Lisa's POV
I woke up when the sun rays hit my eyes by the window. The space beside me was empty meaning, Jennie wasn't here anymore. I got up and do my morning rituals before going out my room. I went to the kitchen and saw a note on the fridge.
Lisa,
I already got up because I need to prepare for work. I didn't wake you up because you're sleeping like a lion :'D. I cooked your fave breakfast. Eat well. I'll see you later.
Yours,
Jen
I smiled and ate my breakfast. Because of boredome, I just binge-watch something on Netflix until I got bored again.
''Boredom sucks. I hate being jobless.' I thought so I just play a random music from YouTube then one song got my attention.
I've known you for so long
You are a friend of mine
But babe, is this all we'd ever be
I've loved you ever since
You were a friend of mine
But babe, is this all we ever could be
"What the hell is this song?" I thought. I want to stop the song but something inside me thinks otherwise.
You tell me things I've never known
I remembered our first conversation. The talkative Jennie saying the most trivial things about her to a basically stranger me.
You showed me love you've never shown
I reminisce the sweet gestures of Jennie that I mistook.
'It was just a friendly gestures, Lisa. Don't keep your hopes high.' I thought
But then again when you cry
I'm always at your side
You tell me bout the love you've had
I listen very eagerly
I remember when she told she has a crush on our handsome classmate. I really got jealous but I just let her talk, and I am dying inside, pretending to be all ears to her.
but deep inside you'll never see
This feeling of emptiness
It makes me feel sad
But then again, I'm glad
She is numb and dumb and I am a martyr and a masochist. But what can I do? After all this years, my feelings for you never changed.
I just let the song continue and I am really internalizing every words. This song speaks for my feelings for her. Na-best friend zone.
I got up and went to my room with my laptop, speaker, and phone. I lost track of the song and just let it play randomly.
4 days. I only have 4 days left then I'll leave everything here, again.
I just stare at the ceiling blankly, thinking about the things that should've been forgotten. Things that were not worth remembering.
Kapag nalagay ka sa alanganin
Heto na naman tayo
Pansamantalang unan sa twing ika'y nahihirapan
Pansamantalang panyo sa tuwing ika'y nasasaktan
"What the hell is wrong with this? Are you playing with me, huh?" I am talking crazily with my laptop.
Maybe listening with this kind of music is a bad idea. When I was about to turn it off, the next line hit me real hard.
Bakit ba sakin na lang lagi ang takbo
Sa tuwing kayo'y may away
Ako ang lagi mong karamay
Di naman tayo, hindi
Diba't hindi
That slapped me and brought the shit out of me. It made me realize something.
"I am just her temporary" a tear escape from my left eye. Then it flowed nonstop. It's like they are chasing each other down to my chin.
Eversince she got herself a boyfriend, she became like that. She'll ditch me just to have a lunch with her boyfriend and his friends. We barely talk because whenever we were together, her boyfriend just come from nowhere and drag her away from me. We seldom go home together because her boyfriend drive her home. And whenever we were together, she will always talk about him. But whenever they will have a fight, she'll come back to me crying. She will just remember me when they fight. She will remember that she have a best friend whenever things go wrong between the two of them.
I heard a knock that made me wiped my tears quickly. 'It's Jennie.'
How did I know? Of course, she's the only stupid who always knock. I have a doorbell for Pete's sake.
I open the door and saw her crying, again. She's crying again for the nth time.
I let her in and she sit on the couch. No one's talking. I stare at her while she continue to cry silently.
"Lisa.." she broke the silence.
"Why don't you just break up with him?" I asked bitterly.
"What?" She asked confusely.
"Stop being a fool and break up with him! Are you not tired of crying because of him? Because I am! I am tired of this setup! I am tired of seeing you crying because of your stupidity!" She was shocked. I was too. That's the first time I rose my voice to her.
"Lisa, I love---"
"I am tired of listening with your endless rants about him. I am tired of getting hurt because you are hurting. I'm tired of seeing you suffer because of him." I was already crying. After 5 years, I am crying again because of her.
"I'm tired of loving someone who will never love me back." I can't take this. My legs are already shaking but I need to endure this. She stand up and was about to say something but spoke.
"I'm tired of being a pillow for you whenever time's getting rough for you. I'm tired of being a hanky whenever you are crying." I said between my sobs. And Jennie cried even harder. I hate seeing Jennie cry but I think I need to love myself too.
"I'm tired of being permanently temporary for you, Jennie." I am ready to walk out the door when she said,
" I love you too, Lisa." She was looking directly to my eyes.
"Stop playing games with me Jennie. I've had enough."
"5 years ago, I was having an internal battle with myself." She spoke calmly.
" I don't want to admit that I like a girl, that I should act the way everyone's expecting me to act. I have a hard admitting that I like you, no scratch that i love you, not the way friends do. It's more than that. It's beyond that." She smiled sadly and I waited for her to continue, still not facing her while she's holding my wrist.
"But when I finally admitted that I love you, I saw my mom getting furious because of my cousin who ran away with a lesbian. If my mom acted like that because of her, what more if she knows about me, liking a girl? I got scared, Lisa. I was scared." She cried. That's my cue to face her and watch her wipe her tears. My tears seems to have a contest with her as they keep on flowing too.
"That's why I rejected you. I want to hug you that time and tell you I love you but I remember my mom. I'm sorry for being a coward. I'm sorry because I was scared to fight for you even though the battle hasn't started. We were so young that time. I don't know what will happen if I chose to be with you.
Then I heard you went to UK to study. It broke me, Lisa. You don't know what happen to me when you left.
My mom heard me and my cousin talking about you and she knew that I am a gay. She disowned me."
That got me shocked. Her mother disowned her? Why? My heart keeps faster and faster as she continue to speak.
I didn't know she'd gone all this pain. All I thought that I was the only one suffering but she suffered a lot than me.
After her mother disowned her, she worked in their cafeteria to support her studies. She needs to be a student assistant and a dean's lister just to support herself. This made me guiltier. Only if I didn't left her then maybe she didn't go through this pain.
"But I never regretted what I did 5 years ago. Because look at you know, you are already successful and I can say that I survived everything without any help from my mom. We've grown mature now. And I am happy because of that."
She showed me her infamous gummy smile that made my heart skipped a beat again. The zoo in my stomach gone wild. The Jennie Effect.
We shared a comfortable silence for a minute then I remember something.
"What about your boyfriend?" I was afraid that maybe she's just confused that time and she already got herself another guy.
"I never had a boyfriend after you left." Huh? What? I was confused.
"Then what about those cheating thing you said? The crying moments?"
She laughed, "I just don't want to surprise you by telling I was crying because of you. And if making my self look pathetic in front you makes you closer to me, then I gladly be pathetic forever."
"But just like what I've said earlier, I don't regret what I did 5 years ago, because I didn't did that, we are not who we are now. I can now face you, with my head up high, and I am now ready to shout to everyone that I love you, Lisa. And I'll do everything just to prove it to you."
I smiled.
"Everything?"
"Everything."
"I just want one thing."
"What is that?" Jennie asked.
"I don't want to be your temporary." I said smiling.
Jennie smiled and hugged me by my waist and placed her head on my chest. She broke the hug and look in my eyes.
"Sure. Because I will love you permanently."
I smiled and kissed her in the lips slowly. Our first kiss. It was the type of kiss that is made to so that we can memorize each others lips. A kiss with lust, it was made by pure love.
But we're just human. We need to break it to gasp some air. Why do kissing and breathing can't be done on the same time?!
"Why are crying again, Jennie?" I wiped her tears using my thumb and caress her cheek.
"Tears of joy." Then we chuckle.
"I love you, Jen."
"And I love you, Lisa. Permanently."
Falling in love is never easy.
Nobody said it was.
Especially if it's your best friend.
You'll experience getting hurt secretly.
Smile secretly, and love secretly.
But the beauty of falling in love with your best friend is that, you don't need to go to that getting to know each other stage because you already know each other.
Your friendship might be compromised and at risk, but it's worth trying. Promise, you'll not regret it.
I and Jennie might have undergone so much drama before ending up together but that's what made our relationship strong.
And that's the perks of falling in love with the friend of mine.