It's been two weeks since I've talked to her. Since I've heard her voice. Since I've seen her face. Since I've touched her skin. Since I've smelt her perfume. Since I've tasted her kiss. Two weeks.
She walked out the door and that's the last I saw of her, well besides school. She avoids me in the hallways. She won't even look at me in class, and if she does, she looks right through me, like I'm transparent.
After Camilla found out- well, Lily too- things haven't felt right. I've text her, and she won't respond. I've called her and she won't pick up. I've even gone to her house but she'll act like she's not home, even though her car is in the driveway.
Lily on the other hand wouldn't stop talking. She was constantly telling me how I messed up, or how I was messed up in the head for dating Camilla. She gave me a big lecture saying Camilla wouldn't want to date me, and she was only doing it to get to Lily.
"You're quiet today," Lily spoke up. We were sitting in our usual spot during lunch, while I was lost in thought. I didn't respond.
"Well, you're quiet all the time. Is something going on at home?"
I looked at her, with disbelief in my eyes, How could she be so naive about this situation. I shook my head, still not responding to her questions.
I look inside the cafeteria windows, where the rest of the school is. I'm back at my starting point, with Lily; on the outside looking in. My eyes latch onto something, and it's her, of course with Niall by her side. I look at my wrist. "Camilla" is printed on a brown leather band. I twist it around so the letters are face up.
"Harry, you need to stop," Lily speaks up. She obviously saw what I was staring at. "And take that fucking bracelet off."
"You don't get it Lily."
"No, I do get it. This is just another phase you're going through."
"What do you mean another?" I spit out.
She laughed. "Don't play stupid. You know what I'm talking about."
I turned to her. "No, I don't. So tell me."
"Remember Claire and Emily? Or Charlotte? Does Hailey ring a bell?"
"I liked Hailey," I added in.
"But the rest?" Lily said, letting the question linger in the air. I didn't respond. "Exactly. You were lonely because you lost Kayla, and you went through that phase of getting whatever you could get. That's what Millie was. You're lucky I'm still your friend for you going behind my back like that."
I shook my head. "You're wrong. Camilla and I were dating for almost a month. It wasn't a phase."
"Stop calling her Camilla!" She demanded. "You were just lonely."
"No, Lily, I wasn't lonely. I am now, because you practically broke up with my girlfriend for me. Because, for some strange reason, you don't want to see me happy," my voice starts to raise.
"You weren't happy with her, you were happy with Kayla."
"Was happy. She's gone now Lily god damn it why can't you accept that and move on with your life! I have! I tried, I was trying to. Kayla would want us to move on and look forward. I know she'd want me to be happy, but you had to take that away from me."
"Fucking hell, Harry. I didn't force you to leave her. I told you to choose."
"Now, I'm thinking I made the wrong decision." I stood up.
"Oh, did you now?" She stood up as well.
"You know what, I know I made the wrong decision. I'm sick and tired of not being able to move on with your life because you're just bringing yourself down, and me. Get over yourself Lily, and finally fucking move on with your life." I started to walk away.
"So what you're just going to go back to her? She won't take you back." She called after me.
"I'm going to try, at least I'm doing something then siting there and being depressed all the fucking time."
"You're choosing her over me? Harry, belive me you don't want to do this," she caught up to me and grabbed my shoulder.
I stopped in my tracks. "Are you still going to be my friend if I get Camilla back?"
"Fuck no," she says coldly.
"Then that's that. I'm getting Camilla back, so you made this decision for yourself." I continued on my way to the cafeteria.
"I'll tell her Harry," I hear Lily say from where I left her. I turned around. A smirk smeared on her face. "If you get back with Millie, I'll tell her all about your litte flings you had after Kayla. Or what about the one with Nicole, while you and Kayla were still dating?"
My eyes grew wide, "You won't."
She chuckled, "Oh but I will."
"She won't believe you."
"I think you forget how convincing I am. Hope you're happy with your choice, Harold. I know Millie won't be happy after she hears what I have to say."
-----------------------
Here I am; with no best friend and no girlfriend. Alone, it seems like; feels like.
I sit in my room, all that's left for me is my journal. The incredible one Millie gave me that has "Merry Christmas, Harold - Love Camilla" engraved in the back. I try to write poems, but they all end up about her. I'll start by drawing a tree, or a bird, but somehow I end up sketching her face, and spending too much time drawing her lips. God, those lips.
On days like this I need someone to talk to. But not someone who will respond back, just someone to listen to me. And I know the perfect person.
I get in my car and drive, for what seems like hours, but is about twenty minutes to the outskirts of town.
I stop when I reach the pathway to the large, green field. I haven't been here in so long.
I get out of my car and walk. I pass by people laughing, some praying, some crying. Once I reach where I'm headed, I stand for a moment, close my eyes and think.
I look down at my feet. Kayla Marie Trier, is printed on the gray, cold, stone. I sit down, inhale; here goes nothing. Exhale.
"It's been a while," my voice is shaky. I clear my throat. "And...I'm sorry I haven't came to visit you, or speak to you so long. It's just hard..." I look up at the sky. I wonder if she can hear me.
"I miss you so much Kayla. Lily misses you, your family misses you. Everyone misses you. It's hard living here when you're...there. I hope where ever you are you're happy. God, I hope you're happy. You deserve to be so happy. I know I messed up a few times with us Kayla, and the guilt sits with me to this very day. I don't know why I did some of the things I did. I loved you so much..I still love you. I always will."
I pause and think about the times I had with her, all the laughs and smiles we shared together. The silences, the arguments, the fights, but somehow they still brought us closer.
I smile to myself. "Remember the time we found our little secret get away? We would run there every day after school just to have some time alone. Remember when you fell off the rock? You thought you broke your arm but it was just a bruise. You were so funny about that type of stuff, a little dramatic but it was cute."
I take out my journal and start to sketch the time Kayla and I first found the place. I sat on the fallen log and she sat on that huge rock.
"I took Camilla there. You know Camilla, she used to be one of Lily's friends. I wasn't sure if I should, but I felt like something was telling me to, and I felt it was you. I don't know...I know you'd want me to move on with my life and to be happy. And I was, I still am. Camilla, she helped a lot. She's very accepting of you, she doesn't want to replace you, no one ever will," I speak as I sketch. Sometime's taking glances where her name is etched in the stone.
"But she makes me happy, Kayla. The first time I've truly felt happy since you left me. Camilla is just, I don't know. She's Camilla. She's adorable when she smiles, the way her nose scrunches up when she laughs, how she bites on her lower lip when she's nervous. She's just beautiful, everything about her. Her blonde hair brings out those sparkling eyes, you should see her, Kayla. And she's just always so happy, so optimistic, she brightens up the room. I wish you were still here to see how she's turned out to be, you guys would get along so well. I know you'd really like her."
I look down at my sketch, and smile. "This sketch I just drew, was the first time we found the hiding spot. I was sitting on the log you were sitting on the-" I stopped. My eyes examined the sketch closer. My heart starts to quicken, and eyes start to swell with tears. "No, no, no," I murmur under my breath as I try to fix the sketch, but I can't. It's already been done.
I rip it out of the journal and throw it, the wind carrying it away. I bury my face in my hands. "I'm so sorry Kayla. I didn't mean to. I wasn't paying attention-god damn it! Why wasn't I paying attention? I'm sorry baby...I-I gotta go. I'm so sorry."
I gather up my belongings and run to my car. I lock myself in and place my head on the steering wheel. How could I have done that? Have I forgotten? No, I didn't. I think deep, trying to find pictures in my brain. It's been so long though, too long. I can't remember. "Fuck!" I punch my steering wheel, put the car and drive, and leave.
This has got to be just some mistake. My brain just got mixed up right? Right.
But wrong. My brain wasn't drawing, it was my heart. My heart took control over the sketch. How could I have done that? Sitting there talking to Kayla, how could my heart have been somewhere else? How could I have drawn Camilla sitting on that rock, and not Kayla?
MILLIE'S POV
"Are you just gonna sit here and pout all day? Pouting doesn't do anything."
"If I want to pout, I'll pout." I pulled the covers over my head.
"Millie, you gotta get out and do something. You can't lie in bed all day." Niall reaches for the covers.
"I don't wanna get out. I want to stay in bed."
3 weeks without Harry have passed. I meant it when I told not to text or call me, I haven't responded to any. But each time I see his name pop up on my phone screen, my pulse starts to quicken. But then I'm rushed with a feeling of disbelief because he lied to me.
Niall's been helpful a lot, taking me places and doing things with me to get my mind off things. For the most part it works. But it's the night time that gets to me.
When I'm lying in bed, wishing I was in Harry's with him by my side. I want to hear the little whistle sound his nose makes, or the light breathing when he's deep asleep. Every night is just a constant reminder of the loneliness that washes over me.
At school, I act like I don't see him, but it's so hard. I want to run up to him, wrap my arms around his waist and kiss his cherry red lips. I want to hear his grumbly tone say my name and feel his fingers lightly brush up against mine.
I didn't feel like this with Drew. Yeah, I was sad, but it wasn't like this. I've never wanted anyone more than I've wanted Harry. But how could it all been a lie? Was it just a lie? Was everything he said to me a fabricated story coming out of his mouth? I guess I'll never know.
"Let's go for a walk," Niall suggests.
"No."
"Let's go swim."
"It's January...no."
"Let's play video games."
"No."
"Let's go egg Harry's house."
"Okay."
Niall laughed. "Millie! Come on."
"I know what we can do!"
"What?" Niall sat down on my bed beside me where I was laying.
"Lie in bed and watch sad movies."
He sighed, obviously surrendering. He lifted the covers and crawled in bed next to me.
"Can we just talk? You need to talk about what happened..." He asks quietly.
I looked at his big blue eyes. "No."
Niall sighed, and turned on my tv. He found Dear John, one of my favorite movies and pressed play.
An hour into the movie Niall spoke up. "Are you falling asleep on me?"
I mumbled a "no" but clearly it was a yes.
He lightly lifted my upper body up, placing my head on his chest. He stroked the back of my head, while placing his other arm around me.
"Why are you so nice to me?" I whispered.
"Because you're my best friend," he whispered back.
I nuzzled my head in his chest, smelling the scent on his shirt. The smell was always so comforting to me.
"You know," he looked down at me. "I'm kinda happy you and Harry broke up. I was lonely without you."
I looked up at him, not being able to find the words to say. I placed my hand on the side of his face, lightly stroking his cheek. His eyes slowly lowered to my lips, as mine did to his.
All of the sudden, the whole atmosphere in the room changed. And whole new feeling came over me and it's something I haven't experienced before.
Niall slowly lowered himself to my level, barely touching his forehead to mine. His breathing became heavier has he placed his hand on my hip. My heart beat became faster as I wrapped my arm around his neck, placing my fingers in his hair.
Everything was still, everything was quiet. And it was just us; just Niall and me.
I tightened my grip around his neck, as he strengthened his grip on my hip, pulling me closer to him, to where there was no space between us; pressed together.
I cupped his face in my hand, brushing my thumb across his soft lips. He placed his hand over mine, lightly kissing my thumb. He removed my hand from his face, and kissed the back of it, then kissed my wrist, my forearm, and leaving a trail of soft kisses all the way up my arm.
His breath hit my neck, sending shivers down my spine. I closed my eyes as I felt his lips brush against my neck, making their way up to my jaw line. He kissed my cheek, then stopped.
I opened my eyes as Niall was hovering over me. Without a word being spoken, I answered his question that was showing in his eyes.
He licked his lips before gently pressing them against mine. Just one. Little. Press. He pulled back, lips hungry for another. I linked both of my arms around his neck, pulling him back down to me and connecting our lips again for more.
He parted my mouth open with his tongue, meeting it to mine. His hand craned around my neck, while mine was twirled in his blonde hair.
This time it wasn't just a kiss to test the waters. It was a kiss that I was craving, and I knew, he was too.
~sorry that this a little short but I'm trying to wrap everything up! but once again you guys are awesome! I'm almost to 10k and that's literally beyond words to me! you guys are daaaa best and I love you all!
and it would mean so much to me if you guys could add my Luke Hemmings fanfic "Games" in your library's or lists! the prologue is up but I won't be adding the 1st chapter until after So it Seems! but thanks guys tore the best I love you all! xxx~