Chapter's song: Sam Smith - Too Good At Goodbyes
The leaves scrunched as my feet picked up the pace. It was a sunny Monday morning and unlike most people I'd known, I was relieved that it was Monday and I had to go to school. Anything to get out of my house.
For a change, I wasn't as sad as usual. No. Today I was mad. Scratch that. I was beyond mad. I was furious. I was angry at everything and everyone.
Especially at Marie, Mom, and my father, but mostly at me.
Friday and Saturday had been pretty much uneventful. Therapy had been difficult and sad as Amanda had asked me a lot of questions on my relationship with my mother, friends and such. But I liked her, she was really friendly and understanding. Mostly, she respected when I didn't want to talk more or if I felt like it was too much.
Dad picked me up from her office and surprised me with a few books that he'd gotten for me. It was a nice gesture and I was thankful to have something to do. I always loved to read. One was about a dystopian future love story and the other about this girl with cancer. Obviously, I chose the first one. I did not want to read anything cancer-related and I could tell that this story was going to be sad. I was sad enough as it was, no need to read about it.
I spent all Saturday reading and mostly Sunday. I was so engrossed with the books that I didn't pay attention to Dad at all, making him tease me a few times. Despite it all, I stopped reading when he announced that Marie was coming to dinner. Again.
I couldn't but notice how my father, once again, set the table with the fancy china and cut some flowers (from Mom's garden) to make the dining room more presentable for Mom's friend.
Silently, I peeled the potatoes and the carrots for the chicken Dad was making. He seemed happier and was making small talk as we cooked dinner. Marie arrived at six sharp with peach cobbler and homemade vanilla ice cream.
My heart tightened as I watched her talking with my father while he was mixing the salad. She grabbed his arm once or twice during the conversation and I my stomach plunged every time. They seemed too friendly.
Dinner was awkward and tense for me. They were both chatting as I played with my food observing them. At some point, I couldn't but voice the question that was playing in my head.
"What's going on here?" Dad and Marie shared a knowing look for a moment before Dad left his fork on the table and grabbed Marie's hand.
My breath caught in my throat and the little food I had managed to eat twirled inside of me.
No, no, no, no.
"We wanted to talk to you about it," My father's words got lost as I internally freaked out.
We? There's no we! There's Marie and there's you!
"Are you, are you guys," my hand moved from him to her "together?" My voice came out as a whisper and I closed my eyes because I knew the answer before my father said anything.
"Yes."
My stomach plummeted to the ground. Tears brimmed in my eyes as I looked into my father's blue eyes. They seemed deeply troubled and concerned. I didn't look at her. I just couldn't. "Your mother wanted us to be together at some point," Dad continued to explain.
"Not three months after she died!" I blurted out as my temper flared. My heart was racing and I bumped my fist on the table.
"You can't talk to me like that, Cassandra! Not you!" My heart throbbed from his words. Dad stood up and placed both fisted hands on the table as he glared at me. His cheeks were flushed and I stared at him in shock since it was the first time that I'd ever seen him like that. "Go to your room! You're grounded!"
What right did I have to judge him, anyway?
Teary eyed and in more pain than ever, I silently got up. I grabbed my plate and left it at the kitchen counter without looking at them. My heart sank as Ï passed accross Mom's romm and when I reached my room, I closed my door with unnecessary force.
The sad thing was that he was right. I couldn't judge him. Not me. Especially me.
Tears rolled down until exhaustion finally got to me.
I hadn't been able to sleep until after midnight, so I couldn't get up to jog in the morning which made me even moodier. My mind had been playing with different thoughts ranging from how heartless was my father to what a bitch I was.
In the midst of it all, I wondered what on earth was Marie thinking by being with my father. Had they'd been together before? Did she always have feelings for him?
Grabbing whatever clothes were handy, I dressed after taking a shower. I was running late so I decided to skip breakfast. Also, I didn't want to see my father, who was eating breakfast in the kitchen. I didn't say a word to him as I walked by the kitchen acutely aware of him observing me.
Flushed from almost running to school, I leaned on a locker as soon as I entered the school. I closed my eyes and savored the feeling of being away from home.
School had been my home away from home since a long time ago.
Breathing deeply, I trotted to my locker to gather my things. Farah was waiting for me and smiled brightly at my sight. My steps faltered as I questioned myself why she was still hanging out with me.
"Hi Cass! How was your weekend?" Her blue eyes twinkled happily as I unlocked my locker.
"Awful" I answered truthfully. It was the least I could do for Farah. She was being too nice to me all the time. At least she deserved honesty.
"Ouch" she grimaced. "Sorry?" she tilted her head and watched me somewhat concerned. "Are you okay? You know," she trailed cautiously, "after Friday and all."
I knew she was talking about the Anne incident. "Yeah," I glanced at her before putting my math book into my backpack.
"Was Nathan nice to you?"
My shoulders sagged at the mention of his name. "Yeah. He was nice." My lips twitched as I remembered how he'd opened up with me.
"Want to talk about it?" Farah asked curiously.
Gnawing my lip, I eyed her before shutting my locker's door. "Not really. I mean, he brought me home and then demanded me to feed him," a small smile crossed my face. Farah grinned too. "He is really nice."
"Yeah. He seems to. Chris talks highly about him," she rolled her eyes. "but of course, they're friends, so that's expected."
We were now walking down the hall, to her locker. "Chris seems nice, too," I added.
Farah shrugged nonchalantly but I could tell she was dying to talk to me about it. "What about you? How was your weekend?" By the smile that played on her lips I knew she wanted to share. However, I knew she probably wanted to ask more about Nathan but she kept it to herself. "Oh. Well it was good," she trailed unsure as we walked together through the hallway.
"Farah, you can tell me. Actually, please tell me, I'm pretty sure you have a far more interesting life than me." I tried to sound reassuring and I must have because she beamed at me and started to tell me all about her weekend.
"We had a barbecue with some neighbors" she said dismissively "and it didn't sound fun, but I helped my mom anyway. And guess what?" her blue eyes sparkled delighted, "turns out that Chris is my neighbor! He lives just across the street and his father is friends with mine! His parents are divorced and he lives with his father who doesn't care about him being kind of a bad boy and all, he seems pretty cool. My mom was freaking out about him but Chris charmed her with his good manners, so now my parents are cool with me hanging out with him. Isn't that awesome?"
"That's great for you" I said somewhat unconvinced. I mean, I was happy for her but still, I was worried about the whole Chris situation. Was he really into her? Farah was a really nice girl and Chris, well, unlike Nathan he wasn't a loner. Actually he was the kind of boy to use and toss girls for fun. But I didn't want to burst her bubble. She seemed genuinely happy.
"It is!" She chirped in blissfully. "I'll see you at lunch?" she waved at me before heading to her class.
Since I had advanced math, I thought to ask Nathan about it. A smile played on my lips. It was sort of weird that I was now friends with him. Truthfully, it would be pointless since he didn't even know Farah's name and I was pretty sure he wouldn't know anything about the subject. Nevertheless, as I walked into the class I sat in my usual seat and turned to look at him since he'd arrived earlier.
"Hi."
He watched me entertained and a lopsided smile drew on his lips. "How can I help you?" Concern flashed through his eyes but his smile didn't falter. I knew he'd noticed how tired and puffy my eyes were.
Averting my eyes, I asked, "Why are you assuming I need anything from you?"
"Considering this is actually the first time that you actually greet me, I'd say you want something from me," he trailed amused. A small pang of guilt played on my chest but I ignored it, seeming that he was finding this whole thing quite amusing.
"First and last, Rivers" I rolled my eyes as he chuckled. My lips twitched.
"Don't be like that, Taylor," he raised one eyebrow and I noticed that his pupils were dilated. And well, that and the blue t-shirt he wearing brought out the color of his eyes. In short, he looked kind of good. Okay. He did look good. No point denying it. Whatever.
Behind him, I noticed Chris a few rows back. Without any other word, I got up and walked to him. As I stood up in front of him I noticed how stupid this whole idea was, because, me being there was as much as saying my friends likes you. A lot. I bit my lip and took a deep breath as Chris stared expectantly at me.
"Hi?" He nodded. Great. "I'm Cassandra, you know, Farah's friend, and I just, I wanted to tell you that she's an amazingly nice girl and that you probably should take care of her?" God. It sounded so much confident and kind of threatening in my head.
Chris lip's twitched. "Or you're going to beat the crap out of me?" he quipped.
I played with the button of my grey sweater as I bit my lip. "I really don't think I could, Chris. But I do pack a mean punch."
He cracked up at that. "Oh well, I wouldn't want to be your punch bag, then." He stared behind me as he added, "or his." I turned around and Nathan was watching us with a big ass smirk on his face. I rolled my eyes once again as I turned to Chris and shrugged.
"She's just really nice, you know?"
And I don't think I could be helpful if you break her heart.
"I know." Chris answered sincerely. "I do like her," he added in a half whisper. "She's different." His lips tugged up slightly, "she's too damn stubborn and brave at the same time." He eyed me warily as if he'd said too much. Clearing his throat, he straightened on his seat, "but you know, I have a reputation to take care of," he added smugly.
I rolled my eyes at that. A small smile playing on my face. He liked her, all right. "Just take care of her," I murmured not wanting to be heard before returning to my seat. Chris was okay. He seemed nice and he was obviously head over heels with Farah. I was glad for her, she deserved to be happy. Plus, Chris was pretty much Nathan's only friend. That had to mean something. The more time I spent with him, the more I trusted him.
Awkwardness seeped through me as that particular thought crossed my mind.
The teacher came in, so I waved at Chris who bobbed his head as I warily sat on my place, completely aware of the boy in question's eyes following my every move. How can I feel so comfortable with him one minute and so stiff the other?
I couldn't really pay attention to class thinking about it. The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. Well, not quite, since the homework was starting to pile up. The teachers were convinced on making us work harder since we were in senior year. Add the fact that I skipped Friday, I had a lot of things to work on over the week. I didn't mind, though. What else was I to do anyway?
I met with Farah at our now familiar tree. But she wasn't alone. There was Chris and Nathan and some other guy. My steps faltered as I walked nearer but I couldn't turn back since they had already spotted me.
"Come on Cass!" Farah gestured at me excitedly.
"Hi" I waved at everyone without looking at Nathan. The level of awkwardness had increased with every passing hour. I just couldn't get him out of my mind. It was unnerving, to say the least.
"I'm Jay" said the brown-haired guy next to Chris. His skin was darker, like tanned. He had brown chocolate eyes and not surprisingly, was as built as his friends. He was probably a fighter too.
"Cassie" I said awkwardly as I felt him gazing at me.
Why is he always looking at me? Doesn't he have anything else to do? I'm not interesting. At all. Plus, it's just weird.
Trying to ignore him, I took out my lunch, a yogurt and a ham and cheese bagel. I was kind of hungry since I had skipped dinner and breakfast. I started eating as I felt him seat beside me. "How was your weekend?" he asked in a low voice leaning closer to me.
It was unnerving how my heart started to race at his proximity. Yet it felt nice to be able to talk to someone. Especially him. We seemed to have much in common. Which made it hard to try to ignore him. Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm my erratic heartbeats over his proximity. I looked at him, my half bagel frozen mid-air, "crappy, yours?"
A soft smile crossed across his face, "same." A warm, awkward feeling ran through me.
"How many noses did you brake over the course of those two days?" His lips tugged up on that. His crooked smile made my heart skip a beat.
"Two or three" he shrugged. "Not so many." I smiled at that. My eyes travelled to Chris and Farah who were teasing each other and laughing out loud. Jay was playing a game on his phone without paying attention to their bickering. "Want to talk about it?" he whispered by my left ear.
My eyes casted down. I shook my head, "No." Flashes of Marie and Dad played in my mind as I chewed the bagel.
"That bad, huh?" he bobbed his head as his hand played with the grass at our feet.
Not really hungry anymore, I packed away the rest of the bagel and found myself watching his fingers moving through the grass. Nathan didn't say anything else, he just sat by my side in comfortable silence. That was one of the things that I liked about him. His sole presence made me feel somewhat warm. That was also one of the things that made me feel uncomfortable.
Yes. It was confusing as hell.
"So why aren't you punching someone right now?" I asked casually as my eyes followed his hands.
His eyes bored into me. "Maybe my interests are changing?" I swallowed hard as I matched his stare for a moment.
Suddenly, Chris pushed me to Nathan by accident since Farah was tickling him and he was jerking away. Nathan's strong arms encased me for a moment before shoving Chris away and telling him to be careful.
I tried to ignore the tingling sensation his hands had left on my arms, but it was as a shot of electricity ran through me.
That was imprinted in my mind by the end of the day. Even when I stayed in the library to work on my homework after school. I tried to ignore those tingles and the butterflies on my stomach when he laid those grey eyes on me but I couldn't concentrate. I stared at the written pages with a blank state of mind.
Nathan Rivers was making me feel things. Things that maybe I wasn't ready for. Or deserved.
Aw poor Cassie, just let it be and enjoy Nathan's stalkerish behavior :D
Thank you for reading me!