Present day....
I stopped talking when I heard a light snore. I guess she's already sleeping. She must be tired for crying nonstop. Her eyes are not that swollen anymore but there are tear stains in her cheeks. I caress her face softly and kiss her forehead. I hugged her tightly and drifted to my dreamland, with the woman of dreams on my arms.
*
Jennie's POV
I woke up when I heard my alarm on my phone. I tried to move but no avail. Something's on my tummy that prevents me to move. I look the girl who's snoring lightly, with her mouth slightly open and her hair's messy that makes her look like a lion, a gorgeous lion.
I looked at my watch and it's already 5:45 am. I need to go now. I looked at her one last time and kissed her on her forehead and slowly remove her hands on my tummy.
I cooked her breakfast because I know she can't cook before I go to my place to get ready for work.
After 20 mins of travel, I reached my condo unit and prepared myself. When I was ready to close my room, I saw my old journal back when I was in high school. I smiled and put it in my bag.
Minutes later, I am here already at my workplace. I work as an EIC of one of the most popular teenage magazine in the country.
I came a little bit early. I went to my office and ponder. I open my bag to get my phone and I saw my old journal. I opened it and the picture of me and Lisa popped up.
A bunch of our picture in high school particularly our senior years, the year when a zoo in my stomach was born.
Flashback...
It started when I heard that Lisa and Nancy are dating. Taehyung gave me a bunch of pictures of Lisa and Nancy kissing in the gym. I got furious that time. I started avoiding her. How dare she keep a secret to me! I'm her best friend. So when Taehyung asked me out, I agreed, out of my anger towards her.
I became attached to him in an instant. He's not that hard to like. He's smart, rich, and handsome. After months of dating, everything went wrong for the both of us. We started fighting and I always end up crying. But I don't know. Maybe I was crying by the thought of my best friend dating someone.
Then she clarified things to me. I was so relieved to know that they weren't dating. Taehyung and I are still together but our relationship was starting to become toxic.
Whenever I'm having a problem, but not entirely because of him, I always go to Lisa and cry. She's always there for me.
Then I decided to break up with him because everything is not right from the start. Lisa was the first one to know about it. And I'm glad we're back to normal.
We continue our friendship but I feel a different sensation whenever Lisa touch me. I became more sensitive and conscious on saying I love you's to her which are normal for me back then but now's a little different.
I felt jealous whenever Lisa will take a glance to girls wearing short shorts and when Lisa talks to me about the girl she saw on park.
But no. 'I don't like her'. That is what I will always say everytime I feel something strange towards her.
But then I just woke to the realization that I've fallen in love with my best friend. I don't know how and why, when and where. I just know that I love her. And I'm afraid it might ruin our friendship once she didn't feel the same way.
I became more clingy to her. Well, I'm clingy to her eversince but I became more touchy. I want her to give a hint but she's so numb.
"What if you are torn between choosing friendship over love, what will you choose?" I asked her as we are walking in the busy street.
"I'll never get torn because I prefer to love my friend. Less complicated. I'll get to love that person without compromising a friendship because that person is my friend. Easy." She replied enthusiastically.
Calm down my heart...
I just hummed in response. Maybe... just maybe. I think we have a chance.
I was already outside my house and my aunt's car was parked in our garage. I enter my room and change with a comfortable clothes when I heard my aunt shouting angrily.
"This girl broke up with Jiyong just to be with that Chaerin and they run away! I can't believe this girl! How can she choose to be with a lesbian than to have a good future!" My aunt said as she cried so hard.
Then I saw my mom clenching her fist. That's the first time I saw her mad. Never in my entire existence that I saw my mom angry. She's fuming. I got scared. My mom slapped my cousin so hard. She's never that type of person who is violent. This is the first time.
Mom....
"You are such a disgrace in this family Dara! What will other people say if they'll know this? Do you know the consequences of your careless act?! Females are not for females! Remember that!"
I closed my door. I already had enough. I got scared. If my mom reacted to Dara that way, what more if she knows that I love Lisa?
This needs to stop... I can't love her. She's a girl. We are not bound to be together.
*
Graduation's over. Everyone's happy but not me. My mom was disappointed because I was just ranked second. Lisa's the first and I'm so proud of her. Lisa invited me to go their house so I went there. Everything going smoothly when she dragged me out and moments later, we are already in a park near our old school.
"What are we doing here?" I asked.
" I have to tell you something...important." I got nervous. I know where this conversation leads.
"I love you, Jennie." No, Lisa. Please take it back.
"I love you eversince I met you. I did everything so you will notice me. I worked out, made myself good, and I studied hard so you'll notice me again. I love you more than friends. More that you could ever imagine."
"Lisa I-i..." I was about to tell her that I love her too but I remember what my mom said.
"You are such a disgrace in this family Dara! What will other people say if they'll know this? Do you know the consequences of your careless act?! Females are not for females! Remember that!"
"I'm homophobic." Then I died. My heart broke.
"But Jennie..."
"No Lisa. You are my best friend. How can you do this? So you just befriended me because of that? Lisa, I trusted you."
"Jennie I'm sorry."
"If you'll continue that then... friendship over."
I was on the verge of crying. But I have a bad habit: my mucus tends to flow first than my actual tears so I wiped my nose.
"You're so unfair Jennie. You can say that you don't feel the same way towards me but you don't have the right to tell me to stop me loving you..." Tears keep flowing in her eyes. This is the first time I see cry. And it is because of me.
"Because it is like telling me to stop breathing and die."
I don't know what to say. I'm happy because she loves me. I want to hug and kiss her right now but I can't move.
She wiped her tears and turn around. I'm facing her back and said, "But if you like, then alright. Friendship over. I will continue loving you even if it hurts so bad. I will keep on loving you until it will fade away. I'll get over you, don't worry."
She starts walking but she stopped. " and more thing. I didn't befriended you because I love you. I befriended you because I want to... thank you, for the memories."
Then I was left all alone. I cried so hard. My tears can stop falling. I went home and saw that my mom prepared a surprise for me and my dad is here too but I just went to my room and cried. I cried all night and waited for my tears to fall out but it seems like I have a whole ocean of tears inside me.
*
Weeks had passed and I heard that Lisa was already in UK to continue her college. I was broke. I was broke because I am coward. I'm scared to fight for her...even if the battle hasn't started.
After 5 years, I heard that Lisa returned to the country. All the pain came back. The guilt is starting to build up again. But my love for her never came back....
Because it never faded in the first place.
I still love her...
*
I went to the park where we used to hangout and cried hard. Then someone handed me a handkerchief and I was surprised because it was Lisa, my Lisa.
"Hey. Why are you crying?" Gosh, I missed her voice.
"I.. ahm.. H-hey. You came back." I diverted the subject and wiped my tears.
"Yeah. 1 month vacation. Why are you here? And why are you crying?" She still the same. She wiped my tears with her thumb and caressed my face.
I don't her want to know that it's because of her so I have to do this...
"My boyfriend cheated on me..."
She hugged me tight. I missed her warmth. I missed how her strong arms are wrapped tightly around me so I gladly return the same intensity. God, I missed her so much. I'm glad she's back.
*
Lisa and I reunited again. Whenever I wanted to tell Lisa that I love her, I would always end up crying and running back to Lisa just to tell the same lies just to cover up my feelings for her. I know I'm being unfair for her. But if it's the only way I can hug her and be with her then I'll do it. I just want to know if she still feels the same.
End of Flashback....
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