Justin's POV
"She's gone mom. She's gone." I say to my mother who's sitting beside me in the living room of AJ's house. "She left me."
"Justin," my mom sniffs. I look up to her tired face and searched her eyes with dark circles under them. "She's in a better place." She whispers.
"Joan," I turn my head to AJ's mother who's never spoken since she learned about AJ's.. death. I try to search for the right words to say to her, considering this was probably one-fourth of my fault. "I-I'm sorry." She doesn't react to what I say. She just stares blankly on the wall, her dark circles weren't that far with mom's and I's. I'm pretty sure she's broken on the inside. Her husband left her, and now her only daughter's gone, and it's half my fault.
I sigh, knowing it's probably useless if I keep talking and/or apologizing to her. I get up and slowly walk toward the door. Maybe a little cool, fresh air will lessen my anxiety and broken-heartedness.
"April's cremation will be tomorrow morning." I'm suddenly alarmed by Joan's statement, thus making me turn around.
"What?" I ask just as my eyebrows furrow.
"8:00 sharp. Be there." She says before standing up and climbing up the stairs without another word. I met mom's eyes and she sighs before following and assisting Joan. I let out a soft groan and bury my head in my hands.
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We stand before the cremating area where AJ will soon be turned into ashes. Joan holds the jar where AJ's embers will stay. My mother never left Joan, even when she sleeps at night. She was always there for her, offering her shoulder and an adviser as well.
I watch as the horribly burned body of my girlfriend goes into the huge machine and will be more burned and finally be ashes. I try to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill out of my eyes. These past few days were hard for me and I wasn't able to put myself back together. But instead, it was so much worse. I lost the love of my life.
I turned my back at her for once, just because she asked me to give back to the fans. I'm not saying this is their fault either, but if I really didn't leave her.. If I did not come to the concert but stayed with her, she won't probably be here. We would be running across the green hillside and eating a peaceful picnic. Or watching a movie and end up making out comfortably. Or have another drive-in theater date where we'd probably end up making babies again. Or go rollerblading in the park with the kids playfully teasing us and joining with us. Or eating in a fancy restaurant, being all gentleman with her. Or we'd lay under the stars and wish a shooting star that our love will last forever. Or my proposal plan would be successful and she'll be Mrs. Bieber. We'd have kids—just like I'd promised her. Justin Juniors. Well, if they're girls, that's okay. As long as they love me and they came out of AJ's flower. That'd be nice. That'd be wonderful.
All of those plans, gone. With just a snap of God's fingers, she's not in my arms.
Jamie.
James.
I clench my teeth at those names. This is a hundred percent their fault. This wouldn't happen if they did not ruin our lives. It was perfect. See what happened to them when they ruined our lives? Jamie kidnapped AJ, James probably was the person who burned the hospital down. I mean, there was no other suspect than James. He was the only one I know that has a reason to burn the building. And I know exactly what his reason was—revenge.
Joan shakily walks towards the area where they would place the remains in the jar. Mom still assists her on her way there. The jar was so beautiful. It was carefully engraved and carved finely with waves and spirals. A fin touch of small stars surround its lid.
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"Hi AJ," I reach out my hand to trace the etched spirals of the jar the ashes stay. "How are you? Man, I'm completely broken without you here. I love you so much I don't know what I'd do now that you're not with me. Everyday I keep on telling myself that you just went on a little vacation, that one day you'll come back to me. You'll be once again in my arms and when you finally are, I'm never gonna let go of you. Because it's a tough world out there, and we face things together. You. Me. Us." I sigh and let a tear fall but quickly run a thumb under my eye. "I'm sorry if I left you in the hospital. I'm sorry if I didn't come to save you. I'm sorry if I broke my promise. I'm just.. I.. I'm really sorry."
"You don't have to be sorry, Justin."
I'm startled when I hear a voice. "AJ, is that you? Is your spirit here? If it is, please don't scare me like this; you know I don't like it when spirits talk and I pee in my pants and—"
"Justin, turn around. It's me." The voice chuckles a bit and dies immediately.
I obey as it told me and I sigh in relief as I see the blonde girl smiling weakly at me.
"Sam," I say and I give her a quick hug. "What are you doing here?" I ask her once we both pull out. I look into her red, puffy eyes. She's been crying too, that's no doubt.
"Uh, best friend?" She points at herself and my mouth forms an O whilst I nod. "I'm sorry about April. I know it's hard for you, to accept the fact. I'm still trying myself. But if we don't actually move on with our lives, April's gonna haunt us. Trust me, I know her that much."
"Well, I don't like the sound of that; though I want her with me, but I don't want her scaring me." She smiles weakly and nods.
"I just know one thing. This isn't your fault. She loves us so much, and she's in a better place now. She'll probably be happy if we were happy, you know, not obsess of her death."
Nodding, I wrap my arms once again to the fragile girl. "Take care."
~~~~~~~~~~
I throw myself in my own bed in Stratford. Mom decided to stay back at Ontario with Joan to comfort her. These past few days mean sleepless, hard nights for me. Every night, my tears conquer me. I should probably get sleep now. I need it. But as I close my eyes and try to get a good slumber, AJ keeps on flashing into my mind that whenever I actually do fall asleep, I will wake up sweating and sometimes crying due to the nightmares I had.
Groaning, I get up and bury my face in my hands. I can't sleep. Not now, with AJ's sweet voice still rings in my ears. I ruffle my hair and decide to get my outlet of my emotions—my guitar.
[ A/N: Play song if you want. If you don't it's fine. If you do it's also fine. Whatever goes with your mood, it's fine by me. Heh. ]
♪ "A drop in the ocean, a change in the weather. I was praying that you and me might end up together." We did end up together, but not exactly what I was planning and expecting. I hoped for a happy ending, like those in fairy tales.
♪ "It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert. But I'm holding you closer than most.. 'Cause you are my heaven." I do wish you're alive and here with me. I wanna feel your warm red lips again. Your soft fingers that fit the spaces between mine perfectly. You are indeed my heaven.
♫ "Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore, no no. Heaven doesn't seem far away." Even though you're physically gone, you'll always be here in my heart. And I'll always be with you. Do you think we could ever be together again? AJ, I love you so much. We could be together. With a sharp blade, I could kill myself and we'll be together. And we'll never have to be far away from each other and suffer.
With that thought I place the guitar on the bed and approach the drawers. Groaning at them because they don't have any sharp devices, I went out and knocked at Grandma's door.
"Grandma, do we have razors, blades or scissors?" I ask the old lady in front of me.
"I think we have some here," She goes back inside her room and I follow her. "Oh here we ha—wait a minute. Why do you need these?" She gets the sharp devices out of my reach.
"I want to kill myself." I say bluntly, my face impassive.
"Oh, you're gonna kill yourself. How wonderfu—What?! Justin!" She smacks my arm and I immediately rub it. "Why do you want to kill yourself?"
"So I could be with AJ."
"Justin," she motions me to sit beside her on the small couch. I follow her. "Suicide isn't the answer to your problem."
"But I love her and I want to be with her." I say defensively as my head snaps at her.
"I know, but you shouldn't kill yourself. Do you think April would be happy if she founds out that you killed yourself?" She searches for my eyes.
"Maybe." I shrug.
"Justin, she won't. She wan't you to continue with her life." She holds my hand and gives it a squeeze.
"Just like what Sam had told me." My grandmother nods and I give her a hug. "Thank you Grandma. And I'm sorry for thinking about killing myself."
"That's alright, Justin. Now go back to bed, you smell like a wet gym sock." She says as she pulls out from the hug and pinches her nose.
I let out a chuckle and give myself a sniff. Phew. I do smell like a wet gym sock. I guess what I needed wasn't suicide, but a nice long shower, a nice long sleep and a long time to recover and move on.
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A/N: Hi guys. Sorry to keep you waiting.
Hehe. Pretty busy :D
I love you and thank you for the four thousand reads.
I glued my hair to my toenail.
Ew.
Ok bye.
-R.♥ xxx