Who's the one you love, Sana?
Him?
Him?
Who...?
Sana let another tears slid down from her eyes. She's still laying on the bed, not doing anything and just thinking about things. She didn't care with the lights, the sun almost disappear and it's getting darker, she's still looking to the window, to the orange sky.
"Sana...,"Mina sat on the other side of her bed, holding a glass of water for Sana to drink. Yes, she's already at Twice's dorm. She texted Sehun she went home and didn't want him to be bothered by her as he's still busy with Sulli issues. Somehow she didn't want to be his burden, somehow she asked herself what's her position now for Sehun.
"Please drink, you haven't drink or eat anything since you came home,"Mina caressed Sana's hair. Sana didn't budge, made Mina sighed frustratedly. She put the glass on the counter near her bed.
"Unnie...do you remember when I locked myself for the whole day when I got into a big fight with Bambam during trainee days? You guys got tired to persuade me, I thought you guys already gave up...but when I opened the door in the midnight, you were sitting in front of the door, waiting for me. I was greeted by your bright smile, I got annoyed but in other side I felt so happy and amazed by you...you didn't give up, you didn't show me you're tired and cold waiting outside my room. Your smile, healed me...I felt warm, I felt like I'm at home...why I cried when I saw you? Because I felt I'm at home...I felt comfortable and secured. I told myself I don't have to be afraid and can face the problem. You listened to my worries after that, all my fears, my worries... you listened without interrupting me, without judging my selfish self, I felt so relieved...unnie, I want to be what you used to be for me...,"
Sana turned around to face Mina. Mina gave her a soft smile and it made Sana calm. Sana woke up and hugged Mina tightly.
"I'm sorry if I made you worried...,"
"I'm worried because you're not honest unnie... you're not you used to be...,"Mina frowned. Sana buried her face on her shoulder.
"I don't even know what I want...I don't know what I feel...,"
"That's because you're not honest with yourself...,"
"What do you mean?"Sana released the hug and looked at the younger one in front of her.
"Who are the men that's chasing you until now?"she asked. Sana can't answer.
"The ones who's very serious, don't mention the other ones who just admire you,"Mina added.
"Sehun...Jimin...,"Sana answered almost whispering.
"Not. It's not only them. There's another one and you're omitting him... that's why you don't get the answer yet,"Mina smiled bitterly. Sana couldn't blink, pretending that she's dumb or all.
"You're still not honest, burying the fact and chose to deceive yourself until now...,"
"What is Hoseok Oppa for you?"Mina continued.
Sana felt her world literally stopped when Mina mentioned his name. His best friend.
"We were best friends...until he chose to changed...,"Sana answered. Her face looked gloomy when she said 'changed'.
"What is Sehun Oppa for you?"Mina proceed the questions.
"I love him...,"
"Then what is Jimin Oppa for you?"
"...,"
Mina waited for Sana patiently. She's certainly still so confused after Mina asked her that questions.
"Do...I still love him?"finally she opened her mouth.
"I don't know. You know the best unnie. If you felt you still love him, then you're probably still love him. If you didn't think so, then you just feel guilty and the past still haunts you because he still can't move on,"Mina responded.
"I'm confused..,"Sana placed her hands on her head, getting dizzy.
"Why are you like this? You certainly can cut your tie with Jimin Oppa and live happily with Sehun Oppa. Why? Why you chose to torture yourself when actually you can be happy without thinking about other person's feelings?"Mina held her hands. Sana looked at her again.
Why?
"Unnie, I heard from Jungkook you still looked for Hoseok Oppa whenever you got into fights with Sehun Oppa or Jimin Oppa gave you headache...do you understand why?"
Sana looked into Mina's orbs. She's mute, as if she stopped functioning.
"And when you got drunk and Hoseok Oppa brought you home...he said you called him while drunk so he was looking for you and fetched you,"Mina added.
"I didn't realize that I called him...,"
"You were under your conscious...unnie, you were automatically looking for him... everytime... whenever you were in trouble, sad, angry, in mess... Why you created so much drama...just to gain his attention???"
Tears fell immediately to Sana's cheek. When she heard Mina's theory. She wiped her tears and Mina caught her hands and made her look at the younger one again. Mina gave a painful smile.
"Where have I been this whole time...for not realizing that he's the one who I always seek, who I always depend on, who I never get tired to see. I love him, Mina...I love Hoseok Oppa,"Sana finally confessed. Tears just couldn't stop to come out. Mina now gave a bittersweet smile and cupped her cheeks.
"I knew it already. You dated Sehun Oppa because you've been crushing on him not because you love him at least not on the level where you loved Jimin. About Hoseok, I guess you've fall with him slowly after you broke up with Jimin because he was there for you,"
Hearing that, Sana recalled with the guilt she felt after Jimin kissed her. She thought she was crying and felt apologize because she betrayed Sehun. Because she thought she still loves him, the kiss felt so familiar and she felt so much feelings, she was recalled by the past, she missed him. But turned out she's wrong. She has been misleading everything between her, Sehun and Jimin.
She literally used the men to lead her back to Hoseok's place.
All the pains, the agonies, those dramas...all created because she loves one man and she was looking for his attention. Sana cried so hard when she realized she's so manipulative.
It has been from the start.
"No... maybe since the start... I waited for him to confess but turned out Jimin confessed first and at that time I also fell to him because I grew apart with Hoseok Oppa,"now Sana remembered all. Remembered the past, before her story with Jimin started. Why she could get in the middle of BTS life...all because of Hoseok.
She thought she admire him. He was so friendly and she was so thankful he was willing to be her friend. It grew deeper, the feelings...she had crush on him, she wished he did the same and she knew he did. But he never confessed. There Jimin came and the grew closer, he made her forget Hoseok but no matter how many men, how many love journeys, how long...
Her true love remains Jung Hoseok.
"Now I don't want to create a distance again with him. I will tell him my true feelings but don't tell anyone about this Mina, I don't want to hurt Sehun or Jimin,"she said after she felt calm.
"He's still dating Sejeong...,"Mina added, worriedly.
That made Sana lose all her hopes. She smiled bitterly.
"That's right...I can't wreck anyone's relationship...not even his...,"
"It's okay unnie. As long as you can be honest with yourself and forgive what you did to yourself and the other boys...you must focus on what in front of you now... If you're his true love too... If you guys are meant to be... In the end you'll end up with him,"Mina pulled Sana into her embrace.
At least now, Sana won't cry anymore.
She won't confused by the play of her heart.
The fire has stopped.
The moment she realized who's the one she loves...
☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️
Hi guys, finally we arrived at this realization chapter 😇 I'm sorry to make it like this. I hope it still makes sense. I actually planned it to be like this for a while before, it didn't go with what I want because I read your reactions but I'm glad I can finally get it back to what I wanted. I hope you guys won't get mad at me, I love you all.
It's still quiet far to the end ... maybe more or less 10 chapters again... please keep support this book 😇