Mark and Jackson drop Jaebeom by his place, but instead of going home and although it's too late, he heads to the hospital to see Jinyoung. He needs to see the younger one more time, at least. For his aching heart, for the ease of his mind.
Jaebeom is torn, he's scared as much as he misses Jinyoung already, he doesn't know in which way seeing the other will help him, he just know he needs to see the younger, even if it's from afar. He makes his way to the hospital slowly, going over his head his options.
He could approach Jinyoung again, as two strangers getting to know each other, as if all they went through didn't exist. Jaebeom knows that would be hard for him because he remembers everything and going back to the starting point feels way too painful. And even if Jaebeom was capable of that, there's the issue of Jinyoung's depression and all of his problems. Whatever progress the younger did, whatever new determination he reached or desire to live he acquired, all that is gone along with his memories. The Jinyoung that is awake now doesn't want to live, doesn't have any motivation. The Jinyoung that is awake now is the one that existed before Jaebeom met him.
He could also explain things to Jinyoung, but if he doesn't remember, the younger will only think Jaebeom is crazy and probably get a restraining order or who knows what other dramatic thing Jinyoung is capable of.
Or... or Jaebeom could use this chance to walk away and avoid all the drama, all the complications, all of the problems and just focus on his life, finishing his program, his mother and all what's on his plate already. If Jinyoung went back in time, so could he, right?
Jaebeom cannot make his mind just yet, not even when he makes it to the hospital and up to the eight floor. He knows he cannot go into the room, and that technically he isn't allowed there without his mother staying in a room.
Quietly, almost like a ghost himself, Jaebeom walks to Jinyoung's room, but he doesn't open the door, he just watches from the small window in there, trying to find the younger. It's late, most patients are sleeping but Jaebeom can see a light from Jinyoung's nightstand and as he looks better, he can see the younger sitting on his bed, he holds something in his hands and just watches it, kind of lost. He looks incredibly sad, and it breaks his heart to see Jinyoung like that. He's about to enter the room when he notices what's in Jinyoung's hands: a scarf.
Jaebeom's scarf.
He freezes, his mind, his body and his heart, all of him stops and all he can see is Jinyoung holding that scarf in his hands. He doesn't know what to do, but a small voice in his head starts getting loud, louder and louder, telling him to go in, to go to Jinyoung and not give up.
Jaebeom gabs the handle of the door, ready to slide it open.
"Young man!" Someone calls, making Jaebeom stop and turn to his right. "You can't be here at this time. It's late, the patients are sleeping. Visiting hours are from ten am." The nurse is someone he doesn't know, someone who wouldn't let it slide and allow him to visit like before. "Please, leave."
Jaebeom's hand grips the handle tighter, not wanting to give up, but the nurse looks fierce and like he won't allow the young man to even slide open that door.
"I—" Jaebeom tries, but the nurse only glares at him, at his hand. He accepts he has to give up for the night. "I'm sorry."
Reluctantly, he leaves the hospital, but his heart is racing and his mind is buzzing, all he can see is Jinyoung and the scarf. He has no idea how that got to Jinyoung's bed, but he's sure that's one of the ones he gave the younger when he was still in coma.
That's ought to be a sign.
For now he has to leave Jinyoung but Jaebeom will be there the next morning and he won't give up on the other man.
But the next morning has something prepared for him he was not expecting, something that gets in his way and he doesn't know how to deal with. Because when he gets there, Jinyoung isn't in the room anymore.
"Oh, patient Park Jinyoung was transferred today. They decided he needed more psychiatric help." A nurse that he knows tells her.
"Where... where did he go?" He asks, his voice trembling.
"I am not allowed to tell you, but even if I did, they don't allow visitors. I'm sorry," the nurse says and Jaebeom's heart sinks.
"Why... how..." he mumbles.
"I'm sorry," the nurse says sympathetic.
Jaebeom cannot believe his luck, or how things are just unfolding for him. How's it possible that even when he wants to hold on to Jinyoung, something else gets in the way? How's it that he cannot reach him when he's now awake and alive? Jaebeom doesn't understand the irony of it, he doesn't appreciate it.
He doesn't stay to hear the nurse, he cannot handle her pitiful eyes, so he just walks away, confused, lost and hopeless. How is he supposed to find Jinyoung?
Jaebeom walks aimlessly, not really thinking of anything, just feeling resentful and lost, and if he was pulled by something bigger, he ends up at the same bridge he met Jinyoung. Like he always does. Whatever is pulling him there, Jaebeom wants to tell it to stop messing with him.
"It's not funny," he whimpers. "I just... want to be with him. Why is it like this?" He asks to the blowing wind, to the deep waters under the bridge. "Why can't I have him?"
Jaebeom doesn't cry, there aren't anymore tears in him, but he feels so empty and confused. He feels stupid for thinking they were fated one day.
"Fated my ass," he mumbles. "Fate is just laughing in my face."
And as he thinks like that, he starts getting angry because it's not fair. He's gone through a lot already. He's gone through things he cannot even explain to anyone, doesn't he deserve some mercy?Doesn't he deserve to be able to love the person he wants? Why are they taking away what he wants?
"I'm not giving up. Fuck you, fate or whatever!" He says, breathing hard, getting angrier. His hands grab the rail so tight his knuckles go white, yet he feels he should break the concrete. "Fuck you!" He screams, at the tops of his lungs, to the vast horizon. "FUCK YOU!" He screams even louder, leaning over and letting go all of his anger, all of his frustration.
Life might want to take away what is most precious to him. Life tried to take his mother but he didn't give up, he waited for her even when it was hard, even when he didn't know if that was the right thing todo. He waited.
And he'll wait for Jinyoung, too. He's not giving up on the boy he loves or on his feelings.
Jaebeom leaves that bridge to go home, but he'll be back. The next day and the day after that, he goes back to the bridge every day. To the exact point where he saw Jinyoung for the first time, always around sunset. He doesn't give up on himself and his life, he finishes school and his project, he helps his mother, he hangs out with his friends and continues everything like normal, but he never forgets Jinyoung. He goes back to the bridge, always hoping he'll find him again.
Serendipity. Fate. Happenstance. Whatever it is, he'll encounter Jinyoung again.
Days go by, weeks, and like that almost two months. Winter has passed by with all its festivities, but Jaebeom hasn't seen Jinyoung again, he doesn't know how the younger is doing, if he recovered or if he's still in some psychiatric ward. He truly hopes that if Jinyoung was taken away from him it was for the best, so the younger is getting help to get better, to find some motivation to live. If they are apart right now, it better be worth it.
Jaebeom's mother doesn't ask about the young man her son fell in love with, but she looks at him sometimes as if she's also waiting, giving Jaebeom time to talk about it or to get over it.
Mark and Jackson don't ask about Jinyoung either, they stopped after a few weeks when Jaebeom wouldn't answer.
Jaebeom finished his program and his project, graduating in February with his classmates. His project ended up being about Jinyoung, all those empty pictures where he should've been, where Jaebeom wanted the younger to be. His professors said the pictures portrayed such melancholy and they made them feel like they were expecting someone to pop in the frame any minute. Jaebeom managed to portray his longing through his work and he graduated.
And he's still longing for the boy that should've been in his photographies.
"When are you going to show up again, Jinyoungie?" Jaebeom asks to the river every day, with a deep sigh but not letting his spirit and resolve waver. He'll continue coming, believing that just like before, they'll meet again. Even if it takes years, he won't give up.
It's still a bit cold at the end of February in Seoul, but Jaebeom can feel how the wind isn't that chilling, how spring is slowly making its way, with warmer temperatures and blooming flowers. He cannot wait for those days, tired of the cold already. For Jaebeom it was the coldest winter of his life and he wants it over, once and for all.
Still, even if it was so cold, or snowing, he came to the bridge every night. That night is no exception, although it's a bit warmer than the previous days and that's a relief. Jaebeom walks to the bridge, watching how the sun is setting and painting the city in a warm caramel colour, making it look dreamy and like a picture in sepia. He walks as he drags his hand through the rail, lost in the view that no matter how many times he sees, the sunset from the bridge over the Han River is always breathtaking. He watches it until the colours are gone, until the sun has hidden and the moon can shine bright in the night sky. It's only after it's gotten dark that Jaebeom can see more than the horizon.
The young man turns to his left, ready to go when he spots someone else on the bridge, another man standing with his eyes in the horizon, hands and feet on the rail, climbing to be a bit higher but not quite to go over it. Jaebeom tilts his head to watch the other person more closely and as he does, his heart leaps and speeds up as his eyes widen.
There he is, tall and slim, with jet black hair that dances with the wind, pale skin and the most handsome features, dressed in dark clothes that aren't too warm for February but with a scarf around his neck that flaps at his back. A dark blue scarf that is familiar, especially because Jaebeom can remember when he wrapped that same scarf around Jinyoung's neck so long ago now.
Jaebeom cannot breathe as he reconises the boy he's been longing for all this time.
Without thinking, without even noticing what he's doing, he approaches the boy as he watches him opening his arms wide, welcoming the wind, the cold and the night view. Just like before, Jinyoung is there, looking ethereal and just as breathtaking as the sunset.
Jaebeom could cry in that moment.
"Not thinking of jumping, are you?" He asks when he makes it by the younger's side, his eyes getting teary but he's doing his best to hold it all together.
Jinyoung's hand immediately grab the rail again as he turns to look at Jaebeom. Their eyes meet but there's no recognition, no warm smile. Jinyoung squints his eyes but doesn't break the eye contact. At least that tells him this is the living Jinyoung.
"No," the younger replies, looking cautious. "I was just en—"
"—enjoying the view," Jaebeom cuts him in. "Some people actually enjoy heights."
Jinyoung looks shocked and confused, but Jaebeom smiles, as warmly as he can.
"Have I met you before?" Jinyoung asks.
Yes, Jaebeom wants to answer. We met before and I fell in love with you. And I've been waiting for you to come back all this time. Jaebeom doesn't care if it'll be hard, he only knows he wants Jinyoung in his life and he'll do his best to give Jinyoung the will to live.
"Maybe," he answers instead, still smiling, so happy Jinyoung is right there and knowing he won't let him go again. "I'm Im Jaebeom," he introduces himself, holding up his hand.
Jinyoung watches it and then at him again, locking eyes as he grabs the hand.
"Park Jinyoung," the younger replies, squeezing the hand. His eyes are dark and there's seem to be so much going on, so many thoughts crossing his mind, but a small smile tugs at the corner of his lips and that gives Jaebeom so much hope.
"I know," he smiles, squeezing a bit tighter, stepping a bit closer.
He's got Jinyoung again, and he's not letting go of that hand again.
...the end...
The story continues on "Healing"
∞
This is the final chapter, and I'm so thankful to everyone who read this story, who commented and voted. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I remind you all Acrophilia has a sequel that will continue the story from where this ends, so I'll see you all during "Healing." I'll be posting the preface for that shortly after this.
Once again, thank you!