CHAPTER SEVEN
I was giving Cameron his space but the truth was, I didn't want to get in another fight with him. It took so much out of me. It was like battling with myself, but it hurt more. There was this unexplainable feeling in the pit of my stomach and it was sickening. I knew it was because we weren't speaking. I had always relied on him, he was my rock. The longest we had gone without talking was twenty-four hours and it had almost been a week.
Noah had really stepped up for me, instead of Cameron. Noah was my rock. He let me cry on his shoulder and come over at all hours of the day, without complaining. He was so good to me, even though it was my fault that he and Cameron weren't speaking. I felt like I wasn't worth them abandoning ten years of friendship for and I felt so guilty. I tried to keep the faith though, Cameron couldn't stay mad forever.
My parents were worried about me, but they knew pressuring me would only make things worse. I put in my headphones and started walking down the street. It was a nice day and I knew a walk would help me clear my head. I was starting to feel trapped being in my room all the time.
It was about a ten-minute walk to the park. We used to go as a family at least once a week. Cameron and I used to sit on the swings, while Mom and Dad pushed us. We thought that if they pushed us high enough we'd be able to touch the clouds. For a long time, they made me feel like I could, but this secret sent me crashing to the ground.
I sat down on one of the swings and pushed my feet through the gravel. Curiosity got the best of me and I opened Facebook. For so long I blamed social media for my illness. All of the weight-loss ads, models and cyberbullying, so I made a choice and deleted my accounts. I decided people would no longer influence how I felt about myself, but it was hard. It wasn't easy to change that mindset. I still cared what people thought about me, especially the people I loved.
Sitting there, scrolling through my newsfeed felt like giving in. It felt wrong but I wanted to know what Beth looked like. I wanted to look like her.
I had a message request, from Beth Jackson. My heart dropped into my stomach. Tears clouded my eyes so I could barely read the message. My hands shook, but I took a deep breath and read it.
I was wondering if you know who I am and if you wanted to hear what I have to say.
I wanted to throw my phone away, crawl up in a ball and hideaway. I have to answer, don't I? I clicked on her profile picture. She was beautiful, like a girl out of a movie. There were similarities, similar nose, eyes, smile. It was hard to think about myself looking like her. It was hard to think about her being my mother because she felt like a stranger. I didn't know what she worried about at night when she was trying to fall asleep, the first food she'd reach for when she opened the fridge, or what color she would paint her room if she could choose from any color of the rainbow.
She didn't know that I could only fall asleep listening to music, or that I was scared of horses because I fell off when I was 13, or that my favorite food was Mom's homemade macaroni and cheese.
We didn't know each other, but I felt like we were supposed to.
I shoved my phone in my jacket pocket and zipped it shut. I swung back and forth, clung tightly to the chains and tilted my head back so that I was staring up at the clouds.
I wished that I could just have a sign, something to lead me in the right direction. Could the message be a sign? Does it mean I'm supposed to meet them?
I was torn between what I wanted and what Cameron wanted. It was like he was a part of me. I wanted to want that, for him because I knew that there was a part of him that needed to know them. Of course, I was curious about them, they gave us our biology and they gave us each other. I just wasn't sure I wanted it enough to change things and risk their rejection.
I felt stupid for fearing that, but they gave us up.
My phone vibrated in my pocket and I put my heels down in the gravel, screeching to a stop. Noah's smiling face came up on my screen and I quickly answered.
"Hey," I muttered, wondering what he was going to say.
"Hey, my mom wants to know if you want to come for dinner tonight?" He cleared his throat. My heart pounded in my chest, for a minute I thought maybe it would be a date, my first date. I shook the thought away, knowing it wasn't true. "You don't have to come if you don't want to." He rambled.
"No, I'd love to come." I smiled to myself.
"Okay, I'll pick you up at six then." He told me. "How are you with everything?"
"I'm okay, it's just a lot to think about and Cameron avoiding me doesn't really help." I sighed. There was something about saying it out loud that made me want to cry. "Have you heard from him?"
"No, I haven't."
"I'm sorry," I muttered.
"Stop apologizing, it's not your fault." He stopped me.
"Okay..."
I heard yelling in the background and then a crinkling sound. "I'm on the phone!" His voice was muffled. "Sorry about that."
"That's okay." I swung my feet, tossing rocks across the playground.
"What are you up to?" He asked.
"Just at the park..." I sighed and looked up at the blue sky, trying to figure out what shape the lumpy cloud could make.
"The one we used to go to as kids? I haven't been there in forever. Does it still look the same?" He asked.
It looked the same. It was nostalgic, the big metal slide we used to shock ourselves on, the tire swing that Cameron once fell out of and broke his arm, it was all there.
"Why don't you come and see for yourself?" It rolled off my tongue before I could stop myself. It definitely sounded like I was flirting with him and I wasn't. My cheeks burned but he didn't seem to notice my provocative tone. He just chuckled.
"Yeah, okay. Just give me like ten minutes?"
"Alright see you then." I smiled to myself. I realized for a minute I'd forgotten about everything. I forgot that I was adopted and that everything had gone to shit. It was a good feeling, I felt lighter.
Noah hung up and I was back to thinking about my birth parents, about Beth. I felt like I had to meet them out of obligation. Obligation to them, an obligation to myself. Was that how Cameron felt?
I read the message once more. I was wondering if you know who I am and if you wanted to hear what I have to say.
"Yes, I do." I sighed.
My heart felt like it was being torn in half. Suddenly I knew what I wanted, but could I let myself have it? A tear slipped down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away. I wished I could have a day to be normal again, but I couldn't go back in time. It was why I didn't want Cameron to ask in the first place, I didn't want him to be right but he was. We were adopted.
"Hey." Noah's voice grabbed my attention. "This is a longer walk than I remember. Have you been crying?"
"Nah..." I tried to lie, but he saw right through me. "So I have. I don't think I've stopped since I found out, but I don't want to talk about that. I want to have fun."
A smile pulled at his lips. "Okay, I'll race you to the slide."
He took off running, leaving me to catch up. I ran as fast as I could, but I still couldn't keep up with him. He made it to the slide with ample time to spare. I screeched to a stop in front of him, out of breath."Hey not fair!" I pushed his shoulder. "You had a head start!"
"All is fair in love and war." He winked.
I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "What?"
"Nothing." He shook his head, chuckling to himself. He turned to the slide and began to climb up it like we used to do when we were kids. "Come on!" He yelled back to me.
"I'm going to take the stairs. Like a lady!" I teased.
"Suit yourself, this is faster." He sang and leaned over the side, looking down at me from the platform. For a second I caught myself admiring him. The way his eyes lit up when he smiled. He was something else. He cheered me up within seconds. I climbed up the latter and joined him at the top.
"Show me how it's done." I gestured to the slide. He held onto the archway and slid down. He planted his feet down at the bottom of the slide and held his arms up in the air. I clapped, letting him know I approved of his sliding ability.
"Your turn!" He called up to me.
I sat down on the metal. It was hot, I could feel the heat from the metal through my jeans. "Here I come!" I pushed off, feeling a rush as I slide down at top speed.
Noah jumped in front of me, catching me at the bottom. "Woah there."
Suddenly all I could think about was his hands lingering on my waist and his eyes, sparkling in the sunlight. He tilted his head, looking down at me. My stomach churned. I had so many mixed emotions, it was overwhelming. Noah was good looking, sure, but he was also a really good guy and that made me want something more, but he was Cameron's friend and I felt like that would be crossing a line.
I cleared my throat and got up, pulling out my phone to check the time. He frowned, for a second I thought, maybe we both wanted something more. "It's getting close to dinner time. Should we head to your place?"
"Yeah, yeah sure." He nodded, pushing his hands into his pockets.
We walked to his house in silence, enjoying each other's company, thinking about what would happen if we took things a step further. At least that was what I was thinking about. It was a nice break from all of the other crazy in my life. I felt like thinking about my future with a boy was something a normal teenage girl would be thinking about, not her adoption.
I could handle thinking about Noah. The rest I wasn't sure about.
Thanks for reading!
I hope that you enjoyed this chapter of The Truth About Us! More Noah and Samara! What should their ship name be? Let me know in the comments, I'm thinking #Samoah! I love reading all of your feedback so don't forget to leave your thoughts. I have received so much support on this story so far, so thank you so much! I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!
xx Allie