chance
- (n) a possibility of something happening
My friends were up to something. Something about me.
Even though we were all in a circle facing each other, they were still able to whisper among themselves and leave me out of the loop. I hid my annoyance by laying down on the grass and covering my face with my arms.
They had invited me over, saying something about enjoying the last two weeks of summer by chilling in the park. I was expecting at least running around and playing with frisbees or something; but apparently to them, enjoying meant sitting on the grass and talking about who knows what.
I was just about to doze off when someone poked me on the side. I peeked through my arms and saw the mischievous smile on Yoshiki's face. It looked like trouble.
"Oh, Phoebe," he said in a singsong manner. "What say you to a date next week?"
I groaned and covered my face again. "Wake me up when you make sense."
Yoshiki jabbed my side again. "Come on, Phoebe. Hear us out!"
I let out a sigh and sat up. "I'm listening."
Yoshiki opened his mouth to say something, but Kate interrupted with "We're setting you up!"
I laughed humourlessly. "No way," I said. "No thanks."
"Come on, Phoebe," Yoshiki urged as he draped an arm around my shoulders. "The guy we're setting you up with is one of my best childhood friends."
"And he's a really nice guy," Yuji added. "He has three sisters and they all adore him."
"He's very friendly. He won't care if you're awkward or whatever because he's good at conversations."
"He's really chill too," Yuji said. "He plays the guitar and I think you guys share the same taste in music."
Yoshiki nodded and squeezed my shoulders. "The most important thing is that he's into nerds like you."
I groaned at Yoshiki's insult and shrugged his arm off me. I tried to look as annoyed as possible as I looked at all of them.
"You guys are a million things, but you aren't exactly the best matchmakers." I said, crossing my arms over my chest.
"What are you talking about?" Kyle scoffed. "We got you and Miles together."
An awkward silence fell on all of us as Kyle's words hung in the air. Everyone's eyes kind of shifted away from my face, and if the situation were different I would have laughed at their expressions.
"Well," I said with a chuckle, trying to dissipate the tension. "Look how that turned out."
Yoshiki let out a small cough, a sorry excuse for a laugh, but at least they all visibly relaxed.
Kyle blinked at the ground, but Ayumi squeezed his hand then smiled at me.
"I think what we're trying to say is that you should just give this a chance," Ayumi said calmly and everyone nodded their heads in agreement.
"Yeah," Kate added in a soft tone, not the teasing tone I was used to. "Don't close yourself off just yet, Phoebe."
And that's how, a week later, I ended up standing in front of all of them in my pre-date, wide-eyed, and jittery state.
"This is just like watching a little sister grow up," Yoshiki commented, snapping a few pictures with his phone. "I'm so proud."
"How would you even know?" Yuji asked as he reached up to pat my hair. "We don't even have a sister."
"Don't mess with the hair!" Kate exclaimed, slapping Yuji's hand away. "It took a while to get it to look like that."
"Wait," Kyle said, peering at me. "Are you actually wearing make up?"
I squinted my eyes at his incredulous tone and shoved his shoulder. "What's with the tone, bud?"
Ayumi rolled her eyes and flicked her boyfriend's nose. "Shut up, Kyle." Ayumi said. "I made her do it."
"This is actually finally happening!" Kate exclaimed. "Remember that we're meeting after the date, okay? You have to tell me everything."
I promised her that I would tell her everything, but I guess it was just too bad that there wouldn't be much to say after all.
"Shin" and I were supposed to meet in front of the main doors of a shopping complex at seven. Yoshiki said that Shin would be wearing a dark green shirt, and that he always wore a blue baseball cap backwards.
I kept my eyes open as I patiently stood by the doors. I watched as tourists and locals alike passed me by. My eyes trailed after boys with either a dark green shirt or a backward cap, but none of them ever approached me. They were all either with someone else, or heading the other way.
I knew I had been waiting for a while when all the din started becoming background noise to me. My ears got more and more used to the beeping of the cars and the chatter of the people around me. I practically memorised all the words in the ad playing on loop on a screen across the street. I didn't know what to do with myself, so I switched between standing still, leaning on walls, and sitting down on a bench.
Still no Shin.
The summer sun was starting to set, and the golden glow made everything seem dreamlike, unreal.
After what seemed like twelve summers, my watch beeped twice to signify the hour. And still, no Shin.
This was so stupid. Why did I even agree to this in the first place?
I was about to give up all hope when all of a sudden, I met eyes with a guy who immediately started to walk towards me. He walked confidently, as if the big bag on his back weighed nothing. I took in the white cap he was wearing backwards and his light green shirt. I could see a few curls peeking out of his hat and he had an easy smile on his face.
Was this Shin?
"Excuse me," he said in an accent that reminded me too much of someone I didn't really want to think about. Even his voice was deep like Miles' and the way he dipped his head was just like Miles and he had brown, curly hair and a dimple near his mouth and he--
Wait. Did my friends set me up with a guy who was just like Miles?!
"Do you know where the nearest donut place is?" He asked this slowly, as if he wasn't sure whether I would understand him or not.
Oh, this wasn't Shin. I tried to calm my panicking heart and internally rolled my eyes at my overreaction. This wasn't Shin.
I just blinked at the guy, wondering why he would want donuts when he was in the land of sushi and ramen and gyoza. But then I noticed the map in his hands and realised he was a tourist, and tourists didn't always make sense.
"There's a Krispy Kreme right there," I told him as I pointed across the street. "Go into that building and it'll be right in front of you."
The guy smiled widely, his eyes crinkling at the sides. "Danke," he said. "That's thank you in Ge--"
"Bitte," I replied, cutting him off.
His eyebrows shot up. "Oh," he said in suprise. "Sprichst du Deutsch?"
I shook my head quickly and raised a hand to cover my mouth, suddenly self-conscious.
I had flashbacks of reading phrase books and translations and researching grammar rules online. "I just, uh," I stammered. "I learned it for, uh..."
I remembered butchering the pronounciation of words, and I remembered a boy across the globe, who I couldn't help but associate with the guy in front of me now, laughing at my attempts and patiently corrected me while I practiced.
I learned a language to try to impress a guy, I wanted to say. But instead, I said, "I just know a couple of phrases here and there."
The guy nodded his head. "Well, I'm still pretty impressed."
I shrugged my shoulders, unsure of what else to do, and cleared my throat.
"Everyone I asked before you either couldn't understand me or just shrugged me off," the guy said after a while. "And I really wanted some donuts, so really, Dankeschön."
I watched the guy leave; watched him stop every now and then to take pictures of the buildings and the sky. Even the way he walked reminded me of Miles, which was pretty stupid. How could a stranger remind you of someone you barely even talked to anymore?
Must be the heat, I reasoned. Probably just tired of waiting around.
I tried to distract myself by walking around the shopping complex, checking to see if maybe Shin was waiting for me somewhere else. I figured I looked a little suspicious after my fourth circuit, so I stopped walking and plopped my butt back down on the bench.
My watched beeped twice again, and I slowly stood up and scanned the crowd; giving Shin, giving this date set-up one last chance.
"No-show-Shin," I muttered under my breath, trying to make light of the situation. "At least it's got a nice ring to it."
I walked back to the train station, suddenly without energy. All the giddiness and adrenaline left my body, and all I wanted was to get on my train home and explain everything to Kate through text; that way it would be short and structured, and not long and winding as I imagined it would be if I had to rehash it over ice cream.
I saw Yoshiki, Kate, and Yuji before they saw me, and I ducked behind a group of tourists so I could slip past them without being spotted.
A girl can only dream, I guess, because next thing I knew, Yoshiki met my eyes and ran right up to me. Kate and Yuji were at his heels.
"How was it?" Yoshiki asked with a big smile on his face.
I gave him a tight smile and shrugged. "It, um, it never happened."
"What?" Kate asked, her eyebrows furrowing.
"He, um," I started, shrinking away from all their stares. "He didn't show up."
Yoshiki and Yuji's smiles fell from their faces. "Wait, what?"
I shrugged and lightly scratched at my arms. "I was just waiting for him at 109 the whole time like you said I should," I started. They were about to say something, but I didn't want to hear it so I said something stupid about how hot it was and how suprised I was that my make up was still on.
"I should ask Ayumi what products she used." I said after my little ramble.
The three of them exchanged glances and avoided my gaze. I had to clear my throat to get their attention back.
"Guys," I told them. "It's not a big deal."
"This was supposed to be your first date in years, Phoebe." Kate said, exasperated. I thought she was being a little dramatic. I survived the first eighteen years of my life without going on a date. How was this any different?
"No, really," I assured her. "Shin happens. But in this case, it didn't."
Yoshiki let out a snort at my attempt to joke but I knew he was going to let this go easily. The other two, I wasn't so sure.
I knew Kate was going to be sore about me not going for ice cream, and I knew Yuji was going to back her up so I just leaned in to give both of them a hug goodnight. I reached over to hug Yoshiki too, but he said he'd walk me to the the ticket gates.
"I'm really sorry about Shin," Yoshiki said as he watched me buy a ticket for the train. "I really thought this could work."
"Yoshi," I said, rolling my eyes. "It's not a big deal, okay?"
"I was the one who suggested it in the first place," he said, scratching the back of his neck. "I feel like it's my fault."
I punched his shoulder. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself," I said. "I should be doing that since I'm the one who got stood up on."
Yoshiki rolled his eyes at me and finally smiled. "You sure you're okay?"
"Yes," I said, exasperated. "I'm fine."
He sighed and leaned in to give me a hug.
"Shin doesn't happen to speak German, does he?" I asked with a nervous laugh.
Yoshiki leaned back and looked at me weird. "What?"
"You know the language they speak in Ger--"
"What does that have to do with anything?"
I squinted my eyes at Yoshiki, wondering if he wanted to hear about the Krispy Kreme guy. I just went for it and told him what happened, even about me wondering if they set me up with a guy like Miles, and Yoshiki laughed.
"Couldn't be Shin," he said. "Far as I know, Shin only speaks English and Japanese."
I nodded my head. "I figured."
"Besides, Shin hates donuts."
I let out a dramatic gasp. "Why would you set me up with someone who hates donuts?"
"Shut up," Yoshiki said, shoving my shoulder. "You're such a dweeb."
"A dweeb that can't get dates," I corrected, mocking myself.
Yoshiki just sighed and finally said goodbye, leaving me to walk through the ticket gates and right into my thoughts.
When I got home, I couldn't look at myself in the mirror without cringing. My hair was a mess because of the humidity, and my make up had actually started to run. I took a long shower to calm myself and told myself over and over again that I was going to be okay. People get stood up on all the time. It wasn't such a big deal.
I went to bed that night relaxed and I woke up relaxed. I was fine, totally fine.
No one ever brought Shin up again. Actually, no one brought up dates at all. As relieved as I was, it just sucked that were all walking on eggshells around me, that they thought one wrong word would result to me in tears.
I wasn't that weak and pathetic, right? Sure, I didn't get over things quickly and easily but I could bounce back.
I was stronger now, wasn't I?