"You're beautiful. I love you."
The screen of the television shines brightly throughout the dark room, though, according to Tom, it was well worth it. He picked out a romantic film, one I hadn't heard of before.
I tried to imagine Tom saying those words to me like that. I mean, he's told me I looked pretty before. I guess I should be happy with what I can get. It's not like he should feel obligated to say such things.
I feel Tom's hand slip in mine, our fingers entwining. He was laid down on the bed with his body spread, only wearing his pajama bottoms. I practically was laying on his chest, my lower body between his legs. I thought it was a rather awkward position at first, but Tom was comfy, I grew comfy, what more can I ask for?
I close my eyes, thinking of the fireworks. It's enough to create butterflies in my stomach. We had just kissed. We kissed and kissed and kissed until the fireworks were over, and the people began to pack up and leave, and we were some of the only ones remaining in the dark. Then one of us actually managed to realize it was time to go back, and we somehow managed to act like civilized people on the car ride home.
And when we got back to his hotel room, we immediately kissed again. But don't think we went past that. I don't plan on letting this boy take me as his own just because he makes out with me at a park.
So instead of kissing intensely, we settled down to watch a movie, dressing in our comfy clothes. I am not at all ashamed to admit that I was lazy and didn't want to go get my pajamas, so I borrowed a large shirt of Tom's.
"Are you tired yet?" Tom asks suddenly, his voice low.
I shake my head. "Not entirely. Are you?"
"No."
I twist myself slightly to get a better view of him. "There are some things we could do to entertain ourselves."
We stare at each other intently for a bit before both laughing. He kisses me again, short and sweet.
I smile lightly after he pulls away, resting my hands on his bare chest. I enjoyed just running my fingers over his skin, feeling how soft it is in some places, and feeling the hardness of his hidden muscles. I even went a bit lower, over his abdomen and across his 'V' line indents near the hemline of his pants.
He grunts lightly, shifting. "Easy, tiger..." He murmurs, his voice low.
I laugh softly, bringing my hands back up to his shoulders, rubbing the tense muscles. "Sorry." I rest my head on his chest, over his heart. Over my lifeline.
"I don't think I'll ever get tired of this," he says with a sigh.
"Of what? Your shoulders being massaged?"
He smirks. "No. Of you, Cass."
"You'll get tired of me eventually," I mutter softly, my hands still moving. He seemed extremely tense for an easy-going guy like himself. The celebrity life must have a toll on him after a while.
"Oh, but I won't," he promises, his arms suddenly wrapping around my waist. He presses kisses against my forehead and down my face, everywhere he can. My lips, my jaw, and even my eyelids. I giggle, scrunching up my face slightly. He makes it so hard to have a serious conversation.
"What on earth are you doing?" I ask, smiling and hiding my face in his chest.
"I'm just kissing you," he answers, grinning.
I didn't want to admit it, but I liked it. So I just smile again, looking up at him. "But seriously-"
"I don't want to have a serious conversation, sweet," he complains. "I'm sorry. Can't it maybe wait?"
I frown, watching his face as he talks, his lips as they move. "It can't wait forever.... But I suppose it can wait a while longer."
He smiles as his thanks, and I lay on his chest again. He's right, I suppose. I'm far too serious in times that I should just be happy and carefree. But I couldn't. I needed to know what was happening between us, and why. How can he do this? How can he kiss me and touch me and, in the morning, send me out through the door?
Still rubbing his shoulders gently, I move my lips to his collarbones, kissing them lightly. God, I hate his collarbones. They're more visible than mine are. I want mine to be visible.
"Mm... I'm going to fall asleep," he whispers, smiling gently.
"Okay," I whisper back. I didn't want him to fall asleep. Him falling asleep meant I'd have to be alone until I fell asleep. But I'm not about to keep him up. I roll off of him gently, but still face him.
"Promise me you'll be here in the morning, when I wake up?"
I grunt lightly, opening one eye to look at him. "Seeing as though you always wake up before me, I don't think that will be a problem."
He lets out a tiny laugh. "True. Come here, you.."
He lightly pulls me towards him, his arms wrapped around me, and I smile. I haven't felt this comfortable in a long time. I always have such a hard time falling asleep, but I think tonight will be different.
~
When I wake up, I'm completely alone. Tom isn't here, and I start to wonder if maybe he never wanted to be with me last night. If what he did was just because of the alcohol we consumed? But he wasn't drunk off his ass or anything, that's for sure.
I slide out of bed, crossing my arms over my stomach as I stand in the room alone. This feels... Weird. Did any of it even happen? Was it all just some sort of cruel dream my mind made up?
I know it can't be a dream, though. I can still barely taste him on my lips, and my skin still tingles from where his hands and lips touched me. It wasn't just a dream.
I search the room for a note, but there is none, so instead I just decide to clean myself up a bit and take a shower. Tom won't mind, I know he won't. I want to be here when he comes back. We have some things to discuss.
First I go back to my room, collecting an extra change of clothes and my robe. Then I return to Tom's room, hopping in the shower just to clean up.
I hear the front door open and close just as soon as I finish my shower, both my body and my mouth feeling a lot better. I had put my hair up in the shower since it was still clean, and it prevented it from getting too wet.
Wrapped in a robe, I exit the bathroom, seeing Tom in his jogging gear. He doesn't look sweaty at all, as though he only jogged for a small amount of time.
"Went for a run, I'm guessing?" I ask softly, leaning against the door frame of the bathroom.
He nods as he looks up at me, fiddling with a teabag and a cup full of hot water. "It helps me clear my mind."
I nod, crossing my arms lightly. Clear his head from what? Our actions from last night?
"How'd you sleep?" He asks, now letting the teabag brew for a bit.
"Pretty well. Though, I woke up alone..." I say that last part quite softly, yet he still manages to hear me.
He frowns, and before I know it, he's walking towards me. Fantastic. What do I get, a hug of sympathy?
But instead of hugging me, he leans down quite a bit to my level, our lips colliding gently. It wasn't a forceful kiss, or a desperate kiss. It was just a simple 'hello' sort of kiss. Possibly even an apologetic kiss. He tastes like sugar, and a bit like chocolate. I bet he got something to snack on while he was jogging.
"I'm sorry," he says softly, his forehead resting against mine. "I know I should have stayed, I'm just so used to getting up early."
I nod. Does he really think I won't forgive him after that kiss? If so, he's crazy. "It's alright, Tom. I was just teasing you."
My heart is beating like crazy now, and I can't believe I'm allowing a man to have this effect on me. It's not like I'm meaning to fall head over heels in love with him. It's just... Happening. Heck, it happened a long time ago.
He smiles, his eyes lighting up. God, if I could even begin to describe how wonderful his smiles are, I would. I describe them as bright, cheerful, and handsome. But they're so much more than that. His smiles just make my day. And when he smiles directly at you, you know you have no chance. You're done for. You're in love.
"You're doing it again," he points out, sounding quite amused.
"Staring? I know." I lean against him lightly, and he doesn't even stumble. My big, sturdy, protective wall, who says 'sorry' a lot.
"Am I that interesting? I can assure you, no one stares at me as much as you do." He grins. "Or from what I know."
I laugh. "What if someone was watching you, Tom? Right now. What would you do?"
"Hm. I guess I would call the police," he guesses.
"Makes sense."
"Or..." He grins cheekily, his blue eyes glinting. "I would kiss you silly, not caring if they see."
I roll my eyes, standing up straight. "You're such a cheeseball."
He just smiles. "Let's do it, Cass."
I narrow my eyes. "Do what, Thomas?"
"Kiss everywhere and anywhere we can."
"Well now you're just being ridiculous..."
"Am not," he says. "Like, here, follow me." He starts to briskly walk into the bathroom, and I follow him, finding it difficult to keep up with his pace.
Once we're in the bathroom, he turns and presses a single, solid kiss to my lips before grabbing my hand, dragging me to somewhere else. The bedroom. He sits on the edge, and I, knowing the routine now, sit on his lap, kissing him quickly. He's going to give me a heart attack, this man is. The rapid beating of my heart this often can't be healthy.
"To the kitchen!" He exclaims, hopping up from the bed and taking off. I follow, only for his sake. We kiss again, and before I know it, he's hoisting me up onto the counter, and he no longer had to lean down to kiss me. I let out a small laugh, pulling away.
"Tom, this is crazy..."
Seeing that I don't want to kiss anymore, he goes to my neck, planting gentle kisses all along it as I speak. His incredibly light scruff on his jaw tickles, but I don't say anything about it.
"It isn't crazy," he answers. "It's just fun and daring. There's a difference."
I shake my head. "This is crazy," I repeat softly. "Why are we kissing so much?"
"Because kisses are a sign of affection," he says, his head now just resting on my shoulder. His body was in-between my legs, but I didn't care.
"But just yesterday we were friends. Now what are we? Friends with kissing benefits?"
"Why not?" He stands up straight, now looking into my eyes. I can't help myself, and I reach out to cup his cheek, feeling his very light scruff. "You don't want to get serious right now, you've already made that clear. I think we're both doing each other a favour right now."
I nod slowly, taking in his words. I don't want him to be right, but could I really survive without these kisses of his?
A sudden realization then comes over me. A rather random thought. "Tom. Your tea is still brewing."
"Oh, bloody hell," he mutters. He pulls way for just a second, ready to rush to the counter where he left his cup, but stops, looking at me. He has a look of concentration on his face. Torn loyalty. Poor boy. The woman, or the tea??
I giggle. "Go get it, you idiot."
He laughs lightly and rushes to his tea. It was dark now, and nearly cold, so he just sets is aside, forgetting about it.
I drop from the counter onto my bare feet, going over to him and putting my hand on his shoulder. "Tom, why don't you go get dressed for the Rock N' Roll hall of fame? I'll make you some new hot tea, and even a slice of toast."
"You don't have to, love."
"I insist."
He finally nods. "Well okay, then. Thank you." He leans down and kisses my cheek, causing both of is to smile like crazy.
"Is this what it's supposed to feel like?" I ask.
"What?" He asks.
"You know. Don't you feel it? My heart speeds up around you. I'm always smiling. Your voice gives me butterflies. My knees go weak when you kiss me." I realize I'm rambling a bit then when I should just be letting him get dressed, but I don't care. "Am I sick?" I ask softly.
"You're not sick, that's for sure."
"But this has never happened with anyone else I've ever been with."
He tilts his head to the left slightly as he stares at me for a moment.
"You give me more excitement in just one kiss than other men have given me with their entire bodies," I say. I was desperate for an answer then. Didn't he feel it, too?
"That's because none of them loved you as much as I do. I guarantee it," he says.
I nod. That was a little too far, wasn't it? 'Love'. I still don't entirely believe in it. Yes, I've been attracted to guys. I'm attracted to Tom. I really like him. But I'll find a new boy, he'll find a new girl. Life goes on like this. Our hearts yearn for something different. A bit of a change.
He disappears into the bedroom while I'm still thinking this all over, and I slowly get his breakfast ready. I hate you, Thomas. But I love you.
Scratch that. I really like you.
~
Tom and I slowly walk hand-in-hand throughout the Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame. It reminded me of a museum, really, except I was actually interested in this museum.
We talked softly, smiled, pointed out things that caught our eye, and read the descriptions below the displays.
It was fun, really, and I really liked the fact that we didn't even come here until it was dark out. For most of the day, we relaxed. I suppose Tom was letting me rest up before we move on to our next state. We'd be leaving tomorrow. I was ready to leave, though. There was so much we hadn't seen in Ohio, yet there was still so much I was anxious to see on the list.
I was surprised that Tom was enjoying himself here. I don't think rock was really his favorite music genre, and it wasn't mine, either, though it was interesting to learn and see these things.
I admire him for a moment, tearing my attention away from the guitars mounted on the wall. He was talking, though I zoned him out. I watched as he talked quickly, his chin titled upward to see the wall of guitars. His light hair was combed back, though a few stubborn curls remained. I watched his smooth jaw with a small amount of stubble move as he talks. I watched his glistening blue eyes.
And when I realize he's done talking, I just nod. He seems satisfied with that.
He glances at his watch then, frowning.
"Closes in fifteen minutes. You want to go?"
"Go where?" I ask with a smile, knowing he's not done for the night just yet.
"We could grab a bite to eat at a really cheap fast food joint," he suggests, grinning.
I grin back. "Perfect."
Then we start to make our way to the bottom floor, and head for the exit. I couldn't help but notice a lot of people around the entrances. Like, I guess it's normal for there to be people, but it seemed like more people than normal. Or was it just me?
"Is someone here tonight?" I ask, my arm tucked under his. They often had popular bands play here.
"Well lots of people are," he remarks.
I roll my eyes. "No, a popular singer. There seems to be quite the large group..."
"Might be," he says. "Now that you say it, I've seen a few people with the same logos on their shirts. Maybe it's a band's logo."
"Maybe."
We exit the building , walking straight out until we're standing on the sidewalk, almost in the parking lot. Then we stop, and I turn towards Tom. We smile at each other, our bodies growing closer. His large hands cup my cheeks, and move to my neck. My heart rate increases before our lips even touch.
Everything is perfect. For that moment, at least.
A bright light flashes behind Tom, interrupting us, followed by shouts of what sounds like, 'Tom' and 'Look over here'. I can't see where the noise is coming from, though, before Tom is in front of me, turned towards the commotion. He's hiding me. He smiles gently and waves at the cameras, but I hear him utter one word.
"Run."
But I don't move. I can still see the flashing of lights, and I know the cameras are getting closer. Wanting to see just who Tom is hiding. I feel his hand squeeze mine from behind him, as of telling me to focus.
Then I run. My already pounding heart grows worse as I start to panic, thinking of all the things that could happen.
The cold seems to practically sting my face as I run across the parking lot, avoiding cars and other people. I get shouted at. I don't care. What if the cameras try to follow me? What if Tom can't hold them off?
I feel as though I'm not even controlling my legs anymore. How long have I been running? It seems like an hour, though I'm certain it's been three minutes, at least. I never said I was athletic. Taking short, shallow breaths, I continue to run as my feet hit grass. I'm in a public park. Skidding to a stop, I keel over, trying to catch my breath.
And as if things couldn't get any worse, I'm suddenly wet. Wet from... Rain? I look around, my chest heaving. No. It's not raining. Automatic sprinklers. I let out a rather loud groan of frustration, thankful I left my purse in the locked car, along with my phone. Tom and I decided to try something new recently. Not taking our phones on dates. I'll have to thank him later.
But will I have the chance to?
I don't mean to, but as I stand in the abandoned park in the dead of the night, getting soaked from the sprinklers after being traumatized, I can't seem to move. And I start to cry softly. How in the hell did they find Tom in Ohio of all places? Or maybe they didn't find him. Maybe they were here for the band, and recognized him. But what does it matter? Either way, they've found him kissing a strange woman. It'll be posted everywhere, I bet.
I've officially ruined his career.
"Cassidy!" I hear his voice as he runs to me, joining me in the sprinklers. I want to tell him to get out, to find somewhere dry, but I can't talk.
His hands move to my cheeks, pushing away both water and tears. "Darling, it's okay. Please, it's okay. They're gone. They got their answers, but they're gone now."
I move my face out of his hands. He looks hurt. "What did you say?" I demand.
"I-I said I was just on a date. Nothing serious."
Shaking my head, I turn on my heel, away from him for a moment. This isn't good. This isn't good at all. "Are you sure they're gone?"
"Yes, Cass, I'm sure. Do you not trust me?"
"I don't knew who to trust anymore." I look at him. At his watery, blue eyes. Don't even think about giving me that look, Thomas, it won't work. "Why didn't you bring your sunglasses then, huh?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't know I had to bring them everywhere I went," he snaps. "It's not like they work that well, anyway..."
Well at least he's aware of that much.
"What's the big deal, anyways?" He asks. "It's over, it's no big deal."
"It's... It is a big deal."
"Why?"
I felt anger rushing through me. Not only at Tom. Tom was only a very very very small part of the problem. I was angry at the media. It's just my luck that a charming young man comes along, showing no flaws, and I only just now learn that he does have a flaw. He has shadows everywhere he goes. His life is never private. And I can't live like that.
"Why, Cassidy?" He asks, louder this time.
And then I explode.
"Because I don't want to be your girlfriend! Okay?!" I yell, glaring at him. "Ever! I don't want to live like you do, never getting privacy! It's compete shit, Tom!"
I let out a breath, waiting to hear his angry comeback. I feel hungry to hear his shouts. To hear him yell at me. But he doesn't speak. He doesn't appear angry. He doesn't even send one glare in my direction.
He just looks sad, miserable, and hurt.
I shake my head, looking away from him. I cant be with him right now. I need some time alone.
Turning on my heel, I storm off, hoping to find a cab in this city who will drive a soaking wet girl to a bar.
•••••