(AN) Uploading this early as a "fuck you" to the girl who told me to take down my boyxboy story and not to write anymore. Crappy chappy, because I didn't like the way the first one ended so i put 2 together and voila. Enjoy, if you want. you can hate, just don't tell me you hate it cause i'll possibly cry<3
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"We all carry these things inside that no one else can see. They hold us down like anchors. They drown us out to sea. I look up to the sky. There may be nothing there to see. But if I don't believe in him. Why would he believe in me?"
"Alex, are you sure you wanna be singing that song?"
"Yeah. Why wouldn't I?"
"Because of the name.."
Alex just shrugged, placing down his guitar. I glanced at him curiously, my eyes scanning over the scar from his lip to his right ear. The stitches were fresh, so you could still see the thick red blood. He ignored it though; tried to pretend it wasn't there.
The name of the song he'd been singing was Chelsea Smile.
Yes, Alex only had a half chelsea smile, but it was still horrible.
He was still beautiful though. I guess I had to call him beautiful. One, because he really was. And two, he looked exactly like me. Insulting Alex would be insulting myself. Not that I would insult him anyways. I love him.
We both were exactly identical, not including the scar. We had the same pitch black hair and smoky grey eyes. We were quite skinny, but I had slight arm muscles were Alex was pure skin and bone. We had a few piercings. Alex had a 12mm stretcher in his left ear, and I had one in my right. We both had spiderbites and a septum piercing but we hardly ever wore that. It hurt like fuck when we sneezed.
"When are Mom and Dad getting back?" He asked, coming over to sit next to me. I wrapped an arm around his shoulder, rubbing it gently. Mom and Dad had loved Alex, they'd loved him a lot. But after what happened to him, it was like they just couldn't deal with it anymore. They slowly started to ignore him. And eventually this turned into neglect. I was his Mom, Dad, brother and friend. I was all he had.
"They already got back," I said quietly.
"Oh. They didn't tell me," he mumbled.
"Hey it's ok," I assured him. "Just ignore them. Besides, you've got me. What more can you need?"
He playfully shoved my shoulder and laughed. I smiled when he laughed, he hardly ever even smiled. Well, physically anyways. If he faced you at a certain angle, his scar would make it look like he was smiling. That's one thing he hated, other than the fact that it disfigured his face. I personally didn't think much of it. Of course I'd love it to disappear, but now it was a part of Alex. And I wouldn't get rid of any part of him.
"Wanna go get some dinner?"
"Mikey, it's 2 AM.."
"So? Takeout from last night, it's still in the fridge,"
"Ew. I'm tired, can we just go to sleep? School's in like..5 hours,"
"Fine," I sighed and playfully shoved him back down onto his bed. We had those awesome ass beds that folded into sofas, they were the shit. I was gonna go get in mine, but Alex reached out. I laughed as he stretched his arms out. He was so cute..like really adorable. That's the thing with us. We were identical but he looked cute and innocent and I looked like the type of guy to run around murdering prostitutes. Which I never would. I wasn't really into killing people. Only one person..but we weren't aloud to talk about him. Last time I said his name, Alex had a panic attack. It was a no go zone and I liked to keep it that way.
"Wait," he mumbled; looking up at me with those puppy dog eyes. "Stay with me?"
Nodding, I lay down onto his bed. Me and Alex normally slept in the same bed, even before what happened to him. We were just that close. We literally did everything together. And that's why when he got taken away from us, he was so scared. That was the first and only time he'd even been away from me properly. I could only imagine how terrified he was.
"Hey," I brushed my fingers over Alex's lip as he whimpered a little. I'd just turned the lights out and he jumped into my chest, breathing a little heavy. He grabbed fistfuls of my shirt and looked up at me. "It's ok..just go to sleep, you're ok,"
"I'm sorry," he murmured as he lay back down.
"No," I shook my head and grabbed his hand. "Don't be,"
***
"I want coffee," Alex mumbled as I more or less dragged him downstairs and into the kitchen. He was still half asleep, but we needed to get up for school. If we were late again then we'd be screwed. I wouldn't normally care less about getting in trouble at school, but Alex was sensitive. He'd get upset if the teachers shouted at him; which most of them did.
"Sit down and I'll make you some then," I pushed him towards the table and headed over to the kettle. I sat up on the counter, waiting for it to boil as the door opened again.
Dad eyed me with a suspicious glare. I loved my Dad..and by "loved" I mean, past tense. I didn't love him anymore. He put Alex through way too much. Ignoring his traumatized and broken son just because he didn't have the balls to stand up to himself? I was more of a man than he was. Hell, even Alex was.
"Hey Dad,"
"Hey Mike," he gave me a half smile and headed towards the fridge. He ignored Alex as usual and Alex being Alex, was too afraid to say anything at all. Dad grabbed a carton of milk from the fridge, took a sip, and then simply walked back out with only a nod in my direction.
Ignoring Alex; just like he always did. And me feeling bad, I gave him a small smile as I poured the steaming water into the cup, adding a spoonful of coffee.
"There you go," I placed it down in front of him and rubbed his shoulder. "You alright?"
He just nodded, taking a sip of coffee. "Ow, it's hot."
"Well duh," I chuckled, ruffling his hair. "That's what the steam coming out of it means, stupid."
He playfully shoved me away from him. "Fuck off,"
I grinned. "You gonna make me?"
"...no,"
"That's right. Cause you love me way too much,"
He blushed. "I do,"
"I love you too little brother,"
"Mikey! We're 15 minutes apart!"
"Hey, that's 15 more minutes of life experiance, kid."
***
"Hunter!" I headed down the hallway, grabbing the black haired boy by the arm and tugging him back to me. He gave me a little smile though we didn't get on too well. Sure, we were friends and hung out occassionally. But that was only because he was friends with my brother.
Hunter had known my brother for about..2 years now. They'd met in a mental hospital..and Alex told me all they did was get high off painkillers and drink coffee. It sounded like them, plus Alex would've had to be high to make a friend back then. He was terrified. And I knew Hunter was as well. Everyone in the school knew what happened to Hunter. It was in the news. Raped and abused by his own Dad, fucking sick. I guess that's why him and Alex got on so well though.
"You're in Alex's gym class, right?"
"Right," he brushed my arm off him. "Don't worry Mike, I'll keep an eye on him."
I breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks, I appreciate it. So where's Kat?"
"In class," he replied. "I can't be fucked. Hate the fucking teacher,"
"Mr Edwards?"
"Yup,"
"Whatta fucker,"
"I know,"
I laughed and leant back against the lockers with Hunter. Looking up to the security cameras above us, I sarcastically waved. No doubt some big muscley guys would be coming to drag us off into class.
"Wanna get out of here before security come?"
Nodding, Hunter swung his bag over his shoulder.
***
"God I needed that," i sighed as I flicked my finished cigarrette to the ground. Hunter laughed and blew out a puff of smoke. My parents would kill me if they knew I went anywhere near a joint, and that's why I liked being sort-of friends with Hunter. He always had a crap load of supplies. I had no idea where the hell he got them from, but he had. And that's all that mattered.
"Doesn't Chris care that you smoke?"
He shrugged. "He doesn't have to know,"
"Oh. Hey, is Alex ok in class?" I asked, concerned.
Hunter sighed. "He gets some shit of a couple of guys. He ignores it though. He doesn't cut, does he? Cause that's not-"
"Nah he doesn't," I assured him. "He just likes to wear wristbands,"
"I'm really sorry about what happened to him," Hunter said sincerely. "It's not your fault and it's not his either. I get it's hard to accept that, but you know, shit happens." He kicked the cigarrette to the ground and stood on it.
"Yeah I know," I sighed. "I just hate the fact that my parents blame it on themselves. It's not their fault, yet they constant say it is. And to make it worse, they ignore Alex. For 2 fucking years, they've hardly said a word to him. They don't care if he drinks, smokes, cuts, cries. Hell, they hear him screaming in the middle of the night and just pretend it's not happening,"
"But he has you," Hunter pointed out. "Who needs parents.."
I raised an eye-brow.
"Ok, maybe I'm just saying that because both of mine were dicks."
"Yeah, I figured that."
"But thing is," he turned to face me. "Yeah I've got Chris to help me through shit. But without Kat, I'd be dead. Literally. Sometimes you need more than parents. I've got Kat and Alex has got you,"
"Guess so," I murmured. "Hey Hunter?"
"Yeah?"
"...did you ever have nightmares about your parents?"
He shifted a little, looking down. "Uh, yeah.."
"When did they stop?"
Grabbing his lip ring, he shook his head. "They didn't. Why?"
"I want Alex to stop having nightmares about what happened to him. It hurts me to see him cry, scream, just in pain. I mean, the scar on his face was healing. And then he takes a fucking razor and slits it back open out of guilt? He needs help Hunter. No one's helping him though,"
"Hey," Hunter gave me a small smile. He knew the pain Alex was in, because he felt it every day as well. "Don't beat yourself up about it. You help him,"
***
( Alex's Pov )
No one is looking at you. No one is looking at you. No one is looking at you.
Shut up, you know everyone's looking at you.
I groaned as I sat down on the bench in the changing rooms. I hid the scar on my face the best I could, flipping my hair sideways so it maybe covered the new stitches. I closed my eyes, waiting for everyone to leave. I was always the last person to change. I didn't want people to watch me.
When I opened my eyes again, everyone had left.
"Alex?"
"Ah!" I pratctically flipped off the bench and crashed to the floor. Feeling absolutley pathetic, I lifted my head up to see Hunter reaching a hand out to me. I shakily took it and he pulled me to my feet.
"Shit, I'm sorry." He said sincerely. "Didn't mean to scare you. You alright?"
"Yeah," I mumbled. "Sorry,"
"Don't be," he smiled. "Skipping class?"
"No I just wanted to be alone to change,"
He nodded. "Me too,"
We stared at each other, not quite sure what to say. And then we smiled and departed, heading over to our kits. Me and Hunter were fine with changing in front of each other. He knew I was insecure and I knew he was too. We just didn't look at one another, simple as that.
Once into my tee and shorts, I turned to face Hunter who had done the same.
"It'll be fine," he assured me. "Come on,"
***
"Come on, Hunter! I know you can run faster than that! Move those legs! Do I care that you've been running for 25 minutes and you're out of breath? No! Do I care you're anemic? No! When you're in my class, you do as I say! Now run!"
"I swear, I'm gonna fucking kill that bastard." Hunter growled as we continued to run laps around the gym hall. Everyone else was in the other room, doing weight training, but as me and Hunter were 3 minutes late to class, we had to do continuous running for the whole lesson.
Coach really hated us.
Come to think of it, every teacher did.
"Just ignore him," I mumbled.
"NO TALKING!"
"YOU'RE FUCKING TALKING!"
"Hunter! That's an extra 10 laps for you!"
Hunter turned to face me. "Can we just stop? He can't make us run,"
"I don't wanna get in trouble,"
"NO TALKING!" Coach screamed as we jogged up to him. I'd hoped that maybe Hunter could hold in his anger, but then again, he was Hunter.
He punched coach in the face, causing him to stagger to the side with a bleeding nose.
***
"I didn't even do anything," I muttered as me and Hunter sat in the Principals office. "Not that I'm blaming Hunter though,"
Hunter was pissed off, I didn't want to make him more angry.
Mr. Roullette eyed us both. "Why did you punch a teacher, Hunter?"
"Because he was pissing me off!" He growled. "And I'm anemic so I'm not even aloud to work out for 25 minutes without a 5 minute break inbetween,"
"We understand that. But you didn't need to get physical,"
He leaned back in his chair. "Whatever. I don't really give a fuck,"
"Hunter!"
"What?!"
"Chris is here,"
Hunter changed his expression then as Mr. Roullette pointed to the door. Turning our heads back, we looked at a calm yet dissappointed stare.
He sighed. "Come on kid,"
Hunter looked at me. "Sorry Alex,"
"It's ok,"
I gave him a sympathetic smile as he followed Chris out the door. Mr Roullette cleared his throat and I turned back to him.
"You're a good kid Alex," he said quietly. "You're getting involved with the wrong people though. Hunter Storm is not the type of person you want to hang around with,"
"But he understands how I-"
"We have therapy for that,"
"But-"
"Look Alex," he sighed. "The personal reasons ended months ago. I understand what happened to you was difficult but you need to move on,"
I clenched my fist. "How can I move on when I've got this fucking scar on my face? Reminding me every second what happened to me?"
"Don't swear," he snapped. "Yes maybe what happened was traumatizing. But take Hunter for example. He was in a worse situation than you and-"
"You can't say that!"
"Alex-"
"Just fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off!"
***
I looked in the mirror, staring at the scar on my face. I was disgusting. Yeah, the scar was fading and the stitches were out. I deserved to have it there though. Deserved to have the blood red line across my face.
I grabbed the razor, positioning it on the edge of my lip."Alex!"
I seemed to be pulled out of the flashback by the sound of Dad's voice. Wait, Dad's voice? He was..he was talking to me?
I sat up from where I lay on the couch and rubbed my eyes. Dad was standing at the door of the front room, looking over at me. His brown eyes searched into mine and he ran a hand through his greasy black hair.
"Stop screaming, your Mom's trying to sleep."
"S-Sorry," I whispered. "S-Sorry Dad,"
He didn't look at me. "Just go upstairs if you're tired,"
"O-Ok,"
"And stop stuttering,"
Knowing that I'd stutter, I just nodded and stood up from the couch. I waited for Dad to move from the door, but he didn't, so I had to move past him. And when I did, he grabbed my shoulder.
I looked at him with childlike eyes. "Yeah?"
"Just..." he rubbed his eyes and flipped me off. "Nothing. Go on, get upstairs."
"But-"
"Just go Alex," he sighed. "Please,"
Nodding, I hurried away.