I set in the steps of the old house waiting for the sun to set so no one can see my tears.
Everything went on like nothing ever happened in my house.
Every time they talked about the wedding I would think about how different roses responses would be.
Yeva disappeared after telling us what ever she had said.
'The broken can't burn' or something. It didn't make sense. Nothing ever made sense that Yeva said but it was like this time she was trying to kill me.
I always knew loving rose had consequences but it was always bitter sweet it was never pure darkness. I wanted to love her but I can't. I looked at the ring on my finger and it seemed to burn into my skin.
Love.
Love and protection.
That's what the ring stood for. That is the promise I made to pav. Even though I know I can never love her. And I know I'm the hurting her emotions. How can I protect something I'm destroying?!
It was easy to observe how much me not being excited about the wedding and seeing rose had affected her.
Rose.
I know rose wouldn't have stayed. Heck, she was saying how she was happy for pav and me, but why did yeva have to sent her away?
It's selfish but couldn't she just stay another second?
I just need a second.
I know rose moved on. And I know things are so so different now. But how can I move on if she's the only thing I can think of?
She had sent me a massage on my phone a few hours after leaving but it felt so much like she was leaving forever I couldn't even read it. Still it was there on my notification but I can't make myself read it.
Maybe when I'm ready? But I know I'll never be ready.
I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even realize that yeva had come back and set next to me until she put her hand though my hair like she did when I was little and needed to be calm down.
"Yeva" I said as I put my head in her lap while she continued to do gestures that calmed me down.
"Did I ever question anything you did?" I asked.
"Never"
"Then can I question you today? I really need to know" I said my voice cracking.
"I never said you couldn't question me" she said giving me a soft smile.
"Why did you tell rose to go away? What did you mean by the broken can't burn? Why sent her away when you know I-i-" I fell silent. Not saying the words that actually came to my mind.
When you know I can't live without her. When you know I love her. When you know I would do anything to get her to stay.
"Dimka, did she tell you everything she did in the last 3 years? The political moves? The number of kills? The darkness?"
"Yes"
"And do you think she would have been able to do all the same things if she was with you?"
"no. But how is she broken?"
"Dimka, did she seem anything like your roza?"
I blushed a little at the thought of my grandmother know so much about my personal life but then thought about her question.
"No. Not much. But people change"
"No my boy, people don't change. People's moral and perspective change. She's not the same. And that's because she has been though so much. It broke her. Dimka, if she stayed it would just hurt both of you. Because she can't love anyone if she doesn't even know who she is." Yeva explained with sadness in her voice.
"There's so much she needs to do. Don't hold her back. You can't force love. If it's there it'll always be there. Love her by letting her go." She then gave a genuine smile and patted my head.
"You have a long way Dimka. Read her massage. It's not end of your story"
Then I couldn't take it anymore. I had to ask her. I have to know.
"What...can-can I... will rose and I meet again? What will happen to her!?" I asked.
"I'll tell you the honest truth my boy; I don't know. The future isn't this long steady path Dimka. There we different possible ways things can happen based on people's choices. I don't know if you'll ever see her again and I don't know where she'll end up. But I can tell you that she will do great things and she will never forget you" and with that yeva left.
I finally understood why yeva's predictions never made any sense. Because the meaning changed with the choices we make.
I also understood what I had to do now.
I opened my phone and with much hate toward myself I clicked on it.
________________________
Love her. She's rose approved. I'm glad I don't hate you anymore. And there's so much I need to do but I'll never forget you.
I'm keeping my promise comrade; I'll be forever and always yours.
- yours truly.
________________________
I smiled that the text and got up. I needed to find pav and talk to her.
I made my to her house where her mother told me she was in the garden watering flowers.
I smiled and spoke to her family a little before making my way to her.
"Hi" I said making her aware of me.
"Hey!" Said answered turning around and putting the water pipe down. The motion caused her hair to bounce back reminding me of rose bouncing her hair to get my attention. Of course they looked nothing alike but strangely every little gesture made me remember rose.
No.
This isn't about rose. This is about pav.
The relationship that pav and I have.
Or the non-existing relationship.
"I-i need to speak to you" I said offering her a small smile.
We weren't anywhere near what I would call a couple but I have known pav my whole life and we did have a friendship.
"Of course" she said making her way to the sitting area that was set up under a tree in the backyard.
After sitting down and making some small talk about how pretty the flowers were it was time for me to finally talk to her.
"Pav. I've known you for a while and shared a lot of very personal things with you-"
"This is about that girl?" She asked, cutting me off.
"Yes and no."
"Look, dimka, I don't know what happened today but believe me I never want to get in your way. I agreed to this because my life is much simpler then yours. And I do like you as a person. That is all and then that girl. The way you looked after she left. I have so many questions"
"I can understand that. And yes, I am willing to answer your questions if it doesn't effect rose. But that's not all, I want you to know somethings. But I'll answer your questions first"
I couldn't help but feel like I was on the road to breaking he heart but there is nothing I can do about it.
"Fine. I knew you didn't tell me the full truth why you were looking for her other then worrying about her. When and how did you meet her?"
"Around 3 to 4 years ago I was given the job to find and be the guarding or princess lissa like I told you. Rose was the novice that had taken lissa out of the Academy. That's how I met her. When I took them back to the academy"
" I don't want to know if you loved her but I do want to know if you love her. Right now at this moment"
"I do. And that's what I wanted to speak to you about. I love her. And I care for her. She has moved on and has her life set out in a way that I just don't fit in it but I will always love her. And you.
My engagement with you was on the wish of mama. Like I told, I don't love you. That I respect you. That still remains but I also wanted to make it clear that-that my feelings towards you will most likely not change.
Don't expect me to care for you over time.
I care for you in a friendly manner and that's it.
I wanted to tell you this because today I felt how it felt to love someone and not get it returned. And it's not bitter sweet like everyone says. It's a lot and lot of darkness and feeling like your not worth it. And I don't want you to feel that way. I genuinely care for you as a friend and will understand if you break things off because of this but yes please understand what your getting into. "
I finished my speech and looked at her and to my surprise she smiled at me.
"Dimka, we both have our own lives and things that we don't wanna share and reasons to agree to this. I know what I agreed to the day we got engaged and I'm sticking to it. I know you look at me as a friend and like I told you my emotions aren't far off.
Let's just Be Friends for now. I'm okay with it.I don't expect things from you. Not in this moment. I'll always hope but don't worry about that now. I'm here for you as your friend."
I returned her smile.
We spoke for a few more minutes before I made my way back home and did the last thing I needed to do to find my peace.
To: rose mazur
__________________
I will keep her happy and I will never forget you; forever and always.
- comrade.
__________________
_________
A/n I swear to God yeva has some sort of weird freakish plan. I mean the women never looks at things in a straight way.
I love yeva's character as she adds just the right amount if spice into things and changes things just a bit. Keep reading to find out her plans. ;)
And vote and comment, it usually makes the weird girl that writes this story want to write more. Love ya! Baii!
Ps. I've been wanting to get into watercolor as I like to draw. If anyone has any suggestions to where I can start that would be great. Please let me know in the comments below. Thanks! Love ya!