The stage lights burn my skin as I twirl around the other dancers, every step on best, every move synchronized to perfection.
My smile is bright as I look out at the captivated audience cheering for us as we end our first performance. We worked so hard for this. Months and months of hard practices lasting almost whole days just for this.
I've never been more excited. I live for dance. It's my dreams being fulfilled. Adrenalin pumps through my veins as I finish the set with one of my well rehearsed flips and a graceful slide to the floor ending in a perfect wide split. Perfect.
The crowd roars as the lights dim and the curtain covers us from view. A fellow dancer helps me up and we all laugh and jump for joy as we run down the backstage hall to the dressing rooms for changing.
I spin into my room with a wide smile, it soon changing to surprise as I find Yoongi waiting for me with a dozen fresh roses and lilies. I throw my arms around him. "I thought you couldn't make it?" I ask.
He smiles, kissing my sweaty cheeks. "When do I ever miss your performances, Min? The way you dance is extraordinary." He whispers, wrapping his arms around me. "I love watching you move."
I close my eyes in sheer bliss. "I love you."
He releases me so I can change into my next outfit for the following performance. Watching me all the while in the mirror as I bite my lip and imagine him taking me right here, right now, in the heat of the moment.
Unfortunately, I don't have time for that. So I change and peck his mouth before running back to join the others. Once I'm settled back on stage, I spot my husband taking his seat in the third role right beside...Jonghyung?
My focus is jarred a bit as every twist and turn, I see them conversing. My heart clenches in my chest as I try to concentrate on my movements. I keep my smile bright and my eyes shining...until I miss a step.
I crash to the slick floor but recover quickly, the audience not even noticing the accident. My troupe notices, though, and shoot me concerned looks. I never miss a step.
I get back into it only to realize I sprang my ankle in the swift fall and limp my way through the rest of the performance. It's still amazing but my ankle and calf throb with pain and I can barely walk down the steps back to my dressing room.
I don't blame Yoongi for this. It was my misstep, my mistake. I trust Yoongi. It doesn't matter if he was talking to Jonghyung. He's allowed to socialize!
I collapse into my chair and stair at myself in the mirror. What's wrong with me? I can't doubt us, not now. We've worked so hard to be here. Fourteen years to be exact.
I'll be thirty next year.
"Stop moving so I can help you!"
I gasp in pain and try to stay still as Yoongi eases me into the car after a painful trip to the hospital. As suspected, just a sprain.
"What happened, Min? You never mess up." He frowns, grasping my hand as he drives us home.
I hesitate, not wanting to show my ugly green side. I trust him. I do. I'm being stupid. "I'm not perfect." I whisper, gazing out at the passing imagines as they whiz by.
"Dancing is everything to you. It's your passion. Something happened up there. Talk to me." He pleads.
"So...you and Jonghyung."
He tenses for a second before relaxing. "What about it? We're just friends, Jimin."
"How did you meet again? I thought you haven't seen him since college?" I pry.
He groans. "He's just started in the company, okay? We've been working on something together."
I stare at him in surprise. Surprise and disappointment. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I knew how you'd react and you have nothing to worry about. You're my husband, not him. I love you, okay? Just you."
"You've never kept something from me before." I chime.
He scoffs. "Like you never keep anything from me? You've been distant with me for a long time now and refuse to talk about it. You won't talk to me about anything anymore. What's up?" He sighs, parking the car and looking at me.
I look down at my hands. I don't know what to say. "I do—"
"You don't want to talk about it, right?" He shakes his head and climbs out of the car. I feel bad as he comes around and carries me inside the house so I don't have to walk. Even with us fighting, he's an amazing partner.
I don't want to lose this...
Why do I feel like it's all slipping away too soon? I still have time. Time, god, that's all I ever think about anymore.
I remember when I was younger someone asked me if I had the choice would I choose to know how I die or when I die. I think back then I chose when so I could enjoy my life up until the last moment but now I realize that there is no way to win. I'd much rather live not knowing when it's going to end.
I wish I could just forget for just a second. I could enjoy my time with Yoongi full heartedly instead of stressing every second about the moments in between.
"It's not that I don't want to talk to you..." I finally speak up after a long time of silence.
He looks up from across the room. "Then what is it, Jimin? What's so hard that you can't come to me like you used to. I haven't changed."
It seems you're the only one that hasn't. I can't meet his eyes. "I'll just do it when I'm ready, okay? Can you be patient for me?"
Sighing, he moves to my side and kisses my head. "I'll always wait for you, Min. I'm here, I just want you to know that." He smiles. "And you don't need to worry about Jonghyung. It isn't like that."
Something tells me I definitely need to worry about him. Now more than ever.