The days passed slowly. Gloomy, rainy weather kept everyone trapped in the house for the most part. It had rained for three days straight. I was relieved to wake up to sunlight pouring through my curtains. I had become painfully aware of Selena's sadness due to our close proximity. She was completely unhappy and it came off her in waves. Her smile never quite reached her eyes, unless it had anything to do with Gracie.
Gracie was her whole world. Nate was an entire different story. He had an unbelievable relationship with his cellphone and laptop. I was beginning to wonder if Selena wished she had a touchscreen. You could see how much his lack of attention hurt her. I felt bad because I was legitimately happy in my relationship. I loved Naya. She was a great girl. I felt slightly awkward around Selena. I still felt an undeniable pull, but the longing wasnt there anymore. Time had eased my pain and I had moved on.
I lifted my arms above my head and grunted. It felt good to stretch. I felt the warm body nestled against me start to stir, her bare skin brushing up against mine. I smiled at the instant goosebumps she gave me. I pushed the sheet down and exposed her back. I placed soft kisses on her bare skin and smiled when I heard her content sigh.
"Mornin' baby." She mumbled.
"How'd you sleep?" I asked.
"Perfect."
"Good. I'm going to take a shower. Shane and I are gonna have to go check on the cattle and look for any weather damage around the property." I said as drug my fingers down her back.
"Mmm Hmmm." She said yawning. "I've got to start packing anyway. I have to be back on set tomorrow."
"I'll help you when I get back." I smiled. "Assuming you're not already finished."
"Ok." She said as I kissed her softly.
I turned on the hot water and stepped under the shower head. The past few days had been interesting. I noticed the strain between Nate and Selena. They were trying to put on a show in front of everyone. I could see right through it. After I got dressed I made my way downstairs. I saw her sitting with Gracie. She looked content but as soon as we made eye contact, I knew better. She was hurting and it was pissing me off. I wanted to slap the shit out of Nate. It still hurt me to see her so lonely. She needed to feel loved. I looked around the kitchen and spotted Nate on his phone. I grabbed a glass of water and decided to talk to him.
"Hey Nate." I said trying to get his attention.
He nodded and held up a finger as he continued talking in the phone.
"No. Now." I said grabbing his cell phone and dropping it into my glass of water.
"What the fuck Dem!" He said raising his voice.
"Let's talk." I said walking outside.
"You can't just take my phone Demi. I was working. What you did was bullshit!"
"You're ignoring her Nate and its breaking her heart. You have a daughter that you barely spend time with."
"What makes you an expert on matters of her heart Demi?" He said rolling his eyes. "She's fine. She would tell me if there's a problem."
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean Nate?"
"What?" He asked waving his arms.
"What you said about me being an expert on matters of her heart."
"You tell me Demi. I've seen the way you fucking look at her. Is there something you want to say to me? You seem awfully concerned."
"Because you are my brother, I will forgive you for that. Once." I yelled at him. "If you ever speak to me like that again, we are not family." I said as tears stung my eyes. The guilt was almost suffocating.
"I'm sorry." He sighed. "I didn't mean that."
"You better open your fucking eyes Nate. I promise you there's somebody, somewhere that would kill to have what you have with her. They would take your place in a heartbeat!" I said angrily. I swallowed as I tried to keep my emotions in check.
"It's none of your business Demi." He snapped back.
"You're hurting her and she doesn't deserve it. You keep this up, you're going to lose her. I promise you." I said as I walked away.
I was livid and slightly alarmed. He was a damn fool. I wasn't expecting him to say what he said about the way I looked at Selena. I felt a little bit exposed and I was beginning to worry that he knew something. It made no sense that he would wait until over two years later to say something though. I closed my eyes and tried to calm my breathing. My hands were shaking. I walked into the barn and nearly had a heart attack.
"Hey!" A voice called out.
"Jesus fucking Christ!" I said jumping slightly.
"Damn Dem. Jumpy?" I heard Benji ask. "You look you've been caught robbing a bank or something."
"Sorry. I'm just a little distracted." I said. My heart felt like it was going to explode in my chest it was beating so fast.
"Shane isn't feeling well. He asked me to ride with you today. He's going to take care of the building maintenance and horses today."
"Ok. Lets get ready then." I said slightly out of breath.
"You look like you're carrying a great burden." He said as he grabbed his saddle.
"It's the story of my life dude. I got in an argument with Nate."
He nodded his understanding. "He's lost his way." He said casually. "He'll get a wake up call eventually."
"Yeah, but in the meantime his family gets to suffer. She doesn't deserve it Benji."
"You care about her?"
"Yes. She's family."
"He's blood." He said glancing at me.
"Doesn't mean shit. He's wrong. You're my brother. We don't have the same blood. I'd treat you the same."
"True."
Once the horses were saddled, we rode off toward the southern pastures. I had an uneasy feeling the entire time we were out. I couldn't shake what Nate had said to me. Did he know something? Did someone tell him? I hardly recognized him anymore. My heart legitimately hurt for Selena. It pained me to see her hurting. I might have moved on, but I didn't erase what she meant to me. What she still means to me. Our love was never meant to be. I had accepted that. I wanted her to be happy, that's why I let her go. The fact that she's so miserable has me questioning the night I walked away. I was so conflicted. I had Naya now and I loved her. She put me back together and gave me hope. She made me believe in happiness again. I spent so much time staring into the bottom of a bottle after I ended things with Selena, that I had forgotten what the world looked like through clear eyes. She gave me that again. A clear view. Selena always confused me. She still does. Part of me wants to hold her close and the other part wants to push her away.
"A penny for your thoughts?" Benji asked.
"I don't even know where to start." I sighed as we rode toward the main road.
"The beginning is usually best." He smiled.
I laughed. "True. In any case I'm not sure I should speak any of what's going on in my head out loud."
"Try me. I know more than you think." He stated cryptically.
"Do you think it's possible to love two people at the same time?" I asked him.
"Yes. You can love endlessly. What kind of love are you asking about though? There's a difference." He answered.
"Being in love."
"No."
"Really?" I said raising an eyebrow.
"You're not in love with two people. You're in love with one and you care deeply about the other. It's not my job to tell you which is which. You already know that. You've been avoiding it for quite some time now." He stated making eye contact.
"Benji, who are you talking about?" I asked slowly.
"You and I both know who I am referring to. I'm not going to say it." He said looking toward the horizon. "Another storm is coming." He said softly.
I glanced over at the dark clouds as they rolled toward us. Slow and steady. I could hear the thunder cracking in the distance. I felt the cold creep up my spine at the reality of Benji's words.
"How do you know?"
"Because every night when you think you're alone, I can hear you singing to the moon. You and I both know what the moon represents to you."
Before I could answer, we both heard panicked screaming coming from up the road toward the bridge. We immediately spurred our horses an took of at a gallop toward the sounds of distress. I immediately noticed the skid marks and the mangled railing as we neared the bridge. I jumped off my horse and ran to the edge. I could see the car smashed in between to large rocks. The swift current was pushing against it. I heard a woman screaming for help.
"It's filling with water!" I shouted at Benji as I quickly climbed down the bank.
"Shit! Demi!" He yelled as he followed.
As soon as I got to the waters edge, I knew this was going to be difficult. I couldn't see the bottom because the water was muddy due to the recent rainfall. I had no way of knowing where I would be stepping or how deep it was. Judging by the sinking car, it was deep. My heart nearly stopped when I noticed two small children in the car.
"Please help!" The woman screamed at me.
"Benji! Go to the house and call 911! Get Shane!" I yelled at him. He nodded and quickly climbed back up the embankment.
"Hold on! I'm coming!" I yelled over the rushing water.
As soon as I stepped into the water, I felt the current slam into me. Once I made it to the car, I grabbed a hold of the driver side door. The water was at my chest. As soon as the woman in the car saw me, she handed me one of her kids. It was a little girl. She couldn't have been more than five. She was scared and crying.
"Listen to me." I said to the frightened child. "I need you to hold onto my neck tight and no matter what, don't let go." I said as I placed her on my back. She immediately wrapped her legs around my waist and held on for dear life.
"Give me the other one!" I instructed the woman.
She handed me the young boy. He couldn't have been any more than two. I held him tightly and made my way back to the shore. I moved slowly, my balance being thrown off by the strong current and extra weight I was carrying. I felt myself slip and I almost let go of the baby as I felt myself slip under the water. I pushed myself to the surface and drifted a short ways down the river. I could hear the young girl coughing and crying as she held tightly to my body. As soon as I made it to the shore, I ran carrying both children back up the river toward the vehicle.
"Come on!" I shouted at the woman. "You can make it!"
"I-I can't swim!" She yelled back, her voice dripping with fear.
"Shit! Ok. I'm going to come get you."
"Demi!" I heard Shane yell as he ran down the hill.
"Take the kids." I instructed him as I handed him the small boy. "Sweetheart, you can let go now." I instructed the young girl.
"Shit! Dem! The car!" Benji yelled as he dove into the water.
I dove in after him. I opened my eyes and couldn't see anything. I felt around and grabbed for the cold steel as soon as I felt it on my fingertips. I reached around until I felt another person, it was Benji. I could tell he was struggling with the panicked woman. I grabbed one of her arms and helped him pull her up to the surface. We were being swept away in the current. I cried out as my ribcage struck a large rock. I reached out for Benji, but he kept slipping through my fingertips. He still had the woman with him. We eventually hit a shallow enough area and we were able to stand and walk away from the water. My entire body hurt. The river carried us almost a mile away from where we originally started. Shane and the ambulance had followed.
I was completely exhausted. My entire body hurt. I collapsed onto the river bank and laid there wheezing. It literally hurt to breathe. I could hear the woman we rescued crying and thanking Benji. She tried to talk to me, but my mind was elsewhere. I couldn't breathe. Something was very wrong. My vision started to blur and then there was nothing. Just cold and Empty blackness.
I woke to sterile white walls and annoying beeping sounds. I was at the hospital. My body still hurt and I had tubes in my nose. I was surprised to see her sitting there.
"You broke some ribs and punctured a lung." She said when she noticed I was awake. "I'll go get Naya. She went to grab something to drink."
"No. Stay." I croaked.
"You could've died." She said softly.
"Is everyone..."
"Yes. Everyone else is ok. Benji just has a few bumps and scratches." She answered.
"Have you been crying?" I asked my voice scratchy.
"Yes."
"Why?"
"I can't lose you." She whispered.
"You won't." I said taking her hand in my mine. "You'll never lose me."