Her truck sat right where they had left it.
Or where Chloe had left it? She didn't even remember getting out of it. Just that she was dragged out of the cab, away towards the beach, until she felt sand under her shoes, softly sinking. Then she'd woken up, harsh wind and cold rain tearing at her skin and soaking her entire body. Chloe, her smile seeming out of place but that didn't make her love it any less. Her one life line in everything, smiling while the world was getting torn apart in the distance made her smile to. As bad a timing as it was, relief had flooded her that she'd escaped and found herself again. She'd started to think she would never escape her nightmare.
Waking up to Chloe was the best thing she'd experienced this week.
"C'mon Max. Try not to look at it."
Yet.
She tore her gaze away from Arcadia Bay, standing right where she was last night, the sand now littered with debris and dead fish. It reeked, the air heavy and sticky on her skin, but the sun was out. Like nothing had ever happened. She could've almost believed that, if they didn't have to drive through the town to get out on the highway.
She's have to see all of the destruction she'd caused. All the people, houses, families she had selfishly destroyed.
A hand settled on her shoulder, turning her around. Chloe peered down at her, raising her eyebrows in question. Max nodded, covering her hand with her own. She brushed past her, sliding into the cab of the truck. She watched Chloe freeze, back to her as she took in the destruction. She seemed to shrink in on herself, hands clenched into fists, twisting at her sides. After a moment, she got in as well.
All was silent except the deafening crash of the sea." Look, Max,I can take it..but I want you to shut your eyes ok?"
"Chloe, I can't." She caught the other girls eyes. She was biting her lip, but anger swirled in her eyes."But you need to. I don't want you to see something you-"
Killed.
"-regret."
"No. I need to see what I've done-"
"Godammit Max, why not make this easier for yourself?!" She erupted, knuckles wrapped around the steering wheel."Fuck that! Fuck making yourself suffer more than you already have! You're going to regret this for the rest of your life anyway-"
"Yeah, but not you!" She bit back."I regret all of this, everything I did this whole week because I fucked it all up, but not you!" Chloe wouldn't look at her, and somehow that hurt more than anything."You're the one thing that I wouldn't trade, ever, but I need to see...what I've done. I made the decision. I'm not avoiding living with it."
Silence hung heavy, sickening and wrong with the loaded words she'd let slip."Maybe by some miracle, there are survivors." She could tell Chloe wanted to say something else, but she nodded instead, starting the truck. It stuttered, lurching as soon as it got going. Debris fell off to the sides of the hood as they crept along, making their way slowly into town. It would be a good ten minutes before they got to the heart of it.
Okay Max, you might see an actual dead body. A death you're responsible for. What's done is done, but...
For some sickening reason, she wanted to know who. How. If they struggled or went quietly. If the Diner was still standing.
She fidgeted in her seat, crossing her ankles and playing with her fingers. For now, there was no reason to look up. It was just forest and back roads, a few small cabins and abandoned cars. Tree limbs lay in or by the road. Chloe avoided them with a practiced ease, silent as ever, eyes trained on the road. Max could feel how tense she was, see the way her breath came out in shaky intervals. She was trying to stay calm, for herself, or Max. She didn't know.
"Chloe." She said after a moment. The punk still didn't speak, but lifted her head as a sign of acknowledgment. It frustrated her a bit, but she knew she just wanted to hear Chloe's voice for comfort reasons. If Chloe didn't feel like talking, she didn't have to.
Dammit Max. She just lost what's left of her family. Because of you. Because of herself.
"Where do we go?" She asked, feeling panic set in. Chloe seemed to be hit with the realization as well. They did have the handicapped fund. If they rationed it out, it'd enough for a couple nights at a hotel room, some food, but not for cigarettes or camera film. Elements of the past, comforts, would have to be sacrificed just for them to survive. Should they go to Seattle? To her parents?
Yeah, that'll go great Max. "Hey Mom, hey Dad, this is Chloe. You know. My girlfriend? Oh yeah, I'm gay. Surprise!"
You're also a murderer.
Chloe was at a loss for words, having nothing to offer. Max took a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves. She couldn't help but imagine the awkward family dinners, the tip-toeing they would have to do around her parents. The new life they would have to start..
Together.
Together, it didn't seem so bad. Even if it would be hard, if they really tried, it would be worth it.
Wouldn't that get a little...toxic?
What? No...
I don't...
Think so?
"-We could go to Seattle. To my parents house. I know they'd let us stay until we...get ourselves together."
But what would they tell them? How could they explain the nose bleeds, the fainting, the headaches, all the things that happened even if she wasn't rewinding. The side effects of it were the most intense they had ever been after five days of use. Even right now, making a coherent thought was a struggle. Chloe thought for a moment, then finally spoke up.
"What do we tell them? We..." She voiced Max's thoughts, or at least half of them. It wasn't stand offish, just blunt like she always was."It'll be really fucking wierd, but I think it's our only option."
"Agreed...but yeah, it's our best bet." The blue haired girl nodded, strands of mettalic colored hair plastered to her forehead from presentation. The sun shone behind her, highlighting her pale skin. She leaned on her elbow against the window, her usual position as she drove. Max's gaze softened, her heart beat strong in her chest.
She's alive. And she's here, with you.
"What will they say when they see me? After all this time..." She actually smiled a bit."It's gonna be quite a shock."
"Oh yes. Although, I have no doubt they'll treat you the same. They always loved you." Max smiled as well, giving the punk a light shove on the shoulder.
The moment was short lived as a creak rang out around them, a crash like thunder making them both look around for the source of the sound. Chloe slowed down the truck to a crawl. In the distance, they both caught sight of a bill board, split into ribbons, lose it's grip on it's own foundation and spilling out into the road. The splintered wood stuck up like crooked nails, blocking their path through town.
"Fuck.." Chloe said, sitting back in her seat."How are we gonna get around this?"
Max bit her lip, feeling slight pain as she did so. Her lip was split, wind chapped, but she bit harder."Get as close as you can, and I'll rewind before it can fall-"
"Are you sure you can take that? Should you...even do that?" Chloe interrupted her and for the first time since they started driving, layed a hand on her. Blue tipped fingernails, chipped and in need of another coat, scratched the skin of her arm lightly. At the last wandering moment, those fingers wrapped around hers.
"I think so...and I have to if were going to...get out of here." She said, squeezing her hand. Neither of them let go as they drove closer, careful not to steer onto any of the wood. They stopped, as far as they could go, and Max lifted her hand. It shook, tired and aching, but she still managed to rewind. Chloe froze, the billboard didn't. It reversed, lifting back up onto the building, nails going back into planks and boards coming back together despite the shattered pieces. Even after it was back together, she kept going. Before the truck could move she lowered her arm. The voices disappeared in an almost violent final cry, fading out to the sound of silence.
"Chloe, go."
"On it." The pedal hit the floor, and their backs hit the seat as the car sprung forward. As soon as they passed the billboard, it toppled, replaying it's death as one final act of noise and mess. Now, they were on the road. Power lines, overturned cars and furniture that had been tossed out of houses littered the road and the streets. It was like some video game she couldn't remeber. Like the one where you make you're way across the road, but you have to dodge all the cars?
She wished she could remeber the name of it. It would be so easy to distract herself right now. She'd thought she would want to see, so she would know the consequences of her actions fully. Now she just felt sick.
Don't be chicken shit now Max. Not after everything.
She reached over, taking Chloe's hand again and holding it tight. The punk squeezed back, like she always did, but made no move to do anything else.
Now's the time to take it in Max. You're never coming back, so do it. For them.
So she did. She leaned her head against the window, eyes downcast towards the road. Everything was destroyed in at least one way, be it a missing wall, an absence of a roof, or just a foundation sticking out of all the mess surrounding it. But no bodies.
Yet.
The Two Whales was close though, and she worried what she might see. Or who, dead or alive. Blue tarps, blown in from the bay covered lumps of wood and power poles. Some of the wires were cut and sparking, lashing around like snakes. Luckily though, they were hanging high enough for them to go under safely.
"Holy.." The punk started, shaking her head and blinking in disbelief. Max saw her swallow, hard, and straighten up in her seat. She started to feel even more sick. Some draped lumps looked like bodies.
Fucking. Bodies.
And you're a fucking nobody. What gave you the right?-
"I don't know" She mumbled. Chloe glanced at her but said nothing. She could see the 'Leaving Arcadia Bay' sign in the distance, strangely still intact, marking the end of the destruction. The car came to a stop.
I don't know.
A hand reached over, squeezing her bicep."Hey." Chloe said. When she looked over, she was greeted with the tiniest smile, but it brought her so much comfort. The girl nodded, seeming to ask if she was ok. She smiled back, melting under her touch."We're getting out of here."
And they did, not daring to look back, least the image haunt them even worse than it was already going to.
*****
Finding food became a necessity sooner than expected, but they were both starving. This week had unfolded so fast, Max could only think of two instances where they had actually sat down and ate. Other than that, they had been on their feet, out if their minds and soaked in rain. Or blood.
She couldn't speak. She couldn't move. Her whole body felt like lead, and her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. Her neck was burning, a small wild fire across her neck and throughout her head. Her rewind sputtered and died, like an old car battery.
She was shutting down.
"L-look out." She had finally whimpered, far to quiet.
The sound of Chloe's boots shifting on the dirt, her exclamation of confusion as she pulled out her gun.
The way her head snapped back, skull cracking with a pop that was almost muffled by the gunshot. Blood and brain flying from a fresh wound. Right between the eyes.
The way she fell, lifeless and hard, connecting with the ground with enough force to assure Max she was dead.
Right on top of Rachel Ambers corpse, half buried and exposed to the night air.
"Chloe.."
Black.
"-I have THAT, uh, money in the glove compartment- Max?" The punk inquired, noticing Max's far off gaze. The brunette blinked, sucking in a lungful of breath and took on her surroundings. They weren't moving anymore, it was dark outside. A gas station the only beacon of light in the parking lot. So, they had stopped? When? How long had they been driving? And how long had Max been stuck in her head-?
"Max." She was shaken slightly, pushed in an attempt to pull her back into reality."Max, breath."
She couldn't. Her chest was far to heavy and her eyes were far to wet- she just wanted to sleep. Pretend this didn't happen-sink into nothing for a while.
What about Chloe?
Oh yeah. Chloe.
"Wha?" She mumbled, blinking a few times to get the images out of her head for good. Chloe rubbed her shoulder, the touch cold but warm at the same time."Where?"
"We're...I don't really know where we are, Max, but we need food. I...we found this gas station? Do you remember?"
No? I don't- how long has it been? How far away was Arcadia? How close was Seattle?
"No...I...I can't remember, Chlo." She brought a hand to her lip, feeling the nose bleed before it started."Why? Why can't I...what time is it?"
"It's one in the morning? Max? Are you bleeding? Shit-" The punk panicked, opening the glove compartment for her and grabbing a handful of paper napkins. She handed her one. When Max met her gaze she instantly felt guilty. She looked so worried. So tired.
Probably tired of your shit-
Wait no? What the fuck?
The negative thought made Max uneasy. She took the napkin and dabbed at her nose, evening out her breathing. Each slow, deliberate breath brought her closer to feeling a bit more normal. Chloe studied her with a grimace.
"Where were you?"
"What do you-"
"Don't even dude. I've...seen other Maxs...act like that while you were time tripping. You didn't...get trapped or something, right?"
"N..no.."
She didn't think about that. So there were other Max's? Left behind as well as several other Chloe's? Shit. Fuck. This was so fucked up."I didn't get trapped...I was just..remembering."
How you died. How I failed you.
"Remembering what?"
She felt something wet splatter against her face, and it wasn't tears.
Blood. So much fucking blood.
"Nothing." She snapped, clenching the paper closer to her nose. It burned, a pain she'd gotten so used to it wasn't even a bother anymore. Chloe hand fell off of her shoulder hesitant at first, then quick and obviously frustrated.
"Okay-?" Chloe said, disbelieving."Sorry."
"No, no..I'm sorry Chloe. I didn't mean-"
"Look, it's ok, but don't even try to lie to me. You can't keep me out of this anymore." They sighed in unison. Maxs hands dropped on her lap. Chloe hands went to her head, scratching at her scalp. They were both filthy. At least Chloe had a hat to hide her hair. Max probably looked like a mad woman.
You are mad. Mad Max. Mad Maxine-
"Look." Chloe stated, making sure she had Max's attention."We need food. I've...I've still got the handicapped fund with me. We can get some stuff to hold us over until we can find a hotel, ok?" There was a hint of guilt in her voice. The punk swallowed hard, fidgeting in her seat.
A bed. Sleep. Rest.
"That sounds fucking amazing." She said, a slight smile gracing her lips. Chloe chuckled, relaxing a bit.
"Yup. So does some junk food, am'right?" She turned to her and smiled. They locked eyes, and silence filled the cab for a moment. She took in the other girls appearance. Slight cuts in her arms, bruise on her left elbow from where she had fallen a few times trying to drag Max up to the lighthouse. Tired eyes. Dirty hair. Muddy clothes, wich upon closer inspection, had a few bloodstaines on the shoulder straps.
I...i fucking bled on Her? Ew??
"It..it does.." She swallowed, her throat dry. A blueberry icee sounded really good right now."Chloe..."
"Yeah?"
"I...I made the right decision." It was a statement that could have easily been taken as a question. Chloe eyebrows drew together."What do you mean?"
You, you beautiful...asshole. God, I love you so much.
"You." She finally said, scooting closer to the punk. She was warm, radiating heat and it drew Max in even closer."I...I need you, Chloe. I meant it. You're all that matters to me."
The punk seemed taken aback for a moment, shaking her head a bit. Max bit her lip, dropping her head in mild shame.
Why don't you go ahead and say it, dumbass?
Tell her you love her?
Grovel at her fucking feet and beg for forgiveness
You killed her mom
Her stepdad
Warren
Brooke
Kate
Victoria
Dana
Stella
Juliet
Alyssa
Nathan
Rachel-
Wait, what?
It read like a bad rap sheet, the names playing out in front of her like the end credits to a movie. Her breath started to hitch and her face felt hot. She choked on a sob before letting it slip out, hiding her face in her hands as she slumped over.
Chloe was holding her in an instant. In an instant and Max had never been more fucking grateful. Long arms enveloped her shoulders, trying to hold her still through her tremors."Max, hey-shhh, it's ok Max-"
"No, no it's- it's so fucked. I'm so fucked." She said, not quite understanding her own words yet. Chloe made a noise, somewhere between a squeak and a sigh, before deciding to sat nothing and let Max just cry it out.
"I'm a horrible person, Chloe..I-" I killed them. All of them. I saw the bodies. Warrens...car...obliterated.
"No, Max, you're not. Look, you didn't ask for any of this superhero bullshit. This power? You didn't ask for it. It just fucking happened and I'm so sorry it happend to you." By now, the punks voice was starting to get thick, too, weighed down by emotion and incoming tears."I'm...nobody should have to go through that...have to choose."
But I choose you. Fuck Chloe, I'd always choose you.
"Let me guess; you fucked up time and space for your precious punk Chloe? Heh. You think she's worth all that?"
She shivered, revolted by the own voice in her head. Her sobs turned to whimpers, small sniffles and occasional lurches as her abdomen clenched. She wasn't breathing right, feeling right. She felt broken. Cracked. Wind chapped. Dirty. Hungry. Sorry.
"Max, listen..if I had to go through what you did this week, I don't know what I would have done. Things...things could have been so much worse. I don't know how much, but from what I've heard...this is the...the best outcome we've come across."
But what if they're were more? A third option? A way to... to not kill everyone.
In her heart, way deep down, she knew their wasn't a third way. Either Chloe would die, or she would live.
Max would die if Chloe died. Go ahead and fucking bury her-
-for your precious punk, Chloe?-
"-c'mon Max. Let's...lets get some food. We need to...to keep going. Seattle is still a while away...and I'm pretty sure a hotel is, too."
She was right. As blunt as she may have been, she was right. They had to keep moving, lest they dissolve further into their guilt and madness."O-ok." She agreed sitting up, breaking Chloe's hug.
They were face to face, oh so close.
Why didn't you kiss her on that cliff? Why...why do you feel like...you did?
"Max." Her name was said so softly, so gently that her chest felt warm. The sound of Chloe, saying her name was the most important thing she could hear right now. Confirmation that the punk was alive, here with her. Her eyes darted to pink lips, then back up at blue eyes. A hand brushed her bangs out of her face and traced her jawline. She leaned into the touch. Chloe eye lids fluttered, and she let out a big sigh.
"You know what Max Caulfield?"
"What, Chloe Price?"
A moment passed between them. A silent understanding of what they meant to Each other, right here, right now.
"You're my hero. Don't ever forget that."
Oh Chloe.
I'm...I'm no hero, but thanks.
She didn't say anything. Instead, she just smiled, closing her eyes. She kissed Chloe palm, gentle and honestly, without hesitation. They needed this. This quiet breach of boundaries they had set up in Arcadia. When Rachel came into play, Max had put her feelings on the back burner. THAT barrier had quickly been...removed. obliterated. Invisible.
Broken, existing in another lifetime.
Chloe was smiling at her when she opened her eyes. Soft and almost sad, like, that strange happy sad people felt from time to time."And you're mine."
"I'm more like...the sidekick." The punk offered, smirk appearing on the corner of her lips."And I'm fixing to kick your butt if you don't come get snacks with me."
"Alright! Alright, jeez-" Max said, laughing. They both got out of the truck. Max shivered at the cold night air, sniffling as she wrapped her arms around herself for warmth. Chloe jogged over to her, having taken a moment to grab a few hundred dollars from the envelope, shrugging off her jacket immediately and giving it to her."Here, boss."
Max quirked an eyebrow."Boss?"
"Marry me?" She said, winking. Max flushed pink and coughed, awkwardly."It's a little soon, but I guess we can make some arrangements for next week?" She quipped back, turning from the punk while she put on the jacket. Chloe sputtered behind her before catching up. She pulled the leather tight around her torso, breathing in Chloe's scent absent mindedly.
"Sounds good to me." The punk eventually said, rushing in front of her to open the door."After you, m'lady." Max rolled her eyes and stuck out her tounge. Chloe blew a raspberry at her. The dissolved into laughter as they both entered the store.
She makes me feel...like such a kid, but...something more.
She makes me feel right.
"Hello!" The cashier greeted, waving at them from behind the counter. He seemed surprisingly...awake, at this hour, wich they both found a little odd. Whatever. Chloe waved back, asked how he was doing, then set off to check out the snacks. Max went straight for the icee machine.
Thank, jebus.
Blue raspberry all the way, baby.
You just love things that are blue, don't you?
She halted. The top popped on the cup as she put it on, her hand heavy on top of it. She glanced over her shoulder, seeing Chloe's beanie peak out above the aisle she was in, and the sky blue hair underneath. Since she was so tall, she was always easy to spot. Max gulped.
Yeah I....I guess I do? Is that weird?
Nah, everybody has their own kinks-
Um? Shut up?
Her thoughts made her stomach lurch. She...she didn't think of Chloe like that? She didn't. She hadn't. So why- her thoughts didn't make sense to her right now.
And why would they? You're brain is fucked.
No, it's not. I'm just..tired.
Yeah, she was tired.
"Yo Max! You want some cashews?" The punk called. She saw a bag of said cashews clutched in the punks hand, held up like a prize.
She remembers my..wow.
How can she be so insensitive, and then remember shit like that?
She half grinned."Sure!" She called back. Chloe bounced in place, nodding her agreement before scouring the shelves once more.
Nerd. Chloe Price was a absolute dork.
But Max...loved her.
Love.
Is that..what this is?
The punk came sauntering towards her, boots stomping and arms full of various snacks and drinks. Max had to avoid staring at the way her hips swayed, or how her eyes narrowed in on Max as she grinned. It made ever stomach do flip flops.
In a good way, though.
"Think this is enough?"
"Um, I think so, Chlo." She giggled, taking a sip of her icee. She sighed in relief. Her throat had been hurting so bad. Screaming, crying and nosebleeds really...did a number on ones vocal cords.
"Heh, me too." She dumped the times on the counter. The cashiers eyes widened for a moment, before he quickly regained his composure. He smiled, beginning to ring them up."Road trip, I assume?"
"Uh..yeah." Chloe chirped in. Bouncing from foot to foot."We got a couple days on the road."
"Ah. Where to?"
"Seattle. We're, uh, visiting her parents." Chloe gestured to Max, who gave a small smile.
"Ah. Then this makes sense. Seattle is a while away from here. Do you girls have a hotel picked out? Or do you know the area?"
Max spoke up, setting her icee on the counter, leaning on it. The sudden mention of a hotel made her think of a bed, of sleep, a shower. God, she was tired."Uh, no actually. To both."
"Well, there's a motel about an hour away from here. It's a straight shot if you get back on the highway, off to the right. You can't miss it. It's the only one around for miles." He said, putting various chip bags and candy bars in a plastic bag."I...can't quite remember the name, but I do recommend it quite alot to people who pass through."
"Hey, no worries." Chloe said, smiling. She turned to Max, excitement and relief in her eyes."That's a huge help in itself. Thanks man."
"Oh! No problem!" He said, smiling. He read their total, and Chloe pulled out twenty bucks and slapped it on the counter.
We just spent twenty bucks...in junk food?
Max shook her head in disbelief. Chloe had went a bit...overboard, but, Chloe could eat. A lot more than Max could.
Damn tall person. Damn your fast metabolism.
"Thanks again dude! Have a good life, yeah?" Chloe called over her shoulder, shoving her wallet back in her pocket and opening the door with her hip. Max walked past her, nursing her drink.
"You too!" The man said, waving them off.
"You, are such a dork." Max stated as they walked across the parking lot.
"A hungry dork. Besides, you're the queen dork, miss I drink 'icee's when I'm cold'."
"Shut up!" Max laughed, shoving Chloe by her shoulder. Chloe, did this, smile thing, where she just stopped talking and stared at Max. Her eyes were soft."What?" Max said after a minute.
"It's nice to hear you laugh, Max."
Hooo boy. Butterflies.
Wait, no, fuck butterflies.
A pail, an open. Window. A blue. Butterfly.
Snap!
"Max?" They were in the truck. When did they get in the truck?"You...you said something about a butterfly?"
Oh...did I? Oh shit..what if I...i can't let these things slip...
"Uh, did I? Sorry, Chloe. I'm kinda spaced out right now...tired."
"Heh, that makes both of us." She started the car, the old clunker raising to life as they pulled out onto the highway, wich was disturbingly empty."I can't wait to sleep in an actual bed."
"Me either."
Turns out, Max really couldn't wait.
The car shuddered and died as Chloe extracted the key. She reached over to shake her awake by her arm."Max~hey, chick were here."
Oh. Way to be shitty Max. You got to sleep while she drove. Totally not fair.
"Oh-s-sorry Chloe. I didn't mean to fall asleep."
"Uh, don't be sorry Max. You needed it." But you do too. Max wanted to say, but she realized it wasn't that serious. Chloes face confirmed that."C'mon time warrior. Let's go get some sleep."
-You're Max-fucking-caulfield, Time Warrior!-
"Fuck yeah." She agreed.
They got a room fast because the place was pretty empty, if she was honest. A little run down, but the room had a full bathroom, a bed, a t.v, and a mini fridge, microwave, etc. It was perfect to them because it wasn't the truck. It was actual shelter, and for fifty bucks a night, it was quite a steal. At least with their cash stash.
Chloe practically kicked open the door as soon as she got it unlocked, dropping the bag of goodies on the tiny kitchen counter and flopping on the bed. She let out a groan, spread eagle on the burgundy bed spread. Max flopped down beside her after shutting the door. She kicked off her shoes, laying on her back instead. It was kind of lumpy, a little weird smelling, but fuck did it feel nice.
A lot better than the ground, or the flatbed of Chloe's truck, or...
The floor of the dark room.
Cold. White-
Where?
Here. With me.
Rachel?
"You're eyes..so innocent."
"They're fucking together in heaven. Is that what you wanna hear?"
For a split second, she saw just that, and felt the urge to vomit. From the image or jealousy, she didn't know.
Chloe's moans filled her head-
Just like you imagined, right?
Stop it! Oh my god, STOP
- you fucked up my shot!"
This time, Chloe was hovering over her when she came back down, holding her wrists over her head, a look of fear in her eyes."Max! You're here! With me-"
Her wrists burned. Itched. Duck tape. Needles- white.
White. Dark. White dark.
"-get off of me!" She grunted. Chloe sat back, off to the side and let her go, holding her hands up in surrender. She was panicked, just as much as Max was, and completely confused as to what was happening.
She took a few ragged breaths, holding her left wrist, rubbing. Trying to rub the sticky feeling away. The feeling of resistance, burning, pain."Chloe, I'm- I'm-"
"What the fuck Max!?"
Oh. Oh she's angry.
"Why would you- she's...Godammit, Max."
"Chloe I'm sorry!" She squeaked, searching the other girls eyes. She looked hurt, but she was trying not to look hurt, because she knew Max was...
Crazy? Nuts?
"I...he-"She stuttered, but words wouldn't come. Just tears."Chloe whatever I said, or did-I'm so sorry I-I keep blacking out-"
"Hey, hey it's ok," Chloe sighed,"You..don't have to tell me if you don't want too. Just you,uh. You said something about...Rachel." She sounded so small. Young. Hurt.
What could Max say? How many times can you apologize before someone calls bullshit?
I...I don't remember.
"I...Chloe, I'm.." They were getting nowhere. The punk just sighed, leaned over, took off her boots and pushed Max to lay down. So she did.
"It's ok, Max."
For some reason, that brought tears to Max's eyes, and they quickly spilled over. Her lip quivered, a last attempt to hold it together, but she couldn't. Ugly, heavy sobs wracked her small frame. She curled into a ball, hiding her face in her hands, clinging to the feeling of Chloe's arms around her waist. It wasn't ok. Far from it.
The image, the noise, the reflection she'd have to face eventually. That she killed people. That She loves a girl. That she loves Chloe. That she's gay.
You...want Chloe.
That's ok.
Is it?
The taller girl patted her hair, her gross, semi-wet, disgusting hair, and reassured her that things were gonna be ok. That she was here. They were alive.
But they aren't.
And you don't care.
All you can think about is her.
She knew all of that, but she couldn't stop. She cried so hard, she ended up crying herself to sleep.
*******
Chloe was a mess. Figuratively and literally, but she was starting to save face for...well, she didn't know.
She didn't want to upset Max, but the poor hipster was already upset...really upset. Like, ball your eyes out until you fall asleep upset.
Chloe knew what that felt like.
What the fuck were they doing? What the literal fuck were they going to do?
They would eventually need jobs. Money. A house. A new car-
Easy Chloe..i don't think she was serious about marrying...you.
Ouch.
Her conscious was a bitch sometimes.
Ok, all the time. Happy?
Soft snores left the tiny girl tucked in her arms. They were both so close it was warm enough to sleep without a blanket, but Chloe found she couldn't sleep. She hadn't had a cigarette in what, two days? That was a new record. One she didn't care about keeping. One she couldn't stand to keep because she was itching to screw up. To fuck up her lungs a bit more, but..
Max. Asleep. Holding Max. Cute..Max..
Hold up, asshole. Don't...don't latch on like you always do, kay? At least give her some time to process...this.
Max..had been through some serious shit. Like, death, destruction, gore, just fucking sick stuff. All because of her.
Why would she save you?
I...i don't know.
Chloe really didn't have an answer to that. She couldn't even punch one bullet on the list of 'Reasons why to save Chloe Price'. In all honesty, that list didn't exist.
She had so much to fucking make up for. To Max. To...herself, to everybody. She'd never,ever ,forget them. Never be able to repay Max.
You could try harder you know, instead of sulking about the things you 'can't do.'
Right. Trying harder. Harder to be a good person when you weren't exactly taught how.
Max was the only good influence in her life besides her dad. Don't get her wrong, Joyce...
Fuck.
Joyce was..everything to her, but she'd fucked up parenting when William died. She just. Stopped caring. They both did. The rift that firmed between them? That wasn't a fourteen year olds fault, ok?
Things were just starting to..get..
She was crying, and she didn't notice until hands were on her face. Hands that made her almost jump out of her skin as they brushed away thin trails of tears from her cheeks.
"Chloe."
"She was.."Chloe choked."She was starting to try, ya know? To...be patient with me again. Why didn't she...we, try sooner?"
Max's brow furrowed, mouth set in a grimace. Her eyes were puffy and red from earlier."I don't know...but she..she loved you Chloe."
"I know.." She shivered under the weight of Max's words.
Loved.
Past tense.
Gone.
Max's eyes fluttered before they closed, her hands slipped off Chloe's face and her head lolled back onto the bed.
Exhaustion becomes you, young Max.
Chloe smiled a bit. Just a bit before she disengaged herself from the brunettes side, scooting a pillow into the girls arms in her place. Max clung to the old, lumpy thing like it was the best thing in the world. To Chloe, in that moment, it was.
She needed some fucking alone time.
For what, she didn't know, but she knew she was pretty fucking close to losing it if she didn't sort her thoughts out soon. She retrieved her boots, slipping them on silently. She grabbed her car keys and a bag of chips from the bag on the counter and quietly left the room.
What, it was about six thirty? Seven maybe?
Huh. Maybe she had fallen asleep at some point.
She practically power walked to her truck, clamoring inside and slamming the door. She even locked it before she slumped, letting her head rest on the steering wheel. The past night...err, evening events came rushing back to her.
Suddenly Max was breathing heavy, limbs motionless but chest erratic with labored breaths. She was wheezing, eyes glassy with tears. Chloe sat up immediately, on edge by the sudden turn of events.
"Max?"
No response, just whimpering as the brunette began to squirm..although, she was acting like she was confined to that one spot on the bed.
"No-no-"
The words were small, but full of fear. So much fear Chloe felt cold.
"Max what, what is it? What the fuck do you see right now?" She was staring straight above her, and each moment she did she grew more panicked, squirmed some more, hips moving in a weird pattern. Restarined. Like her feet were tied together.
'...Oh shit. This is...ptsd shit. Where is she right now?'
'What do I do?'
She leaned over her, trying not to scare her but also trying to snap her out of it. She grabbed Max's hand, trying to stop her tiny nails from digging into her own palm. Max gasped, jerking both wrists to the side and yelping out another 'No!'
Chloe shook her head, reaching for both hands, unfurling them. Her palms were bleeding. Max tried to shake her off, arms straining against hers, but Chloe was alot stronger. Had more to work with. Always had.
Max sneered at her, almost vicious, but more like a cornered, wounded dog. Chloe straddled her as her movements got more frantic, and on instinct pinned her hands over her head.
"Max!"
"Max it's me, calm down!-"
"-Fucking Rachel? Stop! Get them away from me-"
"I don't- no, make them stop-"
She froze, and Max seemed to wake up.
Her heart seized in her chest, but she shook it off the best she could.
....them?
As in, Chloe and Rachel?
'Why would she say that?'
Rachel...
She tore open the bag of chips and went to town. She was fucking starving right now...and she was confused. Hurt. Jealous that she couldn't understand Max's pain, or now what she'd been through, unless Max told her. She had a feeling that wouldn't happen for...a long time.
She took a bite, sighing. Fucking sun chips man. Bomb.
At least they were right now. A shoe would be good right now.
She dug out her emergency pack of cigarettes, taking the lighter from her pocket. Her hands shook a little at first, but she did light it, and she squirmed in excitement. She took a drag after she gulped down the couple chips she'd been chewing on.
Nicotine spread through her body, steeling her nerves and scratching that itch like nothing else could. She sighed, rubbing her temples with her free hand. It was pounding. Her head. Her feet. Her shoulders. Her arms ached from driving so long. From holding Max.
The last thing she didn't mind, though. Not at all.
You're so fucking gay, Price.
Yeah I know.
How could she not be though? Max was...damn, Max was everything and-and a bag of chips right now.
Oh hah ha
She saved her life countless times...times Chloe probably didn't even know about, except for...
'You were in pain, you were...slowly dy-ying. You...you asked me to, Augh, end your life."
Shitty. That was such a shitty thing to ask someone. God Price. You're an asshole in every timeline, I bet.
Being paralyed sounded so shitty though. But her dad...
Max had seen her dad again. Heard him speak.
Chloe couldn't remember the sound of his voice anymore.
She teared up, a feeling somewhere between longing and a pang of jealousy coming over her.
Forget that. It's in the past. You...you have to let him go, Chloe. You need to be there for her and you can't if you stay in your fucked up past.
Make a new future and all that shit right? One good choice leads to another, so on so forth.
Did she make a good choice saving you?
"I don't know!" She yelled, throwing her hands up in defeat."I..."
Why?
"FUCK that. No way. I'm not trading you! You are all that matters to me."
Maybe she...felt it too? The...tension was defiantly there.
She's not going to initiate anything, though. She's too..inexperienced.
But..Chloe hadn't exactly been hiding her...feelings either. She'd been so caught up in the moment, just as much as Max that she did that...stupid smile thing. She felt it.
She knew it was a 'thing' because...Rachel told her so.
Moon eyes, she called it.
Max hadn't given her that look yet.
She did look pretty happy at the gas station though, giddy. Young.
A bit disheveled, but she had oozed happiness. Even for a brief moment, she was happy to pretend this was just...some road trip.
She wished it was.
She wished they weren't literally homeless, scarred and just all around..lost. Messed up. Trying to deal.
Tip toeing around each other even though they needed each other. Like air. She knew she wasn't the only one who felt it. Max had proved it. Over and over and over-
Listen, Price.
Maybe you are worth it to her. You need to be...what she sees in you.
But what is that, exactly?
She honest to god didn't know. Self hate ran deep through her veins, hardened over the years. She'd had so much time to think. Without Max, and with Rachel's spontaneous appearances from time to time, accountability and confidence was something she'd lost in her youth. Something only briefly dug up by drugs, or booze, or sex.
Sex with the wrong people.
She...
She regretted alot, let's leave it at that.
But not Max. Just like the brunette had said, she couldn't. There was this destined...this connection between them that kept them coming back, no matter what shit they had to wade through. How many times they fought, had to get over things. They'd come back to one another.
I promise Max. I'm...im gonna try. For you.
The sun peaked over the roof of the motel, the Keystone Motel, to be exact, spilling onto the hood of the car in a dull orange shadow. She took another drag, finishing off her bag of chips before deciding to go back inside. Max was still curled around the pillow. She'd drooled a bit, leaving a tiny spot on the fabric.
Chloe found it endearing, smiling as she passed by, heading to the bathroom.
Her reflection was...shocking, to say the least. Greasy hair poked out from under her beanie, and her lower lip was busted and red. Her shirt had dirt all over it, tainting the white in a fairly obvious way, and now she knew why her elbow was hurting. There was a fresh bruise, covering a small area near were the bone was visible beneath the skin. It was dark and angry.
How..?
Oh..
I fell. She fell on top of me. We were...
Her foot slipped out from under her, kicking up mud onto her heel. Her left boot tangled with Max' s dirty sneakers, who was barley taking any steps as it was, and she stumbled.
They went down, hard, and Chloe made sure she took the brunt of it herself.
She cried out on impact, feeling rubble and roots from nearby trees cut into her skin. Max groaned in pain, sprawled halfway on top of her, but most of her face was in the dirt.
"Max, shit, c'mon-"
She rolled over, getting on her side and then to her feet. She hoisted Max up again, a limp arm around her shoulder and sucked it up. Trudged on up the hill.
It's all she could do, until Max woke up.
Yeah that had hurt...but in the moment, she hadn't felt anything other than desperation. Adrenaline cancelled out the pain. She stuck her thumbs in her pockets, slumping. She took a deep breath, studying herseld a bit more. Still tall. Still lanky. Still-
....Is that...blood?
She checked her chest for open scrapes, and her arms for scratches but...the ones she found weren't bleeding.
It's not mine..
Oh. Max.
Ew.
Max's nose bleeds were no joke. When she'd passed out on the beach for the last time, her nose had practically turned into a faucet. It makes sense that it would be gotten on her shirt. It was all over the brunettes, after all. They needed new clothes....fast.
Maybe I could...look for a store around here. A thrift shop maybe? Cheap stuff for sure.
She exited the bathroom, shutting the door behind her with a soft click.
Max was still passed out, legs splayed and a hand over her forehead.
Jesus she...is out. I think I'd have time to go before she gets up...and it would be nice to shower and get changed right after she joins the real world again.
Look 'atchu, being all thoughtful and shit.
Max was in a more desperate need of clothes, being that there was dried blood all over her neck, sleeves and chest.
But...she looks so cute..what's the harm in snuggling a bit more?
She had a strong point. Max was almost irrisitable right now, and Chloe was dead tired. She sighed, walking back over to the bed.
Just...lay down. It's a new day, but it's also a new life.
You can have this...'Moment of calm.'
She layed down, careful not to jostle the bed, and bent her legs at the knee, scooting over next to Max. The other girl groaned, a tiny noise that sounded so exhausted, before she went quiet.
She looked so young when she slept. A look of eternal question on her face, just like when they were kids. Lips pouting. Chloe watched her chest rise and fall with each steady breath.
It was calming, and soon she was closing her eyes, too.
The punk tucked her chin over and into Max's hair, pulling her close to her chest. She needed...something. Her memories had bombarded her to the point where she didn't feel real right now, but Max did.
"-you're here, alive, with me."
"You're right. I don't want to hear this."
Ouch, Chloe. How stupid can you be?
Yes. Yes she did. She needed this so bad. Sleep, warmth, comfort, she needed fucking all of it. Peace hadn't been hers since she was fourteen, playing videogames with Max in the living room floor.
Most of all, she found that she needed to hear Max breath. Max was her peace.
Is.
To know she was really here, and that she was going to stay this time, and that she was safe, was the ultimate comfort.
She was out in minutes.