My head pounds. My eyesockets sting. My Soul aches. Where am I?
Oh. Right.
My skull is practically pulsing with pain as I attempt to sit up, only to be pushed back down by the numerous amount of straps, chains and ropes that are still holding my body down in various places. Besides, it's not like I would have had enough strength to do that anyway. I can only imagine how long I've been here for. . . what even happened?
I remember I was trying to escape from something. . . Magnus and Rocco? They were attacking me, right? Or maybe not. . . were they? No, they were. . . oh. . . I remember now. . .
I try opening my eyes, and immediately regret it when my efforts are met with an excruciating sting. I don't try it again.
What even happened to them afterwards? What happened to me afterwards? I think I got punched, but I can't really remember. Did they ever actually end up having their way with me, or did they leave after I got knocked out? I can only hope that they did.
So, obviously opening my eyes won't be an option regardless of the fact that the blindfold is back on. Again. It hurts too much, which must be a result of the hit that it took when that person punched me. Whichever one of them it was. Anyways, what's a little bit of sting? My eye isn't exactly my greatest concern at the moment. What bothers me the most is the fact that I have absolutely no idea whatsoever just how long I've been here for. I could have been out for days, for all I know, and so if that's the case, then I certainly don't have much time. My energy is already near diminished; I can tell because I have barely any leftover strength, and I'm afraid my Soul may already be beginning to crack. And so, if that's the case, then it's only a matter of time until I. . . to put it quite simply, die. Which, of course, wouldn't have sounded so bad, say, a week or two ago. But now, right when I've finally started to open my eyes to the truth of this whole situation and realize there's a bigger picture, right when I've finally started to put the pieces together to solve this whole mystery. . . this happens. And now, not only have I been introduced to a fresh new set of questions that need to be answered, but I am also in grave danger that may turn into something quite grim if I don't find my way out of this situation pretty damn soon.
First of all, I want to know exactly why Rocco is suddenly being referred to by Magnus as 'Captain'. There's no way the Guard would ever let Rocco in after his extreme criminal history, not even as an apprentice. So that's obviously out of the question. But Magnus had also been mentioning something about some kind of group or organization of some sorts that they had all been a part of, and I can't help but wonder if maybe that has something to do with it. Not only that, but I still want to find out exactly where I am and what these two buildings are that I've found myself trapped in over the course of these past several days. Again, I have absolutely no idea whatsoever of their structural layout aside from the two rooms I've been kept in, and all I know aside from that is that the first building was filled with a lot of winding hallways and the second one is operated as one big system for its electricity. And maybe, if these buildings might have anything to do with their group as well. Not to mention I still have to find out just what role Undyne has been playing throughout all of this. How does she know Magnus, and how did the two manage to get so close? I'm surprised I hadn't known about that until now. And what reasons could she possibly have to be working with him? Too much, it seems, for the time I have left. And far too little solutions. Plus that's assuming I even have much time left at all.
As the reality of all this truly starts to sink in, it begins to dawn on me that I might never get out of this mysterious place. What if I'm trapped down here forever? Or, at least, until I really do die? What will happen then? And what will happen to Magnus and Rocco and all of the other Monsters that I still despise? What will happen to any of us? Will any of them be brought the justice that they deserve?
Although I guess, in a way, I still do deserve what is happening to me. I deserve to lose everything for the second time. I deserve to lose everything again and again a thousand times after what I did, and even a trillion could not possibly make up for the life I've already taken. I'd lose everything however many times it takes to prove to something that I've changed. To prove to anything at all that I've changed. And so, I suppose, maybe this won't be so bad.
Because at least I'll know my retribution has been paid.
And as for what happens until then, I can only hope it will not be a struggle. . . because then, at least, I can go peacefully. Just seeing as Sans never could.
* * *
I wake up in a frenzy. There is no telling at this point how long I've been here all on my own, and I've been drifting in and out of sleep over the course of that time. But, each time I wake from said sleep, I feel my energy draining more and more. And this time, when I wake, I am sure-- there is no doubt about it anymore. I've been here for too long.
I am going to die.
Most likely today. I've got some energy left, but there's no way I'll make it to tomorrow. I'm just too weak; too starved of the magic that my body desperately needs to survive. I'm too far gone. At this point, even if I were to escape, I wouldn't make it far. It's just not plausible.
It also doesn't take me long to realize, however, that this time, I didn't wake up on my own. I was woken up, by the sound of hurried feet scuffling around frantically from just outside the door.
Oh, great, I think, though my mind is still very cloudy and fogged. They. . . is it them? They're back. . .
Within seconds, the door opens, and someone enters the room. They place something down on the table just next to my head, and then continue to scuttle around. But I don't hear the lights come on, which quickly confuses me. Won't it be, like, pitch black in here? Why wouldn't they want the lights on?
I let out a sudden exclamation of surprise when the piece of duct tape is suddenly torn from my mouth, lightly stinging. I immediately begin to plead, telling them to please don't hurt me and that I'll do what they want, but my voice is struggling to emerge after days of neglect and decay. I am quickly silenced by a hand being placed back over my mouth, and a whispering voice that suddenly appears all too familiar:
"Papyrus, ssshh! It's us, we're here to help!"
. . .
Flowey?!
"F-Flowey?" I quickly repeat, in complete and utter shock. How does he know about this place? How did he know about me, and that I was being tied up and hidden here? Better yet, why save me?! Is he aware right now of just how much danger he's really in by being in a place like this?
"And Frisk, too," he confirms, as he continues. "But listen, we're going to get you out. Frisk is already getting started on the straps, and as soon as they're done, we have to go. We don't have much time, so it'll have to be quick. Do you think you'll be able to walk properly? Frisk will help you walk if you need. They'll do their best to help you stand."
My mind is racing a mile a minute, and I hadn't even noticed Frisk undoing the straps until after Flowey pointed it out. It takes me a large amount of time longer than it probably should have for me to respond, and even then, I can barely decipher what is coming out of my own mouth.
"I. . . I don't know. . ."
Flowey keeps trying to talk to me, but it doesn't take me long to zone out. He continues to rant about how Frisk will help support me, and asking me a bunch of questions about how I feel, all of which I completely ignore. In fact, I don't even hear what he is saying until I interrupt him with my own sudden question, which flies out of my mouth before I can do anything to stop it. He trails off.
"Can you. . . repeat that?" He asks, trying to sound calm. "I. . . c-can't hear you very well."
"I-I s-said. . . what. . . d-day. . . is it?"
"It's. . . it's Sunday, why do you ask?"
I stifle a gulp. It's only been two days since Magnus and Rocco and the rest of the gang have been here? I could've sworn it felt like an eternity. I guess I really didn't have as much time as I thought I would. Either way, things are not looking good.
"No reason. . ." One of the straps pops off my wrist, and I bend it gratefully, just to be sure I can still move it. It's a whole lot weaker than I remember it being, and I dread the moment I'll have to attempt my first steps since the walk here four days ago. "Wh-where's Magnus?" I ask, as Frisk moves on to the next one. "A-And the others?"
Flowey hesitates. "I'm. . . not entirely sure I know which Monsters you're talking about, but if you mean the people who operate this building, then they're probably not too far off our heels." Just then, the final strap comes loose, and Frisk immediately returns to Flowey's side, trying to help me sit up. "Not to scare you or anything," he adds, "but they could be here within the minute, so we've got to get going. Up!"
My legs and arms are already shaking, and I'm surprised nothing gives way when I attempt to sit up. My knees are quaking as I struggle to get to my feet, immediately regretting it when I am swept with a sudden bout of uncontrollable dizziness that threatens to knock me right back off balance and leave me lying right back down where I started. I sway wildly back and forth, about to collapse back down onto the table, when Frisk grabs my arm and tries to steady me. It doesn't do much to help, and honestly, I don't think I'll be able to make it all the way to wherever they're trying to take me. But I try it anyway, just to please Frisk, because then at least they will know that I tried. They at least will know that I appreciated the fact that they cared enough to come and get me out in the first place, so even if I don't make it all the way there in the end, they will know that all of their efforts were at least worth something after all is said and done. That attempt may be a whole lot easier said than done, though, since each step is almost a hundred times more painful than the last and I feel as though my knees are about to buckle. I am already gasping for breath and my feet have begun to tingle by the time I finally reach the door, and I know that there is no way these two will make it out of the building in time unless I hurry. So what if something happens to me; I deserve it anyway. But if Magnus and Rocco come back and see Frisk and Flowey in here helping me, they both will surely be doomed. Not to mention Frisk will likely be sent straight to Asgore after that, where they will most definitely be killed. And not one of us in here wants that.
"H-How did you g-get in here?" I manage to say as we round the sharp curve in the hallway and head for the home stretch. Every joint in my body aches, and at this point, I'm starting to feel kind of bad for Frisk after having them support so much of my weight. But in this moment, what matters the most is just getting them to safety. After that, I couldn't care less about what happens to me. This Human is innocent, and they don't deserve to die in such a gruesome fate. No matter what the rest of the Underground may think. Unlike me, of course. I deserve the most gruesome of fates there is. In fact, I don't even deserve to be rescued at all. And yet, here they are, holding me up as I stumble down the hallway of this terrible place that I will certainly never forget. And it doesn't help that, for some reason, they still left the blindfold on.
"That doesn't matter right now," Flowey states, answering my question, and I realize he is sitting on Frisk's shoulder. "We just need to get out of here. And fast."
I couldn't agree with him more.
By the time we have finally made it out of the building and are some distance away where we have reached a safer location, I am barely able to support myself at all. Thankfully, Frisk and Flowey realize this, and we duck away into what I'm guessing is a tiny cave to rest. There had been a noticeable drop in temperature between the beginning of our walk up to now, so I'm guessing we must have just travelled from Hotland all the way to some point in Waterfall. After that, I honestly don't think I'll be able to make it much farther. Regardless of who may be chasing us.
I collapse into the corner as soon as Frisk lets go of me, feeling more out of breath than I've ever been in my life.
"Why are you doing this?!" I suddenly ask, between gasps. "I'm going to die! It's no use! Just leave me here, I'll never make it back anyway! You're just going to get yourselves killed!" Flowey turns to look nervously at Frisk, obviously ignoring my pleading. "Please, just leave me here! Save yourselves! You don't deserve to die like this. Even if you try, you won't be able to save me. So go, while you still can! There's still time! Please!"
Quiet then fills the air like a flood filling a lake after a broken dam. Flowey doesn't answer me, only continues to stare at Frisk as they sign a few things. There is still more silence as they finish their sentence, yet Flowey hesitates still. I begin to wonder why.
"Erm, Papyrus?" Flowey begins, suddenly sounding uneasy.
"Yes . . . ?" I reply, my voice dropping drastically in volume. His nervousness is making me a bit nervous as well. As if I wasn't already, knowing the danger that these two are in.
"Um. . ." He bites his lip, still seeming a bit hesitant. "Frisk just wants to know if. . . i-if anything happened to your eye."
My Soul drops. Why is he using that cautious tone of voice? This is really starting to freak me out right now. "Well, I. . . I faintly remember being punched, right before I got knocked out. . . it doesn't hurt that much. . . w-why?"
He gulps. "It's. . . I-I'm sure it's okay, it just. . . it looks really bad. There's a lot of blood on your blindfold, and it doesn't look like any small matter. That's why we didn't take it off in there, because it might be still bleeding, a-and we just didn't want to risk anything."
"I. . . no, I don't think it is. . . it doesn't feel like it is, anyway. I'm sure I can see just fine. This will go a lot faster if we just take it off anyway."
"But. . . what if it is still bleeding? That blindfold is completely drenched in blood, even if you don't feel it. And some of it looks pretty fresh. We don't want you bleeding to death, and those guys might already be on our trail. The last thing we need right now is to leave a trail of blood behind for them to follow us even quicker," he responds. "Uh- sorry if that sounded kind of harsh."
I let out a sigh, not quite sure how to respond to that. "Don't even bother worrying about me bleeding to death. Just go. Save yourselves-- it's no use going through all this trouble for something you know isn't going to pay off. I'm going to die, don't you understand that? I doubt I'll make it much farther, anyway. If you don't go now, you'll just get yourselves killed. At least you still have a chance." Flowey doesn't reply. After yet another awful silence that seems to drag on for ages, I sigh again, feeling defeated. "Here." I reach into my pocket, taking out the torn piece of fabric Magnus ripped from my scarf when I kicked him out of the Guard. I didn't think much of it at the time, but now, I feel extremely lucky to have found it in the trash bin later on in the day. Or else I surely wouldn't have known what to do with it now.
"What. . . what is it?" Flowey asks.
"You can use it to stop the bleeding if you need." I'm still fairly sure these two are just making a big deal out of nothing, but I lean my head back anyway, just wanting to get this over with. Frisk slowly shifts forward, and I can feel their hands on the back of my skull, beginning to work on untying the original blindfold.
They stop just before uncovering my eyes, signing something else to Flowey. He translates to me accordingly. "Frisk says it might hurt, if it rips off any scabs that might be sticking to it."
"That's okay."
"All right. We're gonna count to three, and then Frisk will take it off. They'll try to be gentle, and to not hurt you too much. Ready? One, two, three."
Frisk sucks in a sharp breath, and Flowey lets out a tiny gasp. Neither of them speaks.
. . .
Any time now.
. . .
Why hasn't Frisk taken it off yet? Just take it off. I don't care if it hurts.
"Uhm, what's taking so long?" I finally ask, beginning to grow agitated. There are five angry Monsters on our trail, and we don't have all day.
Flowey starts to say something, then thinks better of it and stops, only to leave my question unanswered for several long moments more. Until, finally, he speaks.
"Papyrus. . . the blindfold. . . is off."
What?
How is that possible? Everything still looks the same. Everything's still dark. Nothing changed. I bring a hand up to my eye socket before either of them can stop me, instead winding up with a hand dyed red and dripping with fresh blood. Sure enough, no blindfold. How can this possibly be? I just don't understand. It doesn't take long for my confusion to turn into panic.
"I-I. . . I can't see, I can't see! Why can't I see?! What's wrong with my eyes? Why can't I see?!" I continue to shout, though at this point, I can barely call the sounds that come out of my mouth actual words. It's more of just a panicked exclamation than anything else.
The two quickly move forward to try and calm me down, remaining unsuccessful for several long moments. I have to admit, I'm trying to calm down as well, but it seems that everything around me just becomes ten times more frightening when every direction is met with nothing but darkness. Sure, that's all I've been seeing for the past several days. But it's different when you know there's nothing here preventing it. And, if I may dare add, this situation is a little direr when it comes to my need for vision.
"Ssshh, Papyrus, you're being too loud! Who knows how far away those Monsters are, and they're going to hear us! We've just got to get moving. There's nothing we can do."
It still takes some time before I truly come to terms and just accept the issue, although I am still breathing irregularly as Frisk wraps the new makeshift blindfold around my skull and ties it back on. Where are we even going to go? I have the strong urge to ask.
I open my mouth to speak as Frisk tucks the old blindfold away and hurriedly gets to their feet, but just as I do so, a different voice can be heard in the distance.
Not loud enough to hear what they are saying, but it is obvious who it is. They are coming, and they are hot on our trail.
That is all it takes for me to push myself to my feet, despite all the pain-- and also almost falling several times in the process-- and quickly making my way out of the cave, along with Frisk's help. There is no way they wouldn't have noticed us if we stayed there-- but now, it is up to us to get to safety before they reach us. It certainly won't be long, and I for one don't want to risk Frisk and Flowey's lives just for being tired. I have to do this. And that's one thing I know for sure.
We've barely even rounded the next corner before the sound of footsteps can be heard along with their voices-- which are growing in volume by the second. Without even thinking, Frisk shoves me into the nearest cave, which just so happens to be the ferry cave. I can tell right away by the sound of the river echoing smoothly out from the depths of the cave. From there, the Riverperson's cheerful humming begins to drift down from just up the river. Luckily, we seem to have gotten here just in time. Unfortunately, my strength is nearly diminished. I can barely hold myself up at all anymore, and I am growing increasingly more dizzy and lethargic by the second. Wherever we end up going, I doubt I'll be able to make it any farther. And then, the harsh reality of the situation finally hits.
I might die on this boat.
The Riverperson doesn't question the situation at all as the three of us quickly board, and without even thinking Flowey and I both simultaneously shout to go to Snowdin. The Riverperson puts their hands up in an 'okay, okay' kind of gesture and quickly sets sail down the river. Their boat seems to have sensed the hurry also, since it is moving a little faster than usual. Most times, I would have been calmed by a ride like this. A smooth boat ride surrounded by the soft hum of lapping waves and the gentle swish of the moving current alongside us. But not this time.
And yet, despite the chaos, only one question is left pounding through my mind:
Do I want to die? To repay the life I already stole from my brother, and worsened for so many more? To finally be set free from the torment I've been left with, or to escape from the guilt that I just can't stop? The guilt that is already eating me alive from the inside out? Or do I want to live, live so I can save these two innocent souls and solve the mystery behind this tragic occurrence once and for all?
I know I am going to die; there is no doubt about that.
But am I okay with it?
Already, the Snowdin ferry point is appearing in the distance. We'll be there before long, and that is when I will surely be forced to either accept this or not.
I mean, isn't it better to die a peaceful, accepting death than a frightened, agonized one? In my case, I honestly just can't be so sure.
Not to mention these two people in here with me. They may have gotten me out of that building, but so what? Now that Magnus and Rocco will be out looking for them, they surely aren't going to be able to get very far. Because of the decision they made to come after me and try to save me, they have essentially just sealed both their fates as well. The second someone gets a hold of them, regardless of their intentions, these two are doomed. They will be sent straight to Asgore's castle without question. And from there, things will only get worse.
If only there was some other way to save them. . . anything at all. . . anything would be better at this point than just leaving them down here for dead. Even if there's a risk, there will be much better odds than there would otherwise. Flowey? Well, depending on the situation, they might just let that one slide since he is a Monster. But Frisk? No, they'll be dragged off to the execution room before they even get a chance to blink. Unless. . .
No, it would never work. Right? I mean, it's risky, but. . .
Wait, there's no way I will make it far enough for that to happen. . . there's just no way. . . isn't there anything else we could do? At this point I doubt it, but. . . if I can't make it, then it's just not possible.
Or maybe, I don't have to be the one to do it. Maybe there really is someone else who can help, I just have to find out who. . .
And just now, in this moment, I am taken back to a time just one short week and a half ago, back when all this dread was still fresh and raw upon my mind. Back to the day I had awoken to the sound of a kind friend coming to help at my door. . . and a particular promise he had made.
"If that's truly what you think of me, then so be it. But please, Papyrus, at least promise me one thing. Promise me that you'll come to me if you really do happen to need anything, anything at all. No matter what the cost, I hereby vow to complete it for you. Just promise me."
I didn't promise him then. But I had wanted to. I had wanted to, so, so bad to tell him everything that was on my mind, to open up my mouth and let the words pour out like the waterfall of blood that had poured from my brother. But yet, I didn't. I was too stubborn-- too afraid of how it would affect me socially, of what it would do to my ego. At the time, that was all I had left. But now that is gone, and I can clearly see that I couldn't possibly have been more foolish. I should never have turned that offer down. Back then, I had thought that sharing my secrets was the last thing I needed-- that it would only break me down and shatter me farther.
But now, I see the truth. Because although it didn't seem like it, that help was truly all I needed. I was just far too embarrassed to admit it.
And so, as the cave ends and the river finally opens up into the chillness of Snowdin, I know one thing, and one thing only.
And that is exactly what I have to do, to redeem myself once and for all.