lıllılı.ıllı.ılılıı
I'll see you
On the other side
Of the stars
lıllılı.ıllı.ılılıı
All he heard was people talking. So much talking, and he couldn't understand any of it. He wanted to move but his body was stiff and refused. He felt like panicking, but he couldn't. He felt nothing. He felt completely limp, even to himself. He then felt nauseous again, and fell into darkness.
-
Jeno woke up slowly, and his eyes jerked as a bright light hit them. He then took in that knowing smell and the bright lightened ceiling. He then realized where he was.
The hospital.
Why was he there? Shouldn't he be at Jaemins? What had happened?
The last thing he could remember was waking up beside Jaemin, and that was it.
Then the door opened and in came a doctor with fancy glasses and long black hair.
"Your awake!" She gave a smile towards Jeno and Jeno could only nod in confusion.
"Oh, you must be confused. This morning you passed out..." she dared look at him and looked away.
"Your heart rate is dangerously low..." she said slowly.
"We don't know how long you will last anymore..." she said.
Jeno froze. Then it hit him.
He was dying.
He was on the edge of life and he knew it. Yet he didn't fear it. He lied his head back on his pillow, and closed his eyes. The doctor excused herself and left.
Jeno stayed still. Then he opened his eyes as he heard someone throw the door open.
"Jeno!" He got a glimpse of Jaemin, but not before the taller boy threw himself at Jeno. They developed each other in a long bear crushing hug. "I heard what the nurse said- it's gonna be okay. Your gonna be okay." Jaemin reassured himself and Jeno.
"I'm not gonna be okay, and I know neither are you.",Jeno thought, but didn't say it out loud.
He decided to keep quiet.
And let his time come.
-
Jeno and Jaemin spent those few days in the hospital, Jaemin never leaving Jenos side. Jeno felt and was getting weaker everyday.
It was his last day that he knew, he had to let Jaemin know.
-
Jeno had written a letter way before he passed out. He was waiting for this time. He had knew along that his time was short.
Jaemin and Jeno were sitting in the hospital room. Jeno was lying down while Jaemin was caressing his hand. Jeno had become so weak he could barely move his head, or even blink. Jaemin had cried almost every night, and Jeno knew, and he couldn't do anything. He couldn't get up and hug Jaemin, and tell him that everything was gonna be okay, because it wasn't. He couldn't lie to Jaemin like that.
Jeno couldn't bear to speak anymore. He just couldn't. He realized this happened so fast. One night, they were making love, and the other, they were in the hospital.
Jeno knew today was the day.
Today he'd never get to see Jaemins smile again. See Jaemins eyes again. Hear his laugh and wake up next to him.
He was loosing life by the seconds, and he didn't want to waste any of it.
Jeno made a small noise that he gathered up all his strength to do, and Jaemins head snapped up in an instant.
"What's wrong Jeno?" Jaemin asked concerned.
Jeno encouraged all his strength into his right arm, and slowly pointed it to a small drawer in the side table. Jaemin instantly opened the door, and there he saw a small letter. Jaemin looked over to Jeno, and Jenos eyes urged with "open it." Jaemin slowly sat down beside Jeno, and opened the letter. He then felt Jenos small hand develop his left one. Jaemin instantly squeezed it lightly, and read the letter.
Dear Jaemin, my best friend, and lover.
I know. I know your hurting everyday because of my disease and condition. I want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for leaving without notice. I'm sorry for not being strong enough to overcome this. I've been sick for so long, I forgot what it felt like to be healthy and happy. But when I'm with you, I feel young and free again. I feel love, something I've never felt. Every time I see your smile, I wanna smile too. You bring me happiness, and my heart swells and hurts at the sight of you sad. I want to get up out of this hospital bed so badly. I want to be able to go outside and play, and make love with you. But I can't. I'm so weak that I can't. Your the only person in this whole world who makes me feel the way u do. My time is limited at this very moment, and I know it. But I'm not scared. I'm not scared because your always right beside me. I'm not scared because your always there, cheering me on and telling me it's gonna be okay. I love you so much. More than myself. When I leave, I want you to grow up happy and healthy. Strong and brave, like the Jaemin I know. Tell people your story, make them see the way you do.
I love you.
-Jeno, your lover ~
"J-Jeno..." Jaemin was speechless. Then a tear shed down his cheek as he looked over at his beloved. His life. His whole world. He developed Jeno in a hug, and Jeno only wished he had the energy to hold back as tightly as Jaemin was.
"Jeno please don't leave me." He heard Jaemins voice crack and that's when he knew Jaemin was crying. He didn't want Jaemin to cry. He didn't want his lover to be sad.
His heart rate became slower, and they both knew it was time. Neither of them wanted to let go. Neither of them wanted to say goodbye. Jaemin looked down at Jeno, the half lifeless figure in his arms, and if he could hear Jeno right now he knew he would be saying, "I'm tired Jaemin." Jaemins tears shed on Jenos cheek as he held Jenos hand on his.
"Please." Jaemin kept whispering. He saw Jeno smile. His eyes turned to crescents one last time. "Please please don't leave me baby."
Jeno mouthed an "I love you Jaemin."
"I love you too Jeno. I love you so much." Jaemin whispered back running his hand threw Jenos hair and wiped Jenos tears away. Jaemin knew now.
He couldn't save him.
He couldn't save his love.
He couldn't save Jeno.
Then the hand that Jaemin had on his cheek, that he was holding as if his world depended on it.
Went limp.
Jeno was dead.
September 8, 2018.