TASNEEM
Days flew by and before you could say Jack Robinson it's already two days to resumption day. I don't know how to feel in a situation like this where I want to get away from Umma and the pain she is causing me and on the other hand I don't want to leave home because I'll be saying bye bye to good food. Going back means meeting the senior bullies. Even though beating had been banned, I'd prefer to be bullied physically than emotionally wise. It hurts me to not be able to get away from pain no matter how hard I try.
Abba told us that we will be visiting our relatives so we should dress in a nice attire. I brought out my favorite gown which is made of a nicely patterned Ankara and went into the bathroom to take my bath. Coming out after a few minutes I was met with a replaced ugly looking gown which was sewn haphazardly by a trainee tailor. I hated that dress right from the moment it was given to me by umma few months back.
I know she was the one that replaced my beautiful gown with this ugly dress. I have to wear it if I really want to go out so I had no choice than to wear it trying hard not to cry or show my internal turmoil.
God bless Abba 's soul! The moment he sets his eyes on me he frowned deeply. " Tasneem what is this you're wearing? Can't you see that everyone is nicely dressed? Have you forgotten that we are going out? " he asked in one breath.
"umma chose this outfit for me " I squeaked out waiting for her slap to land on my face. I knew what exactly will happen. She will either say that she wasn't the one who brought it out for me that I lied for cover or start shouting and making unnecessary fuss about it saying that Abba is over pampering me and what not. I told you earlier that my mom is a nice woman right? She is a nice woman to people, outsiders and her three great kids with me and Abba exempted.
" Binta this is not fair. You should know that you'll account for all your misdeeds against this girl on the day of reckoning. I've been trying to show you the right path since forever but you never take heed" Abba sadly stated looking at umma with an angry expression on his face. Turning back to me he gently said "Go and change mamana and make haste about it " I almost tripped out of excitement to change. I know that I'm going to face Umma's wrath after we come back but it doesn't matter, all that matters is that I'll get to wear my nice dress and look decent and chick like my siblings.
We went to my maternal grandparents house first and grandpa couldn't shut up about how proud he is of umma. Would he still be this proud of her if he comes to know about how she is treating me? I mused while looking at him, showing that I'm religiously following the conversation while it is the other way round. My ears are getting sore listening to him sing praises of my worst nightmare. After an hour, we left to visit other houses where some relatives shower me with goodwill and prayers. Telling me to read hard and make them proud. Giving me a token of money or some provision. I will bow down a little and thank them with a smile on my face before we leave.
Aunty Hadiza's house is the last stop. She was so ecstatic to see us she couldn't contain her joy. After some pleasantries were made. Abba left us there saying he will come back after ishaa to pick us. I packaged all my fears and worries and threw them in a dustbin before joining Aunty Hadiza in the kitchen to help her prepare a delicious dinner for us. I am a different person when I am with her, she has no issue of her own hence her love for children so she treats us like the children she never had. I am her favorite though, because she tells me that whenever she gets the chance.
"Tasneem sarkin miskilanci! Yau ma baza kimin hirar ba? (Seriously how do I translate this in English?) Aunty Hadiza made reference to my quite attitude asking whether I am not going to gist her today.
Having nothing good to tell her other than my pain which I've enclosed in my heart. I shook my head saying no before I told her about Jalila's gift and one animation I've watched at home. After half an hour dinner was ready and we arranged everything on a picnic mat in the living room. Umma was busy with her phone while Nawal is sleeping on her lap. Zaheera and Adeel were watching something I didn't care to know of on MBC3.
There was fun and laughter during dinner because Aunty Hadiza has a bubbly personality. She makes me forget my worries without even trying and I'll forever be thankful for that. After ishaa Abba came back to pick us up and we left everyone with a satisfied smile.
As we approach our house, My heart started beating fast and loud dreading to set foot in it, knowing that umma won't let me go Scott free. To my surprise she didn't even glance my way. She said goodnight and told her three precious gems to make sure they sleep before 10pm before sauntering off towards her room.
'Maybe she will change and get back at me ' the rational part of my mind whispered.
' No today is your lucky day, she will let it go just chill out Tasneem ' the not so rational but optimistic part whisper yelled.
Seeing that I am about to go crazy anticipating my doom. I decided to go into my room and finish off some packing before going to bed. If she is going to beat me, I'm already used to the pain. If it is the harsh words, I have memorized all of them in my heart knowing what she will say next the moment she start off a sentence.
The next morning, umma didn't come to wake me up for subh and that means one thing. She is giving me the silent treatment and I hate it more than any of her punishments. It will keep me on edge and bothered but it's better than having body aches after receiving the beating of my life.
I went to greet her in the morning but all I get is a hiss as a reply. I went into the kitchen to make breakfast but found out that she has already made it and I don't have a share. I have some biscuits from yesterday so I made a cup of tea and went to my room praying she will not come out and snatch the cup from me.
At lunch I heard her telling Abba that I've already taken my lunch so they should go ahead and eat without me. It was not a lie, I've already taken garri with groundnut the only lie is that I am not satisfied and my tummy is aching me. I didn't go out of my room since morning knowing that she has done all the chores and she will not like being defied by me. I know all her mood swings and punishment so I saved myself from getting hurt.
The pain in my stomach intensified at night which made me whimper in pain. Adeel came into my room to do only God knows what when he found me in that condition. He panicked and called umma who didn't show up. She should at least come out to find out whether I am finally gone so that she will celebrate her victory. He went to her room but she shouted at him telling him to call Abba. Adeel rushed out and called Abba who came in a jiffy with his jallabiyah and car keys. Seeing my condition he slung me over his shoulders driving in an insane speed taking me to the nearest hospital.
I heard the doctor saying something about food poison and ulcer after examining me. I never thought a mother can hate her child as much as umma hates me. What if I had died? Will she even cry over me? What have I done wrong to deserve such hatred from her? If not because I look exactly like her I'll have swear she is not my mother but she is and I can't change that. Abba came back with food and fruits. He fed me himself saying that I have been admitted for further examination so he will stay with me and that Adeel sends his regards.
" I met him in the living room crying. You scared him dear " Abba said giving me another spoonful of macaroni.
"Mmm hmm" was all I could say. I don't want to open my mouth and ask about umma or worse cry. I am too young to be facing this kind of calamity.
It felt awkward and kind of lonely that Abba is staying with me in the ward. It wasn't a private room so there are about eight other patients in the room. There was a boy who's in so much pain he kept whimpering and crying. Telling his mother that she should help ease his pain he's going to die.
After a while, the ache started all over and I had to be sedated. I woke up later in the morning. I was surprised to find Abba still by my bed with a small azhkar book in his hands. I managed to sit up before greeting him.
" how are you feeling now? I hope much better my dear? " he enquired touching my forehead to check if I have fever.
. "much better Alhamdulillah Abba. Can I pray? " I replied wincing a little when I mistakenly drag the cannula.
"Yes! Let me help you" he carried me again to the toilet. I was embarrassed but grateful that he is taking care of me, doing the things my mother should be doing not because she is sick or dead but because she hates me.
After I prayed. Abba excused himself because there was an emergency at the market needing his attention.
" Don't worry. Your aunt Hadiza will soon be here with breakfast. " I could only nod, suddenly going numb. I wanted to ask why Umma won't be here to bring breakfast and take care of me. The moment he left the room, hot tears cascaded down my cheeks and no amount of inner pep talk will make them stop. I wished for death to come and take me away from this world. I wished for all the pain to go away and in my 14years old mind only death could do that.
There is a saying that you should be careful what you wish for because after five minutes one of the patients in the ward died and the pain in his mothers eyes, the way she's wailing and shaking him to come back to life and the fact that it is my first time seeing a dead body made my whole world turned upside down. He was the same boy from yesterday. I pitied the mother of the deceased but my body and mind couldn't take it so I fainted out of shock and fear because that moment I realized that I've been wishing for death not knowing what it feels like to lose someone you love. Not knowing that death is permanent and it came to us unaware without knocking at our door or seeking our permission. I never knew that death is this painful even though some people like me would prefer to die than live in pain..
I don't know how long I've been knocked out but it took a long time because it was past asr when I regain my conciousness. Aunty Hadiza was right there with me with tear stained eyes and a grateful smile that I'm still alive.
" Sannu Tasneem. How are you feeling right now? " she asked and I couldn't say anything but nod my head with another set of tears streaming down my face.
" Am I going to die too? " I squeaked out afraid of what she will say. I can still picture the limp pale dead body of that poor boy and his mother's cries still resonates in my ears.
Aunty Hadiza just nodded in the negative and tried to comfort me. I don't need comfort all I need at that moment is to go home. I don't want to die. I've taken back my wish on dying. I will live on and keep enduring whatever comes my way.
My stomach got worse. I kept puking everything that goes into my stomach . I was so weak I could not lift a finger. I was holding on to life by a thread. My heart aches as if its been sprayed with hot pepper. I closed my eyes thinking it was the last time I'll ever see everyone again.
Yah Allah make jannah my final resting place.
Was the last thing I thought of before succumbing to the darkness.
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I need 20 votes for this chapter just 20!!
Yawwa! Tasneem zata shura lahira ne koh zata rayu?
One word for Umma please 😢
It's shorter than the last chapter Cuz I'm so busy and too lazy.