My love for you is etched by fire and seared with pain into my heart.
• • •
"Can I ask you something?"
Tony had asked, getting comfortable on the chair, watching Evelyn make them some breakfast.
Lucas and Diana were completely against them leaving, wanting them to stay as long as they could get them to.
Not that they complained, Tony had indeed missed this place.
It was home.
It smelled like home, it felt like home, and it had his family.
The corners of his lips tugged up after spotting the same old drawings on the fridge.
No matter how many times Tony begged her, Diana just wouldn't toss his drawings out.
He was nine years old when he drew that.
One afternoon after school he had asked his driver to take him back to Uncle Lucas' place because he had forgotten his papers there, which was a complete lie.
The minute he had opened the door, he grinned and ran over to Diana, showing her what he had made them.
She only smiled at him, and told him that it was beautiful and that Howard would love it, which only made him frown.
He had told her that this was for them, he had told her that Lucas was his dad, he had asked her if it was alright if he could always use his bedroom upstairs and stay with them forever, and he would make space for his mom next to him on the bed.
He was rambling on and on not noticing the pained look on her features, the pity behind all the sorrow.
His father never played with him, never bought him new coloured pens to draw with, never hugged him, and despite Tony's nagging it always remained the same.
He would immediately go into his mother's arms for comfort when his father would scream at him to be a man, to stop begging for attention, to stop being a spoiled rich brat.
He had told him to act like a man, a man did not need hugs, a man did not waste his time on stupid things like drawing.
His mother would apologise on his father's behalf, and kiss his forehead, wrapping her arms around her little boy.
And throughout all these years, Tony Stark could never forget the feeling he got when his mother would hold him.
The warmth.
The euphoria.
The love.
The same feelings he got when he hugged Evelyn.
Howard Stark wasn't a bad man, he wasn't hurting him, he wasn't causing him pain, he wasn't smiling at him, he was just indifferent.
But Tony knew indifferent was somehow worse.
And maybe he would never admit it aloud, but deep inside Tony Stark would have appreciated his hate to his indifference.
He just couldn't wipe away the feeling of unworthiness he had felt when he would dismiss his projects, his high grades, his warm smiles, his effort as a young boy to get his father to love him.
The boy had tried everything to win his father over, but apparently everything wasn't enough.
It just wasn't enough to get him to acknowledge him, it was always about work.
Always about science.
Always about knowledge.
It was never about love.
It was never about family.
And it stung, it stung to know that he was more appreciated with his father's friend than with his own blood.
His own father.
His mother never failed to lighten up his mood every time his father would hurt him, but even her warmest hugs couldn't melt the coldness that started to seep through his heart.
The need to prove himself vanished, the warm smiles fell, the chatter stopped, and only then did Howard realise that.
Only when he was repeatedly punched by Lucas did he realise that he was ruining his boy.
Only when it was too late.
Only when he died a night before he planned on fixing things with his son.
His flesh and blood.
And then his boy was left with an endless amount of money, a company to run at 21, and absolutely no reason to live.
Howard Stark only left his son with harsh words, uncalled for insults, and emotionless responses.
He had let his son remember him as an unloving father.
And nothing could be worse than that, except it could.
He had lost her too.
His mother had left him that night too, she had left him alone in this dark unforgiving world.
They had left him.
But he was never truly alone.
His gaze landed on Evelyn again, she was humming to Shakira's 'Chantaje', swaying her hips as she slid the eggs on a plate.
"Vee, can I ask you something?"
"Tony I said yes a thousand times, and you wouldn't ask the question." Evelyn chuckled, realising that he was lost in his own world.
"Ah, shit. Sorry. I was...lost in thought. As I was saying...I really don't know if it's the right time to ask this question, but then again there is no right time to ask a question like tha-"
"Just ask, Tone." She smiled, sitting in the chair beside him, and grabbing both his hands with her own.
"When you were...when you were pregnant...did you...did you feel the first kick? Did you crave weird things?"
Evelyn shut her eyes, and pulled her hands out of his.
"I don't think this is healthy for us. We shouldn't be talking about this."
"Please," he whispered, recollecting her hands in his, "I need to know what I missed."
"No, the baby didn't kick. And yeah, I actually craved pretty weird things," she smiled, remembering all the times Jace would run down to the store and grab bacon, sweets, orange juice, and pickles.
Plenty of pickles.
Her smile fell once his face came on her mind, her body shuddered, and she immediately blocked the thought out.
"Was it a boy? Did you know the gender? How far along were you? Usually it takes about 16 weeks for an accurate deduction of the gender-"
His eyes sparkled with excitement for a moment as he spoke, but it dulled out almost immediately and he stopped rambling.
"I'm hurting you, aren't I?" Tony asked, looking down at his food, cursing himself for his stupidity.
Letting out a sigh, he looked up at her again.
"It's just...I missed that. I...I could have been the one to go and buy all the stuff you craved. I could have been the one to feel your belly for the first time. I could have been there, and the weird thing is, I took that from myself," he scoffed, suddenly not all that hungry anymore.
He looked down at his watch to check the time, Lucas and Diana had been out for a long time and he wondered when they would be back, they had left hours ago.
"Ton-"
Her words were interrupted by the doorbell, and Stark rushed to get it, a menacing animalistic growl left his lips once he saw who it was.
"Get the fuck out of here, or I swear to god I will murder you with my bare hands, and feed you to the fish."
***
"Madison?"
"What is it Leon?" Madison answered, still pacing, worried about what had happened to her friend two days ago.
"I got off the phone with Tony a few minutes ago, she's fine. Better than before at least."
"Oh, that's great." Madi crushed him into a hug, and pulled away quickly to resume her pacing.
"I broke up with my girlfriend." Leon stated bluntly.
"What why? She was a nice one." Madison frowned, but secretly felt like dancing and celebrating.
"Because I'm a fucking asshole who is still in love with his ex."
Well, if she wanted to celebrate then, she would want to throw a fucking parade now.