Her Secret

seven | grief and panic

Zach and I had decided to meet up at the library to start our assignment. We had to make a seminar on Romeo & Juliet.

We've been in this library for the past 30 minutes, which has been completely unproductive. It's a problem not only because I'd like to not be here right now, but I have a doctors appointment in 1 hour. Which is why I wanted to do this alone.

"Okay Zach, seriously. I need to leave in about 45 minutes, so just tell me what you think about this play and we'll use your perspective for this assignment."

Smirking he says "Fine. I think it's stupid and not realistic. They knew each other for a few days and then suddenly can't live without each other? They were caught up in their hormones and modern day beliefs."

Shocked, and mildly confused I reply "You don't think it's kind of beautiful? A life without the other in it isn't worth living. Them not being together couldn't be an option. You know, ride or die? And we're not doing that, there won't be enough research done on that perspective."

All humour is wiped from his face as he says "It takes more courage to live than it does to die."

It takes more courage to live.

----

Being poked with needles by Dr. Weker shouldn't be that big of a deal to me by now, but I still hate it a lot.

When his tests are finally done he answers my unspoken question "Okay Leena, you're chemo and radiation will continue as scheduled. In about 3 weeks time we'll start another round, and until then you'll only need to be here for weekly appointments. I'll see you here the next 3 Saturday's, same time." 

Leaving the room, I decide to go on a walk around the hospital. My family somehow miraculously forgot about this appointment, so I was able to come alone. Without feeling the need to reinforce the idea to them that I'm okay with what's happening. 

As I'm strolling through the hallways, I see commotion up ahead.

"YOU HAVE TO LET ME IN THERE WITH HIM! I'M ALL HE HAS LEFT!"

I see a girl a few years older than me, screaming and crying, as the doctors try to keep her away from a hospital room.

"Ms. the longer we're out here with you, the longer we're not helping your brother. You need to stay calm out here so we can help him. Okay?"

That seemed to make her pull herself together and she frantically nodded her head, wiped her tears and begged "Just help him. Please just help him."

As the doctors disappeared behind the hospital room door, she sank down to the floor, pulled her knee's to her body and sobbed.

My legs took a mind of their own as they walked me over to her, and sat me down beside her.

"Hi."

She turned her head and analyzed me. She then wiped her tears and said "What? A girl can't cry in peace around here?"

Trying to keep the mood light I replied "No. Trust me I've tried more times than I can count. They have eyes everywhere."

She let out a small sound, that was supposed to be a small laugh, but came out as a whimper. She then started sobbing again and said "Why did this have to happen? We were finally okay. We were okay again. And now he may leave too."

Not knowing how to comfort her I said "If what you say is true, you guys must have had a hell of a fight. So I don't want to believe he's time is out just yet."

Looking confused yet hopeful she asked "Why not?"

"It takes more courage to live than it does to die. And your brother sounds like he has a lot of courage." 

She lets out a small, sad smile and says "He has the most."

After a few hours of sitting on the floor with this nameless girl, the doctor emerged from the room and says "He's going to be okay. His body is still recovering from the accident, but he should be awake in a few hours. You can go see him if you'd like."

Smiling the biggest I've ever seen anyone smile, she nods her head and says "Yes. Yes, thank you so much."

I'm about to turn around as she enters the room until she calls my name.

Turning around to look at her, I see she's wearing a small smile. She then says "Thanks. I would have gone crazy out here alone. Well, crazier."

Sending a small smile back, I say "You're welcome.". Then turn around, and leave the hospital.

It takes more courage to live.

----

Walking into my house, I hear frantic shouts of panic.

"Where is she?!? She went to the library at 11AM she should be back by now!"

Oh shit.

Going into the kitchen, I see my mom sobbing while my dad tries to comfort her, and Dylan pacing the room with a worried expression etched onto his face.

"Uh.. Hi?"

As soon as the words leave my mouth, all three heads snap to my direction. My mom lets out a sound of pure relief, my brother looks shocked yet happy, and my dad looks like he could kill me after giving me a hug of pure relief.

My mom runs over to me, and checks my body for any injuries while saying "Where the hell were you Leena?! You left at 11am and haven't called all day! It's 9:30pm you know!"

9:30? Damn I guess I was with that girl for a little longer than a few hours.

"Uhh, sorry guys. I left the library at around 12:30 for my doctors appointment. Then while I was at the hospital some girl was all alone waiting to see if her brother was going to make it or not so I stayed with her. I didn't realize the time or I would have called. Sorry."

Dylan spoke up, looking completely defeated while he said "You had an appointment today? What did he say? Why didn't you call me?"

Clearing my throat, I answered him saying "Uh, my chemo and radiation are still going as planned. My appointments for the next three weeks will be Saturday's only, at 12:45pm. I didn't call anyone because I figured you all had to be busy if you forgot. And the library is only a ten minute walk away. It wasn't a big deal."

My dad finally decided to speak up and said "Of course it's a big deal. We want to be there for you, and you have to let us. You're not alone, you have us. You have your family."

Getting frustrated I said "I'm not a helpless little girl. I can go to the doctors by myself. I don't need my hand held. I was fine, it was just one appointment. Just one check up."

Dylan then slapped his hand onto the counter as he said "It's not just one appointment Leena! It's a check up for cancer treatment! Anyone would be scared, and you should be! Why do you keep doing this to yourself?! LET US BE THERE WITH YOU. LET US SUPPORT YOU."

Not knowing how to respond, I abruptly turned away and went to my room.

It takes more courage to live.