Upbeat tunes floated through the October air, and marked a festive evening on that Sunday night. The city's outdoor venue was filled to the brim with eager listeners, and the band playing seemed to enjoy their time in the spotlight. It was a happening that didn't occur often in this part of the country, and many were present to soak up the cultural input while they could. The crowd didn't seem to mind the frosty draft.
"They're literally so good," Seth said from my side. He was admiring the group and had just finished singing along to one of their timeless radio hits. Sweat was glistening on his pale, slightly flushed skin, and his eyes were wide and shining. Not even the brisk October winds could ruin a concert experience like this.
"I can't believe we're actually seeing them live," I replied, and took a picture with my phone. "They've been on tour like, everywhere except here."
"Right? I'm in heaven, Nao."
Project season hadn't been kind to us lately. Ever since our serious talk three days ago, things had sped up and spun out of control. Mr. White was in the process of gearing up his expectations, and that meant torturing me every time he could. He still sent me prodding emails in an attempt to ruin my confidence, but I was less bothered by them now that I redirected them to the junk mail folder. Seth on the other hand was swamped with his own work, sometimes running errands for Mr. White, other times designing for the graphics team. He was a drooping mess of a person whenever we hung out, which had prompted my impulse decision to attend this concert.
The beginning chords of a familiar song rung out over the crowd, and a hushed gasp came from my left. Seth was staring at the stage, eyes round and glassy. "That's my favorite," he said, voice barely above a whisper.
Yep. I grinned, bumping our shoulders together. This had been a good decision.
We hadn't talked about the unmentionable things I'd told Seth back at the graveyard, and I was thankful for that. We'd left the topic with the dead, and that's where I felt it belonged. Every time my mind traveled back to the possibility Seth had voiced, I got up and helped my mom with the dishes or something. Thinking about it made my stomach do weird things, so the best course of action was to just... not. I knew I couldn't do this forever, but as I swayed back and forth, yelling lyrics more than singing them, I thought things were fine the way they were.
"Man, I needed this," Seth said before downing the rest of his water. We were both sweaty and jittery around the edges, still feeling the bass in the pits of our stomachs. It was the kind of feeling you wanted to savor and safe-keep.
"Amen." I patted my damp forehead with the sleeve of my sweater.
We were standing near the stage as we came down from our concert high. The crowd was dispersing and their eager chattering grew fainter and less obtrusive the longer we waited. The band had left a while ago, but I still couldn't shake off that warm, enjoyable feeling they'd left me with. Music was magic, especially on a night like this.
"Uh, Nao?" Seth said. He was staring at something in the crowd, eyes wide and hand clutching his forgotten water bottle.
"What?"
"Isn't that Olivia?"
At that, my chest decided to constrict around my lungs and inner organs. Spinning around, I studied the crowd, heart thundering in my chest. Not here, I thought. Not now.
But she was here, and the time was now. I spotted her tall, elegant body near a group of girls, and I wished the ground would open up and swallow me right there and then. Her brown eyes were staring straight into mine. No frown. No sign of aggression. Nothing. It was worse than I had imagined it.
"Should we run?" Seth whispered, voice trembling. He'd be collateral damage if Olivia and I crashed right now. Her aggression would ricochet off me and hit him where it hurts. Even so, Seth stayed.
"Summers." Olivia wasted no one's time. She'd left her group, and walking over took no time at all. Her raven ponytail swung back and forth as she advanced over the asphalt. There was a cold, still energy surrounding her.
"O-Olivia," I said. My head was light.
"Out here having fun, are we?" She looked us over, critical eyes traveling across our sweaty personages. I'd never felt more unattractive in my life.
"Listen—" I began.
"I'd rather not," Olivia said. Her eyes were two narrow slits. "I'm not the one you should be talking to."
"You're right."
In a flash of remembrance, I was back in Lily's house. I could hear the wind chime's melody, taste the magnificent cupcakes she'd baked me, and feel the warmth of Lily's hands on my thighs. I remembered her face, remembered just how surprised and broken she had looked when I left. The familiar burn of regret sank down my chest and festered in my belly. This was an overdue confrontation. I'd been on the run for too long.
"Fuck you, Summers," Olivia spat, standing as tall as she possibly could. I was a tiny beetle in comparison. "Fuck your explanations." She took one step closer. "Fuck your excuses." One more step. "Fuck your cowardly personality." She was so close our chests were nearly touching.
I couldn't say anything. Standing face to face with those cold, hateful eyes brought me back to reality. A month and two days had passed since I ran out on Lily. A month and two days she'd stayed away from social media. A month and two days without me reaching out and apologizing.
"You don't deserve her," Olivia hissed, mouth raising into a snarl.
"I don't," I said, surprised to find myself able to speak. "I never deserved did."
"I don't wanna hear it." She took a step back, allowing some air to flow between us. "Deal with your shit and stay away from her."
My eyes traveled to the ground and focused on a crack in the asphalt, just past Olivia's tennis shoes. There was something in those eyes that highlighted all my shortcomings. The worst part was that I deserved this confrontation. Everything Olivia said rang true in my mind, and realizing that was almost as painful as listening to her.
"If I see you next to her again, you're finished."
With that, Olivia walked away, leaving Seth and myself to deal with her words. As her back disappeared into the crowd, and the venue emptied even further, the dust settled around my shaky legs. We'd crashed from the concert high and my mood was somewhere in the dirt under our feet, roiling and mulling over all my faults.
"Let's jet," Seth finally said, putting a hand on my shoulder.
"She's right, you know," I murmured, eyes still studying the asphalt.
"That's not—"
"No, it's true. I don't deserve her. Lily was nothing but good to me. I think she..." I met Seth's eyes, trying to ignore the way my eyes stung. "I think she actually loved me."
His mouth set in a straight line. "She might have, but Nao, it's not your fault you couldn't love her back."
"But I should have told her I didn't!"
"Yeah! You should have! But you didn't, and worrying over it now won't help."
"I owe her an explanation, I need to... I should..."
Seth grabbed both of my shoulders and shook them, sending my head swooshing back and forth. The stage was still moving when Seth stopped.
"You can and will do that, but not now." His face broke into a wry smile. "Right now we need junk food and some soda, and then sleep."
"But—"
"No buts. We've got school tomorrow, and worrying over Lily won't help you right now." He hooked his arm around my shoulder and led me away from the stage, passing the remaining groups of people that were still near. "We'll find a way to apologize to her later. I promise. Everything will work out."
"I hope you're right."
"Of course I'm right! I've got the stars on my side!"
"You're an idiot."
"Let's go."