Osaka set up the meeting at Fielder's Park the day after. As agreed, I asked him to come along. I didn't know what to say. My mind was reeling since yesterday. I couldn't even sleep last night. I didn't know how to respond to him. I knew that I would forgive him. I didn't hold any grudges on him all this while, but I still had thoughts and emotions I needed to control. And by forgiving him, I was letting him go. But I didn't know what to do afterwards. After all had been said, what would I do? I knew Osaka told me to just let it flow. But flow where? How fast?
Fielder's Park was an immense park. If you didn't have a map of the area, you would surely get lost even with all the signs, because if you wandered off the paths, what awaited you was vast wooded area.
From the time we got out of the car, Osaka held my hand tightly. We were both quiet. He didn't try to calm my nerves, but his presence was surely soothing my troubled mind.
There was a small gazebo at the edge of a pond. The gazebo was equipped with low rise wooden floor and a couple of all weather pillows. I went with Osaka there a couple of times and spent lazy hours together. I saw two figures sitting there already. As we got closer, I saw that the other person was none other than Anthony. He was tapping on Ben's thigh gently. He was probably as nervous as I was if not more.
"Hi" Ben whispered as he approached us with Anthony following not far behind. Ben looked downtrodden. He was a nervous wreck. I saw beads of sweat coming down the sides of his face and it wasn't at all cold. Osaka held my clammy hands and gave a gentle squeeze. Anthony patted Ben's shoulder gently.
"Hi" Osaka and I said in unison.
We stood there for what seemed like forever and didn't know what to do next.
The more I looked at him, the more I felt my heart wanted to burst from its confines. There was so much yearning, so much wanting to be held like I used to. We didn't do anything. We were just simply transfixed. And for the first time in a long, long time, I cried.
And there in front of me, my former best friend sobbed. He didn't touch me. He just sobbed as I cried. In front of three guys, the dam in me broke. I was trembling. I didn't know what to do other than crying. Osaka didn't give me the luxury of being embraced by him as he did before. He just let me there standing crying. Ben didn't fare any better. Anthony was looking side ways and up. Once in a while he took off his glasses and wiped off his face. Osaka was very quiet. And before I knew it, he was stepping backward farther and farther. And as he did, so did Anthony. In time, there were only Ben and I. Anthony and Osaka took off to who knew where.
The hardest thing to do was to cry by yourself. With no body to listen to your pain and feel your sadness. I didn't think I could take it any longer. I was ready to succumb to the emptiness that accompanied the feeling of loneliness.
And then, Ben enveloped his arms around me. There and then, we sobbed together. The two friends who used to be insperable cried their hearts out with tears drenching each other's shirt.
And then he said those words that felt like a soothing balm :"I am sorry for causing you pain and sorrow all these years, Aspy."
With those words, the opened wounds started closing.