Stock·holm syn·drome
noun
feelings of trust or affection felt in certain cases of kidnapping or hostage-taking by a victim toward a captor
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It's been days since Negan has come back to see me. Or has it been a full week already? It seems I've lost count. I feel as though I'm going crazy from the loneliness.
Where is Rick?
Has he got a plan?
I can't lose my sanity, it's what Negan wants.
I lay around and begin to think out loud. I try to assure myself Rick is coming for me. But then a thought crosses my mind.
The spare key.
When I worked for Negan he would always keep a spare key taped under his drawer in case of emergencies. Maybe if I can get Daryl out of his cell it can get them one step closer to me. I stand to my feet and walk to his drawer.
Sure enough, it's there. I grab the key, a piece of paper, and a pen. I begin writing a note to Rick. I know this is a terrible idea deep down but I don't care. I'm beginning to get in too deep and I fear I may fall to Negan again.
Dear Rick,
I feel as though I am losing my sanity. I am hoping by sending Daryl home and helping him escape it will get you one step closer to me. Please don't lose hope. We've defeated people before and we can do it again. Try to get everyone you can involved.
Start Planning.
His numbers are high and the odds are against us but our determination and willpower is always one step ahead of his. On the back I have drawn an outline of the layout of the sanctuary and where I am. He's keeping me locked up in his room. I'll do as much as I can to get out on my own but it is difficult because I constantly am under his supervision.
Xx Kendall
I draw the outline and fold the letter. I then open the door looking both ways before exiting the room. I shut the door behind me and move quickly but quietly. I hide in dusty corners and behind paint-peeling walls. I cautiously move down the steps, sweat beads collecting on my forehead. My heartbeat is so loud I can hear it faintly echoing in the stairwell. I finally arrive in the frigid basement and walk to the cell room. I was never really put in one of these, but I know they are disgusting and dreary. Terrible enough to drive anyone to insanity.
I knock quietly and try to open the door but of course it is locked.
"Daryl? It's Kendall."
Silence.
"I'm gonna get you out. And you have to run, get to Hilltop."
Silence. I fear he may not hear me. I look around and sure enough hanging from a nail right next to the door is the key.
Idiots.
I grab the key to open the door and my heart sinks. I see Daryl laying vulnerable in a corner. The stench overwhelms me as we make eye contact. His eyes look broken and his body weak.
He squints slightly and looks at me as if I am a figment of his imagination.
"Daryl you need to go. Now." I say looking around fearing someone may come this way. He stays on the floor for a second. He's lost in a daze.
"Daryl please!" I whisper shout as he shakes his head.
"Yer real?" He asks standing up shakily. His voice dry and hoarse.
"Daryl take this letter and go." I say dragging him out of the cell.
"Come with me."
"I can't. I wish I could but I can't. If I'm missing too, God only knows what Negan will do to Alexandria. Find Rick, hand him the letter, and then start planning. Please try not to get caught." I explain
"We will get you. Just hang in there. Try to survive." He looks at me hesitantly before taking the letter and leaving.
I want to run with him but I know it's too dangerous. I shut the door and hurry back to the room locking it behind me. I hide the key back under the drawer and watch from Negans window as Daryl gets away. A sense of relief fills my body and I can't help but to smirk as I watch him drive off on a motorcycle.
Maybe five minutes pass before I hear something outside the door. I run and leap onto the couch and stare at the ceiling just as I was before. I try to steady my heart rate and breathing so it doesn't appear suspicious. Dwight bursts through the door. We make eye contact for a second before he picks up his walkie-talkie.
"She's here." He radios to who I assume is Negan.
"What's going on?" I ask even though I am well aware.
"None of your business." Dwight replies rudely.
"You know, he's really poisoned and diluted your mind hasn't he? You're not the man you used to be. And it's funny because even after stealing and screwing your wife and not to mention burning half your face... you still suck his dick. I can't believe I ever considered you a friend."
"I did what I had to do. And so did Sherry."
"Yeah and what'd you do? Kill her. You piece of shit."
"I didn't fucking kill her." He whispers angrily to me not wanting anyone to hear.
"Bullshit." I glare at him
"You'll never understand." He huffs
"Would she be proud of what you've become?" I ask knowing full well I'm only rubbing salt in the wound. I watch as he leaves the room.
I begin to wonder, is Sherry alive? Where may she have gone?
I'm pulled from my thoughts by the door opening. Sure enough the dashing devil himself has returned. He eyes me and I feel myself growing nervous. He knows me like the back of his hand. If I make one wrong move, he'll know I was involved.
"So how'd you do it?" He asks.
"Do what?" I lie, thankful for the acting class I took for a semester when I was in high school.
"You know what I'm talking about. Don't fucking play dumb."
"Negan I have no clue what the hell you're on about. Will someone tell me what is happening?"
He begins to stare at me as I stare at him not breaking eye contact. He raises an eyebrow.
"Your little boy toy escaped."
"Daryl?"
"Mhm. Interestingly enough, minutes before I got back from a run."
"And you think I, the person locked in this room, on the top floor, had something to do with that?"
He shakes his head and smirks.
"You're right. You're not that dumb." He laughs. "But when I find him. Oh and I fucking will, I'm killing him." He threatens as I swallow hard. "Glad to know you weren't involved. Glad you're finally seeing things my way." He winks with a smirk.
My heart skips a beat and I'm not sure why. I can't possibly have feelings for this man. What we had is over. But man when he looks at me the way he does. And smiles at me with his bright white teeth. He's just something else. He's enticingly dangerous and I feel I may be falling into his trap. He's manipulative, charming, and overall nothing but a recipe for disaster.
He walks over to me.
"I think things are finally getting back to what they used to be." He smiles kissing me on the cheek. My cheeks darken and suddenly I'm blushing from his touch.
"Sorry I've been gone so long Darlin." He whispers in my ear as goosebumps travel across my skin. "What do you say we go for a walk? Like the old days." He offers as I am left speechless. I can't even form a sentence so I just nod my head yes. I put on my shoes and we head out the door.
"So tell me, tell me about Rick." Negan says swinging his bat in his hand as we walk.
Alarms begin to sound in my head. He's using me for information. Things he can use against Rick.
"Why?" I ask.
"Just curious. Seems like an important guy to you."
I stop walking for a second. How dumb does he think I am?
"Bullshit. I know what you're doing and it's not gonna work. I'm not telling you shit. Plus it's not my concern anymore? I mean that's what you said. Right Negan?" I smirk
"You are something else aren't you."
We walk past the wives ward and I see the door is open. As we walk past I can feel their jealousy seeping towards me.
"Who are you Kendall?" Negan asks
"I know what you want me to say, but I can't."
Bam
Lucille collides with the wall.
"And why the fuck not?" Negan asks growing agitated. Here's the side of Negan I remember.
"Because I just can't Negan. I'm- I'm not ready." I explain slightly afraid. He takes notice and cringes realizing what it was he has just done.
"Are you afraid of me Kendall?" He asks pained.
"N-no." I stutter idiotically as I continue to walk ahead of him slightly. He knows I'm not stupid enough to run.
"Lucille, I don't want you to be afraid anymore." He says grabbing my hand.
"It's... Kendall." I say confused.
"What? That's what I fucking said." Negan says to me.
"No- you... you called me Lucille." I say looking into his eyes. Pain clouds over them. Does he really think of me the same way he felt about his deceased wife? Is he trying to use me to fill the void of her? Is that all I ever was?
"Let's go back." Negan says as we head back to the room. I sit on the couch and he sits in his chair and there is a bitterly awkward silence in the air.
"It's just... you remind me so much of her." He says starting to make things even more awkward. He pours himself a drink and I stay silent not knowing how to respond. He continues to drink until he is drunk enough to open up.
"You're beautiful, like her. And your personalities are both so strong. I know you're not her Kendall. But I feel you're my second chance. I lost her and I can't lose you too. Not agains. I won't. I refuse it." He confesses once again letting his guard down for me.
"Negan. It's just- you've done really bad things. And you've got a side to you..."
"I know. I'm a fucking mess Kendall. I am a fucking God damned mess. I'm a monster and I don't deserve you, just like I didn't deserve her. I throw my dick around like I have everything in order when all I am is a fucking pile of flaming dogshit."
My mind is racing.
Is this another one of his tricks to make me feel sorry for him? Or is this sincere. I want to leave, this is becoming too much for me. I wish Rick and everyone else would just break down that door and save me. But they can't, not yet at least.
Before I know it Negan is sitting next to me, arm wrapped around me. He's on the verge of tears, something I've never seen from him. Huh, so I guess he does have emotions other than being an asshole. He kisses me, and I don't know what it is that snapped in me. If I'm a sucker for a sob story or what. But I kiss him back. The kiss tastes like whiskey and regret. It is explosively beautiful yet so horribly wrong.