My Love, My Drug, My Release

By Xpen7777

96.9K 3.7K 1K

14-year-old Lorraine's life spun out of control when her step-mother and legal guardian, Linda Eastman, marri... More

Introduction/Warnings
Cast
Chapter 1: Sing to Me
Chapter 2: On My Knees
Chapter 3: Four Chords
May 19th, 1967
Announcement
Chapter 4: A Cheery Welcome
Chapter 5: Dance With Me
September, 1968
September 1968- A Week Later
Chapter 6: Never Have I Ever
Early October, 1968
Chapter 7: Anti-Me
Paul's Perspective
Wednesday, October, 1968
Chapter 9: Before the Dreaming
Chapter 10: The Package
Paul's Perspective
Chapter 11: Gallagher
November, 1968
Chapter 12: Detention
Chapter 13: Solo
Late November, 1968
Chapter 14: Dangerous Men
Chapter 15: Too Good to be True
Paul's Perspective
Christmas Eve, 1968
Chapter 16: The Diner
Chapter 17: Pat Down
Chapter 18: The Fool
Christmas, 1968
Chapter 19: Girlfriends
Paul's Perspective
Chapter 20: Desperation
Boxing Day Morning, 1968
Paul's Perspective
Chapter 21: Biting Down
Boxing Day Evening, 1968
Chapter 22: A Lover and a Mother
Chapter 23: Jailbait
New Year's Eve, 1968
Chapter 24: You Are Mine
Chapter 25: Children
Paul's Perspective
Early January, 1969
Chapter 26: Hidden
Early January, 1969- Later That Day
Chapter 27: Three Gifts
Chapter 28: Terrible, Beautiful, Wonderful
Chapter 29: Satan's Mirror
Paul's Perspective
Announcement
Mid-January, 1969
Chapter 30: Mum
Chapter 31: Family Friends
Chapter 32: A Day of Firsts
Paul's Perspective
Late January, 1969
Paul's Perspective
Chapter 33: Forbidden Fruit
January 26th, 1969
Chapter 34: More Than Friends
Chapter 35: Stay
Paul's Perspective
January 30th, 1969
Chapter 36: Waking Up
Chapter 37: Invisible
Early February, 1969
Chapter 38: Rabid Animals
Mid-February, 1969
Chapter 39: Meeting the Micks
Chapter 40: The Plunge
Valentine's Day, 1969
Chapter 41: Family Portrait
Paul's Perspective
Chapter 42: Betrayal
Paul's Perspective
Chapter 43: Cammie, Unfiltered
Late February, 1969
Chapter 44: What Do I Want?
Chapter 45: Pain Killer
Early March 1969
Chapter 46: That's Not Love
Chapter 47: Boundaries
Early March, 1969- Later That Day
Chapter 48: Late Night Calls
Paul's Perspective
March 12, 1969
Chapter 49: Love and Friendship
Paul's Perspective
March 20th, 1969
Chapter 50: The New Worst Day
Early-April, 1969
Chapter 51: The Secret's Out
Paul's Perspective
Chapter 52: Junkie
Late April, 1969
Chapter 53: Break a Leg!
Chapter 54: Jackson
Paul's Perspective
Chapter 55: The Truth
Early May, 1969
Chapter 56: It's Just Me
Chapter 57: Reunion
Chapter 58: There's Still a Debt to Pay
Chapter 59: Constriction
Paul's Perspective
August 28th, 1969
Chapter 60: Extention, Extortion
Chapter 61: Sober
Chapter 62: Brandon
Paul's Perspective
Chapter 63: A Little Girl No More
Chapter 64: The Come-Down
Chapter 65: Secrets
Chapter 66: Loneliness
Chapter 67: I'm a Bad Person
Paul's Perspective
Chapter 68: Grown-Ups
Chapter 69: Some Guy
Paul's Perspective
Chapter 70: Fly Away
Paul's Perspective
Epilogue

Chapter 8: High

1.1K 33 6
By Xpen7777

Another picture of Keith and Anita, but is anyone complaining?? XD


Being stoned was weird. Not bad, but not as good as I thought it would be either. The way some people (like Paul) smoke grass, I thought it would be this amazing thing that makes me see the world differently and forget all my woes, but it was mostly a hazy, giggly feeling. 

More than the drugs, the thing getting me high was being anti-me, flirting with Keith and Anita. They were like freedom personified, everything they did was exactly what they wanted to do, uncensored and unfiltered. And they took me along with them, and it was like we were the only three at my party. I'd never had so much fun, not ever. Even dancing couldn't make me self-conscious, or Linda's embarrassing anecdotes, I was completely uninhibited. 

"I'm going to bed," I heard Paul tell Linda. He'd been off all night, grumbling about this and that. It was probably hard to see all his musician friends so happy and successful now that he was retired.

Keith and I sat down, sweating, to let Eric and the two blondes make a spectacle in my living room. Just as we'd settled down, he whispered in my ear, "Come with me." Then he took my hand and pulled me into the kitchen. 

"What is it?" I asked, breathless. 

He didn't respond, just put his hands on either side of my face. They were rough, calloused from years of playing guitar until his fingers bled. And also just age, I realized with a start; he was a grown man. But that didn't stop me from opening my mouth, as soon as his tongue poked against my lower lip. He was the best kisser I'd ever met, though that wasn't saying much, but I couldn't imagine it got much better. The way he ran his hands over my body and kissed down my neck, across my collarbone, and back up to my mouth, reminded me of a hurricane, his touch crashing against me. When he finally pulled away, I almost fell over from dizziness.

"Easy there," he said, holding me up at my waist, his thumbs digging into my rib cage. "Maybe we should go lay down. Where's your room?"

"Uh, I..." Touching my forehead, I tried to sort out my thoughts out. "That's probably not a good idea."

"Why not baby?" he asked, trailing his fingers down the neckline of my dress.

"Paul's up there, and Linda's here, and your girlfriend!"

He laughed so hard at that, he accidentally snorted, which only made him laugh order. "She'll probably want a go at you after me, if you're up for it that is." He slid the strap of my dress off my shoulder so he could touch my bare breast, exhaling warm air on my skin. "We're not really the jealous types."

Something about his words made me remember Brandon, telling me it wasn't groovy to me jealous at Uncarbonated, and I knew I couldn't sleep with him today, as much as I found myself wanting to, wanting to see him naked, for him to see me naked, pin me to the bed beneath him and fuck me till I couldn't stand. But before I could say anything, there were footsteps on the stairs, and I whipped my head around to see Paul standing there, looking murderous.

"I think this party's getting a little too out of hand."

Keith stepped back from me, and I hurriedly fixed my dress, praying Paul hadn't seen anything. "C'mon man, we're just having fun."

"And I'm glad, why don't you continue the fun elsewhere." He walked out to the living room, and barked the same order at the people there. A few people whined, but then Linda said something I couldn't here, and they started to file out.

"Well, I guess that's my cue Birthday Girl." He pulled me in for one more kiss, and I laced my fingers through his hair to kiss him back. It was almost painful to let him go.

Anita popped back in, smiling wide enough that I could see her gums above her yellowing teeth. "Goodbye, my darling." She pulled me in and kissed me softly. "We'll see you again soon; I'll make sure of it."

When they left, I physically felt myself deflate, collapsing into a kitchen chair, laying my head on the table. Anti-me was gone, she left the party with Keith. Now I was just boring old Lorraine again, longing for sleep. I looked up when I heard someone walk up to me to see Linda standing with her hands on her hips.

"Did you have a good time, sweetie?"

"Yes," I said, as though it were as simple as that, when it was everything and anything but simple.


I know this chapter is short, but I feel like it's better to have a shorter chapter than to write more than is necessary to the story just to pad it out, hope you guys agree! I'll try to post soon again. I've been updating frequently, which I'm happy about, and will probably continue for the foreseeable future. As always, I love hearing your comments and questions, thanks for reading!!

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