"She's gone mom. She's gone." I say to my mother who's sitting beside me in the living room of AJ's house. "She left me."
"Justin," my mom sniffs. I look up to her tired face and searched her eyes with dark circles under them. "She's in a better place." She whispers.
"Joan," I turn my head to AJ's mother who's never spoken since she learned about AJ's.. death. I try to search for the right words to say to her, considering this was probably one-fourth of my fault. "I-I'm sorry." She doesn't react to what I say. She just stares blankly on the wall, her dark circles weren't that far with mom's and I's. I'm pretty sure she's broken on the inside. Her husband left her, and now her only daughter's gone, and it's half my fault.
I sigh, knowing it's probably useless if I keep talking and/or apologizing to her. I get up and slowly walk toward the door. Maybe a little cool, fresh air will lessen my anxiety and broken-heartedness.
"April's cremation will be tomorrow morning." I'm suddenly alarmed by Joan's statement, thus making me turn around.
"What?" I ask just as my eyebrows furrow.
"8:00 sharp. Be there." She says before standing up and climbing up the stairs without another word. I met mom's eyes and she sighs before following and assisting Joan. I let out a soft groan and bury my head in my hands.
We stand before the cremating area where AJ will soon be turned into ashes. Joan holds the jar where AJ's embers will stay. My mother never left Joan, even when she sleeps at night. She was always there for her, offering her shoulder and an adviser as well.
I watch as the horribly burned body of my girlfriend goes into the huge machine and will be more burned and finally be ashes. I try to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill out of my eyes. These past few days were hard for me and I wasn't able to put myself back together. But instead, it was so much worse. I lost the love of my life.
I turned my back at her for once, just because she asked me to give back to the fans. I'm not saying this is their fault either, but if I really didn't leave her.. If I did not come to the concert but stayed with her, she won't probably be here. We would be running across the green hillside and eating a peaceful picnic. Or watching a movie and end up making out comfortably. Or have another drive-in theater date where we'd probably end up making babies again. Or go rollerblading in the park with the kids playfully teasing us and joining with us. Or eating in a fancy restaurant, being all gentleman with her. Or we'd lay under the stars and wish a shooting star that our love will last forever. Or my proposal plan would be successful and she'll be Mrs. Bieber. We'd have kids—just like I'd promised her. Justin Juniors. Well, if they're girls, that's okay. As long as they love me and they came out of AJ's flower. That'd be nice. That'd be wonderful.
All of those plans, gone. With just a snap of God's fingers, she's not in my arms.
I clench my teeth at those names. This is a hundred percent their fault. This wouldn't happen if they did not ruin our lives. It was perfect. See what happened to them when they ruined our lives? Jamie kidnapped AJ, James probably was the person who burned the hospital down. I mean, there was no other suspect than James. He was the only one I know that has a reason to burn the building. And I know exactly what his reason was—revenge.
Joan shakily walks towards the area where they would place the remains in the jar. Mom still assists her on her way there. The jar was so beautiful. It was carefully engraved and carved finely with waves and spirals. A fin touch of small stars surround its lid.