I don't know how I did it but I managed to avoid Nate all week. I know it's mean of me, especially since he is my neighbor and all, but I am still too embarrassed to see him after what nearly happened between us. I honestly wouldn't even know what to say if I saw him, which is why I am so glad I haven't run into him.
Mia tried encouraging me to talk to him when I told her all about the night of the party and our almost kiss, but I refused adamantly. She scolded me for it, telling me I am crazy for not letting him kiss me. Perhaps I am crazy because right now it felt like I missed out on a once in a lifetime opportunity, but I know deep down that I am not ready to let go of my first kiss just yet and am rather glad I stopped him before things went any further between us. But a part of me can't help but wonder what a kiss from Nate would feel like. Would it be sweet and tender or rough and dominant?
I sigh out loud just thinking about it and raise my gaze from my cold bowl of oatmeal to see Mia shaking her head at me. "You need to talk to him," she tells me for the umpteenth time and takes a bite of her food while I poke at my own. "And stop playing with your food," she scolds me.
"For the last time, I'm not going to talk to him."
"So what are you going to do? Stay in all weekend?"
"Why not?" I respond with a shrug and continue poking at my food despite Mia's scolding.
"It's Saturday for God's sakes. Go out and have some fun."
"I'm good," I tell her with an indifferent attitude.
"You know what? I've had enough of your moping. Talk to him or I will walk over there right now and talk to him myself."
"You wouldn't dare."
"Oh, believe me, I would," she says with a grin and stands up from her chair. "Make a choice right now."
"You're just bluffing."
"I guess I'm going to have to talk to him then." She walks out of the kitchen, and I quickly follow after her.
"Stop! Don't do this," I beg her just as she makes it to the front door. She stops in her tracks and turns back to look at me.
"Do you promise to talk to him?"
"Yes. Just not right now." I promise her. I need time before I face him.
"Fine but if you don't talk to him by the end of the day, I'm marching right over to his apartment and dragging him over here."
"That won't be necessary."
"Then it's settled then," Mia says with a satisfied smirk and walks right back to the kitchen to continue eating her breakfast. I think about going back to eat my oatmeal but think better of it and instead go straight to my room, take a quick shower, and get ready to head out.
"Are you going out?" Mia asks as she enters my room.
"Yeah, I need to get out and clear my head."
"You do that and when you come back, go and talk to Nate."
"I will," I tell her but she doesn't seem to believe me. "I promise," I add for her sake.
"Okay, good. Have fun," she says with a smile. "Thanks, I'll try." I grab my purse and my phone and head out the door. Mia tells me to be safe as I exit our apartment. I take a few steps outside when I feel my phone buzz. I stop to check the new notification on my phone and see that it's just a message from my phone company letting me know they got my payment.
"Going somewhere?" I turn to see the person I have been avoiding for days walking towards me and gulp, feeling as nervous as can be. This is the first time I have seen Nate in days, well a week to be exact, because the last time I saw him was the day he nearly kissed me.
"I-I..." I stammer, feeling at a loss for words because I don't really know what to say. What could I say after I ran out on him? I'm sorry? That didn't exactly seem to cut it.
"You've been avoiding me."
"I have?" I blurt like the nervous idiot that I am.
"You have," he repeats with an amused grin. "But I knew I'd catch you sooner or later."
"You did?"
"I did," he says with a chuckle. "I've been meaning to talk to you-"
"I can't," I say, interrupting him. "I have somewhere I need to be."
"And it can't wait?"
"Nope. I have to go. We can definitely talk later though," I lie to him, knowing I can put my plans off for a bit but I don't want to. I want to avoid our "much-needed talk" for as long as I can.
"Okay, well call or text me when you get back," he says, handing me his business card. "My personal number is on the back."
"Sounds good," I respond with a nervous smile and make a beeline for my car, wanting to get away from him.
"Wait! You forgot my card!" he shouts with a laugh. I quickly turn around and walk back towards him, wishing the ground could open up and swallow me whole. But of course, it doesn't, which leaves me no choice but to suck up my pride and face him.
"I'll take that," I respond with an embarrassed smile and pluck the business card from his hand.
"I thought you might want these too," he says, holding out my red Chucks and socks I left at his place when I ran out last weekend.
"Thanks. I completely forgot about those," I admit embarrassed and take them from him.
"I asked you about them when you ran out the other day."
"Don't remind me," I tell him and tuck his business card into my back pocket. "Well, I will talk to you later," I tell him, looking for an out. Any out. I just need to get away from him and put distance between us.
"I guess I'll see you around then."
"Definitely," I reply with a nervous smile and walk back to my car, glad to finally be away from him, not because I don't like talking to him but because I tend to turn into a nervous wreck when I am around him. I get into my car and give it a few minutes to warm up before driving off, leaving Nate finally behind.
Half an hour later I arrive at the beach and make my way to one of my favorite Mexican Restaurants to get a bite to go. I order a large beef burrito with a side of chips, lots of salsa and a large horchata, which happens to be one of my favorite drinks of all time. Within a few minutes my food is ready and so is my stomach.
I walk over to a slightly shaded area on the sand and take a seat, placing the bag with my food on the sand along with my drink. I take the moment to take off my shoes and dig my feet into the sand, loving the gravely feeling of the sand against my toes.
"Mind if I join you?" I hear someone ask and slowly turn my head, hoping that the person isn't asking me of all people, but I figure that is highly unlikely because there is no one near where I am sitting.
I look up to see who is asking to join me and feel my mouth fall wide open.
"Are you stalking me now?" I ask outraged as I stand up and face him. Here I was trying to get away from him and now he was here, standing right in front of me.
"I like to think of it as more of a funny coincidence," Nate says with a smug grin that I want to rub right off his face.
"This isn't funny."
"I never said it was."
"Why are you here?"
"I want to talk."
"So you followed me here?" I ask in disbelief.
"It was either that or have you avoid me for God only knows how long."
"Fine. We can talk but first I'm going to eat, and you're going to eat with me since you're here."
"I'm fine. I can just wait until you're done eating."
"Just sit, please."
"Yes, ma'am," he says with an amused grin and sits down on the sand. I reclaim my spot and take out my burrito from the paper bag. I cut it in half with the plastic utensils they gave me and give him half of it. "Can you hold my half too?" I ask him, holding out my half of the burrito to him. He takes it from me, freeing up my hands, so I can pour the chips onto the tray the burrito came in. I also put all the different salsas on the tray so we can take our pick.
"Here's my drink. We can share this." I tell him, placing it between us.
"But there's only one straw."
"And?"
"I only mentioned it just in case you didn't want to share a straw with me," he says almost defensively and I laugh.
"I don't mind," I assure him but he looks like he doesn't believe me. "I don't," I insist.
"Well if you're okay with it than I am too," he responds with a boyish smile that makes him look rather cute.
"I am. Now give me back my half of the burrito. I am starving," I say with a grin and happily take back my half of the burrito. I pour some salsa on the top portion and take a big bite out of it. I nearly moan the moment it hits my tongue but resist the urge. I don't need Nate giving me weird stares for moaning over my delicious burrito.
"This is really good," Nate comments and I simply nod because my mouth is full.
"It's one of my favorite restaurants," I comment once I finish the bite of food I had in my mouth.
"I can see why," he says and grabs a chip and eats it.
"You should dip it in salsa. It will taste a lot better," I suggest. He grabs a chip and dips it in salsa.
"That's so good," he says with a big smile.
"I know," I respond with a laugh. "Feel free to eat as much salsa as you want. That's what it's here for."
"Don't mind if I do." He takes another chip and dips it in the spicy salsa but I don't say anything. I just stop and stare as he shoves the whole chip in his mouth. He chews on it and I just wait expectantly for it to hit him and when it does, he starts coughing up a storm. I pat his back and hand him my drink. He doesn't think twice to take a big gulp of it.
"You could have warned me, you know?" he says as he wipes the corner of his eye. Awe, poor guy teared up.
"Yeah, I know, but what would be the fun in that?" I say with a grin and he gives me a death glare. "What? You're alive aren't you?"
"Hardly." He takes another gulp from my drink. "I'm keeping this by the way," he says gesturing to my drink. "That's what you get for letting me eat that spicy ass salsa."
"Oh my gosh. You're acting like I poisoned you or something."
"I mean you may as well have. That shit's spicy. What's it made of? Habanero?"
"Probably," I say with a shrug.
"Are you kidding me? You let me eat habanero?"
"Yup. That's what you get for following me here."
"I see how it is." He takes another chip but this time he doesn't dip it in any salsa.
"Eat the green one. It's the least spicy one," I tell him but he gives me a look that says he doesn't trust me. "Fine, eat your chips dry," I say with a shrug and go back to eating my burrito. He does the same and from the corner of my eye, I see him put the drink between us. I don't say anything. I just keep eating. Guess he isn't that mad after all. I knew he'd get over it and you have to admit, it was pretty funny, even if his mouth was probably on fire.
We eat in silence while staring out at the ocean, and simply enjoy each other's company and the tranquility of the beach. It feels nice being able to enjoy this moment with Nate, but I know it won't last long because as soon as we are done eating we are going to have to talk once and for all and I am not looking forward to it. Not one bit.
"That was delicious. Well except for that spicy ass salsa," he adds and I laugh. "Besides that, everything was really good. Thanks for the food," Nate tells me gratefully as he crumples up his trash.
"You are very welcome." I eat the last bite of my burrito and take a sip from my drink. I offer him some more and he hesitates, probably feeling bad that he already drank so much of it, but I don't mind. I can always go get some more.
"I don't know what that is, but it's really good and tastes so much better now that my mouth doesn't feel like it's on fire," he comments and I break into laughter.
"It's horchata," I inform him. "I'm guessing you're still mad about the salsa."
"Hell yeah! That is the spiciest shit I have ever eaten. Who eats that? It was so spicy I could hardly even taste the burrito for a good ten minutes."
"I eat it and I think it's delicious. You should try pineapple or mango salsa. They are made with habanero and they are both so good."
"I wouldn't touch them with a ten-foot pole," he says with a shake of his head. "Habanero is the devil's pepper and is something I never want to try again. It literally felt like the devil was having a party in my mouth." I snort at his comment and break into a belly laugh that's so intense I'm gasping for air between laughter and tears. "I'm glad one of us is laughing it up," Nate says and I try to reel in my laughter but just end up laughing some more.
"Sorry, couldn't help it," I respond as I get it together and wipe the corner of my eyes. "I haven't laughed like that in a while," I admit.
"Laughter looks good on you," he tells me with a smile and places the cup back between us before gathering all of our trash. "I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere," he tells me and throws our trash away. He comes back moments later and sits back down next to me. "So why'd you decide to come here?" he asks me with genuine curiosity.
"I don't know. The beach was just the first place I thought of when I decided to go out. I love coming to the beach. It makes me feel at peace."
"It's very relaxing too," Nate adds as he lays on his back and crosses his arms behind his head.
"I can agree to that," I say with a contented sigh and close my eyes, relishing the moment.
"You can rest your head on me if you want."
"I'm okay."
"Are you sure? I make a pretty good pillow," he says with a grin and I laugh.
"What's the catch?"
"No catch."
"I don't believe you."
"Fine. Your loss," he says with a shrug of his shoulders and closes his eyes.
"Okay. Okay. I believe you now."
"I don't believe you," he mimics me with his eyes closed, so I smack his stomach playfully, taking him by surprise. "Ouch!" he says with a laugh while rubbing his stomach.
"That's what you get for mimicking me."
"Just get over here and lay down already," he tells me with a playful smile and pats his stomach.
"I'm only giving in because you insist so much."
"Whatever you say."
"I am."
"Sure you are."
"Guess I'm not laying on you anymore then," I say stubbornly.
"Get over here before I drag you over here myself," he says with a cheeky grin. I give him a playful glare but end up giving in and lay my head on his stomach. "Better?"
"Much better," I comment as I roll onto my side and face him rather than the ocean.
"How often do you come here?"
"Probably more often than I should," I admit. "I tend to come here when I feel overwhelmed and need to clear my head. This is the one place I can forget it all even if just momentarily."
"Did you come here because of me?" he asks, taking me by surprise.
"Do I have to answer that?"
"I'm guessing that means yes."
"I came here because of what happened. Well, nearly happened," I correct myself.
"Are you referring to the kiss?"
"Yeah. There's something I need to tell you," I tell him seriously and sit up. He quickly follows after me and looks at me with a worried expression. "It's nothing bad," I reassure him. "If anything it's just a bit unusual. Especially for someone my age," I admit, wanting to put him at ease.
"What is it?"
"You promise you won't judge me."
"I would never judge you," he tells me and deep down I know he means it.
"The reason I panicked and ran out on you that day you tried to kiss me is that..." I start but hesitate.
"Tell me. I promise I won't judge you," he insists and I smile.
"I've never been in a relationship and by that I mean I've never had a boyfriend."
"Ever?" he asks surprised.
"See, this is why I didn't want to tell you."
"Sorry, I'm just surprised. That's all."
"It's fine. I just hate telling people because they always treat me like an oddball just because I haven't had my first kiss."
"You haven't?" he asks even more surprised. "Sorry," he apologizes again, realizing his mistake. "This is just the last thing I expected, but now I understand why you got so scared when I tried to kiss you. I'm so sorry. If I had known, I would never have tried to kiss you."
"Why not?" I ask, wondering what difference it made if I was experienced or not. "Do you not like inexperienced girls like me?"
"No, that's not it at all."
"Then why?"
"Because you deserve better. Your first kiss should be special. After all, it will be the kiss that you compare every kiss to, so it's important that your first kiss is unforgettable."
"You really believe that?" I ask with surprise.
"I do," he says and my heart leaps at his answer.
"Sorry, I just have a hard time believing that any man could have your mentality. I'm really glad you think the way you do."
"You can thank my mom for that. She raised me well. At least I like to think she did."
"She did," I reassure him with a smile and place my hand on top of his. He looks at my hand on his and smiles before looking up at me and gives my hand a gentle squeeze.
"There's still something we really need to talk about," he says with so much seriousness I feel my gut clench.
"What?" I ask worriedly.
"How are we going to move forward from here?"
"What do you mean?" I ask, genuinely confused.
"I'm referring to you avoiding me all the time because I almost kissed you."
"Oh, that!"
"Yes, that," he says with a chuckle.
"Well, you now know that I have no experience in...anything," I say embarrassed and feel my cheeks blush.
"There's nothing wrong with that."
"I know. It's just kind of embarrassing to admit it out loud."
"Well don't worry, your secret is safe with me," he reassures me with a wink.
"Thanks," I say and open my mouth to say something but can't seem to find the right words.
"You can talk to me," he reassures me and something about his demeanor tells me I can trust him. And I do. Perhaps a little too much for someone I just practically met. But I feel he deserves my trust because he has shown me kindness no one ever has outside of my family and close friends, so I feel it's the least I can do. I know I may regret it later, but right now I'm just happy I have someone I can trust besides Mia.
"You may not like what I am about to say," I admit and he smiles.
"I can handle it. Nothing you say will change how I feel."
"I think we should be just friends for now and see how things progress between us."
"I can be your friend or whatever you need me to be for you," he says and I try to butt in but he stops me. "And I will wait as long as you need."
"Don't say that. You may get tired of waiting or for all you know, you may start to like someone else before I'm even ready to be in a relationship and then everything you said will have meant nothing."
"I'll wait for you. I promise," he swears to me and I want to believe him so bad, but a part of me just can't.
"I won't believe it until I see it."
"Challenge accepted," he says with mischief in his eyes and the most devilish smirk. This is not good. Not good at all.
"This isn't a game," I scold him.
"I never said it was."
"This is serious."
"I am serious and I am serious about you."
"You don't mean that," I say in disbelief.
"I do and I am going to prove to you that I am the guy for you," he tells me and my heart skips a beat.
"You could do better than me," I tell him and he sighs.
"Just stop. I hate the way you put yourself down."
"I can't help it."
"You can and I am going to help you see what I see," he promises and I just hope he doesn't regret his words later.
"You're just going to waste your time. There's no way I will ever see myself as anything other than ordinary."
"You will soon enough but for now I just need you to trust me. Can you do that?" he asks me and I nod.
"I trust you."
"Good. Don't ever stop trusting me," he tells me but I don't respond because that is asking a lot from me. Things happen. People change. I just can't make a promise like that.
When I don't say anything he breaks the silence. "For the record, if this was a date, I would have pulled you into my arms by now and given you a long, passionate kiss that would have left you breathless," he says with such promise that I nearly beg him to kiss me then and there, but by some miracle, I manage to maintain my composure and simply smile on the outside while I melt on the inside. But he isn't quite done yet. "But because this is not a date, I will restrain myself until you're ready, but I promise you that when the day comes, I will kiss you and make you desire my kisses as if they were your lifeline."
"That sounds...promising," I say with a dreamy sigh.
"And when that day finally comes, I'll make sure that you never forget your first kiss."
"Now that I do believe," I respond in a trance-like state, making him chuckle. "Why me?" I ask and realize I said it aloud instead of in my head like I meant to say it. Stupid word vomit. He doesn't seem the least bit fazed by my question though.
"Because you're special," he answers without giving it a second thought and caresses my cheek before slowly trailing his fingers down the side of my face towards my lips. When he reaches the corner of my mouth, his eyes fall to my lips. He looks at them with so much intensity, I can't help but sit there with bated breath.
He slowly runs his finger along my bottom lip and pulls it down, parting my lips.
"Soon I will taste these lips," he says unabashedly and I gasp as I lose all sense of thought. I don't know what to say, much less what to think. I just know his words affected me more than I want to admit.
He affects me in ways I don't understand and has awakened feelings in me I never knew even existed until he came along and I want to explore them but not yet. I am not ready. But I know if Nate gives me a chance, I can let him get close. I just need time. Time to think. Time to process everything that is happening between us.
Everything has happened so fast, I'm a bit over my head, but if there is one thing I am certain of, it's that Nate is going to be my first kiss. It has to be him. I can't imagine kissing anyone but him anymore. If it's not him, it's no one.
He's it for me. Is that crazy? Maybe. I am probably crazy for feeling the way I do, but I don't care. I want to explore these things Nate makes me feel and I want to explore them with him and only him. No one else.
Nate is the one for me.