Oh my god, this part was ready hours ago - I fell asleep!
When I woke up, there was 6 messages on the bottom of the page - I haven't read them yet though I bet they're all like "wtf - wheres our part 34?!"
Just a random that there is bad language in this part and some of it is a little bit dark, not overly dark but I thought that I'd warn people anyway
Like last time, I haven't proof read it so don't hate me for any mistakes lol
Enjoy and please vote and comment xxx
****************
I hadn't slept well the night before.
The night had consisted of me tossing and turning, trying to decide whether I should go to meet whoever this person was that Liam wanted me to meet.
I didn't owe him anything after he'd lied to me.
Part of me already knew that no matter what, I'd go with him.
At around 6am I gave up on having any more sleep and quickly got dressed into a pair of shorts and a baggy tshirt, heading outside.
The cool crisp air was a welcome feeling as it hit my skin.
I enjoyed running when it wasn't forced upon me by my mother.
Putting in my headphones, I clicked on my "Seriously Peed Off Kaydie" playlist and immediately my ears were greeted with the sounds of The Used singing Sound Effects and Overdramatics - it was my perfect song to angry jog to.
After quickly warming up, I took off at full speed, running as a way to diminish all of my problems.
As I ran, keeping up my fast pace I thought about what lay ahead that day.
I had a feeling that Liam was about to reveal a part of himself that he'd probably never anticipated sharing with me.
**************
I was sat on the kerb outside my house when Liam pulled up in his car.
Getting up slowly, I put my hands in the pockets of my hoodie and walked towards his car, getting in and closing the door.
There was an immediate sense of friction in the air.
"I'm glad you came" Liam said simply, his voice giving nothing away.
Nodding in reply, I pulled on my seatbelt and stared blankly ahead.
I wanted to meet whoever it was that he was taking me to see, but I couldn't deny how annoyed and hurt I felt.
Liam pulled away in the car.
I could sense that he kept looking over in my direction but I kept my eyes focused in front of me, knowing that if I looked into the chocolatey orbs of his eyes, I'd forgive him before he even bothered to explain himself.
"I've rang ahead and told them that we're coming" Liam said smoothly, "They weren't expecting me, but they've said it's okay for us to visit"
I nodded again without looking at him.
Truth be told, I was desperate to ask who "they" were.
Liam let out a loud sigh in exasperation.
I was itching to look at him but I didn't want to give him the satisfaction.
The fact that my stomach was full of it's typical butterflies annoyed me greatly - it made me feel weak.
"Oh for gods sake" Liam breathed out heavily.
He yanked the steering wheel to the right, pulling into the side of the road and turning off the ignition.
"Are you going to ignore me the whole way?" he demanded, his eyes narrowed.
Keeping up my facade, I continued to stare ahead.
Liam slammed his hand on the steering wheel and I heard him take a deep intake of breath, exhaling slowly afterwards.
"Kaydie?"
I didn't respond.
Perhaps it was childish of me, but I didn't trust my voice to remain steady.
"Kaydie..."
Being in the car with him and feeling the flurry of emotions that were consuming me was overwhelming.
Want.
Betrayal.
Compassion.
Sadness.
I wanted to hug him and karate chop him at the same time.
"Kaydie, I'm taking you to meet my brother"
I hadn't expected this and my head instinctively turned towards him, my mouth falling open slightly.
Liam looked tired as if he'd had a similar nights sleep to mine; his eyes didn't hold their usual spark.
He looked completely and utterly bare and vulnerable as he looked at me, watching intently to see my response.
Part of me felt excited that I was finally going to meet his brother, that I was going to be told the big secret that others already knew.
My heart jumped at the fact that he was trusting me with this and I momentarily forgot that I was annoyed with him.
"What's his name?" I asked, my voice croaky.
"Lloyd"
The name hung in the air between us.
"Tell me about him?" I asked gently.
Liam restarted the car and pulled back out on to the road.
"He's my big brother" he started.
This time it was Liam that kept his eyes on the road, while I stared at him, taking in everything that he was saying.
"He's five years older than me but despite that we used to be close, really close. Lloyd was popular at school, one of the best players on his football team as well as being one of the more academic students at school. I guess you could say that he was under a lot of pressure"
I twisted my body round to give him my full attention.
"Lloyd was dating the head cheerleader who was the most popular girl in school who told everybody that she loved him and I suppose to everyone on the outside, he looked like your typical overachiever who had everything going for him"
Already I could tell that there was going to be so much more to Lloyds story.
"What happened?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
Liam winced as if it pained him to remember.
"He just started acting strange, like he'd tell me to be careful because he thought that our house had been bugged. I thought he was joking at the time, but the longer that it went on the more I realised that he was serious. His friends and even his girlfriend began to experiment with cannabis and I suppose that's where things got really bad"
Was he trying to tell me that his brother was a drug addict?
"My parents suspected that he was smoking cannabis and when they confronted him he got so angry. It was really out of character for him because he'd always been the model son that they boasted about to their friends. My mum sort of buried her head in the sand, whereas my dad went mad and said that it had to stop. Lloyd just became this completely different person, he was out all hours of the night and when he did return his behaviour was just stange. Like, crazy strange. I remember this one night I woke up and he'd painted these strange symbols on my wall. When I asked him what he was doing, he told me not to worry and said that it was to scare away the outsiders. He'd got it into his head that there were people that wanted to come into the home and harm us"
I was trying hard to make sense of what he was telling me, but it was hard.
"Then things went from bad to worse..."
Liam paused and I could tell that he was upset.
Without thinking, I reached across and entwined my fingers with the hand that he didn't have on his steering wheel.
Tingles shot up my arm when he gave my hand a small squeeze in return.
"Erm... I'd been round TJ's house for dinner and when I came home I could hear a strange noise from Lloyds room. My parents were out so I went to see what was going on and when I got there..."
His voice was shaking by this point and I yearned to put my arms around him to reassure him that everything was okay.
"Um.... when I went in his room, there was... there was so much blood. He was sat on his bedroom floor and he'd cut his wrists"
I gasped, covering my mouth with my free hand.
Liams expression was stony as he stared at the road ahead.
I knew that he wasn't as strong as he was trying to look.
"The thing that I'll always remember is that while I was shouting for help, he was smiling. He was fucking smiling!"
Liam slammed his hand on the steering wheel like he had before and I jumped.
"He told me that he was happy because the outsiders wouldn't be able to hurt him anymore. He said that they would leave us all alone now that he had done what they wanted"
I bit my lip so hard, that I was surprised that it didn't bleed as I waited for him to continue.
"I called an ambulance and they reached him in time, but as they put him in the back of it, I just remember him screaming that I should have let him die"
I hadn't realised that I was crying until I felt the tears dripping on to my chest.
Nobody should have to go through what Liam had been through.
Poor Lloyd.
"What happened to Lloyd after that?" I asked, wiping my eyes on my sleeve.
Liams eyes flashed dangerously and for a second time he yanked the steering wheel to the right and pulled over, turning off the engine.
"They sent him away"
I knew instantly that he meant his parents.
Was this why he hated them?
I remembered the lady that had answered the door the night before and the sadness that she radiated.
"He wasn't their perfect son anymore so they sent him away!" Liam shouted.
He unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car, slamming the door behind him.
For a moment, I froze before I opened my door and jumped out of the car, running round to the side where he was leaning against it, his head pressed against the roof.
I didn't say anything and instead I simply leaned against the car next to him so that he at least knew that I was there for him.
"All of his friends, the girl who supposedly loved him and even his own god damn parents. None of them were there for him when he needed them the most. Nobody tried to help him, instead he was just packed away to the hospital. Even when the hospital said that he could be released, my parents didn't let him come home - instead they pay for him to stay in a residential home. Their own son and they don't even want to help him. None of his so called friends bothered to visit him, the so called love of his life moved on after less than a month" he spat out bitterly, "That dick Jaspers brother was supposed to be his best friend"
It was as if all of the turmoil that I'd previously caught glimpses of was finally rising to the surface.
"I know my parents, I know the kind of people they associated with. They think that paying out extortionate amounts of money on a residential home proves that they love Lloyd. Like hell, does it! All it shows is that they're too embarassed to have their not so perfect son living with them, tarnishing their reputation in front of their pretentious friends"
It was all starting to make more sense why Liam despised rich people.
He clearly thought that his parents had sent Lloyd away to protect their image in front of their wealthy peers.
Personally, I wondered whether he was letting his personal feelings cloud his judgement.
I was no expert, but from what he'd said, Lloyd most definitely needed professional help - the kind of help that his parents couldn't provide.
Liam looked ready to have a meltdown and I wasn't stupid enough to contradict him by suggesting this.
He pushed himself off the car and faced me, staring defiantly into my eyes.
"My brother is a Paranoid Schizophrenic" he told me stonily.
It felt like he was challenging me to say something about Lloyd, almost as if he was daring me to turn away from him because of it.
I didn't doubt that he'd made another incorrect assumption that this was what I would do.
Taking a step towards him to close the gap between us, I could sense that he was one giant ball of mixed emotions.
I was glad that he didn't move away from me.
Reaching up, I embraced him in a tight hug, hoping that he could understand everything that I was trying to say with it.
I needed him to know that I was there for him.
He didn't react instantly, but after a minute or so he hugged me back, first loosely and then tightly as if he was never going to let me go.
When we broke apart, he rested his forehead on mine and I lifted my hands to hold his face.
"I am so sorry that you went through all of that" I whispered, not once breaking eye contact with him.
*********
The house looked "normal" from the outside, but as soon as we entered it, there was just a feeling in the air that it was different to other homes.
A round faced, lady with kind eyes greeted Liam like he was an old friend and ushered the pair of us into the house.
"How is he, Sharon?" Liam asked the lady, his mood having lifted slightly from before.
Sharon glanced at me and Liam reached out to take my hand is his.
"It's okay, I don't mind you telling us both" he told her, managing a small smile.
Sharon visibly relaxed and she lead us into a room which looked like it was her office, indicating for us both to sit down.
"He's still having auditory and visual hallucinations" she told Liam matter of factly, "But he's handling them a lot better recently. He's been fully compliant with his medication and we can definitely see an improvement with his overall mood"
Liams face brightened and I swear my heart almost melted - it was so obvious how much he loved his brother.
Sharon spoke to Liam some more and we left her office.
I followed Liam up the stairs and down a hallway, to the room at the end.
Just like a typical younger sibling, Liam didn't knock and instead he just walked into the room.
The room was colourful and there were a number of paintings painted straight on to the wall; some of the paintings looked like symbols and I wondered if they were the same as the ones that Liam had said Lloyd had painted on his bedroom wall.
Lloyd was sat on his bed and I was amazed by how much he looked like Liam.
He had the same familiar, handsome face but unlike Liam his eyes looked haunted, as if he'd seen terrible things.
"Lloyd, this is Kaydie" Liam said straight away, "Kaydie, this is Lloyd"
I smiled shyly at Lloyd and he eyed me curiously.
"You don't normally bring friends with you" Lloyd stated calmly.
I definitely held his interest.
Liam gave him a lopsided smile.
"Well, she's kind of special"
*****************
Lloyd showed us around the home - for my benefit of course because Liam had no doubt spent a lot of time there.
It just seemed like your everyday home full of housemates, with the added bonus of support staff to support the residents with their everyday needs.
We were sat outside in the back yard while Liam and Lloyd chatted animatedly about their childhood. I listened while Liam laughed, describing a time when Lloyd had given him "the worlds worst wedgie".
Liam fidgeted uncomfortably when Lloyd mentioned their parents. He told Liam that they'd been to visit him a few days before.
Without meaning to, my eyes fell to Lloyds arms.
There were two deep scars across his wrists, but they weren't the only ones. His arms were covered in scars, some looking like they weren't all that old.
I quickly averted my eyes so that Lloyd wouldn't think that I was staring at them.
The more that I watched Lloyd and Liam chat, the more that I could see that some of Lloyds behaviour was a bit peculiar.
Sometimes, it was almost as if he could see something that wasn't there; I would notice him frowning at something/ someone that wasn't there and a few times he randomly tapped his forehead as if it was a way of coping with whatever he might have been seeing or hearing.
Surprisingly, it didn't make me feel uneasy - I just felt bad for Lloyd.
Life could be so unfair.
After a couple of hours, Lloyd outright told Liam that he was tired and that he wanted us to leave.
Liam didn't seem fazed so I guessed that was how Lloyd ended all visits from him.
The brothers hugged and then Lloyd smiled at me, his haunted expression looking softer.
"You should visit again, Kaydie" he said, giving me the same smile that I loved to see on Liams face.
I returned his smile, promising that I would visit again at some point.
****************
On the way home, Liam stopped at the park near Rays gym. It was the same park where we'd had our second kiss.
The drive back from Lloyds home had been quiet, neither of us saying much to each other.
We walked through the park in a similar quiet manner.
"Do you think it was smoking weed that caused Lloyds problems?" I asked finally, breaking the silence.
Liam glanced at me and then paused while he thought about it.
I came to a standstill next to him.
"The doctors think that it made things worse" he answered, a serious look on his face, "They think he would have displayed behaviours typical of those with schizophrenia but that the cannabis just caused his symptoms to be worse than they might have been if he hadn't smoked it; it definitely contributed to his paranoia. It's a vicious cycle - smoking it made his symptoms worse, but Lloyd smoked it more as it helped him to relax and made him feel like he had a better control over his mind"
As crazy as it was, I understood what Liam meant about it being a vicious cycle.
It's easy to judge when you're not living through what somebody else has to, maybe we'd have all acted the same if we'd been in Lloyds shoes.
"Is that why you hang around with those boys from school that smoke weed?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
Liam nodded.
"Sometimes I think that somebody might be going through what Lloyd was and I want to help"
It was just one more example of why I liked Liam. It made sense now why he had career aspirations to help people with mental illnesses.
We'd started walking again but I sat down underneath a large tree, patting the ground next to me to invite Liam to join me.
When he sat down, we fell back into an easy silence.
"Do you hate me?" Liam blurted out, surprising me.
"No!" I replied instantly.
He seemed to be battling with whatever thoughts were going on in his head.
"I'm sorry, Kaydie" he told me, his tone dripping with sincerity, "You have every right to be angry about what I did"
I'd started the day off feeling ridiculously angry, but it had vanished over the course of the day.
It had hurt, but now in a weird way I understood why he had made so many negative remarks about wealthy people and why he tried to distance himself from the lifestyle.
It wasn't right but I knew what his reasons were.
"I was angry" I admitted, "But I'm not anymore"
Liam fixed me with an intense look.
"You've completely ignored me" he told me.
I frowned, not understanding him.
"I told you if I ever upset you again, you were to punch me in the face"
I burst out laughing, remembering when he had instructed me to do this.
"I couldn't mess up the pretty little face" I told him, pinching his cheeks.
This made him laugh as well.
His laughter faded and he went back to looking at me, his face serious.
"I'd understand if you didn't want to continue with this... with us" he said, using his hand to bat the air between us.
Staring at him, I wondered if he seriously was as dumb as he was acting.
"You are so stupid" I shook my head, before practically jumping on him and pushing him down so that I was straddling him, while his back was against the floor.
"That was a takedown" I told him, mimicking the cocky voice he'd used when he'd told me that, the last time he'd had me pinned to the floor.
A huge grin, spread across Liams face as he looked up at me.
I stood no chance with this boy - I'd fallen for him so hard.
There was no escaping that simple fact anymore.
I leaned down and kissed him gently, before pulling away so that our faces were barely apart.
"Oh Liam" I murmured, before again meeting his lips with mine.
**********
COMMENT AND VOTE!!!
Oh and my job is basically working at a house similar to the one that Lloyd lives it....
xxx