I had been cooped up in my room from the past three days doing the only disgusting thing my body allowed me to do- throw up. Any food that went in my stomach came out within minutes with it's consistency changed. So I didn't eat anything and drank liquids as much as I could (without puking it out) since I couldn't risk dying of dehydration.
My mum was home all day tending to my needs. She would check my temperature constantly, give me food and medicines at the correct time, frequently clean the vomit filled bucket, help me get to the bathroom and change my clothes, change my bedsheets, put a mild air freshener so I didn't feel suffocated and still managed to do the regular chores of the house. The sentimental part of me didn't want to leave home, but the rational part of me knew that once I shifted to the hospice care centre, my mum primarily wouldn't have to be my carer. She could be free.
Logan dropped by whenever he was free from his jobs and helped my mum around. He would give me those long back rubs which was more amusing than soothing. It was fun to watch Logan awkwardly giving me as much comfort as he could, but I appreciated his efforts. He didn't know much about my illness and it was nice of him to not make a deal when I had accidently spewed all over him. He hadn't made a single noise of disapproval as he held me with our vomit stained clothes on, wiped my mouth and mumbled 'it's okay' again and again as if it was okay to ruin his late father's mint condition shirts.
I fell even more in love with him at that appalling, queasy moment.
"How are you feeling now? Better love?" My dad entered my room and gently kissed the top of my head. "Do you need anything?"
"Nothing, I'm fine now," I mumbled with a cheerful smile as mum entered the room. "Hey maa, you didn't go to meet the client?"
"I had cancelled all appointments for these days," she said nonchalantly while yanking the curtains off. "I'll put these in the washer, do you want anything else for me to wash?"
"No, dad did my laundry before including the sheets, didn't you?"
"Yes dear," he said lovingly before shuffling to mum and kissing her cheek. "I'm going to work. Take care of my daughter."
"Oh maa will," I bantered, waving at my dad as he left. "Maa, you should have met your client. You know I'm fine right now and I'm going to the reception in the evening."
"Joy---"
"Please, I'm tired of sitting here all day with this bad stench surrounding me. I haven't thrown up since the past twelve hours and my temperature is alright." I beckoned my mum to check my temperature. I placed her hand on my abdomen. "I don't feel pain here anymore."
Her eyes searched mine for any lie, but I met her gaze fiercely. She should know that I wasn't stupid, if I actually felt that jolt of burning pain in my bones (which occurred more frequently than before) I would never leave my room. She tenderly brushed my thin hair back. "How are your bowel movements?"
"Solid." I grinned at her as she laughed. "When's the nurse coming?"
"Don't worry, she'll come before you have to go to the reception. I'll cook something nice for you, what do you want?"
I honestly didn't feel like eating, the thought of food made me gag. "Whatever you like."
"Ooh I'll make tofu with a thick gravy and pudding with rasberries," she said excitedly and I offered her a reluctant smile. These were high in calories and some of my favourites so I would be able to eat a little and gain as much energy as I could. My doctors planned to scrape the salads from my diet since it was hard for me to eat that. Also because I was dying quicker than before. Each additional symptom proved it- rashes on my skin, infection in my throat (which made it difficult to swallow food, another reason to vomit it all out!) "Do you want butter noodles or rice? You like butter noodles more, I'll make that."
It was like mum was almost talking to herself. I giggled. "Make whatever you want maa, but go easy. I don't want digestion problems."
"Hmm, you're right," she said thoughtfully while laying out my clothes on the bed. "Wear a sweater to the reception, it'll get cold . . . Do you really have to go Joy?"
"It's Uncle Desmond's son's wedding! I don't want to miss that and besides, grandpa got the order for the flowers."
"Is Logan going to be with you?"
My cheeks warmed. "Everyone's going to be there maa."
"Be with Logan the entire time and if you feel even a little uneasy or pain, don't wait there. Tell him to bring you home. I'll talk to him too," she said seriously and I knew that she knew we were dating. I wondered what she thought of this, but then again this was my mum. If she didn't trust him, she would have never let him inside our house. Now looking at the gleam in my mum's eyes, I could see that in fact, she wanted us to be together. "When's his college starting?"
"It's going to start in a week maa, he's super pumped up. He says he's going to work for the credits really hard so he could go to the uni after this," I said proudly and mum smiled, taking the curtains in her arms and exiting my room. He wouldn't be able to see me as much as he did now, but that was alright. He said that he was going to work night shift at some restaurant where his middle school friend worked. He was leaving his office job and in the evening, he would be in the flower shop which worked for us since grandpa always let Logan spend more time with me even though it was followed by a string of curses.
* * *
Autumn wedding. I always thought it was foolish to get married in autumn when one could get married a month earlier with the sun shining over them like a magnificent crown. But I was wrong- sooooo wrong.
The enormous ground covered with rich carpets and plain white coloured cloth roof where the celebration was going to take place was filled with splashes of orange, red, yellow and hint of gold and bronze everywhere which made it look breathtaking. The decorations looked effortless with red dahlias, daisies, maple leaves and even the pumpkins added an aesthetic charm! There were tall candles lit on the table which made the crystal clear silver cutlery glitter. There were golden fairy lights hung and the place was ignited with warm energy and brightness- only the dance area was dim.
The bridesmaids still in their cream coloured blouse and skirts gushed to each other, their face glowing under the lights. There was a mild scent of sandalwood which wafted in the air. Little girls in frilly frocks ran around the delightfully pretty tables, their dress billowing after them and their satin bows untying. A leaf fell and got crushed under the worn out sneakers of a smart looking man- my man.
"You could have cleaned your shoes," I mused as I stepped closer to Logan, our faces inches apart. I adjusted the collar of his crispy white dress shirt. He chuckled softly and I felt his chest rumble against my own. "Do you like autumn Logan?"
"Yeah. There's something morbidly beautiful about half dead leaves." His eyes flashed to me. "You look gorgeous Joy."
"Really? I look like a half dead leaf," I quipped, smoothening my pastel yellow midi skirt. I had worn a delicate white top with pearl dotted round neckline, but that was covered by my thick green jumper. I did resemble a half dead leaf, at least I felt like one. "Perhaps one day on a cold winter day like a half dead leaf, I would become one with the air again."
"Air?"
"Oh my soul will never fall, it'll only fly higher and higher and I don't make sense at all!" I said like a mad woman and grabbed his hand. "Come let's dance!"
"Why can't girls just take a compliment?" he muttered under his breath as I pulled him on the dance floor. "Joy you know I can't dance."
"You can dance Logan, you'll only do it bad," I pointed to Uncle Desmond who waggled his belly like jello without any care in the world. "Ooh, ooh, it's animals! Move your body!"
The beats of Martin Garrix old yet fun song shot through the dance area while I twisted my legs and threw my hands in the air. Eventually, but reluctantly Logan started to move his body. He closed his eyes and did awkward head bangs, but slowly his body eased and a wide smile stretched on his lips. We both freely moved our bodies, totally not in sync with the music.
After some time, I was already breathless and tired. I wanted to sit down somewhere, but I didn't want to ruin Logan's fun. Suddenly, he stopped dancing, leaned towards me, his soft lips brushing hotly against my ear. He asked over the loud sound of the song as if reading my mind, "Do you want to sit Joy?"
"No, it's okay. I can manage."
"But I'm hungry Joy, really hungry," his velvety voice became hoarse as his eyes darkened. "Come, let's go."
"But . . . okay." I stumbled after him as he pushed through the crowd. "The buffet is there---"
"Shush . . . " He pulled me to the dim corner, the heady scent of the flowers enveloping us. He buried his face in the crook of my neck, making me giggle. He murmured, "I didn't get to kiss you since so long."
"Yeah 'cause I was focused on my purpose of vomiting."
He chuckled, his head shaking against my neck. "I love you Joy."
"I know, but we can't possibly makeout here," I said, taking a step back.
He lifted his head up, his eyebrows furrowing. "Why not?"
"Because it's someone else's wedding and I don't want them catching us noisily sucking each other's faces. Also, Jamie's around here. He won't stop teasing if he sees us doing that." I smiled playfully, but his face fell. I caught his arm energetically and started to drag him. "Let's get you some food. You were hungry right?"
He grumbled something incoherent, but I chose to ignore it.
"When was the last time you ate? At lunch time in the flower shop? And what, Mac and Cheese?"
"No, your grandpa shared his lunch with me. Your mum had sent us tofu and noodles."
"Oh yeah? But you must still be hungry, eat before the good part of the food gets over."
Logan obliged, once we arrived at the buffet, his plate was already filled with a pile of food.
"You're not eating?" He glanced at me when I didn't take a plate.
I scrunched my nose up. "I'm not able to eat, the mere thought makes me throw up. The food looks tasty though."
"It is." Logan carelessly shoved a sliver of chicken pot pie in his mouth. "It's delicious."
"Good." I sat across from him and watched him as he ate heartedly. Seeing him savour the food delightfully, I suddenly felt the urge to eat too. "Erm . . . I'm going to go and grab a plate."
Before I got up, Logan gripped my wrist. "About time Joy. You think I'm going to eat all this? I'm still full from what your mum sent us. I got these for you. Tell me, you want the pie or the pizza or the cheese rolls or the chocolate covered strawberries? Or do you want me to go and get something from the taco bar?"
I grinned at him. "No Logan, sit down. I'm sure I won't be able to eat more than a few bites. Let's see what we got here . . . " I peeped on his plate and he shifted it towards me. "Ah the strawberries . . . Weird to see them in autumn."
"Here," Logan said and held the chocolate covered strawberry in front of my mouth. I simply stared at him as he parted my hot lips with his cool fingertips and the chocolate scraped against my teeth. He popped it in my mouth and his eyes bore into me while I chewed quietly. "I want to kiss you so bad Joy."
"Me too Logan," I mumbled, my gaze flickering to his lips which shone because of the buttery pie he had eaten.
Logan sighed in frustration, the sparkle in his eyes not fading. "One more?"
I nodded, but before he picked up another one, I took his hand and lightly kissed his finger tips. Logan's eyes burned me as I slowly sucked on the top of his first two fingers. I felt my cheeks warm up, but he surprisingly seemed unfazed.
"Yo, yo, yo, what have we got here lover birds!"
The mocking voice of Jamal made me drop his hand quickly and Logan groan in annoyance.