Everything happened in such a blur. Rachel stormed off. Surprisingly, she didn't run off screaming she actually had a pretty calm demeanor. After that I went to the local nurse who insisted I drink a lot of water and sleep away.
So I did I hid in my room. Every time we had some free time to ourselves I would rush to my room. Completely avoiding Rachel, so the days past by.
As for Lizzy, my current therapist she was sadly still ignoring me until I gave up my story. Other than the terrible food everything was okay.
I sighed. I missed home. I missed coke. I missed Jared. I felt my heart bang against my chest from the pain.
Don't think about Jared. I repeated in my head.
When I heard a soft knock at my door. I blew out a breath and expected it to be Lizzy, coming to tell me something that supposed to change my mind.
I swung the door, irritated.
I opened my mouth to yell, but then I saw who it was.
Rachel. I could feel the blood drain from my face. I was terribly pale. I quickly made a move to slam the door shut, but she stopped me by putting her hand on the door. Pushing it open.
"Lisa, were going to talk about this," she stretched out. I shook my head.
"No, no, no, there's nothing to talk about," I said, horrified. Completely horrified. I pushed against her arm, but failed miserably. She pushes the door wide open, defeating me. She struts in the room like it hers.
She inspects the place before sitting down on the edge of the bed.
"You know you shouldn't be embarrassed about what happen," she said, like I'm going to say sorry and forget about the whole mortifying moment.
"Yes, yes I should," I said, blushing. I was sure at this point my face was as red as a tomato. I close the door behind me and lean my back on the door. I sit down and lean on the door.
Might as well as get comfortable. Rachel looks determined and who was I to stop her. She looks at me through her long eyelashes.
"No you shouldn't," she declares.
I shook my head not trying to start an argument, which would only prolong my conversation with her.
She sighed and said, "I've had worst thing happen to me," she paused and laughed, "like one time this girl spit on me out of anger-"
"I really don't care about your high school memories," I said rudely. I know it was mean, but it was for the best. I didn't need friends and I didn't want them.
My conscious was practically snickering at me.
"Yea, okay," it said sarcastically. "You want friends. Stop lying to yourself."
I shrugged my conscious off my mind.
I look up to see the pang of hurt on Rachel's face. Shes's hurt. I hurt her feelings.
"You should go," I whispered afraid my voice if I speak she'll hear the quiver in my voice.
She shook her head and said, "I just want to be your friend and I don't know when your going to realize that I don't want to know what happened in the past, but I want to know who you are," she explains.
I shook my head and said, "you don't get it. My past is the reason why I'm like this and I'm not interested in having friends. At all," I clarify.
I see the disappointment in her eyes before I see it quickly disappeared.
Rachel's shoulders slump in disappointment.
"Well, we you need a friend...I'll be waiting," she said and stands.
I move our of her way. Hoping she'll leave. I don't want her here she'll want to know. She'll get curious and I can't have that. I can't have that. I repeat in my head. Over and over again. And yet my feelings don't come to terms with my decision.
-----------------------------
Sweat trickled down my temple as I run through the forest as fast as I can.
I can hear my feet thumping against the hard ground.
He's behind me!
He's behind me!
Run faster.
So I do. I run faster. I feel the burn in my legs.
My heads pounding. My hearts pounding. I hear my heart in my ears bumping fast. I hear his loud thumps of his feet hiring the ground.
Run faster!
Hurry up!
He's behind you!
I can't run fast enough. My legs are slowing down. I feel my legs turn to jello. I feel like they can't move.
My movement is slow. He's catching up with me. He's going to kill me.
My legs feel like there walking through mud.
My movement gets slower and sooner or later I'm walking.
But my hearts still bumping fast and my head still hurts. I feel a pull on my messy ponytail. I fall back, easily.
"No,no!" I yelled. "Please don't do this!"
Jared's grey eyes see mine. There not Jared's. This is not Jared. Jared cares.
He cares. I can't do this. I can't let him do this. I turn to stand up by my forearms, but I am quickly pushed down to the ground.
I felt the weight of a foot on my back.
I exhaled sharply. I felt a hand grab my ponytail back, hard.
I cried out. He suddenly grabbed my forearms and turned me around.
"Please don't do this," I begged, I felt the tears prick my eyes.
Jared. This is not my Jared.
Jared isn't hard, cold, and emotionless:
He's not. He wouldn't be.
He grabbed my neck and wrapped his hands around my tiny neck.
I can't breath. I'm going to explode.
My lungs are exploding.
"Jared," I wheezed out. His grip tightened. I felt the tears prick my eyes.
One tear falls over.
The darkness is going to take over and this time it does.
I'm dead. Jared killed me.
-----------------------------
My eyes opened. I gasped for air and feel the thumping of my heart. It's so hot. I feel the sweat run down my back.
Gross. I shed the sheets from my body and feel the sudden balmy temperature hit my whole body.
I head for the bathroom, which didn't have a shower. Only a toilet and a sink. Sadly, you have to shower in front of people. It's horrible.
I turn on the sink and wash my face to feel the cool water. It felt good. I look up and see a weak girl.
I have dark brown hair and pale skin. My eyes are dark green. My cheekbones are wide and chubby. My nose is to perky and my waist as no curves. My boobs and butt are to big for a body like me.
I have dark bags under my eyes. Showing my lack of sleep.
I sighed. I don't feel like judging myself right now. I go back to bed, but I don't go back to sleep.
Because I can't.
I stayed up all night.
Thinking about Jared.
----------------------------
"Come sit down," Lizzy encouraged. I sit in one of the white leather chairs right in front of her desk.
I sit down and Lizzy keeps her attention on the computer.
I sighed. This is going to be a long one and half hour, so I try to start a conversation.
"Why don't you like to be called from your last name?" I asked.
She doesn't even glance up she just keep typing around on her computer.
"I have my reasons why," she answered. Showing no thought of a conversation. I shrugged it off.
I throw my hands in the air. Completely frustrated.
"Oh my god! Be a therapist! Say something! I don't care what the hell it's about as long as I don't have to hear that damn clock tick every second!"
She stopped typing and looked up at me.
"My last name has a past and I don't want to open up with you if you don't open up to me," she said.
The clock ticks.
Tick.
Tick.
Tick.
I sighed in defeat.
I sit down in the chair.
"I don't want you to type on your computer well I talk okay?" I demand.
She nods. "Yes." I lean back in my chair.
Lizzy is currently smiling smugly.
"Tell me about your name, first," I said.
Her smile doesn't change.
"I was adopted and my last name is the only thing that ties me to my real parents. And I don't want to be tied to them. I don't want to remember them. They didn't want me so why should I want them," she said, sourly.
She shook her head.
"Anyway this isn't about me.
So tell me about you," she encouraged.
I shrugged.
"Where to do want me to start?" I asked.
She smiles.
"From the beginning."
I nodded.
"Well..."