Ezra POV
I can't sleep all night.
The image of her face is painted on the inner walls of my skull. The expression she wore as the light dulled in her gaze as she listened to what I had to say.
I had said some terrible things to her. As soon as I was walking away all I wanted to do was run back to her and take it back, beg for her forgiveness and acceptance of me.
But I can't.
I cant have a mate. I can't give her what she needs. I can't be a loving, doting mate that knows all the right things to say. A relationship? The idea puts a pit in my stomach. I hate myself all the more for it.
I'm weak. I have no love in my heart. The only thing close to love is what I feel for Klepto. But I had to ruin any chance of being with her. I'm too tempted by her. Too obsessed for her own good.
If she hates me, then there is no chance of her being hurt when we're too far in to turn back. Then she would realize what she got stuck with.
As much as I want her, deeply and desperately, I can't have her, and it pisses me off.
I made sure she knew I can't have her by the horrible way I treated her, and I regret it more than anything I have ever done.
Rolling over in my bed, I peak at the digital clock sitting on the bed side table.
7:37 AM
I sit up, sighing and running a hand through my hair. If a single night without my mate is this hard, I have no idea how I am expected to last the rest of my life.
I wonder how Klepto feels right now?
No, I abruptly cut the thought off. Continuing down that road will just lead me to running after her right now.
Slipping out of bed, I lazily pull on some sweatpants and a T-shirt. As I get dressed, I glance at the small desk parallel to the bed.
I softly walk over to it and squint down at the landline phone sitting on the oak wood ominously. A small green light flickers on the monitor every few seconds, signaling it's powered up and ready to be used.
Today is Wednesday.
That means today is the day I need to give Councilman Cole a call and give him an overview of the mission so far. All the gory details.
I just can't wait to call him and tell him all about this pack and their safety. It sounds so exciting. I roll my eyes at my sarcastic thoughts that drone on inside my head.
While I'm at it I can inform him that I found my mate, and that I don't plan on accepting her for my own selfish benefits. Oh, and the fact that I've never been loved so I have no idea how to show affection to another living person.
That would go over really well.
The ignoring of ones mate is seen as disgraceful, because it is. To deny such a gift is the highest form of blasphemy against the Moon Goddess. We have an eternal partner chosen for us, to throw it away is not acceptable.
But I can't accept her.
There is nothing wrong with Klepto. In fact, I'm already showing the signs of a meat-headed, overprotective, possessive mate. Every time someone even looks at my mate wrong I want to rip their head off with my teeth.
I have never experienced bloodlust so strong until the day I met her, and I can't say I hate it if it keeps her safe.
If anyone finds out that we're mates and I won't accept her, I can lose my job. My parents will despise me for bringing shame to the family name, and won't welcome me back home ever again, which I couldn't care less about. But everyone I know will despise me. My team mates, my boss, everyone. I would be an outcast.
Just like she's an outcast now?
I bite my lip. If everyone knew I rejected her, she would have an even harder time being accepted into her pack.
That's my main reasoning for keeping it a secret. I can't make things worse for her. I can't.
I shake my head so hard that it might actually detach from my neck.
Before I can second guess myself, I grab the phone and dial the dreaded number of the Councilman. If nothing else can distract me from my gorgeous brunette mate, this will definitely get the job done.
After the phone rings few times, someone finally picks it up. A grouchy voice greets me.
"This is Cole." Is all he says, and I clench my jaw. The guy is a complete douchebag. I don't know who let him have so much power.
"This is Ezra Blackmore, Councilman. I am calling to give my report on the Green Pack."
There is a slight, heavy pause.
"Yes, yes. Well, get on with it." He demands and I have to physically bite my tongue to keep from saying something I'll definitely come to regret later.
"The Green Pack seems organized enough with their patrols. They have a nice schedule. We plan on helping a bit with training their wolves. They aren't prepared to fight very well at all." I take a deep breath before continuing, "No sign of rogues whatsoever. Not a peep in the forest, sir. Everything appears to be fine so far."
Honestly, I'm holding back. I want to complain about the way the pack treats my mate, the way they regard their omegas as less than nothing. I knew it will get me nowhere, though.
There are many shifters who considered omegas dirt beneath their feet, and there are no laws preventing the treatment against them. Physical torture is illegal, as it should be, but it's still hard watching living creatures treated with emotional and psychological abuse. No one deserves to be treated that way. Especially my mate.
"Great. Sounds like you have everything taken care of." I bite my lip at his short answer.
"I... How is the mission with Alpha Veiler going over?" I ask, knowing it's not my place to ask, but doing it anyway. Jealousy boils underneath my skin like white hot fire ants trying to tear free, though I will never admit it.
Veiler can end me with a snap of his fingers. Even I'm not immune to his terrifying power.
A scratchy sigh sounds from the other end of the line, and I patiently wait for his answer.
"Not well. Ryk and his band of misfit wolves have been spotted by humans. News spreads like wildfire, but his team has it covered. They're hot on his trail."
The information is slightly reassuring at least. Even if we are bored out our minds here there are things being done to ensure the capture of the Red Alpha.
There is a sharp bark of a command and some rustling. A throat clears and then the Councilman is back on the speaker.
"It's been a pleasure, pup, continue your mission and keep out a watchful eye. Who knows what Ryk has planned. He's an unpredictable one. I want regular updates." I mumble a short reply before the line goes dead.
As soon as my heavy distraction is gone, my mate flushes back into my my mind. Black waves, dark arched eyebrows, and those unruly black high top converse of hers.
I can't stop thinking about her to save my life.
Eventually I make my way down the stairs, my foot falls sounding heavy and grumpy, reflecting my mood. Maybe it will improve with some good food.
When I turn the corner into the connected kitchen and living area, I spot a shirtless Reid talking with Hyrum.
I've never seen such an intense look in Reid's eyes before. He has a temper for sure, but never like this.
My arrival is noticed, both lycans turn their heads to scrutinize me from across the room. I raise my eyebrows and step back when I see a flash of Reid's unsheathed fangs. He is royally pissed. Great.
"What's going on?" My harsh question is met with Reid rushing over. He charges at me, grabbing the collar of my shirt and pinning me to the wall. I'm stronger than him, but he catches me by surprise.
A growl pierces the air as his green eyes began to blacken, a strange trait us lycans have when we feel strong emotions.
"You bastard!" He all but spits at me. Confusion flares inside me as I observe him. What could I have possibly done to spark his temper this bad?
I remember once in the base cafeteria when a rowdy Faerie had a little too much fun, and ended up dumping his lunch all over Reid's uniform.
There was fruit, syrup, and candy everywhere, seeing as how Faeries have a notorious sweet tooth. I remember how he reacted, he was killing mad. I thought I'd seen the extent of his anger in that moment, but I'd been wrong apparently.
This here just goes to show he has much more stored inside.
Whatever I'd done must be pretty unforgivable, that's for damn sure.
"Calm." Hyrum bites out, yet he doesn't appear any happier than Reid.
"What is this all about?!" I demand, pushing against Reid. He backs away, but only slightly.
"You have a mate and you just ignore her?" He demands. I curse under my breath and send Hyrum a fixed glare, he probably figured it out and told Reid. The traitor.
"So you don't deny it?" Hyrum asks, one eyebrow raised, gargantuan arms cross as he watches on in fascination.
I warily eye Reid then look back to Hyrum before clenching my jaw angrily.
"That's none of your business or concern." I insist, and Reid snarls at me.
"You're a stupid coward. Mates are gifts and you toss yours aside?" He's incredulous as he glowers at me, "What did you say to her?"
A sharp pang ticks my heart at the remembrance of my conversation with Klepto. I absolutely despise myself.
"I told her that we couldn't be mates and that she wasn't to inform anyone about us being mates.... and that she's weak. That was for good measure." I relay this bit of information like it's nothing, as if it's the simplest thing, but on the inside I'm boiling alive with grief.
I'm truly the lowest form of life there is.
Reid seems to blank, his complexion paling as he peers at me without seeing, as if he is lost in his thoughts. I push him completely off me as I watch him process what he's just heard.
After a few silent seconds, his gaze snaps back to reality. Green orbs of light press into me and his expression drops. Before too long, the look is gone, replaced with one of pure rage.
"Klepto?" He barks the single worded question at me, and I watch Hyrum stiffen.
If he didn't tell him it was her, then how did he figure it out?
"How did you guess?" Hyrum demands, holding up his hands when I meet his glance. He's showing me he hasn't betrayed my trust completely.
"I... I... talked to her this morning." He replies, and I immediately feel anger pulse through my veins.
"You spoke with her? What did she say? Did she not follow my orders?" I interrogate Reid, my voice rising in volume with each syllable.
Reid doesn't look too keen on answering my demands, instead his face flares cherry red. He looks as if steam is about to puff out of his ears.
"She is treated like garbage, even by her own family, her own pack, and you don't accept her? I thought you hide your emotions well, but I guess I was wrong. You're just completely heartless altogether." The words cut, and I take a deep, shuttery breath.
"What. Did. She. Say?" I ground the words out between pants, my aggression gripping me so severely that I have to physically restrain myself from punching him.
He continues to give me a deadly look before he begrudgingly answers.
"She said 'he can't find out. he can't find out.' over and over again. Completely delirious." A flash of pain fills his eyes, and then there's the overruling anger again as he watches me, "I didn't know who 'he' was until now." He seethes, utter disgust coloring his words.
Something doesn't make sense as his words register.
"Find our what?" I ask cautiously.
Reid purses his lips, clenching his jaw so tight I catch sight of a vein in his neck.
"That she was attacked."
I stop breathing.
"Attacked?" I choke out. Surely that's a lie. A rouse.
Reid narrows his eyes at me as if he thinks I'm faking my reaction.
"Yeah. Attacked. I found her on the forest floor while I was on patrol this morning. She was laying in a puddle of blood, broken and bruised. She was hysterical when she saw me, demanding that you couldn't find out."
My heart stutters in my chest, heat crawls up my limbs and my whole form rattles as if there's an earthquake that shakes me from the inside out.
My Klepto was attacked.
There will be blood, and lots of it.
My inner lycan wants gallons of the stuff spilled as soon as possible. Whoever was responsible for her pain will be dealt tenfold whatever awful thing was done to her.
But I have to find her first. Everything in me screams to locate her, check every inch of her over to make sure she's alright, kiss every scrape and cut maring her gorgeous skin.
I tear free from my pack mates, a furious snarl coming free as power pumps through my body. I have one goal, search out my mate.
As soon as I'm out the door I'm walking fast and with purpose. I'm storming the ground, flattening every blade of yellowing grass under my boots. I don't even know where I'm going to search for her, I just need to move. She can be anywhere.
The library suddenly plows into my memory. The image of her standing right outside the building among the trees. The fire and electricity in her gray irises as she realized who I was, what I was.
Yes. There, I'll check there.
I round a collection of small cabins, then I spot the back of the enormous pack house. A breath of relief slips free, knowing I'm at least close.
The little pack library is near the front side of the building. I just pray to the Moon Goddess that my mate if there, or nearby.
Worry eats at me, but it doesn't even touch the fury I experience at the mere thought of someone touching her.
Like you have any right to act protective of her, you're the one who broke her heart.
Then, there was guilt creeping in. I hadn't been there. I wasn't with her. I'm partially responsible, and that is the worst part of it all.
As I stomp forward with purpose, a figure is suddenly in front of me. Spotting the flash of blonde hair, I grate my teeth and curse myself for not being more observant of my surroundings.
"Hi there, Mr.Blackmore." Tessie leers up and down my chest before rolling her eyes up to meet my glare. A smirk adorns her pretty face, her lips pouting excessively to make them look bigger.
I refrain from decking her.
With the mood I'm in, putting up with Talia is the last thing I need.
"No time." I snap, physically pushing her aside, not caring as she tumbles to the ground.
She is one of the many pack members who treat my mate like garbage, and I don't appreciate that.
Like you've treated her any better?
Hurt explodes through me at the reminder. Reid is right, I am a no good bastard and don't deserve my mate. I know it's true.
"Hey! Wait up. Why are you off in such a hurry?" The nagging voice trails behind me, and I catch sight of Tammy running after me.
How does one run in stilettos in the grass?
Once she's at my side, I have to restrain my lycan from viciously lashing out. I would regret it later, being transferred will not help my issue here. Being taken away from my mate would make things worse for everyone.
What do you expect is going to happen if you don't accept her? Eventually you'll be separated.
I knew that, I'd planned on it, but the knowledge that she's injured makes me want to be by her side for the rest of eternity.
"I haven't seen you around at all today. I thought lycans woke up, like, super early or something. Or do you guys even sleep?"
"What a dumb question. We're not vampires." I grit out, getting closer to the library. Tasha's eyes widen, and I feel annoyed to the point of exploding.
Why is she still following me?
"Have you met a Vampire before? Gnomes? Oh! Maybe even an Elf?" The questions shouldn't be flirtatious, but somehow she finds a way to make them that way. It pushes me to the breaking point.
"I said I have no time. What don't you get about that?" I jump down her throat, and don't regret the sight of fear coming to life on her face.
If scaring her gets me what I want, which is for her to be gone, then I'll go about it happily.
"Uh. My mistake."
She flees suddenly, like I wanted her to do in the first place when I knocked her over. The blonde she-wolf trots away in the other direction, and I take a breath of relief.
I'm in front of the library in no time, pleased when I take a deep breath of my mate. It's fresh, she was here recently. She has to be close.
I hope she is, because I'm starting to lose my cool.
Not that I really had any cool to begin with.
Klepto's scent trail leads me forward aimlessly. As I stroll, so focused on the entrancing aroma of my mate, I begin to calm as I draw nearer.
If she is well enough to check out a book and move around, she's better than how Reid discovered her this morning.
The trail sent me deep into the woods, and I'm wondering why she's out here all alone. I'll find out soon enough, that's for sure.
Electricity sparks across my limbs, almost like a jolt of awareness slithering underneath my skin and up my spine. I've found her.
My gaze shifts around until it goes upward, sifting through the tree branches like a game of hide and seek. When my line of sight collides with a curious gray stare I know I'm done for.
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If you're reading this, I love you :)
3075 words, wow. Haha.
I'm so booked this week, I'm going on vacation and a wedding reception.
So I will try my best to finish the next chapter, but if it's not up by Friday please forgive me.