"imagine breaking up with jahseh"
gazzy
i complain about being bored a lot.
i wouldn't be so damn bored all the time if it wasn't for the fact that again, i have no social life. if i had more than 2 friends and i actually got invited to things, i wouldn't be sitting around on the bed, staring at the ceiling and hoping that the time passed.
i eyed the victoria's secret bag from the other day, just sitting in the corner by the airbed, hidden in plain sight, since omar never goes by "my side" of the room because he says it's "too neat for him." i swear, i don't understand why a nigga would be so proud of being dirty and musty all the time, like being neat isn't a good thing, but that's my future mans for you.
i felt a wave of tingles travel through my body just by looking at the bag. i honestly couldn't wait to see how omar would react to seeing me in them. i hope he literally rips the fabric off of my body as soon as he sees me in them.
actually, i take that back. this shit costs too much.
i haven't even seen how i would look in them yet. they've been sitting in that bag ever since cassy coaxed me into buying them yesterday.
well, i had to try them on to give myself an idea of how they would look on me, right?
i got up and grabbed my bag, before i stripped myself down to nothing. i pulled the garments out of the bag, before sitting down on the bed and sliding the lacy pair of pink panties onto my body.
i was right. this shit was hella uncomfortable. first of all, the fabric made me itch, and like i said, my dick was too big to fit in it and it made me feel constricted. if i got hard in these it'd feel even worse, it might rip the damn fabric or something.
i sucked it up and went to slide on the matching stockings that stopped around my mid thigh.
after my entire "outfit" was on, i stood up from the bed and went to go look at myself at the full sized mirror by the bed.
i stepped over dirty socks and empty gatorade bottles as i made my way to the mirror, and as soon as i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, i fell in love with the look.
i don't know why i didn't start wearing panties sooner. these were so cute. the little heart shaped keyhole in the back made my ass look amazing, and the way the color complimented my skin was a plus.
there's a reason why pink is my favorite color.
i felt so confident in myself and in my body all of a sudden. don't get me wrong, it's not as if i hate my body, but i'm insecure about certain parts of it.
like my thighs for example. i lowkey hate my thighs. not only do i have burn scars on them from when i used to self harm in the past, but i also have cellulite and stretch marks all over them so they just look gross.
but while i was wearing my lingerie, it made me feel like i had the perfect body. i looked so cute in this shit. i couldn't wait for omar to see me like this.
i had half a mind to take a picture of myself like this and send it to him, but i would rather keep it a surprise.
i did decided to take pictures of myself anyway though, because i looked too fucking cute to not take pictures of myself in this.
i took about 20 pictures of myself like this before moving the pictures to my album specifically for booty pictures - what, don't judge me. as insecure as i could sometimes be, i knew that i had a great ass.
i decided to text a couple of the pictures to jahseh, to see what he thought about my new gear. i thought i looked great, but sometimes you just needed a second opinion from your friends, or you needed them to hype you up.
i sent a couple of the pictures j just took to him, and instead of recieving a "yasss bitch" or a "😍😍😍😍😍" or some other cheeky remark from him, i got this.
jasseh: call me
jasseh: please it's an emergency
my stomach dropped and so did my mood when i recieved that message. jahseh was in trouble? i immediately dialed his number.
i was greeted with a crying jahseh on the other end of the line, and hearing him cry made me want to cry too. jahseh wasn't really a crier, so if he was crying you know something big happened.
"jah? jahseh? what's wrong?" i asked him as his sniffles rang in my hear.
"stoke...he uh...he dumped me," he replied. "gazzy, stoke dumped me and i don't know what to do."
nah, this ain't it chief.
imagine breaking up with jahseh. if you're lucky enough to bag jahseh you better hold on to him forever because he's truly one in a kind. he's beautiful inside and out, and he could be extra, but that was why we all loved him.
but yet, for some reason, stokeley's big back having ass unwashed hobgoblin looking ass managed to get him, and then he dumped him? what kind of dumbassery is that?
i felt myself growing angry as i let it sink in that stokeley really just broke jahseh's heart like that. i'm not a very angry person, but when you fuck with my friends, i turn into one. "well do you know why he did?" i asked. "or did he just dump you for no fucking reason?"
"h-he said we needed to take a break because he was going to college soon...i said i didnt want to take a break and then after that we got in a huge fight and then he broke up with me for good, and now i-" he cut himself off going into a crying fit, sobbing into the phone as my heart ached for him. i really wanted to castrate stoke right now.
"i'm not going to the fair no more," he continued, "i can't do it. i just can't. it'll be too much to see him again."
"nah, you're still going," i replied. "don't let his fat ass stop you from having fun jah. we're going to go, and we're going to ride all the roller coasters, and ima talk some sense into stoke's big ass head."
"no, gazzy i can't," he insisted, his voice cracking. "if i see his face i'll break down. i love stokeley so much and i've been in love with him since i was 14...it's not gon be easy for me to recover from my first love just breaking my heart like this."
i nodded. (as if he could see me) and replied. "i understand that. is it okay if i come over there and talk to you? i think you need it, but it's okay if you don't want me to."
"please do", he responded as i heard him sniffle.
"alright, i'll be over there."
"and gazzy?"
"yeah?"
"those panties you sent are really cute," he said with a slight giggle. "omar is going to love them."
"i hope so," i said softly, a blush spreading across my face. "i'll be over there in a few. bye."
and then i changed out of the lingerie and put on some actual clothes before going over to jahseh's.
as expected, he was a total wreck. his dreads were all over his head, he had dark circles under his bloodshot eyes, and as soon as he saw me he pulled me into a hug and started sobbing into me.
yeah, i was going to kill stoke.
jahseh and i ended up talking for hours about everything, and i mean everything. whenever your friend is having a bad day, you just kinda end up venting to each other for a long time. it's quite theraputic.
i know i complain a lot about having only two friends all the time, but i wouldn't trade in jahseh and diego for the world. they're always there for me, and i'm always there for them. we all had bonds with each other that were damn near unbreakable. it's better to have two real friends than to have 20 fake ones.
soon curfew rolled around, and i had to leave and go back to the house, but i knew that tomorrow would be better. we were all going to the fair tomorrow, and i had even convinced jahseh to come again.
tomorrow was going to be amazing.
before i knew it, the day was there, and we were all piling up into a minivan to go to the amusement park.
the atmosphere was kinda awkward considering there were two exes in the car: a visibly sad jahseh, and stokeley trying so hard to act like he didn't care, but i was still excited for today.
"diego, why are you sitting on metri's lap? there's plenty of room back there." i asked, really just jealous because i wanted to sit on omar's lap.
i mean i probably would have, but he was driving.
"because he can nigga," kimetrius answered for him. "he likes sitting here, ain't that right baby?"
diego nodded, "my favorite seat."
"y'all not about to get me a ticket because y'all ain't got on a seatbelt," omar chimed in as he started the van.
"this his seatbelt," kimetrius said as he wrapped one of his arms around diego's waist, causing the former to giggle and smile.
"that's so headass, i wanna be that headass with somebody," omar mumbled as he left the driveway and began to drive.
"be headass with me," i called out, my lips curling up into a smirk, because we being bold today.
i didn't get the response i was looking for though. in fact, i didn't get any response. omar just ignored me and continued to drive.
i didn't make a big deal out of it though. maybe he just doesn't want to talk and drive, or maybe he doesn't want to flirt with me in front of people. he was still closeted after all.
but that interaction set the tone for how the rest of the day went.
when we made it to the fair, i was still excited as hell to ride rides, and like i said, as everything went as planned, i would be riding omar as well.
"ooh, i wanna get on that one," i pointed at a wooden roller coaster, "omar, can you get on with me, please?"
"nah, i'm finna stay here and smoke. get on with jah or cas." he replied with an icy edge to his tone.
i was taken aback by how cold he sounded all of a sudden. i tried not to let it ruin my mood, but it did sour it a little.
"c'mon jah," i said, grabbing his hand as we went over to the coaster.
omar acted like that for the entire day, and to say i was confused was an understatement. why was he suddenly acting like an asshole to me and blowing me off when just a few days ago he was acting as if he wanted to wife me up? what did i do to him?
i was about to cry after he harshly told me that he's not about to be hanging out with me all day in a rude ass tone. i don't understand what i did to make him revert to square one all of a sudden?
"gazzy, what's wrong?" jahseh asked me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "you've been acting sad all day. i'm the sad nigga, not you, wassup?"
"omar is what's wrong," i answered bluntly. "i don't know what's up with him. he's been acting like an asshole to me all damn day."
"you know what? fuck stoke and fuck omar. we can have fun without them niggas," jah replied, his energy suddenly changing. "i still love stoke with all of my heart, but i'm sure as fuck not about to let him ruin my day. are you gon' let omar ruin yours?"
i shook my head no.
"now let's go have some fun."
and we did just that. jahseh and i had so much fun that day, we almost forgot about what was making us so upset. we rode all the rides, played all the games, jah even vomited once and he still wanted to keep going.
i almost walked away feeling satisfied.
almost.
around 8, all 7 of us met up at the front of the fair as we got ready to go. well, all 8 of us, since diego was carrying some big ass teddy bear that kimetrius won for him.
as we left the park, i still felt the way that omar treated me bothering me, so i decided to confront him.
i pulled him to the side as everyone got in the car.
"why are you being so mean to me?" i asked, my lip beginning to quiver as our eyes met. "i thought you said you cared about me."
"i do care about you," he started, and at first, i was expecting an apology, that was, until his next sentence came out of his mouth.
"but i'm not gay. and i'll never be. i'm not gay, and i'm not your boyfriend, we're never going to date, it's not going to happen, i'm sorry. everything that happened between us was a mistake and i'm sorry for leading you on but i'm putting an end to this shit right now. i'm. not. gay. your best bet is to just forget about me and move on to somebody else."
his words hit me like bullets as i struggled to keep it together. i can't say i didnt see this coming eventually, but it still fucking hurt.
instead of crying and begging for him, i only said two words.
"aight. bet."