I leant my head on Nate's shoulders as I tightened our interlaced hands. He kissed my forehead. Without words, I wanted to let him know that I was there for him.
"Thank you," I whispered. Thank you for trusting in me. His hold tightened.
A pair of lights appeared on the street. A moment later, Dad's car parked in front of the garage. Reluctantly, Nate let me go as we stood up.
Dad climbed out of the car. "Good night," His blue eyes assessed us both. "I texted you that I'd be late, Cass. Were you waiting for me?"
"I didn't check my phone" I murmured.
He shook hands with Nate. "Good night, Sr."
"I'll wait for you inside, ok?" He gestured towards the house.
I nodded as he walked inside the house. He seemed satisfied that we'd been outside.
Nate placed his hands on the front pockets of his jeans. "I'll call you tomorrow?"
"Yeah." His lips tugged up on a small smile. "Nate?" I sighed, "take care, ok?"
His grey eyes bored into me. "Are you sure that this is what you want?"
I swallowed hard, "pretty sure." My heart warmed as he smiled shyly at me.
His eyes were piercing as he added, "you have no idea how long I've been waiting for this."
My heart skipped a beat as my mouth went dry. "Thank you."
"No. Thank you." He murmured while pulling me closer and kissing me lightly on the lips. "Good night, Taylor," a lopsided smile drew on his face.
"Good night, Rivers." I waited for him to hop in his car.
Biting my lip, with a heart filled with different emotions, I waved as his engine roared to life.
I stepped inside the house and Dad was waiting for me leaned on the stair's rail with his arms crossed and a smugly smile on his face. "I take it you guys have solved everything now?" I rolled my eyes as he added, "why where you outside by the way?"
My heart fluttered as I recalled everything that had happened before. "We needed some air," I trailed absentmindedly before kissing Dad on the cheek. "Good night, Dad."
He narrowed his eyes as I climbed the stairs. "I'm getting nervous here, Cassandra."
A small formed in my face as I turned to look at him, "you don't need to have the talk with me, Dad."
His eyes widened, "Why does that scare me even more?"
Oh God.
Blushing, I averted my eyes as I murmured, "I haven't done anything, Dad. Don't worry."
He breathed out relieved. "Okay."
I laid in bed thinking about everything that had happened today.
My heart was soaring for Nathan.
I was worried for him. I wanted to help out ease his pain. Just as he eased mine.
He was worried that he wasn't good enough for me. I felt the same.
Could I be able to ease his pain?
One thing was for sure.
I was completely in love with him.