A/N: The name of the song that Demi sings is called "Rain" it's by Breaking Benjamin.
Once Nate and I had returned from our honeymoon, it was business as usual. He returned to work at the firm, and I resumed my photography. I was anxious to get all the pictures I had taken over the summer developed. I hadn't really spoke to Demi since that day in her room at the ranch house. I didn't really expect to either. I know she probably felt like I was toying with her and leading her on. Sometimes I wondered myself. What was it that I hoped to get from her? I still didn't know. There wasn't a single thing I could say that could justify what I have done. The only thing that I know with an absolute certainty is that when I'm with her, I feel more alive than I have ever felt. It was addicting and I wanted more.
The weeks passed by and I fell into a steady routine with Nate. He worked constantly and I was alone. It seemed like the only time we were together is when he stuffed me into some ridiculously expensive dress and paraded me around at some fancy function hosted by his firm. He was trying to leave an impression and make partner. Judging by the looks I got, I was guessing I was his trophy wife. I felt so out of place in his world. It never used to be like this. I suppose marriage changes things a bit. As his wife, it was expected of me to attend these gatherings. Honestly, I was miserable. Everything was just dull in comparison to her. I heard my phone, and went to check who it was. Demi had sent me a text. I quickly opened it and smiled when I read it.
If you were here right now, I would make you breakfast. Never mind the fact that it's 4 in the afternoon. I'd also insist that you eat it in bed. Naked.
I hadn't talked to her in forever. It was funny that she would send something like this. I decided to text her back.
In your dreams. ;)
Every night. Do you ever think about me Sel?
Honestly? Yes. All the time.
Same. I'm not sure what it means, but I kind of like it.
I'm surprised to hear from you. It's been awhile. I noticed you've made some new friends.
Naya? Haha! Are you jealous?
No. She's really pretty though.
We're just friends. I promise. Why does it even matter? Last time I checked you were married and we weren't in a relationship.
Someone is feeling a little feisty. I wasn't trying to provoke you.
That last text came across a lot more harsh than I meant. I was smiling when I wrote it if that changes the context.
It's fine. I'm smiling as well.
Your smile is beautiful Sel.
I miss you. Is it ok for me to say that?
Yes.
I wanna see you Dem.
You will soon. I'll be in Chicago in a couple weeks. Can I ask you something?
Of course.
Don't tell Nate I'll be in town.
Why?
Because I'm not going to be there for any reason other than to see you.
I shouldn't have married him.
I know.
And just like that, the conversation was over. I was amazed at how easy it was for me to talk to her. I could feel my motives and my feelings starting to shift. I wanted more of her. I was lonely and Nate was never around. I needed someone. I was slightly startled when Nate walked into the room.
"Hey babe." He said kissing my cheek.
"Hey." I replied, forcing a smile. "You're home early." I added.
"Yeah. I know that things have been kind of hectic lately and I feel bad for leaving you alone so much." He said as he took off his suit jacket and loosened his tie.
"I'll go downstairs and make dinner." I told him.
"Sounds good. I'm gonna shower and I'll be right down." He said giving me a quick kiss.
As I made dinner, I started to feel panicked. I never should have sent Demi that last text. I was so stupid. Nate loved me and I loved him. He was doing the best he could. I felt so bipolar. One minute I questioned marrying him and the next I was perfectly fine with our marriage. I felt completely stupid and lost. Demi made everything seem murky and more complicated. She was a wild card that completely turned my world upside down. I'm not sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe this was some sort of test. I'm sure I was failing miserably. Why did she have to be so damn perfect? Luckily for me, Nate interrupted my thoughts.
"I have a proposition for you." I heard him say.
"I'm listening." I said smiling.
"Let's spend the summer out in Montana at the ranch again." He replied.
"Seriously?" I asked. "Do you think you'll be able to take the time off again?" I asked.
"I'm hoping to make partner by then. I can work out there. I have a phone and all I need is an Internet connection. I can fly out for any court dates. I'm sure they will let me go. It's just a couple months." He said.
"Speaking of the ranch, did you hear that Taylor moved in with Shane?" I asked him.
"Are you serious?" He asked laughing. "I had no idea."
"She told me about a week ago." I said. "I'm happy for them."
"Demi finished her album. It's really good. I haven't heard her write like this in a long time." He said.
I noticed that my heart skipped a beat at the mention of her name. We finished the rest of the dinner talking and enjoying each others company. I already started to feel reconnected to him. That night as I laid awake in bed listening to Nate snore, I realized that I had let go of whatever it was that was going on between Demi and I. It was a mistake and I needed to accept it and move on. I would never tell Nate, but I swore to myself that it would never happen again. I made a vow to him and I promised myself that I would keep it. It wasn't fair to Demi either. She deserved a real relationship.
Nate had been very attentive in the weeks leading up to Demi's arrival. Just like she had asked, I did t tell him that she would be in town. I made up an excuse to get away from the house without being questioned. I told him I was going out of town to visit with a couple friends from college. As I rode the elevator up to Demi's suite, I felt guilty for lying to him. He didn't deserve it. I approached the door and took a deep breath before knocking lightly. I was speechless when she opened the door. She looked amazing. She held out her arms and I immediately stepped into the embrace. I damn near melted.
"It's good to see you." She whispered against my neck.
"You too." I breathed.
She took my hand and led me over to the sofa. "You doing ok?" She asked. "You seem nervous."
"Yeah, I'm ok. I just have a lot on my mind." I answered looking down at my hands.
She reached and touched my face. I felt myself lean into her touch. I could feel resolve slowly cracking. She could literally shatter all my defenses with a single touch. I'm not strong when she's around. I tried to open my mouth, but no words would come out. I just want to drown in her touch. I felt her move closer to me.
"Demi...I can't." I whisper.
"Shhhh." I hear her say as she pressed her lips to mine.
I felt my will break. I couldn't say no. She made me weak. It was almost too much. I felt like I was drowning and there was nothing to grab onto. I was sinking further and further into her and there was no turning back. We spent the entire day in bed. She told me about her struggles with depression and self harm. She spoke briefly about her drug and alcohol problem, but it seemed to be a bit of a touchy subject for her. She told me about each of her tattoos, and as I laid there in bed tracing them with my fingertips, I had never felt more at peace. I loved the one on her ribcage. I felt her wrap her arms around me and place a kiss on the top of my head.
As I laid there in her arms, I knew I would never want to leave. One touch and she broke down all my walls. I came here to say goodbye, now I can't leave. I don't want to. I listen as she starts to sing softly. I could hear the vibrations in her chest.
Is it you I want?
Or just the notion of
A heart to wrap around
So I can find my way around
Rain rain go away
Come again another day
All the world is waiting for the sun
Safe to say from here
You're getting closer now
We are never sad
Cause we are not allowed to be
"Do you ever wish things could be different?" I asked her.
"Sometimes." She sighs.
"Demi, are you happy?" I asked sitting up on my elbows and resting my chin on my hands.
"Right now? Yes." She answered.
"I mean in general." I say.
"As happy as I can be." She answered. "Are you happy?" She asked.
"Mostly." I say frowning.
"You seem troubled." She says.
"I am." I answer truthfully.
"I came here today to tell you that we couldn't keep doing this." I said looking into her eyes.
"Then why didn't you." She asked, her brown eyes serious.
"Because, one touch and you broke my will." I told her looking away.
"That can't be good." She said smiling.
"Its really not." I answered burying my face into the comforter.
That night, she had ordered us room service. She had the staff set up a table on the balcony with candles. It was beautiful. We sat under the moonlight and had dinner. I learned something new about her that night. She was a vegetarian. I hadn't really noticed before and I laughed at my stupidity.
"What's so funny?" She asked.
"I honestly had no idea that you didn't eat meat!" I said smiling.
"Well, that statement sort of has a double meaning, but seeing as how we're at the dinner table and my mother would slap me senseless, I'm gonna let it slide." She said with a grin.
My eyes got wide when I realized what she was talking about. "You're terrible!" I laughed.
"You said it!" She smirked.
"You really make me happy Demi." I said taking her hand.
"I know this isn't easy for you." She said as she stoked the back of my hand with her thumb.
Without warning she stood up and threw me over her shoulder. I laughed and screamed as she ran into the room and tossed me into the bed. I grabbed her and pulled her on top of me. She rested her forearms on both sides of my head, before leaning in and capturing my lips with hers. She had never kissed me like this before. It was deep and said more than words ever could. I pulled her shirt up over her head and dug my fingers into her back as she kissed her way down my body. I really was drowning in her. She made me feel things I never knew were possible. I gasped as she kissed my inner thigh. She knew my body better than anyone. That night we didn't just fuck. We made love for the first time and I fell asleep, snuggled safely in her arms.
I woke up to find her sitting in the bed naked and playing guitar. I watched as she scribbled something into an open notebook. I didn't want to disturb her, so I just laid there and watched. She was wearing glasses, which again, was something I didn't know about her. She looked like a naughty librarian. I had to clamp my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. I liked the way her face scrunched up when she was concentrating and I loved the way she would smile when she found the perfect notes.
"I know you're watching me." She said glancing at me.
"What are you writing?" I asked as I moved closer to her. I could tell she was distracted by the sheets slipping off me.
"Umm, a song." She said laughing.
I rolled my eyes. "About you." She said.
"Can I see?" She asked.
"No. It's not done. You'll be the first one to hear it when it is though." She said sweetly.
"I've gotta get up. Nate's expecting me home soon." I said.
"Ah. The giant elephant in the room." She said raising an eyebrow.
"I'm sorry." I mumbled.
"Don't be." She said leaning in for a kiss.
"You still owe me breakfast." I said smiling as I went to get dressed.
She walked me to my car and kissed me goodbye. The second I drove away, I missed her. I took a deep breath as I walked into my house. The familiar guilt creeping into my bones. I should of showered before I left the hotel. Demi's scent still lingered on my skin. I quickly went upstairs and jumped in the shower. Luckily I didn't run into Nate. He was probably running on the treadmill. I let the water wash over my body. I was damn liar.