CHAPTER SIXTEEN
HAMSA
"This is all your fault."
"I heard you the first million times, Sebastian, and for the millionth time, I said I was sorry,"
"Yeah keep that to yourself, it won't do me any good."
"How is this even my fault, seriously?"
"Well if you hadn't forced me to stop for praying, and hadn't stalled us, making me wait for you for an hour while the car is running, since of course I couldn't turn it off and risk it not starting again."
"I didn't hold your hand behind your back and force you to stop. And I was down for half an hour at most. Stop being one of those whiny girls."
He shoots me a dirty look which I dodge with grace.
"This is your fault," he repeats, his voice dripping with malice.
"I got it dude, just shut up and let us walk in peace," I snap at him.
"You stay on your side of the road I stay on mine."
We go on like that for Allah knows how long, since we had no way of knowing the time. The road gets bumpier and slants upwards as we move further, making it harder to move. My shoes are comfortable, but walking this much in anything gives a person blisters. It becomes painful to keep moving after a while but Sebastian refuses us any rest in fear of Talal's men catching up to us. I tell him if they are following, they'll eventually catch up, whether we keep going or take breaks, so what's the harm in being well rested to have a fighting chance when they actually do?
The sun gets warmer and I no longer shake like I'm set to vibration. When I figure it's probably Al Zuhur time, Sebastian grants me a brief stop, and as soon as I'm done, we hit the road again.
We walk in silence for long, and every now and then I catch Sebastian shooting me glares and I fight hard the urge to roll my eyes at him. He's being so immature; he knows he can't actually pierce me with his stares, right?
Our main goal remains to stay as far away from the woods as possible. Inside it's a maze, and we'll get lost for sure. But moving without a lead on where we are headed gets frustrating after a while. Suddenly the sound of walruses growling inside Sebastian's stomach breaks the silence, and I glance at him, dubious.
"What?" He demands forcefully.
"Nothing." I divert my eyes to check the birds flying above us. If there's one good thing about being stranded in the middle of nowhere with a person you can't stand; it's the scenery.
"No seriously, you never had your stomach make sounds when you're hungry?"
"Umm yeah sure, just not that kind of sound," I say trying not to snicker, he hates me enough already, without me making fun of him.
"This is your fault," he says, huffing indignantly.
I shoot him an incredulous look.
"Just tell me, how is everything supposed to be my fault?" I ask.
"You'd think a person planning an escape would at least consider bringing along some food," he says.
"Well excuse me, I was too absorbed with the getting out alive part, to worry about my stomach, or yours for the matter." I shift the heavy backpack from one shoulder to the other. It has been keeping me back, but Sebastian never says anything. I don't actually except him to be a gentleman and offer to carry it for me, but he's being inconsiderate about it.
"Why are you weighting yourself down with this bag? What's in it anyway?" He asks nodding his head at it.
It never actually occurred to me what I am carrying along. I just know important things are inside, but what they are exactly doesn't concern me. Now that Sebastian asks, I get kind of curious. I sling the bag off placing it on the ground, much to my shoulder's pleasure. I unzip it and rummage inside. Sebastian moves closer to check it out himself. I take out a blanket, a flashlight, a piece of folded paper, a first-aid kit, a bottle of water, and a medium sized leather satchel.
Sebastian snatches that and opens it hurriedly and with a sigh of relief unravels a piece of bread, some nuts, and three boiled eggs.
"That friend of yours is a genius, sorry if I ever insulted her," he says stuffing his mouth with a chunk of bread. I mentally thank Yasmeen for thinking this through and say Alhamdulillah.
"I don't think you ever insulted her, you knew her for like two minutes," I say downing some water to soothe my aching throat. I haven't noticed how much damage the screaming and crying had done to it until now, and I can't resist gulping the last inches in the bottle.
"I'm pretty sure I at least insulted her once in my mind."
"You're a jerk," I say with a half-hearted disgusted face.
"I think we already established that a long time ago."
I plop onto the ground, not giving a care about Sebastian's 'no rest' theory. I know if I don't sit down, I'll come crashing anyway.
"What are you sitting down for? We're still not home are we?" He asks as he finishes off the piece of bread, without even offering me any. Not that I'm hungry or like bread, but not sharing says a lot about him. One thing is being a spoiled brat. And this makes me feel less guilty about finishing the water.
"I am sitting down because I'm human and I need to rest. If you want to go on, just go ahead without me, I'm too tired." I say slowly easing off my shoes to massage my sour feet.
He narrows his eyes at me, probably debating whether or not I'm serious, and when he sees that I am he crashes across from me.
"Okay, but just for a couple minutes and then we get moving," he says lying his head back on the now emptied bag.
I simply nod, suppressing a tiny smile. He not leaving me behind also says something about him; he's not a total jerk.
When I'm done trying to ease the pain off my feet, I go through the things that were in the bag again.
The blanket may come handy when it gets cold at night, and I know for a fact how cold it can get. I check the flashlight, and thankfully it gives off a strong steady light, meaning it's fully charged. Next I open up the paper to see it's some kind of map. A good look at it tells me it's the map of this island, and the prints in the bottom confirm it. Isle of Aquila they read. I skim the tip of my finger over the name, smiling slightly. These three syllables give me hope like no other, they tell me we once had an identity - as something other than enslaved communities - and that one day we can be that again.
"What are you smiling about? Found anything useful?" Sebastian asks, sitting up straight.
"Well everything here is useful." I point at the things beside me.
"And this is a map, now we can at least have an idea we're running into a cliff, before we actually do," I add lifting up the paper in hand. He comes closer to get a better look at it, and I try to extend the map in his direction so he doesn't get too close.
"Where do you think we are?" He asks.
I skim through the names of the provinces and landmarks. This is obviously an old map, since most of the enlisted parts of the city have been destroyed and evacuated. I recognize the old name of my province -before it was the Factories – River Falls. There are random red stars draw around it but I don't find a pattern, so I overlook them and move on to the outskirts of the province. There is the river and the woods, and then just a beyond them, is the sight of the camp, outlined with a red circle.
"I think we are somewhere here," I say pointing at little bit east from the camp. On the map it shows there isn't anything close by other than woods and the beach, looks like we're doomed to die here.
"This isn't helping," he says with a huff. "Let's get moving."
I eye the first aid kit thoughtfully; I wanted to trade the impromptu bandage on my wrist for some real wrapping, but I can do it on our next stop, since this did a good job staunching the bleeding. I slip on my shoes, and stand up to repack the bag before throwing it over my shoulder.
"Give me that," Sebastian says extending his hand in the direction of the bag. I look at him skeptically.
"Are you trying to be a gentleman?" I say, genuinely surprised.
"Hand it over before I change my mind," he says, glaring. I quickly give it to him, and watch as he throws it over his shoulder easily. Suddenly he goes still and his eyes widen.
"What's wrong?" I ask him, getting alarmed.
"Do you hear that?"
"No. What is it?" I strain to hear what it is that caught his attention, but before I get a chance to, he grabs my injured wrist, pulling me away from the road and into the dark woods.
His grip is tight, and it stings so much, but I have not time to object.
"Wha-" I start as he pulls me down to a crouch beside him.
"Shhh." He says letting go of me.
That's when I hear it, the approaching roar of a vehicle. A few moments later I see a black truck, similar to the one we used to escape. My breath hitches as it slows down close to where we are hidden in the bushes of the woods, and through the window I see Abu-Bakr, looking outside in our direction. For a moment I think he sees us, and my heart stops beating all together, but then he turns the other way to talk to the driver and I figure it's too dark for him to see through the trees.
"They can't be that far-" is all I hear before the truck drives away.
I let out a heavy breath, collapsing on the ground and my palm flies to my chest, trying to soothe my heartbeat. I can feel small things move in the grass beneath me and I try to ignore them so my skin doesn't start to cringe.
Sebastian is still straining to see if they'll make a retrieve and when he's confident they're not doing that soon, he runs a hand through his hair with a sigh.
"That was close," he says.
I nod, still shaken and unable to speak. Even the thought of returning to that camp raises goose bumps on my back. The horror of going through what I went through again is unthinkable. I shrug away the image before it can make me coil on the ground. I get to my feet and brush off some of the leaves sticking to my dress.
"We can't go out in the open again, they can come back any moment and next time we may not be as lucky," Sebastian says, standing up as well.
"But we'll get lost in there," I say inspecting the dark tangles of trees. I hear rustles as something runs out of a burrow and I wonder what else lies hidden in these greens. "It's dangerous."
"It's better to be lost than dead."
I know Sebastian has a point, if Talal lays his eyes on us, he'll kill us on the spot, even if it's with his bare hands. We created anarchy and chaos in his otherwise relatively peaceful kingdom, and for a person like him, that's something worth a death sentence. For the last time, I eye the beach in the distance and catch a seagull skimming over the surface of the water. And then without further argument I follow Sebastian into the new territory.
It surprises, almost fascinates me how well-acquainted he is with nature, and how easily he finds his way through the branches. It take me a while to figure out when to dodge the drooping branches, and when to step over the roots instead of tripping over them, but I can never find a pattern. Guess it's that way SubhanAllah, wilderness is just so unpredictable.
Sunrays barely penetrate through the spaces between the tree cover, but it's enough to go by for a while. Soon, we begin to lose daylight and I start to panic as the trees seem to never finish, but instead get more twisted.
"Sebastian, do you know where we are going?" I ask him after a while.
"Of course, not," he says looking over his shoulder at me.
"That's comforting."
"If you wanna complain, don't. You can lead if you want," he snaps, obviously just as nervous and frustrated as I am.
"Keep the torch captain," I say trying to make light of the situation when I know I should probably start crying. I'm not the type of girl to cry when in distress, I'm more of an 'act now, dwell over things later' kind. But I'm really just exhausted and want nothing more than to crawl into a ball under one of the trees, ignore the insects, and just cry myself to sleep.
Suddenly I miss how overprotective Yahiya has always been of me. How his ever moment was consumed with survival - his and mine -, how he was so hell-bent on never making me go through hardship or even so much as face danger. I never appreciated him enough, or thanked Allah enough for the blessing of having such a brother. And now I'll never see him again, even if we make it out of these woods alive and Talal doesn't get to us, who knows how I'll get home.
My train of heart aching thoughts is interrupted by an all familiar sound, one that is like chirping birds to my ears. I'm not sure if I'm just imagining it or if it's really there, but as we walk closer, guided by the light of the flashlight Sebastian is carrying, the sound becomes steadier and unmistakable. I know I can recognize the slosh of river water anywhere. Just then I feel a surge of hope and I pick up my pace, and so does Sebastian, who obviously heard it too.
"It's not just me who hears that, right?" He asks a grin breaking across his face. It's a foreign thing since am all used to seeing his sneers and frown.
"I sure hope we're not both hallucinating."
And just like that, the trees break apart, making the night sky our new head cover. The moon is full, and it is by its light that we see the running river before us. I rush to it, taking a handful to drink and then I splash my face, reveling in the coolness of the fresh water.
"Someone sees you, they'd think you didn't drink that whole bottle earlier," Sebastian says from behind me. "You didn't even leave any for me."
"That was many hours ago, and you finished the bread, that's one for one."
He puts down the bag, and takes out the empty bottle, bringing it over with him to fill. He drinks thirstily and before filling it again.
I make wudu and get ready to pray Maghreb and Esha. Finding the qibla is a lost cause so I decide to pray in whichever direction and ask Allah to accept it. The woods floor here is more even and the grass is short, so I'm more comfortable sitting on it and prostrating. When I'm done I see Sebastian is busy with the map, trying to figure out where we are.
"I think I know where we are," he says as I sit across from him.
"That's good."
"Yeah, it is. See this river is the same one that runs by the Factories province and if we just follow it, it'll lead us straight there," he says this with a hopeful look on his face and I'm sure mine mirrors it. Finally things are starting to look up Alhamdulillah. I think that's always the case with life; thing get worse before they're about to get better.
"Let's get going then," I say bubbling up with excitement.
"No, we better spend the night here, rest and power up. We'll head out in the morning, with the sun it'll be easier to navigate."
I'm not about to reject an offer to lie down and get some sleep, so I agree with him.
"Okay."
"I'll collect some sticks to start a fire, you go ahead and pray or ... do something," he says getting up and heading back into the trees. Just then I remember how cold I actually am, and I reach for the bag to get the blanket. Then I see the first-aid kit and decide now is as good a time as it gets to change my bandages. I remove Sebastian's sleeve, and it comes out tainted with dark blood. I wash my wrist with water and see the cut is not that deep. I go through the kit and finally take out a piece of cotton and gauze and wrap it around my wrist, securing it with a small pin at the end.
Just as I'm finishing up and returning everything into place, Sebastian walks into the clearing with a stack of different sized stick in hand. His face and hands are dirt stained, his dark hair is in tangles and his eyes look tired. That's when I realize he's probably more worried and frightened than I am by all of this. He's a rich spoiled boy who probably spent his whole life under the wing of his family, and in the luxury of their wealth. I'm sure for him things have always been safe, comfortable and well-constructed; this experience must have been a horror.
He drops the wood on the floor and bends to pick up two medium sized rocks to start the fire.
"You're really good with this," I say as he works the rocks in hand. He simply shrugs without saying anything.
A few minutes later the fire starts small and then grows wild, enveloping us with warmth, which I'm very grateful to. I extend my hands closer to it and revel in the amazing feeling as the numbness starts to fade away.
Sebastian gets up and I see him collect a handful of pebbles before he stand by the river, tossing them in. He throws them with such purpose and strength that I wonder what exactly he's channeling, but I'm scared to ask.
I take out the blanket, deciding to call it a night. I use the backpack as a headrest and figure that's as comfy as it gets. But when I close my eyes, something keeps poking me in my soft spot.
You shouldn't be selfish and sleep warm while the poor guy freeze to death, it keeps nagging.
Finally deciding to be selfless and human, I get up and go to him, slinging the blanket over my arm. He is sitting on the river bank, hugging his legs to his chest and resting his chin on them.
"You should get some rest," I say as I get closer. He looks up at me inspecting the blanket in my hand.
"Don't even think about cuddling to stay warm," he says.
"In your wildest dreams fella," I say and then I extend the blanket. "You have it."
He narrows his eyes at me and doesn't take it, so I just toss it at his face. He lets out a yelp of surprise and then removes the blanket from his face, glaring at me.
"Why are you giving it to me?" He asks.
"Don't worry, it's not poisoned, I just am not cold, all my layers are helping with that," I say bringing up the insult he gave me a while ago about my cloths.
"Okay then."
He gets up and I notice he still has a pebble in his hand.
"Let's get that rest," he says, skimming the last pebble across the river.
The moon is playing hide and seek with the clouds. One minute everything in the clearing is tainted a silver shade, the leaves on the ground, the rocks on the riverbank, even Sebastian's face, and the next, darkness engulfs everything.
I lie down, and watch as he clears a spot by the fire to sleep in. He keeps a polite distance and I feel grateful, it's awkward enough that we're alone together in the middle of nowhere. I close my eyes, giving in to sleep when I feel the blanket slip over me, but I don't open my eyes or do anything to indicate I'm still awake. After a while I start swimming with spreading ivy, I sense the tendrils of ivy leading me home.
"Hamsa," Sebastian whispers my name like it's some kind of a secret.
"Yes," I say back from my dream, but barely.
He doesn't answer after that and I think he's gone to sleep. I shuffle on the ground, giving him my back and start to follow the tendrils when I hear him speak again.
"I'm glad you're with me. It would have sucked to be alone," he says, his voice is far away and slurry with sleep. I'm not even sure if he's aware of what he's saying or if I'm the one dreaming this, and for a moment there I'm baffled by his almost nice declaration. I decide not to ruin this by a snarky comeback and just slip back silently into the sea of ivy.
*
I snap to attention with something hard and cold pressed to my throat. It takes me a moment to identify it as a knife blade and then panic kicks in.
They caught us, is the first thought that crosses my mind. But as my eyes slowly adjust to the darkness I realize the person above me is not one of Talal's men. He's not even a man to begin with. The boy is barely Aminah's age and when he speaks I notice his voice didn't even break.
"Don't even think about moving," he says in a whisper. One of his hands is holding the knife and the other is pinning me down.
"Who are you?" I manage to croak out. Am very self-conscious about the fact that my scarf has fallen onto my shoulders and my hair is out in the open.
"A-a A-a," he says shaking his head, "we do the questioning here."
They're more than one? I strain to look over his shoulder and see another young boy, holding Sebastian at knifepoint. I contemplate fighting the boy off, but think better of it, given that his knife is too close to my throat, and I'd be dead with a single slash.
"Who are you and what are you doing in our territory?" The boy holding Sebastian demands, something about how confident he sounds is intimidating, and I decide we should be careful with them. Sebastian obviously doesn't agree with me since he isn't trying to be coy.
"No way in hell am I answering anything you little brats ask," he snarls.
The arm over my chest tightens as the boy pick me up and stands behind me, restricting the movement of my arms with his hand, and all the while his knife is on my neck. Now I'm facing Sebastian and his captor, who looks a little older than the one holding me, but still young. His hair is unkempt and growing long, and he's dressed in dirty rags. Air is in a fury, kicking up dead leaves and howling through my hair, and I am more uncomfortable than ever.
"You better stop being aggressive or your friend here will suffer," says the boy holding me to Sebastian, nicking my neck with the knife to make his point. I yelp with pain, feeling the blood trickle down my neck. I'm getting more worried about what those boys are capable of by the second, but I force myself to stay calm. I won't let them have the satisfaction of my agitation, it will only empower them.
"She's not my friend and I don't care what you do to her, so find something else to threaten me with," Sebastian says and I know he's not just saying this to prevent me from being a target, but that he actually means it. I decide to take matters into my own hands, even if they're held behind my back.
"We mean you no harm," I say slowly, I try to move and face the boy behind me, but his grip only tightens.
"I said don't move, don't make me hurt you again," he says through gritted teeth, shifting the knife from my neck to the small of my back, which is a stupid move for him to make.
I look at Sebastian, our eyes meet for a second and I know we are thinking the same thing. Slowly I shift my weight, trying to channel what I hope is enough strength to my fist and then in a swift move, I yank my hands out of the boy's hold and turn around punching him as hard as I can in the face. I hear the sound of the impact, then his loud gasp as he tumbles back on his heels, losing balance. My fist hurts and I suck in a breath as well, I never knew you hurt yourself to hurt someone else.
The knife falls to the ground with a clink and I quickly dive for it, but before I can, I feel a skull crash against mine, and then I'm dizzy, but something only Allah knows, keeps me going on. I take hold of the knife and hold it up at the boy's face. He backs up, his face is twisted into a scowl and for a second I feel sorry for him, being so young and lost.
"Just run, Hamsa!" Sebastian shout from behind me, his voice is strangled and I know long haired boy is giving him a hard time. "I'm right behind you just run."
And I do, the boy doesn't try to stop me. I surge back into the trees and try to stay parallel to the river. I lift up my scarf, wrapping it around my head in haste.
When I hear footsteps stomping behind me, I look over my shoulder to see Sebastian. It takes a few seconds for him to catch up to me since he has the aid of long legs Masha'Allah.
"They're still behind us," he shouts breathless. So they're not giving up.
The darkness makes it hard to figure out where we are headed, and I know we can't just run uncoordinated. I cant my head skywards, and an idea hits home. I stop on my heels, and Sebastian looks at me questioningly.
"Why are you stopping?"
"We can't keep running blindly," I say anxiously, looking behind us to see if they caught up to us yet. "We should climb up a tree, and stay until it's safe."
Not waiting for his thoughts on this, I start up the tree. It's not as easy to climb as the oak tree in my backyard, but the adrenaline rush makes it possible. I look down to see why he hasn't followed me up yet.
"What is it, quickly get up," I urge him.
"I can't climb," he says.
"Come on give me your hand, I'll help you up," I say, not really thinking of what's coming out of my mouth. He hesitates for a second more before holding the bark and clumsily placing his foot on it. When he gets close to where I am, I extend my hand and he takes it as I pull him up to the branch beside me. He sits awkwardly placing the backpack that he managed to snatch with him and I try to squirm as far from him as possible without falling over. We sit still for a while listening to the voices of the boys.
"I heard something from here," says one of them as they get close to where we're huddled, and I pray they go away without considering looking up. To answer my prayer, something -probably a rabbit- rustles in the trees nearby and their heads snap its way.
"That way," they say before surging away.
I sigh, allowing my tense shoulders to relax. This is the millionth time in one day that we go through a near death experience and each time I find myself even more grateful to Allah for helping me through them.
This high up the ground the moon looks closer and the forest engulfed in shadows. An owl hoots and I turn my head in its direction but I can't see it. Instead, I see something else in the distance; eerie lights which shine bright.
"Sebastian, look," I say, nudging my head at them. He turns to look too, and a smile slowly creeps into his face, and soon turns into a full-fledged grin.
"What do you think those are?" I ask.
"Our next destination," he says, shouldering the backpack.
"We can't just go wandering into lights. You don't know what's over there."
He looks up at me already climbing down the tree, his grin never fading.
"Are you familiar with the term, Residential Province?" He asks.
My eyebrows shoot up and suddenly I feel my stomach churning up with the early comings of excitement.
"I'm more familiar with its other name, Chickenville," I say and laugh at his puzzled look which soon turns amused and he says,
"So to Chickenville it is."