The next morning I put on the nicest long sleeve shirt I own, which is a light blue cropped sweater with a lace pattern at the bottom. My dark high waisted jeans make up for the space over my hips that the cropped shirt doesn't cover. My long, wavy hair is left down and I pin up two strands from each side of my temples.
I haven't been to court in years, so I'm not sure how nice I'm supposed to dress. Chances are, being overdressed will look better than being under-dressed.
I wake up Mason and have him put on the nicest sweater and jeans he owns. He's doesn't say a word to me and seems unusually sad, although I don't blame him. On the outside I'm optimistic, but I'm screaming otherwise on the inside.
Mason only eats some of his breakfast. I can't even fathom what's going through his head. His eight-year-old brain probably has so many questions, though he's not asking any. I wonder if he even understands what's happening today.
"What are you thinking about, bug?"
I watch him from across the kitchen table and give him my full attention. He looks up from his plate of food and shrugs.
"I don't know."
I raise an eyebrow.
"Are you nervous? Scared, maybe?"
His anxiety has to be off the charts, and I can feel his leg bouncing underneath the table despite the fact that he keeps shrugging my questions.
He shrugs once again in response. I shrug back at him, trying to get him to talk by raising his spirits.
"How about some super yummy cookie butter?!"
He's certainly upset when even cookie butter—his absolute favorite treat—can't make him feel better.
"I just—I wanna stay with you." His voice breaks the moment he speaks. "I don't understand why I have to go."
Tears form in his eyes and I rush to his side to comfort him. I pull him close to my body and he clings to me with tightly balled fists.
"Just please don't let me go," he whispers through quiet cries.
I turn my voice as soft as I can while I rub circles onto his back.
"Mason, I promise you'll be okay."
"But you also promised you would never leave me! You broke that promise!"
I think I physically felt my heart break at that exact moment. Looking back, that might've been the exact moment I started to completely lose myself and all hope I had of sustaining a relationship with my brother.
"Please, Ray! Don't break your promises anymore!"
He begins to sob into my shoulder, and knowing my brother, he may have a full-blown panic attack if he doesn't find a way to calm down. His body and his mind are under so much stress and I can tell he's terrified of the future. And even though I'm equally scared, I can't let him see that.
"Mason—just breathe. If there's one thing I can promise you, it's that you're gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay."
He wants to fight against my reassurance, but I can tell he's doesn't have the energy to fight it anymore. I run my fingers through his blonde hair until his breathing slows to a more normal rate.
"What are you scared of?"
I peer down into his bright, blue eyes and watch him wipe a tear from his cheek.
"I'm scared of losing you, Ray. I just love you so much."
Again, my heart breaks just a little more.
"Hey, hey." I cup his face with my hands. "You will never lose me. Not if I have a say in it. You are the one person I love the most in this world. Nothing will ever keep me from you."
He pulls me into an even tighter hug while sniffing his snot back into his nose.
"But, what if Owen doesn't like me? Or what if he's mean to me?"
"You know my number, don't you?" I pull away from him to meet his eyes again.
He nods. "By heart."
I grin and tousle his hair in an effort to reduce his worries.
"You know you can always call me. I'll always be here."
He nods, the beginnings of a smile trickling onto his adorable little face.
"I love you, Ray. I promise I'll see you again."
"You bet you will." I laugh and tickle his side. "I'm not just gonna forget about you, silly!"
He lets out a giggle and squirms at my touch.
"Now go finish your breakfast, bug."
He takes a seat at the table again and begins to eat his food without the fear that he was harboring before.
"So how about that cookie butter?" he suggests with a playful smirk.
My smile widens at the sight of him being my normal, happy brother.
"Anything for you, peanut."
I can hear his giggles as I head to the cabinet to retrieve the jar of cookie butter.
"So when are we leaving?" he questions through mouthfuls of breakfast and recovery giggles.
"Whenever Jean shows up."
His voice becomes more serious when I turn around with the cookie butter. His giggles have subsided and he's cleared his mouth of any food he was chewing.
"I'm not ready to leave. Do you really think this adoption is gonna be, like, for real?"
"I think it will, bug. It's for real."
Mason goes back to eating his food, though he's not as apprehensive about what's going to ensue in the next few hours. He seems more open to it and less worried about meeting this Owen guy.
By the time Jean comes knocking at our door, Luis has already called to ask why I'm not at school. I explained to him the sudden court date and even gave him an update on the current Jasper situation.
"Ew."
"Ew?" I laugh. "Why ew?"
"I mean, he seems to think that just because he's hot he can do whatever he wants. He's a little dickwad."
Luis and Jasper hate each other, mainly because of an incident that occurred last year. It happened back in May, during the end-of-year celebration for the sophomore class. Jasper was trying to impress me by jumping on top of the band lockers and doing a backflip onto the ground.
Needless to say, he did that backflip, but he didn't land on the ground—he landed right on Luis' ankle. Luis then proceeded to get pissed because his broken ankle deemed him unable to compete in our state dance competition. Jasper tried to apologize, but Luis stayed mad. Eventually, they found ways to hate each other.
They constantly criticize any little thing the other does. It's hilarious and awkward for me to watch, considering both of them are good friends of mine.
But the thing about Jasper is that he's the biggest sweetheart I've ever met. He's incredibly charming and he always makes me feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world, despite the whole 'accidentally cheating' thing. Luis just likes to hold grudges.
"He does not think that, Luis."
He scoffs through the phone.
"Yeah, sure. I've gotta go, my release period's almost over."
Just then, I hear Jean's car pull into our driveway.
"Okay, Luis. Bye, I guess."
I hang up the phone and meet Mason in the foyer to help him zip up his jacket.
"So remember," I begin as I meet his eye level. "No matter what happens today, I will always love you."
I kiss his forehead and pull his body close to mine one last time. I can already feel myself wanting to cry, but I hold my composure so he doesn't have to see how much his adoption is hurting me.
I want this separation to be as painless as possible for him, even if it means swallowing my pride and letting go of my attitude. That's the idea, at least. My mouth has a mind of its own, though, so it might not follow the rules.
I grab Mason's hand and we walk to the door to greet Jean. She's dressed in a skirt and a cardigan, and I can see that Mason and I did not, in fact, overdress.
"You guys ready to go?" She smiles at Mason and ruffles his hair. "It's the day you've been waiting for!"
Mason doesn't seem to be amused, and he squeezes my hand tighter. We walk to the car in silence, neither of us knowing what to expect at the courthouse.
"Ok, bug. Climb in." I gesture for Mason to get in the backseat and I shut the door after I follow.
Jean offered the passenger seat to me, but being in the back with Mason is much more desirable than having to look at her face.
I can see through the rearview mirror Jean grinning and feeling proud of herself. She probably assumes she's doing an amazing thing—finding a little boy a forever home. And honestly, she is. I will forever be grateful to her for finding Mason this home.
But there's a part of me that hates her. She's taking away my pride and my joy and the only thing that makes me feel complete. It's like taking a child away from their mother.
It's just not right.
But then again, nothing's right in this fucked world anymore.
~
When we arrive at the courthouse, there aren't very many people inside. The lobby is the busiest part; people with expensive suits and black briefcases bustling around to the soundtrack of phones ringing and women's shoes clicking against the marble floors.
"Right this way, kids."
Jean leads us towards the back wall of the lobby where we step onto an elevator. She presses the third button and the doors enclose us in our metal prison.
"How're Marta and Allen doing? I hope Mason leaving isn't upsetting them too much."
That's funny, Jean, because I can guarantee you the only thing they're upset about is losing the extra stipend payment.
"I think they'll be fine."
I don't have the heart to look her in the eyes. She can't truly be that blind.
Mason squeezes my hand with a clammy palm, but if I'm being honest, I'm not sure if it's his hand or mine that's sweating.
When the doors open, we're facing another lobby, although this one is smaller. Its lighting is softer and tall windows to the right overlook the snow-covered streets below us.
There are a couple of men waiting for us in front of two large mahogany doors on opposite sides of a hallway; one door on the left wall and one on the right.
We walk over to the three men, two of which are clad in full suits and the other a white button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.
"How're you doing this afternoon?" Man Number One asks Jean as he shakes her hand.
"Oh, we're doing wonderfully. You?"
Are we doing wonderfully, Jean? Are we really?
They exchange greetings and introduce Mason to the man in the white shirt.
"This is Mr. Owen Parker," Man Number One announces, gesturing to the man in the white tunic. "And Mr. Parker, this is Mason."
Man Number One turns back to Mason and I without bothering to say my name or even acknowledge my presence.
I feel like I shouldn't be here—like my presence is unwelcome and unnecessary. The focus is on Mason, and I'm just the background.
Owen steps forward and bends down to Mason's height. His hair is a dark brown color and his eyes are an electric green, alight with excitement and genuine happiness. And I have to say, for a guy who's probably in his late thirties he still looks damn youthful.
"Hey, there. I'm Owen." His voice is soft and sweet and his face is clean-shaven, which is likely making him appear younger than he actually is. "It's great to see you."
Mason smiles and pushes his body closer to mine as if he's unsure if he should answer him. I can't help but adore Mason's cuteness despite the growing pit in my stomach. I get a familiar vibe from Owen—I know I've seen him somewhere before.
Owen laughs a little at Mason's hesitance.
"Are you shy?"
Mason smiles even wider and laughs along with him. I can tell that Owen's friendly grin and soothing voice have slightly calmed my brother's nerves.
"A little."
I do notice how complete they seem while just standing near each other. They look like they really could be a perfect father-son duo. It makes me think that maybe my brother will get a chance. A chance to have a family, a parent, and something more than what I can give him.
Although, there is one thing that keeps striking me as odd—I've seen Owen somewhere before, but I just can't remember where.
Parker.
His last name reminds me of someone—someone I can't quite place. He looks distantly familiar, and the way he acts and treats Mason makes me think of someone.
"Ramona?"
I snap my head up and stare at the men.
"Huh?"
Suit Guy Number Two has said something to me while I wasn't paying attention.
"What?" I ask again.
"I said to come this way." He gestures for me to follow him into the room on the left.
I start to untangle Mason's fingers from mine, but that only makes him hold on tighter.
"Wait, where are you going?"
He clings to me as if doing so will make me stay with him.
"Mason, I need to go," I assert while trying to pry his arms from my hips.
If he's having this much trouble leaving me now, he won't survive a day with Owen.
"Please!"
I stop trying to free myself and kneel to his height.
"Mason." I cup his face in my hands. "You need to stay with Jean and Owen, okay? I'll see you in a little bit."
I whisper, trying to keep him from flipping his shit in the middle of the lobby.
"You'll be okay. I promise."
He hugs me tightly but eventually pulls away to let me leave. As I follow the man into the room on the left, I see Jean, Owen, and Mason get pulled into the room on the right.
The large wooden door closes behind me and I take a seat at the wide table that takes up the entire length of the tiny room. One entire wall consists of windows, which allows me to see the bustling streets below us.
There are already two men seated at the table with papers sorted in front of them. As the third guy sits down across from me, a paper is placed in front of me.
"It's nice to meet you, Ramona." The man next to me says. "I'm a child attorney and I'll be working with you and your brother. I want to start with some legal paperwork."
He hands me a pen and gestures to the paper.
"I'm not my brother's legal guardian. Why am I signing papers?" I shoot him a questioning glance. "Isn't this my foster parents' job?"
He nods. "I know, but you do have a few limited rights when it comes to you and your brother's placement."
That's surprising.
"Well, what's this?"
I motion to the document in front of me.
"Well, Ramona, you and your brother are part of a sibling group. That's why you're constantly placed in homes together. This first document will sign you out of this sibling group."
"So if I sign this, my brother and I aren't legally siblings anymore?"
If that's the case, I won't be signing shit. Our sibling group is the only reason we've managed to stay together for so long.
"No," he begins, slight irritation evident in his tone of voice. "This will only allow you to be legally separated."
"But I don't wanna be legally separated."
I really don't know what he's expecting me to do. I'm not just going to give up my sibling rights because he's telling me to. Who does he think I am?
"You will still be considered siblings, only the state will have the right to legally place you in different homes."
I understand more now, but I'm still nowhere close to being okay with it.
"So if I don't sign it, my brother can't be taken away from me."
I don't say it like a question, I say it like I'm trying to piss him off. Which is exactly what I'm doing. I already know what happens if I don't sign it.
"No, he can still get adopted. Only if you don't sign it, it'll take longer. The court will have to forcefully take away your rights. Just sign it. Don't make this harder than it has to be."
I don't want my brother to live with someone else, but I know it's better for him.
God. I'm going to miss him.
I take a deep breath and sign the paper.
"Thank you." He takes the document back from me and stands up. "I'll be heading to the courtroom now, I'll see you all in a bit."
The other man that was sitting down when I walked into the room speaks to me as the man exits the room.
"My name is Walter Reynolds. I'm in charge of the family visitation rights and schedules."
His voice is rough and scratchy, like sandpaper to my ears. He's also bald and fat, not to mention somewhat creepy. Not exactly the type of guy that I would want around little children.
He opens his briefcase and places another paper in front of me.
"This document outlines your visitation rights to see Mason. Mr. Parker has agreed to let you visit your brother. To finalize an agreement between you two, you need to sign this."
I pause for a moment, not wanting to give these family-wrecking assholes what they want.
"Well, how often do I get to see Mason?"
"Mr. Parker is offering visitation every other Saturday. If you agree to comply, then sign."
I don't agree with that at all.
"Every other Saturday?" I furrow my brow and make sure to clearly voice my disapproval. "I definitely do not agree with that."
Just then, the man who first brought me into the room speaks up, except he's not as patient as the other two.
"Listen, Ramona, you don't have the choice to be picky here. Mr. Parker is not legally required to allow visitation between you and Mason. If he chooses to do so, he has the right to terminate the visitation at any time. You're lucky he's allowing you to see your brother at all. Suck it up, sweetheart."
Oh, hold on. He did not just say what I think he said.
He makes Owen sound like some kind of generous person that I owe something to. I don't owe that fuckwad anything.
Not a single. Damn. Thing.
My anger takes over and I find myself out of my seat, leaning over the table to get in his face before my conscience can correct my actions.
"And you're lucky that I've already got a warning from Juvie, bitch! You think—"
I'm cut off by a sharp voice from behind me, one that sends me back to reality in an instant.
"Excuse me, young lady! Sit down!"
I whip around to see Jean standing in the doorway, and my sorry ass returns to my seat without another word.
I never disrespect Jean, mainly due to the fact that she's in charge of me and Mason's living arrangements. If I piss her off, she's less likely to go the extra mile to keep Mason and I together. Not that it really matters anymore.
Jean watches me with dead-set eyes as she takes a seat next to me.
Walter continues while looking between Jean and I for the next moment when I might explode.
"...Alright, so if you could just sign—"
He attempts to point to the spot where I'm supposed to sign, but I swat his hand away.
"I got it."
I swear to god if either of them tries to touch me again, a jail cell might become my next foster home.
I push the form back towards Walter after signing it.
"Am I done now?"
Walter nods and picks up his belongings while preparing to leave.
"Y'know," he notes as he picks up his briefcase. "If you don't agree with the days that Mr. Parker has set, you can talk to him about changing the visitation schedule. But you have to remember that Mason will be in his custody. He has the final say."
I clench my jaw and nod, biting my tongue to keep from losing my shit on this slob once again.
He waddles towards the door but stops before exiting.
"There is one more thing, Ramona." He looks me in the eyes, and his eye contact never strays in a pervasive way.
"If you purposely try to violate this visitation agreement by seeing your brother outside of visitation hours, you will get in trouble with the court. Don't try to see him when you're not authorized to do so or unless Owen personally allows it. Like you said, you do have a warning from Juvie."
Walter grins and exposes his crooked teeth. He resembles the stereotypical Russian mob boss, like the ones you see on TV. All he needs now is a gold chain and a cigar.
The tension in the room is relieved once he finally walks out. I want to go after him and punch his yellow teeth out until only dentures can fix his smile, but he's right. I do have a warning from Juvie.
"We have to go over one last thing, but we need to do it quickly. We're expected downstairs soon," The remaining man says to Jean and I.
"We wanted you to be aware of Mason's adoption plan before we go to the courtroom, so there aren't any surprises."
I raise an eyebrow. "Adoption plan? I thought he was getting adopted today."
The man and Jean exchange glances.
"It doesn't exactly work like that. It's a long process," Jean explains.
The man nods in agreement.
"Yes, and while Mason is technically being placed under Mr. Parker's custody either today or tomorrow, the adoption finalization won't take place until anywhere from one month to one year from now."
"Adoption finalization? What's that?"
The man sighs and folds his hands in front of him.
"Mason will live with Mr. Parker until the finalization date, which we are going downstairs to determine. On the finalization date, everything will be looked over once more and cleared by the court."
I nod. "So he's not really getting adopted today?"
"Well," Jean begins. "He is. It's just that the court will monitor Owen and Mason until the finalization day to make sure they're a good match. The only thing the finalization does is make it legally permanent."
"Okay..." I look awkwardly at them both. "So am I supposed to, like, sign something?"
The man across from me shakes his head with a slight smile.
"No. We just wanted you to be aware of the plan before we go downstairs, so you know what's going on."
He's trying to be nice, but he's the guy that told me to suck it up. He can suck a dick, as far as I'm concerned.
I watch as he and Jean stand up, and I stand alongside them with legs that feel like jello. We walk back to the lobby, but I don't see Mason. I really hope they're not taking him away now. I thought I would at least have a couple more days with him.
"Jean—where's Mason?"
She guides me to the elevator.
"They're already downstairs waiting for us."
I breathe a sigh of relief as we step into the elevator and Jean presses the first button.
"I'm happy to say that Owen and Mason have really connected. I think this really is gonna be the perfect home for Mason."
She smiles and smoothes out her black skirt.
I nod without bothering to respond. I'm upset about the visitation schedule more than anything, but I know I have to be careful about what I say. If I do something wrong, Owen has the right to permanently end our visitation.
And when it comes down to it, I'd rather see my brother every other week than never again.