Rebecca's POV
Alexa had never looked so beautiful-so mature- than how she looked on her prom night. She was wearing a long, red dress with thin straps and an exposed back. Her hair had been straightened and had been put into a high ponytail, it reminded me of a horse tail. She had black shiny heels and her make-up looked like it had been put on by a professional.
I wanted to cry just by looking at her. It was happening. She was a young lady. A young adult. My little sister wasn't so little anymore.
I tried not to think about how she would be gone to New York in less than 2 months. I wasn't prepared for that yet.
"Rebecca, are you crying?" Alexa asked as she rolled her eyes at me. She reached for a tissue and handed it to me.
"I'm sorry," I said as I composed myself. "You're just-well, you're not a baby anymore."
She raised her eyebrows with a laugh. "Thanks for noticing."
I laughed then smiled sadly. "I just wish mom were here to see you. She would be so proud."
"Stop it or you're going to make me cry and this-" she pointed at her face. "-took hours."
"Okay, right, no crying," I said. "Have fun tonight."
She looked down at her phone. "Tina is here," she said then looked at me as if barely realizing that I won't be going with her. "You're gonna be okay?"
It was my turn to roll my eyes at her. "I'll be fine, don't worry about me. Enjoy your prom night. Remember to supervise your drinks and don't go into dark alleys alone."
She laughed. "Okay, okay."
I watched from the front door as she walked to her friend Tina's car. She waved at me before she drove off.
I walked back to the house which suddenly felt really lonely. I realized that this was how it would feel when Alexa left for college. Was this how parents felt when all their kids were grown up and left the house?
I locked the door behind me then headed to the living room and cuddled in the couch in front of the TV. I pulled the blanket around me for comfort then reached for the bag of Munchies while I watched TV. They were giving The Office episodes all day which was one of my favorite shows.
I had spent more time on this couch in the last 3 weeks than I ever had in the last 3 years. I had been working from home, only going to the bank one or two days a week just to make an appearance. I hadn't felt like going out.
I hadn't spoken to Damian since that Saturday night 3 weeks ago.
He did call me a few times during the 2 weeks after that day but he hasn't called me at all in 5 days. I knew I had no reason to be mad about that. I had ignored all his calls. Didn't I want him to leave me alone?
The answer was no, of course. It was just that every time I thought I was over our fight, I would remember it and then I would get angry all over again. That Saturday I realized that nothing had changed. Damian was still believing his mother over me. He was putting her first. Despite everything she had done to me, I wished nothing bad to Marianne. She was still Damian's mom. The problem was Damian. He didn't believe me. He still let her put things in his head. He didn't trust me. I knew I was partly to blame for that but it was still not fair. I refused to go back and live the way I was living...even if I lose Damian...
Yet, despite not answering all his calls, I didn't want him to leave me alone. I just didn't want to talk to him a week ago.
Now...now it was different.
Something had happened.
Something good? Something bad?
No, not bad...just bad timing...
I found out I was pregnant yesterday. I had my suspicions already but I didn't confirm it until yesterday.
I had been feeling really tired-too tired-and that wasn't like me. At first, I thought it was because I was upset about the fight I had with Damian, and I was, but it was still not normal. I knew my body. I knew something was happening.
My period was also late though I didn't think much of it because my period has always been irregular. Never on the same day. Usually on the same week but not always. For sure once a month. I used to take the pill back when I was a teenager to help regulate it but I never actually followed the schedule so it didn't work. I had learned to live with it.
It was always a nice surprise.
That nice surprise hadn't surprised me this month yet which added to my suspicion. So yesterday I finally got the courage (and energy) to go to the pharmacy. I took 3 different pregnancy tests and they all gave me the same result. Positive.
I was pregnant.
And here I was on the couch watching The Office while eating chips, pretending that everything was fine and normal but I was pregnant.
There were cells working in my womb forming a little human. A little human that would have a heartbeat in a few weeks.
I stopped eating chips, suddenly feeling guilty. I should be eating something healthier like vegetables right?
Clearly, I didn't know the first thing about being pregnant except how tired it made me feel.
I didn't want to think about it because I didn't know how to feel. I hadn't given much thought about being a mother.
Before my mom died, sure, I knew I wanted to be a mom one day. But seeing my mom die, losing her, and seeing Alexa lose her-it changed something in me.
It made me terrified of having children because it terrified me to think about me dying and leaving them alone in this world without their mom. I knew it was different for me because no matter what happened between us, I had Damian's support while my mom didn't have my dad's help.
But it still scared me. Especially now that Damian and I were having issues.
I felt terrified. Pregnant and terrified. It was like the title of a Lifetime movie except it was real and it was my life.
So that was why I was cuddled in my couch and watching The Office, because it was better than facing reality.
I didn't know what I was going to do.
Of course I was going to tell Damian. I just didn't know when or how.
He hadn't called and I was ready to answer now. I knew I could easily call him but his silence made me wonder...had he given up? And if he had, should I even tell him?
I was the one to tell him I wouldn't make him choose between his mother and I. I was the one to ask him to leave after all.
This pregnancy didn't just magically solve our problems. Damian still believed his mother more than me. He was still letting her come in between our relationship.
I imagined what it would be like to bring a child into this and I cursed myself for not being more responsible. I couldn't even remember if we used protection every time-obviously not.
And here was the consequence.
I didn't know what to do. I wished I could talk to someone but at the same time, I didn't want to share the news with anyone yet. It would make it real.
The screen of my phone suddenly lighted up next to me and I reach for it eagerly.
A text. From Damian.
I know I'm not your favorite person right now...
The 3 dots blinked on the screen as he typed another text and I stared at them, eagerly, waiting for the next text. He sent 4 separate ones:
I just want to say sorry
I haven't given up, Rebecca, I'm working on it. I want you to know that.
Take care of yourself and Alexa
I love you.
My eyes welled up with tears and I was suddenly crying.
I didn't know how much I really missed him until now. I suddenly missed everything about him: his eyes, his arms around me, his voice, his face, his laugh, his smile...
I cleaned my face.
Get ahold of yourself, I told myself as I sniffed.
I haven't given up, Rebecca, I'm working on it...
Working on it? What did he mean by that?
It didn't matter. What mattered was that he hadn't given up on me. He still loved me. There was light at the end of the tunnel because he still loved me.
After reading his texts over and over, I suddenly knew what I had to do.
I got off the couch and walked upstairs to my room and got my laptop.
I love you...
I knew what I had to do. I didn't know how it was going to go. If it was going to make things better or worse but at least I would be doing something.
So I went on the internet and purchased plane tickets because I finally knew what I had to do.