"I....", I stammered as I looked at the fallen expression on the face of the boy sitting beside my bed.
I say boy because that's exactly how he looked like at this moment. A mere sad, lonely boy.
All this time he wears that blank proud mask when he actually has been through so much pain.
Who would have guessed?
And also not to forget that obvious scar, the father thing I keep hearing about between them, The Devil Dancer....
Everything finally made sense now.
I settled on a sigh, "I don't know what to say, Jungkook."
"You don't have to. Its a lot to take in.", he slumped his shoulders forward, "Hell, even until now it still haunts me."
"Yeah, that's what your past does to you.", I said with a defeated voice.
Because growing up in a poor family, I tend to be grateful over every single thing that was handed to me now with the memories of me struggling in the past serving as a permanent reminder. Its literally like a mental memo that was stuck to the side of my head.
But growing up in a broken one? I have no idea.
He just stayed quiet as he continued staring at the top of my covers mindlessly.
"But you also can do something too.", I added carefully.
"You can let go."
At that, his head finally lifted to look at me.
"You can let go.", I repeated in a more determined voice, "And you can move forward and focus on where you are currently. You can focus on trying to make yourself happy like...."
"Ordering you around?"
I had to stop myself from smiling and shoot him an annoyed look instead, "You jerk. Other than that."
He let out a chuckle before pretending to think it over.
"Going to the amusement park. I like that.", he settled instead.
As if on cue, my mind instantly replayed back to the time when we went into the ferris wheel and this time, I didn't fight back my smile.
He also did the same.
"Yeah, I like that too.", I answered a little breathlessly when I suddenly became aware of our close proximity or the fact that his hand was situated just a hair's breadth away from mine.
His smile only widened.
Clearing my throat, I put my business face back on and darted my eyes away from him.
"So yeah, like I said, focus on that. Make yourself happy. Maybe its time you stop pleasing everyone else and start pleasing yourself instead.", I said nonchalantly.
Oh shit, did I just say 'start pleasing yourself'? I wondered in panic.
Jungkook being Jungkook quickly catches on my words, "Hmm this part I'm interested in. What kind of ways do you think I should use to please myself?"
This jerk. He just have to emphasize that word, doesn't he?
Gulping soundlessly, I shrugged as I tried to look at anything else other than him. Which is a hard thing to do considering that the guy is all hard muscles and practically dominates the whole room with his silent authority.
"Uh you know.", I bit my lips as I tried to think of what rich guys like him would do for fun, "Maybe you can go on a vacation at some secret island far away from here, order some expensive ass martinis, give yourself a hand."
Upon saying the last word, I immediately let out an audible gasp as I shoot him a look of horror, my eyes meeting his amused ones.
"Break! Give yourself a break!", I practically shrieked out loud to correct myself, earning a loud knock on the wall from the patient on the other side who's probably trying to sleep.
Beside me, Jungkook's whole body was practically shaking as he tried so hard to contain his laughter at my outburst.
I let out a scoff at him before my lips also involuntarily stretched into a smile.
I mean, what the fuck? When did my mind became this dirty?
Must be Park Jimin infecting me with his non ending perverted remarks.
Yeah, that must be it.
"Thank you."
"Huh?", l managed out.
His mouth twitched a little, "For listening. And for that 'advice', I'll definitely bear that in mind."
I countered his amused expression with a roll of my eyes, "Yeah, sure.", and after a few quiet seconds of us staring at each other, I added in a low voice, "Thanks for opening up to me. You have no idea how much that meant to me."
He just continued observing me silently, his eyes unblinking.
"You know, all this time I've wasted so much time blocking my real thoughts, my problems, my feelings.", he said intently as he stared into my eyes, "I was so confused with everything. But right now, I think....."
"You think?", I urged him on.
"I think....", he pondered on it for a moment before smiling and shaking his head, "Its nothing."
"Oh."
I won't lie and say that I wasn't disappointed. I mean what ever he was going to say, it sure must have been important.
But what ever, I'm already grateful enough that he's here with me. God knows how many thousands of butterflies that were released free inside my stomach for the past hour.
Ugh, sometimes I really regret liking him. Its already hard for me to act normal around him even before this.
"Its late."
Jerking my head towards him, I took in his raised eyebrows as he looked at the clock on the wall which reads 4 a.m., "I guess I should go now. I mean, we do have a show to perform later tonight."
I can't help but let out a groan at that, "Oh my God, I already forgot about that. And I still haven't mastered my lines yet!", I looked at him with wide eyes.
"Silly, that's not what you should worry about. You're still in the hospital bed, get some rest first and later on you can continue fretting about that."
I pursed my lips as I watched him slowly got up and put his thick coat back on. What kind of college student wears expensive coats at night anyways?
Oh yeah, sometimes I forget that he's Jeon Jungkook. And his father practically owns half of South Korea.
I try to hide my disappointment when he finally got to the door. A part of my mind was silently begging him not to leave, but I still realize where I stand. I mean, just because he told me about his past doesn't mean that I can just act like a clingy girlfriend to him.
After all, he already have a girlfriend.
I register the bitter taste inside my mouth at the thought and just before I close my eyes to continue sleeping, I vaguely heard Jungkook from the doorway.
"Oh and Lisa? Don't worry about the show, you know I've got your back now."
I almost said thanks to him. But then I remembered about my feelings towards him.
Oh Jungkook, if I tell you that I'm falling for you, will you still catch my back then too?
***
True to his words, Jungkook does have my back.
God knows how many times I almost spouted the wrong line on that stage, and he helped cover me all the time.
Like, all the time.
It also doesn't help that my costume dress comes with a corset that's practically blocking my breathing through the whole night, and now my feet is hurting like hell too.
How I wished I didn't leave that hospital bed just now.
"Psst."
My head slowly cleared as I turned my head to look down at Jungkook whose body was splayed lifelessly onto the floor, his eyes shut tight.
But wait, why is his lips moving?
I scrunched my eyebrows as I tried to decipher what he was trying to say.
One of his fingers discreetly tapped the side of my hip.
"Read.", he finally whispered.
Jerking my head up, I noticed that the other character has long ago finished his lines and was nowhere to be seen.
Which means....
Oh fuck its my turn.
Trying to ignore every single pair of eyes that were on me at this moment, I took in a deep breath and focused on Jungkook instead.
Fucking Jungkook looking like a whole snack.
While I was stuck in a corset, he was forced to wear some weird looking bodice. But for some reason unbeknownst to me, the guy somehow managed to look a thousand time better than before.
Was this how his great great great grandfather looked like? Then damn how I wished I was alive during that era instead.
And his hair..... His usually messy hair was styled to the bone tonight, giving him that classic bad boy look and God knows how many pep talk I had to give myself to stop me from jumping him in the dressing room.
"Uh...", I trailed as I tried to get into character, "What's here? A cup, closed in my true love's hand?"
I glanced at his unmoving face before leaning down closer to him to take the cup from his loose grasp, "Poison, I see, hath been his timeles end: O churl! drunk all, and left no friendly drop."
Forcing a sad look to mask over my face, I let out a choking sound as I took Jungkook's face in my hands.
"To help me after? I will kiss thy lips;"
Closer.
"Haply some poison yet doth hang on them."
Closer.
This was it. Just one final line.
One final line and I can get out of this dress, go grab a hamburger on my way home and sleep until tomorrow.
Just one... final line.
Until Jungkook suddenly opens his eyes.
And we were suddenly back into the training room.
Back when he teased me about being nervous because of him.
Because the back of his head was facing the crowd and I was practically hovered over him, none of the audience could see his face.
Which means nobody could see him smile at me.
Or the way his eyes took its time trailing all over my face.
From the crown of my head, to the tip of my nose and finally, to the curve of my mouth.
And time stops.
Just one... final line.
"To make die with a restorative.", I whispered breathlessly.
And before I knew it, a hand swiftly slipped under my thick curls and my lips were smashed onto Jungkook's.