Geez! It's Sunday again already! 🙄🙄🙄🙄
Breakfast? No! I don't have time to cook right now. I've got to prepare for church.
Yes, siree! Baptized at 1-month old and have been attending mass every Sunday since then. Oops, pardon me, dear God. Yes, I skipped a few masses due to sickness and traveling. But that's all. Really!
Alright, let's have some quick cheerios. I am starving also. Are you okay with whole milk?
Oh, please sit down, Jjong! You are in my wayyy.... WATCHHHHH.....OUTTTTTT!!!!!!
Stop laughing!!!! This is JUST great! Now I have to change my shirt. My sister only ironed this one shirt for me. Grrrrrr 😫😫😫
I know! I know you did not bump into me. But I still thought I had to avoid you! Just you wait, Jjong. Next time I will walk right throoooough you. So be prepared! 😜😜
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Come on! Walk with me! This will be a nice stroll down the street.
You mother and sister are probably heading to church also, right? Do you know where they often go for Sunday service? You hadn't gone with them, had you? Reaaally? I have to wait for the confirmation from them to believe that statement of yours.
Aren't these blooming jacaranda trees just breathtakingly beautiful? I used to live in a neighborhood where the streets were lined with them on both sides. In the summer? The whole nabe would be doused in purple, like this. Just mesmerizing!
Why?
Are you missing your mother because we are walking to church?
Oh, my poor Jjong!
Come here.
It's okay.
It's okay, Jjong.
It's okay.
Just calmly think about what you want to say to her during mass. When we get home, I will type it out and post it for you.
Shhhh!
Shhh!
Shh!
"Mom!
Thank you for sending your son off so well.
I miss you every much.
I also love you very much.
Hence, I am immensely sorry that I made you mourn the loss of me. For leaving the physical world before you, I apologize, mom. Please forgive this unfilial son. My mind wasn't clear enough to remember that no matter how difficult it was for you to see me drown in agony and anguish as I kept struggling to appreciate my self-worth, it would still be far less painful than having to lament my sudden departure, as you are now.
My depression completely took over me that time, mom. I couldn't control IT. I am tormented over the fact that I did not stay home with you and Sodam noona. You two could have checked on me during that ominous time. But, somehow, I isolated myself. I removed myself from people who love me and whom I love. That's why I couldn't win IT then, mom, because I had sealed myself away from my loved ones.
Mom, I am sorry!
I really fought it. I fought it really, really hard. So hard and for so long. ALL OF US had fought hard, for my sake. You did, too, mom.
But regretfully, I hadn't gotten the right professional help in a timely manner. Thus, I perished, in the bitter end.
So, mom, please accept that both of us, you and I, wrestled against IT like the true fighters did. But our enemy was just too sly, so it tricked my vulnerable mental state when I least expected. IT did not win fair and square at all, mom.
Mom, I am always thankful toward you, for giving birth to me and noona so we could be in the same family, for your daily labor to raise both of us, and for being the world most loving mother that we could have asked for. You were always my stronghold, my motivation, and my inspiration. Without you, I wouldn't have been able to achieve my dream of becoming a shining star on stage. I proudly shone, and I will continue to shine because my art still remains. Thank you for being one of my first two loyal fans. Thank you, mom, for your love, care, and support in all that I wanted to do! I will forever be grateful to you.
Mom, please do not blame yourself when I said in my note to Heeyeon noona that I wasn't meant to be a famous person and that the fame I received was engulfing me. At the time when you and Sodam noona encouraged me to set foot into professional singing, the industry was not as enormous and as demanding as it is today. All the fame, stringent restrictions, and pressure came into place long after I successfully debuted. What I said in the note referred to this later time. So, please, do not regret your decision to support my life dream. I had that dream. I wanted it to come true. And I was overjoyed because it came true. It's just that I was a perfectionist and I cared about what other people think too much. Thus, I slowly fell into my depression and couldn't escape its grab. Sadly.
I detest depression, mom, because it plagued what would have been the most beautiful chapter of my life, of my musical ambition. I could flourish much further along side Jinki hyung, Kibum, Minho, and Taemin. I could be living with you for much, much longer. But IT stole my life from me. IT took away all that was precious to me, mom.
And I DO NOT want it to wickedly snatch any more priceless lives way from its immediate sufferers and their loving families! Thus, please, mom, help me take up the mission and fight IT.
Please help me raise awareness about depression in our society, at least in our country. You can use my name to attract attention. Something like THE KIM JONG HYUN ANTI-DEPRESSION CAMPAIGN. The more people know about it, the more our society will be willing to discuss its serious impact on individual and public health, then the more effective programs will be implemented to battle against it. Depression hurts very much mom, as I know well and you know well.
So, please, start this campaign in my stead, to fight this potentially destructive mental health condition which is consuming thousands of lives of South Korean youths. The 2015 statistics is really daunting, mom. Suicide was the highest cause of death for people in their teens, twenties, and thirties in our country. Why is that the case? Stress!
And why are our millennials stressed out so much? Fast-paced lifestyle and higher societal expectations are occurring everywhere, so why do our youths suffering so severely? I believe it is because mental health conditions are still viewed as taboos in our country, mom. Some people still openly regard these illnesses as being weak or as having a feeble mind. So, those who sincerely need help still try to hide it because they are afraid of being looked down upon.
Mom, I did not want to give up! But my condition made me give up. And I will hate for it to happen to anyone else. So, please, help me continue the fight, as I now hopelessly can't. I have colleagues who still care about me, I have fans who still love me. These people will support you and your mission if you decide to embark on it.
For all my time in the world, mom, thank you! For all the wonderful memories and the love we share, thank you! I love you for all my life and for eternity.
Please continue to stay healthy and be Sodam noona's stronghold. She needs you, mom, very much. I will be here, watching you with love and concern. Then, at the end of your natural time, I will gladly hold you in my embrace when we reunite.
Until then, please remember my happiest smiles.
I love you.
Your most loved and most loving son,
Your lovable Jonghyun,
Forever."