"sometimes i just wanna get my back blown out."
gazzy
i hate omar so much.
he's like the embodiment of everything i hate about straight niggas. he was dirty as hell and didn't clean up after himself, he treated women as if they were pieces of meat, he acted like i was going to rape him in his sleep just because i was gay, he always smelled like fast food and weed, i could go on and on about why i hate this nigga.
i still thought he was fucking hot, don't get me wrong, it's just that his godlike looks and his perfect body were ruined by his shitty ass personality.
and as much as i hated him, i still thought he was fun to tease.
"so you mean to tell me that he's dirty as hell, rude as hell, and he doesn't even have the common decency to be cute?" jahseh asked as he took a bite of his sandwich. i had just got done explaining the events of last night to him, and venting to him about what a complete asshole omar was, "damn, he sounds like stokeley....at least stoke's actually cute though."
"now hold on there jah, he's more than just cute. this nigga is fine as hell, like, 'tie my hands behind my back and fuck my face' fine. he just got a stick up his ass." i replied.
"seems like you want him to put hith stick up your ath" diego chimed in, his lisp making it damn near impossible for me to figure out what he's saying.
"maybe so," i replied with a smirk. "it's not like he ever will, he's straight as fuck. all he talks about is pussy this and pussy that, it's like his only life goal is to get pussy. it's so annoying."
"and your only life goal is to get dick, so you can't talk" jahseh cut in with a smirk.
i rolled my eyes at him, "we're talking about me, not you. i'm still a virgin."
"so? that don't mean nothing," he replied. "you're still just as thirsty to get dicked down as i am, admit it."
jahseh was right. all of my friends have lost their virginities by now except for me. there's nothing wrong with being a virgin, don't get me wrong, but sometimes i just want to get my back blown out. i felt left out when jahseh and diego would talk about all the dick they were getting, and i would just have to sit there awkwardly and wish that was me.
the thing is i want my first time to be special. i don't just want to let any random guy nut in me in the back of a car or whatever for my first time. i know it's kinda headass of me, but i want my first to be with someone i care about and i want it to be special, then i'll hoe around all i like for all i care, but i just want my first time to mean something.
"so...you still going on that date with metri? or nah?" jahseh asked me.
"hold up...metri? as in kimetrius foose?" diego asked, his expression suddenly turning sour.
"yeah, that's him." i confirmed. "he's taking me out to all of garden tomorrow."
"oh....well alright then." diego's voice went soft, and his lips curled into a frown. what was his problem?
"all of garden? the fuck is an all of garden?" jahseh mocked me.
i rolled my eyes. "the pasta place, duh. i told him my favorite food is pasta so he's taking me to all of garden."
"sir, that's olive garden. the only garden you need to worry about is kindergarten, how the fuck did you pass it?"
even though jahseh was my best friend, he was the main one who roasted me for being "slow". it really do be your own niggas.
"tomato tamato, who cares." i shrugged my shoulders and changed the subject. "diego, what's wrong? you look like you about to cry."
he shook his head, "nothing's wrong. my allergies are just acting up again, i'm fine. hope you have a good date with metri."
i was confused as to why diego had suddenly became sad, but i decided not to pry. maybe he just randomly got sad, it happens to me too sometimes, but i couldn't help but wonder why he looked 2 seconds away from crying out of nowhere?
×××××
omar
"can you believe i couldn't come through and smash alecia because i was stuck at home greeting our new guests?"
i was on the phone with stokeley as i walked home from school, complaining about the situation with gazzy and how i missed out on some pussy because i was stuck talking to his lil annoying ass.
"aw, poor omar didn't get his dick wet yesterday, this is so sad alexa play despacito," stokeley mocked me.
i grunted. "man shut your fat ass up, it was horrible. i gotta share my room with this nigga gazzy. first of all, he had the audacity to call me dirty and musty all night. i wanted to punch his little ass."
"then why didn't you?"
"stoke, i can't just beat up a nigga that's like 5'5 and barely 100 pounds, that's basically child abuse at that point. he's so small, he's smaller than that one nigga you know, josiah or whatever his name is."
"you mean jahseh?" he cut in.
"yeah, him. gazzy's even smaller than him. and he's got pink and blonde dreads, and half of his wardrobe is pink, and he arches his eyebrows, and he's got really long lashes, and he smells like cotton candy, and he got a fat a-"
"bruh, you don't need to describe him to me, i'm not the cops."
shit, i was about to say gazzy has a fat ass wasn't i? i'm glad stokeley stopped me before i went down that train of thought.
i mean, his ass is really nice, especially since he likes to walk around in the house in little pink booty shorts all day. i don't think it was gay of me to notice, i think it would be gay if i didn't notice. you couldn't not notice it.
"you know what, i'm home now, i'm about to make me a hot pocket, i'll text you after i eat." i replied before hanging up on stoke and putting my phone in my pocket.
i slid my phone into my pocket before fishing for my keys. i didn't find them, so i switched pockets, then i checked my wallet, then i checked my back pockets.
then i remember that i left my keys at home this morning, because i had gotten distracted when i was watching gazzy iron his clothes, looking at how he bent over the ironing board in his tiny shorts, i mean, making sure he didn't start an electrical fire because his dumb ass got the wire to the iron wet while he was filling it up.
i pulled out my phone and texted my mom to let her know i was locked out.
me: i left my keys in the house and i can't get in
me: when do you get home from work?
mom: just ask gazzy to open the door for you, he's in the house.
i began to knock on the door. "gazzy! i'm outside, can you let me in, por favor?"
after banging on the door for at least a full minute, still nothing. either he couldn't hear me, or he was ignoring me on purpose.
it was probably the latter, knowing him. he plays too much.
me: he cant hear me
mom: i'll text you his number so that you can text him to let you in.
//
me: gazzy
me: let me in
me: i'm outside
gazzy: who is this?
me: omar.
gazzy: sorey i dont know anybody cald omar
gazzy: this is so sad
me: stop fucking playing and let me in
gazzy: how did you get looked out in the frost place?
i could barely understand what this nigga was saying, did he not have autocorrect on his phone?
me: i left my keys in the house this morning before i went to school
gazzy: L
me: it was lowkey because of your ass
gazzy: because of my ass? so you liek looking at my ass?😏
me: i didn't mean it like that. i'm not gay
me: now let me in before i beat tf out of you
gazzy: the back dore is open. i dont field like opening the front dore.
i opened the back gate before walking into the backyard and onto the back porch. i tried to open the glass doors, but they were locked.
me: wtf i thought you said the back door is open
gazzy: look up
me: what?
i looked up, and there stood gazzy, snapping a picture of me.
gazzy:
gazzy: lmaooooo
gazzy: you look pethitic af💀💀💀💀
me: open the fucking door
gazzy: nah your mom told me to keap the dogs outside.
gazzy then began to twerk on the door to taunt me further. god, i fucking hate him so much. when he opens the door i'm going to choke the shit out of him.
gazzy: i'm about to open the dore
gazzy: say please and thank you
finally. he swung the door open and i immediately slammed his little ass against the wall and wrapped my hand around his neck.
"you really think you funny huh, i was burning up out there!" i exclaimed.
he gasped for air, "ooh, yes. choke me daddy."
ugh. i couldn't even threaten him without him making it into something gay. i released my arm from around his neck, because his ass was really getting turned on from this, out here moaning and shit.
"don't ever do no shit like that again," i warned him, "or else i'll do more than just choke you."
"oh? like what papi?" he giggled, "please, show me."