Zach's POV:
I thought I had an idea as to what I was getting myself into. I thought I would be more prepared this time, but I'm not.
I should have known that the situations would be different, that they would affect me in different ways but I'm a stubborn man.
I don't regret sticking around, but I've found myself becoming restless, testy even. Lenny was right, the hospital has dwindled her spirits and the chemo makes it worse. Mentally anyways.
Her doctors say she's slowly on her way to recovery if her progress continues moving at the pace it is now. But there's still a long way to go. Every time I go to see her she's struggling and it breaks me more and more every time.
There's only so much you can say, only so much you can do. I learned that from the last few months with my mom. We've all tried motivating Leena, we've reminded her that we love her and that we're here but she's fighting a hard fight, with good and bad days. And I'm so damn proud that she's made it this far.
Her family cries for her every day without fail. Dylan and her spend an hour or so together every day alone and every time I walk in there after he leaves I can see how much she wants to stick around for him, for all of us.
But like I said she's fighting a hard fight, and she can't always be so determined, so focused. Today has been an example of that.
Two hours ago
"Hey baby." I greet with a small smile as I make my way into Leena's room. I'm greeted with the sight of vomit on her lap and she exhaustedly stares at it with a loss of words.
"Oh baby." I heartbrokenly murmur as I gaze at a tear falling down her cheek. "It's okay, you're okay."
"Please, just don't Zach." She emotionlessly says as she stares at me with her tear still trailing down her face. "Dylan went to get a nurse, they'll be back soon."
"Okay." I coo as I take a seat beside her bed and grab her cold hands. "I'll wait with you."
"No." She whispers as she takes her hands back, causing me to snap my head and stare at her in bewilderment.
"What?"
"Once Dylan and the nurse get here I'm asking everyone to leave, I just need to be alone for a bit." She explains, but looking into her eyes I can see that that's the last thing in the world she needs.
"Baby, are you sure? I ca-"
"No!" She snaps, looking at me with dead eyes. "I want everyone to leave."
Present Time
I waited outside of her room until Dylan and the nurse came to help clean her up. I waited until she kicked Dylan out and I stared at her with hopeless eyes, pleading with her to let me help. But she wouldn't.
Her mom came right before we left, promising me she would stay with her all night which is the only reason why I find myself at home cooking Riley dinner.
As I'm cooking Riley sits at the island completing his homework and we work in a comfortable silence until he decides to break it.
"Zachy, where's Leena?" Riley asks with a tilt of his head as his eyes stare at me with innocent curiosity.
"She's been a little sick lately bud, but she'll be back to visiting you in no time." I explain, not wanting to lie but also not wanting to bring him into something he can't handle.
"Do you still see her?" He questions as I put his food on a plate and bring it to him.
"Yeah, I do." I answer, trying not to grimace as the thought of him asking to come with me crosses my mind. I know she won't want him seeing her like that.
"Then why did she write you a letter? Aren't those for people who live far away?" He questions as he moves his papers away to make room for his food. I glance down at the counter to see Leena's letter has indeed come in the mail.
"Usually, it is bud. But she had something special to say so she wrote it down." I explain as I kiss his head. I watch as he nods and begins eating while I grab the letter off the counter and see my dad walk in.
I greet him in passing but my focus is now on the letter as I make my way to my room and shut my door.
I sit on my bed and grab my face in my hands as I stare at the letter. In all honesty, me receiving a letter like this is all too familiar. I didn't want to restrain Leena from doing something that will help her, which is why I supported her in sending these out. But I really would have loved if she chose another method.
I stare at the somewhat large orange envelop and suddenly become confused as to why it's not a normal white envelope and why there seems to be a bump in it. My curiosity gets the best of me and I open it to see that instead of a letter she sent me photo's from our trip and some from after, as well as a USB stick.
I quickly move to my desk and open my laptop. I insert the USB stick and as I wait for it to load I look at the photo's she sent me. A smile automatically graces my face as I move through the photo's.
One of her making a funny face while I'm sleeping, one of us at the bonfire in Collingwood, zip-lining in Blue Mountain, on the top of that 300 foot tree. And one of us kissing at the lighthouse before she broke the news to me.
As I'm reviling in how happy we look in these my laptop turns on and the USB stick loads. I gently place the photo's to the side as a video of Leena in the hospital forms on my screen.
She automatically has my full attention, it looks to have been taken the day she told us she sent letters out. Her black beanie sits on her bald head as she gazes at the screen with a tired smile.
"Hey babe." She says with a smile and a knowing glint in her eyes. "Did you really think I'd send you a letter?" She asks with a chuckle.
"You think people don't see you, Zach Dawson, but I do. I see you. I see what makes you smile, what makes you laugh so hard your adorable dimples come out, and I see what makes you sad. I know I don't make you sad babe, but I know me being sick makes you sad. And I know if you had to read another goodbye letter you'd be sad.
"So, like I said, this isn't goodbye. This is me reminding you of all the good times we shared. This is me apologizing for fighting our bond for so long. And this is me saying that there's a whole world out there, and I'd love nothing more than to explore more of it with you.
"Do you remember the night we had the bonfire? It was after we got our tattoo's and went swimming. I'm sure you remember, but I also know that there's something you don't know about that night. That's the night I felt like my old self, and believe me that hasn't happened in a while. And at the time I thought it was because I was surrounded by all of those people who didn't know me as someone with cancer, but I've realized I was wrong.
"It was because I was with you, Zach. That whole trip was a dream. A real blissful dream and it was all thanks to you. You've brought me so much joy, so many amazing memories and all I want to do is to give you the same gift. So I'm here to remind you that I'm fighting. I want to live Zach, I want to go back to being my old self.
"I know it probably seems like I've given up, especially if you're watching this. But I'm trying babe, I promise I'm trying." She says as a few tears escape her eyes.
"You know, the one place I've always wanted to go to is the Almalfi Coast in Italy. It looks like a dream, doesn't it? I want you to go there one day, Zach. I want to go there with you. That's my dream, babe. I promise I'm fighting for it.
"And I've tried really hard to be selfless, to push you away. But you're stubborn ass won't let me. So it's time to be selfish. It's time to accept what I want and try to fight for it. But I also know that there's only so much I can do, and the rest is up to biology.
"So I want you to know that I love you, and that I'm so thankful for you. I know it might seem like I'm saying goodbye, but I'm not babe. I'm saying that I love you, and that I'm so thankful for you, because I am. You have no idea how much you've done for me, how much you've helped me.
"So hang in there babe, things will be looking up soon enough."
By the end of the video Leena has tears streaming down her face, but also a content smile. A smile that lets me know she's said what she needs to say.
I, on the other hand am sobbing like a baby. She's shed light onto a part of her soul that I've longed to see for so long that now that I have I don't know what to do. She always knows what to say to me, how to make me feel better and the fact that she found a way around using a letter is proof of how considerate she really is.
As I try to get myself together I become aware of one thing. I need to see her, now.
----
Zach wasn't the only one crying, I sure as hell know I was!!! We're almost at the finish line folks, let me know how you think it's going to end!
Will Leena get her happily ever after?