[!] the upcoming chapters haven't been polished/well-edited. please let me know if you spot mistakes too!
thank you.
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Chapter 1
Happiness
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《CHANGGU》
•
Winter is the longest and coldest season of the year. I thought as I sat in front of the window in my room and watched the first snow of the year. I closed my eyes and strummed my guitar creating a new melody I didn't bother to write down the chords.
I remember first snow of the year. Christmas eve. The blush on her cheeks. The look in her eyes. The crazy beat of my heart. Our first kiss. How it felt so warm. Like the best thing in the world.
First snow of the year reminded me of my very first love. It's been five months since Seungyeon ended everything with me over a phone call. Two times, a few more times I brought myself to see her when I was drunk and had more courage but seeing how she was smiling, how everything seemed fine with her life kept me on the sidelines.
I sighed and set my guitar aside. I'm thinking of you again today. Honestly, I'm so tired, Seungyeon. How do you do it? How do you just go on with your life like nothing ever happened?
I almost jumped when my phone began ringing loudly. I answered it and Hongseok's voice was on the other line. I was surprised to get a call from him because ever since new year's eve when he got engaged, he's been out of reach and over the moon with his fiancée, Hyunjoo.
It hit me everytime how much we've grown. We're real adults now in our early twenties butㅡsome of us, maybe, are still trying to find our place in this 'real world'. I would never have thought Hongseok would be the first guy to think of marriage among our circle of friends. I've known him for so long. Hongseok had girlfriends but he was never as serious and as crazy as he is now with Hyunjoo.
"Changgu-ya, are you... coming tomorrow?" He asked reluctantly.
My brows furrowed. "Where?"
He let out a sigh. "It's Seungyeon's debut tomorrow. There's this thing called 'showcase'. Our... friends are going to see her."
A short silence filled the air. I watched as the snow fell again. "I'm busy. I have a job interview coming up."
"Are you sure?"
"And what would I do there? I'm just gonna make her uncomfortable.”
“Butㅡ”
“I'm not coming, Hongseok.” I said with finality.
Honestly, I don't have a job interview tomorrow. I have no plans at the moment. I really have no plans at all. It's like I'm just going aimlessly with the flow.
❄
The afternoon breeze's coldness seeped through the hem of my sweater as I was running towards the flower shop to get a bouquet of Seungyeon's favorite flowers. The ones I used to get her. I wrote quickly on the card and grabbed a cab to the showcase location.
It's almost over. I may be too late. I woke up this morning pretty hangover from last night's drinking. I hadn't even brushed my hair when I put on my shoes, my jacket and sprinted off the house.
“Then, lastly, we will perform our title song! It's called ‘Black Dress’. Please give us lots of love!” Seungyeon said to the mic just as I was coming. I stood in the dark behind the reporters present at the event.
After the performance, I crumpled the card from the bouquet and wrote a new one. I asked someone to deliver it to Seungyeon before leaving the place.
❄
《SEUNGYEON》
“You did so well!” Kele squealed once I went backstage to meet all my friends and my family who came today for my big dayㅡthe showcase.
“You were so sexy!” Seunghee said hugging me excitedly.
“Right, you're really an idol now.” Hyunjoo said smiling.
"Do you realize you might work with BTOB in the future?" Yeeun asked making Kele squeal again.
I couldn't help but smile widely at everyone present to support me. “Thanks for coming, guys!” Behind the girls, there's Shinwon, Hongseok and Kino too. My eyes searched for that someone else, but I didn't find him. What am I thinking? Of course, he wouldn't be here.
My heart sinks a little and it was suddenly difficult to keep my smile on.
My friends might have figured out what I was thinking because they suddenly jailed me in a group hug. “Oh, Seungyeon.” Kele said.
I forced myself to smile again. “Let me introduce you to the members of the group!” I said, making my voice sound more cheerful.
After introducing them to each other, I went back to the dressing room to change and then I'll come back out to celebrate with my friends and family and my members with their families in a restaurant.
I was wiping off the heavy makeup when I noticed a bouquet of my favorite flowers on the dresser. My heart skips a beat as I take it expectantly. Nobodyㅡnobody else knows what my favorite flowers are but him. I ran my hands lightly over the pink baby's breath and then I took the paper slightly crumpled and read what was written.
“you've always shined to me,
but today is when you shine
the brightest. maybe you're
really meant to stand on the
stage. congratulationsㅡ
i mean it.”
“Eonni, are you okay?” One of my members, Jiseol, asked me worriedly.
I smiled and wiped away the tear that rolled down my cheek. I nodded. “Yeah, of course.” I turned to her and asked, “Is your family coming to the restaurant?”
“Just my sister. My parents are... against this. I don't think they would come.” She said with a hint of sadness.
I placed the flowers on the dresser and reached out to hug her. Jiseol is the youngest member of the group but she's been training the longest. “It's gonna be alright. Once we succeed, they will realize it's worth it after all.”
She nodded. “I know, eonni. I believe we'll succeed. But this is the life we chose. Some of us choose our dreams over people who matter to us, hoping that someday, they would understand the passion burning inside us to do this. And hoping that someday, we would be alright with them again.”
I squeezed her quickly then pull away. I smiled and shook her hair. “Why are you so grown up already?”
She chuckled and said, “Eonni, cheer up. We're just beginning.”
“I... I'm supposed to cheer you up.”
She laughed and headed for the door. “We should cheer each other up. Always.”
Once she left, I sat in front of the dresser and held the bouquet of beautiful flowers. A sad smile formed my lips. “Would you be able to wait?” I asked, knowing the answer is most likely no.
I folded his letter and kept it inside my wallet. I removed my makeup and applied a lipstick only then I made my way out of the dressing room to go to the restaurant with my friends and family.
Today is the day my dreams begin. I should be happy. I am happy. And my heart feels lighter knowing that Changgu came to see me, after all.
❄
《JIYOO》
I watched people laugh at the hyperbolic humor the hosts were making in front. Sometimes, you could spot a few unsmiling faces in the comedy bar butㅡnever have I ever seen someone as sad as the man who just slid in one of the seats and sat across the bar.
As a bartender, I've improved a skill of seeing through people who slump by the bar, buy drinks and mumble about their lives; some were quiet, some laughed way more than necessary at the jokes they were hearing. Maybe I figured out they were sadㅡbut this man may be even miserable. He also looked lost; lost as if he didn't even know he was here.
I plastered my practiced bartender smile on. "Good evening, sir. What's your poison?" I asked brightly. People have told me I'm too bright. Some customers even asked to have what 'I'm drinking' if it would make them as happy as I seemed but I am not drinking any happy booze. This is just the way I am. Not happy, but smiley.
The man blinked and then looked around. "This... this is a comedy bar?" He asked.
I chuckled, staring at him while he wasn't looking. All I could think of was, what a flower boy. He has such soft, innocent features as if he's the kind of guy who couldn't even hurt a fly. Maybe he's also the kind of guy who shouldn't even be in this place, one of those people who get easily offended once targeted by the comedy bar's stand-up comediansㅡwho consider being 'harsh' as 'humor' way too many times.
"Yes, sir. This is a comedy bar. You in the right place?" I asked, still smiling.
He wouldn't even looked at me. He ran his hands through his already awfully messy hair. "Oh... I... yeah."
I watched as another customer walked in because the bar is right across the entrance door. "So, what's your drink?" I asked again patiently.
He blinked again and finally dark beautiful eyes looked at meㅡsad, miserable, broken, confused. I could name them all. I stare at the same ones when I look at myself in the mirror. Maybe this was what made me ask, "Would you like to try bartender's specialty?"
He nodded, still kind of out-focused. "Yeah, thanks."
I began my work, grabbing the rum; mixing four kinds of rum into one, adding pineapple juice and plenty of grenadine. I don't know whether it was absent-mindedly or he was aware but he was watching me, so I smiled at him as I handed him the drink, flaming on top. "Volcano." I said.
He stared at the flame for a while before putting it out and tasting the drink. I looked at him in anticipation. His eyes widened and he let out a low groan. "This is strong." He said slightly frowning.
"Yup. Really strong. Looks like you needed one." I said grinning.
"But tasty."
"Strong and sweet. Enjoy your drink!" I said as I turned to another customer and made drinks.
The customers usually go and sit at the tables to watch the show. By several minutes, the guy who bought a Volcano drink was the only one left by the bar. I looked at him and smiled at his cheeks flushed red. "Oh boy. Are you okay?" I asked.
He snorted with a slight smirk and nodded. "Toooootally!"
"Not a heavy drinker, are you?"
He let out a sigh and shook his head. "This place isn't funny at all." He said in a slurry way of speaking. "My friend Hongseok is funnier."
I grabbed a glass and started wiping it dry. "Maybe you don't need a comedy bar. Maybe you just need a friend."
He chuckled, eyes half closed. "My friends have done everythingㅡeverything to stop me from... acting like I lost everything."
I stopped what I was doing. This is it; the point where customers tell me what's bothering them.
"I don't wanna bother them anymore. They're happy. I just don't... wanna be a bother anymore."
"Why would you be a bother?"
"Obviouslyㅡbecause every time they see me like this... it's like they hold themselves back from being too happy like how they are really feeling. Everyone else's life is going so well." He sighed heavily. I thought for a moment he might cry. "Why can't mine?"
I stared at him for a while before I began working again. I fixed my gaze on the glass until it's almost spotless. "Maybe some people are meant to be happy while some, well, maybe some are meant to be just... happy for people who are."
He looked at me and his eyes shone the way the clear glasses here didㅡand it somehow brought a tight feeling in my chest; to see it every night, to see how sad people are. "Right."
And even though deep down, I wasn't happy, I always feel the urge to make others happy, so I smiled softly and I added, "Or maybe it just takes a while for some people before happiness finds them. You know, sometimes, it just comes out of the blueㅡmostly, when you don't even expect it."
Like lost parts of our soul, happiness wanders and wanders around the world until they find us. Sometimes, it comes fast to the lucky ones. Sometimes, it gets to the wrong people and cause heartbreak when it leaves to seek where it truly belongs. Sometimes, they are close but we never knew. Sometimes, it knocks on our doors but we refuse to let it in. Sometimes, well, it never finds us.
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a|n: thank you for reading this chapter!
yay! i can't believe we're on book four.
i really enjoy writing this series. i like how i can give the side characters on other books their own point of view! :')
and hm. new character? haha 🤔
how are you finding jiyoo?
what do you think will be her purpose :D
leave some feedbacks below! ;)