CHAPTER SUMMARY: Rey reassesses the purpose of the bond.
NOTE: I'm introducing a OC character in this chapter who will be part of Rey's anti-slavery project. I imagine Zazie Beetz playing this character. Happy reading!
"Bullshit!"
Poe jerks a chair from the table, throwing himself onto it.
"It's true." Finn shrugs. "Everyone's been talking about it. How are you just hearing about it now?"
"Bullshit!"
"Look man, I'm telling you the truth. If you don't believe me, just ask anyone else on this base." Finn gestures at the room, but a second later looks around, realizing it's practically empty, the hologame tables and lounge seats bare.
Suddenly, a door whirs open and a young woman strides in, absently running a hand over black curls.
"Daja, you've been at the base all day, right?" Poe shoots up.
"Yeah, where have you been?" She snipes.
"I've been out with Rey fixing that transmitter!"
Daja doesn't react, continuing to the kitchen to open a compartment.
"So, is it true?"
"Is what true?"
Poe scoffs. "If it were true, you'd know exactly what I was talking about." He shoots Finn a look.
Finn rolls his eyes.
"Oh," Daja sounds bored. "You must mean Kylo Ren being awarded the Heart of Delphon." She pulls a silver container out of the compartment. "Yeah, that's true. Their Premier announced it this morning. He's a real humanitarian, that Kylo Ren."
Poe goes white. He falls into the chair, his face a blank.
"You ok, buddy?" Finn leans in.
Poe shakes his head briskly as if trying to wake from a dream.
Or a nightmare.
"Has this entire galaxy gone insane!?" He asks to no one in particular. "I mean, is this even the same galaxy, or did someone just erase the last ten years? Am I the only one who remembers the rise of the First Order— Snoke, the Knights of Ren, death, destruction, Starkiller, Hosnian!"
"You're not the only one." Finn sighs. "You're just... one of the few who wants to do something about it."
"It's just bullshit!" Poe beats the table. "How can people have such short memories!? How can they ignore everything the First Order's done!? I mean, Kylo Ren does one or two semi-decent things and all off the sudden—" He sputters. "It's unbelievable. And now that murderer is being awarded an honor he didn't even come close to earning—"
"Actually, he did." Daja pulls out a chair next to Finn, shaking a silver cylinder as she sits.
"What?" Poe twitches.
"He did earn the Heart of Delphon."
"Why? Because he blasted the Black Hole gang into space? So what?"
"No." Daja sets her drink on the table. "Because he blasted the Black Hole gang into space and saved over ten thousand lives."
"Wait, what?" Poe knits his brow.
"See, Poe, this is your problem." Daja takes a swig of her drink. "You're passing judgement on something without bothering to get the details."
"I don't need any details. A brutal dictator doesn't deserve a humanitarian award. Period."
"Do you even know what the Heart of Delphon is?" Daja raises an eyebrow. "It's an honor given to anyone who promotes peace on the planet and improves a majority of the population's lives. Kylo Ren did that. So, he earned it."
"Listen." Poe grunts. "Black Hole was a menace. Everyone knows that. But just because Kylo Ren took five seconds out of his day to give approval for an army of TIE fighters to blast their bases to smithereens doesn't mean—"
"That's not what happened." Finn interrupts.
"So, what?" Poe challenges. "What'd he do?"
"Well..." Finn shares a glance with Daja. "For starters, he didn't blow up Black Hole's bases. He went in with ground troops this time."
"Yeah. So?"
"So, Black Hole controlled all the mines on Delphon, right? They have over ten thousand slaves working down there, most of them people they captured in raids."
"Yeah, yeah, Black Hole's heartless."
"Exactly." Finn points at him. "They're heartless. So, when the First Order showed up and surrounded their bases, they emptied out the mines, drove all the slaves to the outer edges to make a human wall."
For the first time, Poe looks genuinely intrigued. "Ok..." He knits his brow. "So, how'd the First Order get through without killing them?"
"As it turns out..." Finn tsks. "The troops surrounding the bases were just a decoy. The First Order found a secret way into the mines and their special forces snuck into the bases from below, so when the fighting started, the slaves were all outside, away from the battle. Not a single one of them died."
"Gotta appreciate a clean victory like that." Daja takes a swig of her drink. "Even if it is Kylo Ren."
"The bastard's brilliant sometimes," Finn adds grimly.
"Oh yes," Poe spits. "The bastard's brilliant, alright. You know what this is, don't you? A distraction. It's all just one big decoy. You think Kylo Ren actually cares about those people's lives?"
Daja and Finn shake their heads, the latter mouthing "no".
"Of course not!" Poe beats the table. "It's part of a pattern, you see. Think about it." He points to Finn. "Remember when he took out the Merdos Syndicate and the whole galaxy just fawned over him?"
Finn nods.
"Well, what happened not two days after that?"
"They invaded the Salient system." Daja beats Finn to the punch.
"Right!" Poe points at Daja. "And they completely demolished Zidon. Zidon!? They've been protecting the people in that system for decades. If it weren't for them, half the population would've starved! But did the galaxy kick up a fuss about that?"
Finn and Daja shake their heads.
"Nope." Poe throws himself against his chair. "They were all too busy fawning over the Minos Cluster. Then a couple of weeks later—bam!" He beats the table so loudly Finn jumps. "He does it again. He starts by going after those pirates in Bonaden and while the galaxy's busy cheering him for it, they take out the Brotherhood in Felucia. And thanks to those stupid holos, most of the galaxy doesn't know the difference between an organization like the Brotherhood and Black Hole. They're all just gangs." He lifts both hands. "How can people be so blind!? How can they not see what he's doing!?"
"Ok, that right there." Daja sits up. "That's another one of your problems, Poe."
"What!? That I give a damn about what's actually going on? Is that a problem for you?"
"Listen." Daja leans in. "You see the big picture, Poe, and that's great. I wish more people were like that, but they're not. You think big, but most people in the galaxy..." She tilts her head. "They think small. Most of them live and die on the same planet. Do you think they care about what's going on in a system on the other side of the galaxy?"
Poe pushes out an exhale, looking miserable.
"She's right." Finn sighs. "I hate to say it, man, but most people are only worried about themselves— saving their own skin and protecting the people they care about. Trust me." He looks down with a flash of shame. "I understand the impulse."
"Exactly." Daja nods to Finn. "People on Delphon don't care about what's going on in Salient or Felucia. All they know is that the Black Hole gang wreaked havoc on their planet for decades, stealing resources, capturing their family and friends to force them to work in the mines, and now all of those people are going home because of Kylo Ren. When you think about it, you understand why they see him as a hero."
Poe groans, throwing his head back.
"Hey." Daja reaches out, covering Poe's hand with hers. "I'm not telling you to stop fighting the good fight. You'll do that no matter what because that's who you are. But if you want to win this war...?" She hunches, catching his eye. "You've gotta start thinking from the average person's perspective because we need them. We need them to fight with us."
Poe takes a heavy breath, annoyed but nodding begrudging. Daja squeezes his hand.
"Don't worry." She withdraws with a sly smile. "The tides will turn soon, especially now that me and Rey have gotten this anti-slavery project off the ground. We're gonna give 'em hell, right?" Daja looks to Rey.
Rey sits stiffly at the end of the table, eyes cast down. Not only has she not uttered a word this entire time, but she's barely moved, shoulders hunched, hands clasped in her lap.
She jumps, startled, when Daja addresses her. She looks up, nodding a couple times before looking back down.
The rest of the crew turn their chairs.
"You know..." Poe tilts his chin up. "You've been awful quiet over there."
"Yeah, more than usual." Finn looks her over. "What do you think about all this, about Kylo Ren winning the Heart of Delphon?"
The three of them wait expectantly.
Rey straightens, bringing her shoulders back and down. She doesn't look up, her jaw tightening subtly. "I think..." She presses her lips together. "That it's time for me to go to bed." She rises from her chair. "Good night." She gives curt nod, then turns, heading for the exit.
"Night!" Poe and Daja call after her, the former sounding a little concerned. In the same instant, a chair scrapes against the floor, footsteps approaching from behind.
"Hey, Rey." Finn scurries up to her.
She stops, turning reluctantly, trying to appear relaxed.
"I know, I know." He holds up a hand. "You're sick of me asking you this but... are you sure you're ok?"
"Yes, I'm fine." Rey tries not to sound exasperated. "I'm just tired. I've been bickering with Poe all day about that transmitter. You know how exhausting he can be."
Finn snorts. "Oh, trust me, I know. It's just... You've been extra quiet this past month. Rose has noticed too."
She sighs.
"Come on, Rey. We know you. We know when something's bothering you."
She looks at Finn, so genuine, so eager to help, and she lets her face fall, dropping her façade. "You do know me," she admits quietly. "But I'm dealing with something very... tricky right now, and I'm not ready to talk about it."
"Alright." Finn nods. "Do what you need to do, but just know that we're here for you. We're always here for you." He rests a hand on her shoulder.
Rey looks into his eyes, feels the depth of his sincerity, and for just a moment, everything melts away, eclipsed by admiration. "I know." Her lips turn up. "And I'm very lucky for it just yet."
He squeezes her shoulder.
"Now go." She nods to the table. "Keep Daja and Poe from annoying each another."
Finn scoffs. "Yeah, fat chance." He turns.
Rey watches him make his way to the others, taking a seat by Daja as she lectures Poe, or at least it seems that way given his dramatic eye-rolling. Rey observes them for a moment, feeling connected to them but also detached. Then, she turns and walks to the door, pressing a panel.
She strides into the hall, hardly aware of her surroundings. She turns a corner and catches sight of Chewie heading in her direction. He baws as he nears, asking about the transmitter.
"It's fixed." She walks up to him. "Until the next storm, of course."
The Wookie groans, stopping in front of her with another baw.
"I'm going to bed," she answers. "I've been in the heat all day. I'm completely sapped."
He cocks his head, then baws, pointing to the barracks behind her.
"Oh, I'm sleeping on the Falcon, tonight."
He seems amused by this but doesn't say anything, stepping around her as he tells her good night.
"You too! See you tomorrow." She starts for the hanger, breaking into a light jog. She'd rather not run in to anyone else. Right now, she just needs some time alone...
The door to the hanger whirs open, and she steps into the wide space, making her way down rows of X-wings and transporters to her own ship. She reaches into her pouch as she nears, finding the remote.
The loading ramp creaks open. Rey hops on before it touches the ground, running up the steep incline. She pauses when she reaches the top, inhaling deeply, taking in the smell of the place.
Normally, she makes a point of sleeping in the barracks to build solidarity with the recruits, but on a day like this, when she's tired and stretched thin, she just needs to be home in her own little corner of the galaxy.
She turns into the lounge, closing the ship behind her. She plops down by the hologame table, lifting her pouch and dropping it to the floor. She pulls off her boots, caked with dry mud, then pulls off her socks, stuffing them inside her shoes and shoving them to the side. She scoots down the lounge seat, settling dead center, curling her knees into her chest. She looks around, taking in the sight of the place, already feeling more at peace.
But the feeling doesn't last long.
Her mind drifts to Poe, how furious he was about Delphon and, though he would never admit it, discouraged.
She sighs, rolling her head back on the seat.
Yet again, she finds herself indirectly responsible for boosting the First Order's reputation. If Poe only knew... He'd be so disappointed in her. He'd feel so betrayed. She squeezes her eyes shut, fighting a wave of shame.
But if she had to do it over again, would she do anything differently?
No. No, she would not.
Because right now there are thousands of families on Delphon welcoming back long-lost spouses, mothers, fathers, brothers, and sisters. After years of brokenness, wondering and worrying, resigned to the reality that their loved ones would die in darkness, they're finally coming home. It must feel like a miracle to them.
And he did that. He made that happen.
Rey gazes at the dinky tubes and wires running across the ceiling. She blows out an exhale, Poe's voice echoing in her mind.
"You think Kylo Ren actually cares about those peoples' lives?"
Does he?
She's honestly not sure. For all she knows, it was just a strategic decision, another distraction, like Poe said. Then again, he didn't have to go in with ground forces. He didn't bother to do that before...
Which makes her think that maybe this is just him trying to get what he wants, trying to convince her to join him, to show her the First Order isn't what she knows it is.
His partner, he says. Like she would ever join a regime that builds superweapons and slaughters their way into power.
He is an idiot.
Rey huffs, closing her eyes. Then, she falls slack.
But she loves that idiot.
She's finally starting to deal with that now, make sense of it, accept it.
But she had to get through the shock first. Then beating herself up for not recognizing what was happening. Then beating herself up for falling in love with the Supreme Leader. Then the pain of realizing they still want opposite things.
Now that she's had time to process it all, assess the situation more objectively, she's starting to wonder...
She's starting to wonder if maybe Ben is right.
Rey scoots back, hugging her legs into her chest.
She thinks about the last time she saw him, confronted with the harsh reality that they expect different things from each other. She pictures the kyber cave, the glow of the crystals illuminating his face, asking him what's changed since the first time they stood in the throne room.
And she thinks about his answer. She remembers the softness of his lips, the warmth of his hand cradling her face.
He's right.
That is indeed something different. But is it enough? Is it enough to change the outcome this time?
The more she considers the question— challenges it, stretches it, probes it— the more she thinks...
Maybe it is. Maybe it's the key, what was missing the first time.
Maybe this is what the bond is for, what it's been for this whole time— to take opposing sides, enemies by all logic, and bring them together, allow them to truly see one another, connect, and fall in love. Maybe this is part of the process, how the bond will accomplish its ultimate goal.
Maybe...
She'd thought the bond was about making her vision from Ahch-To a reality, about turning Ben Solo. And it is about that. It's about changing him, about him becoming who he was meant to be. But she's starting to think the bond isn't just about him.
It's about her too.
The bond is changing her just as much as it is him. There's something she needs to see, something she needs to become through it. She doesn't know what, but she can feel it. She can feel herself changing.
They're both becoming something else, something different from what they were, and it's because of the bond, because of their growing relationship.
She sees it happening already. She sees it in what he did on Delphon. Maybe his motivations weren't pure, maybe he's only trying to convince her to join him, but now he's done it, and he's experiencing the consequences. He's receiving recognition, praise, the tangible knowledge that he made a difference in so many lives.
For years, he's been the monster in the mask. That's how the galaxy saw him. That's how he saw himself. But now he's getting a taste of something else, a different version of himself. He's getting a taste of what it's like to be a hero, to be truly admired and looked up to.
Like his father.
And would he be experiencing this, would he have done what he did on Delphon without the bond, without her?
No.
Their relationship is motivating these choices, guiding him down this path.
Just like it's motivating her choices, guiding her down her own path. She thinks about her choices over the past months...
Like the choice to stay in the kyber cave, to return to it and learn to understand the crystals.
Or the choice she made in the training room, to reach out and heal him. Or the choice she made in Clava's palace, to jump into the fray and let out a blinding light.
Or the choice she made to see the General, to ask for a leadership position.
Would she have made these choices if not for the bond? Would she have made these choices if not for the version of herself she sees in his eyes, someone strong and powerful, a force to be reckoned with?
No. No, she would not.
When she thinks about these things, about her choices and his choices, the effect they're having on one another, who they're becoming...
She thinks maybe Ben's right.
Maybe she shouldn't be fighting this. Maybe fighting this would be fighting destiny.
But just as the thought occurs to her, a sinking fear creeps in, something deep and vulnerable, something she'd rather not face.
But she has to.
Because she has to be honest with herself. She has to be honest about her motivations, the uncomfortable truth— that maybe she's only thinking this way because she wants this so badly.
He's given her everything that she's ever longed for. He makes her feel loved, cherished, understood. She wants to give into this, to believe this is what's meant to be.
And maybe it's this yearning more than anything that's motivating her to think Ben is right, that the bond is for them to be together. Maybe she's letting selfish desires overcome her reason, talking herself into something that, by all logic, is clearly a bad idea.
Rey bites her lip.
Can she really trust her own judgement? Can she trust that this is truly what's meant to be and not just what she wants?
The truth is there's no way to know for sure. It's not like the call out to the Force, ask it to confirm in no uncertain terms what the bond is for. She'll have to decide for herself, and that's the part that scares her the most.
Because no matter what choice she makes, there will always be a nagging fear that she made the wrong one...
She tucks her chin into her chest, feeling unsettled, almost sick.
But the feeling soon changes, taking on a different aspect, something she's come to know quite well.
Rey freezes.
Then, she gulps.
She sits up, dropping her legs over the lounge and leaning over to rest her forearms on the table. She closes her eyes, waiting, focusing on the warmth rising within.
Ok. This was going to happen eventually. She can handle this. She's ready. Ready.
She hangs her head.
No, she's not.
And just like that, the warmth vanishes, replaced by his presence. She takes a breath, holding it in. Then, she lifts her head, exhaling slowly.
He's standing in front of the technical station, looking straight at her. His eyes are soft but also questioning. He's feeling about like she does— warm but on edge, uncertain.
They stare at one another. It's not long, maybe half a minute, but to Rey, it feels like a lifetime.
"Hey." She sits up a bit.
"Hey."
Silence.
He lingers like he's waiting for her to say something more. After a moment, he drags his eyes away, turning to look around the ship. He steps to the side, absently pulling off a glove and reaching for a hook on the side of the technical station. He continues on, examining piping and circuitry running up the walls and along the ceiling.
Rey watches, curious, sensing opposing currents of emotion. He's annoyed, resentful even, fighting unwanted memories. But he's also sad, a strange kind of longing tugging at his heart, perhaps like nostalgia...?
She rests back against the lounge, moving her hands to her lap. "You have a weird relationship with this place," she says abruptly.
"What do you mean?" He turns.
"I mean it irritates you, like you rather be anywhere else, but it also feels like..." She trails off. She searches for another way to put this but only one feels right. "Your home," she finishes quietly.
He bristles, jerking away and pulling on his glove.
She sighs, shaking her head.
Always unwilling to face his conflict. Always eager to bury it instead.
He moves to the technical station, his back to her, shoulders tense and rigid. She tucks her legs onto the lounge, crossing them.
"I hear congratulations are in order." She tries to sound upbeat.
He turns his head.
"The Heart of Delphon is the planet's highest honor, I believe."
He shifts to face her.
"You brought a lot of families back together. You gave a lot of people a future worth living for." She softens, setting aside her misgivings about his motivations and letting herself swell with admiration.
She's proud of him for what he did. She wants him to feel that.
He tilts his chin up, wary of the compliment. But he soon grows warm, basking in the sincerity of her praise. He steps forward, dark eyes fixed on hers.
Her chest flutters when he takes a seat on the lounge, sliding towards her. He's just a foot away now, close enough to feel his warmth.
"What happened on Delphon..." He leans in. "That's what you can do with power, Rey."
And just like that, the moment is ruined.
She rolls her eyes, scooting away from him.
"What do you think power is, Rey?" He scoots with her. "It's the ability to change things, to turn your vision of how things should be into a reality."
Rey sighs, crossing her arms.
"You think the pursuit of power is inherently evil, but power's just power. Its quality depends on what you do with it."
"Excellent point," she snaps to him. "And that quality depends not on handful of actions but on all of one's actions, what they add up to as a whole."
She catches a subtle flinch.
"Ben." She turns, folding one leg on the lounge. "What you did on Delphon means the universe to the people there, truly. To them, you didn't just save lives. You mended broken families, restored their communities, gave them hope. That's an incomparable gift."
He glances at her, a spark in his eyes.
"But..." She presses her lips together. "That does not erase what came before. It doesn't change what the First Order is— what you've done and what you're doing now."
"What do you mean what we're doing now?"
"Well, for starters..." She juts her chin up. "Who's next?"
He narrows his eyes.
"If your pattern follows suit, you'll be invading another system in the next few days. So, who's next?" She raises an eyebrow.
He doesn't answer, his face a mask.
"Will you be going after an organization like Black Hole— slavers, pirates, a violent gang?" She leans in. "Or will you be going after an organization like Zidon?"
"Zidon ran an illegal Varium market for decades, keeping Salient's government away from its own damn resource—"
"That's because the government was hoarding the mining profits while half the population was starving!? Zidon only captured the mines so they could have the means to feed people."
"So, you support stealing resources and assassinating government officials?"
"Of course not. I'm not saying Zidon is blameless. I'm just saying they weren't the same as Black Hole, and they should've been treated differently."
"How? How would you have treated them differently?"
She rolls her eyes. "Haven't you ever heard of negotiation? You do realize then when you encounter an organization you disagree with, you have options other than blowing them up."
He groans, throwing himself against the lounge. "Negotiations like those take forever. It could be months before an agreement is reached, and even then, it could all fall apart within a week."
"Oh." Rey sits up, feigning ingenuousness. "It would take a long time? Well, I didn't realize that. If that's the case, then by all means, just kill everyone." She glares at him.
He sets his jaw.
They both jerk away at the same time, twitching.
They sit in silence, staring forward. As the seconds pass, Rey senses a shift in him, irritation becoming something like weariness.
"There's no one in the First Order fit to oversee that kind of negotiation." He abruptly breaks the silence.
"What do you mean?" She glances at him.
"I mean we have plenty fit to negotiate with government officials, but to a rebel group like Zidon?" He sighs. "No one in the upper ranks is qualified to deal with those kinds of people."
"What a shock."
She expects him to roll his eyes or glare at her, but instead he gets a strange look. He shifts in the seat, lips curling.
"Of course, things might be different if..." He squints knowingly.
The instant she catches his meaning, her eyes flare. "You're an idiot."
"Why? Because I think you'd be excellent at negotiation?"
She turns away, re-crossing her arms.
"Think about it, Rey," he goads. "You're Force-sensitive, so you could feel how someone responds to the terms. You're patient, even-tempered, a good listener. You can be confident and firm when you need to be, but you're also accessible, not intimidating."
"Ben, no. I told you— I am not your partner. I'm not helping you gain access to resources so you can build armies and superweapons. You can figure that out by yourself."
He sighs and sits back in the seat.
Silence.
Rey tightens her arms, blood boiling.
How can he be such a fool? He knows her. And he knows what the First Order is. Why can't he see how absurd it is to entertain this fantasy of her ruling with him at the head of an authoritarian regime? That's not who she is. She will never be that. Surely, he must know this...
Her shoulders drop. Fury quickly subsides, becoming discouragement. She turns her back to Ben, fighting a tightness in her throat.
It just seems so hopeless. The pain is cutting, wanting him so badly yet finding his idea of how they should be together utterly unacceptable. She gulps, her eyes burning.
"Rey." Ben says her name softly, shifting until she can feel his chest at her back. "Rey." His lips are at her ear now, warm breath ticking her skin. "Please don't feel like this. Please. This situation, us... it's not hopeless."
She squeezes her eyes shut, desperately holding back tears.
Suddenly, large arms wrap around her from behind, encasing her in warmth. His lips press softly, kissing the back of her neck. "Please," he whispers.
She scrunches her face.
She should push him away. She should jerk out of his arms, whip around, tell him the situation is hopeless as long as he expects her to join him.
But she doesn't.
Because she doesn't want to.
All she wants to do is melt into him, forget about all this, everything that makes the idea of being together impossible, and just surrender to his embrace, the way he makes her feel.
Safe. Loved. A perfect sense of belonging.
So that's exactly what she does. She takes a deep breath, then lets is out slowly, relaxing into him.
He tightens his hold, his lips at her neck, covering her with kisses. With every touch, she softens, desperation melting away. She only feels him now, the weight of his arms, the warmth of his body, his breath. She keeps her eyes closed, concentrating on the warm glow inside, a steady rhythm they share between them.
If only they could stay like this forever. If only time would stop and let them stay here, let them escape into this refuge, a place where they can focus on how much they want each other and nothing else.
Rey wishes for this. She wishes for it with every fiber of her being until reality begins to needle its way in, pricking at her thoughts.
She sinks. Ben feels it too. He stops kissing her neck, loosening.
She scoots forward slowly, his arms falling way. She stands and steps from the lounge seat, her back to Ben. She feels him watching her, senses his yearning and disappointment.
They both want this so badly, but as long as he expects her to join the First Order and she expects him to abandon it...
She shakes her head.
Surely this can't be destiny. Not like this. Surely, they aren't meant to throw reason to the wind, ignore their opposing expectations and give in to desire as though it will miraculously erase the conflict between them.
Rey forces herself to review this conflict in her mind, to think about him mining kyber to build another Starkiller, manically consuming the galaxy's natural resources for his war machine, indiscriminately destroying any organization that gets in his way, refusing to negotiate with those who seek to protect the local population, expecting her to come in and make up for the First Order's diplomatic weaknesses—
Rey's thoughts shift abruptly, an idea springing to mind.
She bristles, banishing it.
No.
She's not falling into that trap again. She will not continue give the First Order a stronger foothold in this galaxy.
"What?" Ben asks.
Damn it.
Her shoulders drop.
Of course, he felt the change in her, the thought and the ensuing war against it. She stiffens, keeping her back to him.
"Rey..." He draws out her name. "What is it?"
No. No. No.
Think about Poe. Think about the Resistance. Think about the General. Think about Finn, Rose, Daja...
Their faces flash in her mind, this community, their cause, the one she'd devoted herself to.
But other faces begin to flash too. They're anonymous, a vague mass from her imagination. The weight of realization descends, what's really at stake here.
She sighs. Then, she turns, facing Ben.
He's watching her closely, expectant.
She stares at him a moment, grating inwardly.
She can't believe she's about to do this...
She shakes her head. "You said..." She forces herself to speak. "That no one in the upper ranks of the First Order is qualified to negotiate with groups like Zidon."
He jerks back. Clearly, this isn't what he expected.
"Well, you shouldn't be using anyone in the upper ranks for that kind of negotiation."
"Why not?"
"Because they're probably all elitist prigs who don't know the first thing about living on an Outer Rim planet."
He raises his eyebrows.
"Do you remember...?" She steps towards him. "When we played that game watching all of those people work in the port?"
He nods.
"Find someone like that, someone loyal, too smart for their position, ambitious, but not from a notable family. A nobody, preferably from the Outer Rim, a place you'd think of as a shithole planet."
He tilts his chin up. His eyes are so expressive. She can see him working through the suggestion, considering its feasibility.
"Oh, come on." She slides onto the lounge. "It's at least worth trying, don't you think?"
He narrows his eyes.
"You know..." She crosses her arms. "I realize that it's much easier to confuse the galaxy with holos so you can blow up all these Outer Rim groups indiscriminately and get access to your precious resources, but it's not what's best, not for these systems or you. Surely you know that."
No response.
She scoots closer.
"Ben, you may be able to fool the galaxy but you can't fool the people living in these systems, and trust me when I tell you..." She leans in. "The Resistance will take advantage of that."
His eyes flicker. He jerks away, unsettled by the prospect.
Rey watches him a moment, notices his jaw moving slightly like he's chewing through his thoughts. Finally, she rests back against the lounge, eyes drifting to the ceiling. She already feels a twinge of regret.
And guilt.
A minute passes before she feels his eyes on her.
She glances at him.
He's looking at her with a smug glimmer like he just beat her in a game. "You really would make a good leader."
"Ben, no." She snaps up. "I'm not telling you this because I want to run the First Order with you. I'm telling you this because it could save lives." She leans in. "That's what matters, Ben. More than any agenda, more than any power play, more than any war."
His expression changes, smugness transforming to admiration and perhaps a hint of fear?
Suddenly, she scoots close, her eyes wide and hopeful. "Right?" She searches his face.
He just stares. His expression is neutral except for his eyes, a storm of conflicting emotion. She looks into them, trying to read him, make sense of the feelings grating against one another.
But she doesn't get much of a chance.
Because he disappears abruptly, the warmth of his body there one second, then gone the next.
She jerks back, jarred.
For a few seconds, she stares at the empty lounge seat. She only realizes she's holding her breath when her lungs start screaming, begging for oxygen. She lets out an exhale, then inhales deeply.
She turns to face the room, perched on the edge of the seat. She starts to replay the scene, from the moment he arrived to the instant he disappeared. She runs through the words, the images, the feelings, then goes back to the start, lingering. She considers what she was thinking about just before she felt the bond, the unanswerable question— Should they give in to what they feel? Is this truly destiny?
She presses her lips together.
Then, she shakes her head.
No.
No, no, no.
Maybe it is destiny for her to be with Ben, but she can't give in to that now, not when she's so uncertain of him and not when she's so uncertain of herself. Can she really be with a man who has such trouble answering a simple question— do people's lives matter?
But that's the problem. It isn't a simple question for him, not when he's building a superweapon that can destroy billions of lives in an instant.
She needs restrain herself, restrain him, keep him at bay until she understands more, until she sees... Some kind of change, some hope that this won't end in what seems like the inevitable outcome.
Heartbreak.
She closes her eyes, a heaviness descending.
It's painful, the recognition that there may be no way to avoid this, that no matter what she does, she'll still end up...
Heartbroken.
She swallows thickly.
Then, she shoots up from the seat, taking in a sharp breath. She moves out of the lounge and into the hall, heading to the captain's quarters.
She needs to sleep. She needs to change clothes, crawl into bed, and let exhaustion overtake her, a sweet escape. She just needs to slip into a long, dreamless slumber...
She begins to picture it, visualize tucking herself in, pulling the sheets up close, resting her head on a soft pillow, then drifting, drifting, drifting...
The image gives her peace, hope that it will soon become reality.
But part of her knows it's just wishful thinking, that she won't be getting much sleep tonight.
The part that's already missing him.