SONG JI-WON'S POV
"Never thought I would end up with these feelings for you."
I held my breath, and even though it was the sole thing that was making me feel so nervous, I couldn't tear my eyes away from his. Even though they seemed to see deep into me, and I felt as though he could hear my thoughts, I couldn't look away. He captured me.
How is it that this entire night I've held the idea that Jungkook didn't care about me, that his feelings were all in my head. How is it that I've brought myself down, I've been hurting myself on the inside by trying to admit things that weren't even true.
Jungkook is confessing right now, and yet I can't find it in me to speak. To reply. Anything. I just stay silent, familiarly, just like I always used too. I cant be like before, I need to say something.
But before I even got the chance, as if reading my mind and knowing that I didn't know what to say, he spoke again while leaning closer. He placed a hand on my cheek, and his touch made my heart skip a beat.
"Let's take that kiss from the other day to another level."
And without another word, he brought his lips to mine, and kissed me softly.
Everything from earlier was instantaneously removed from my mind and replaced with a mix of new feelings. Shock, excitement, and that hint of guilt that never really left my side. I ignored it though, and closed my eyes, allowing myself to kiss him back since I didn't have the chance last time.
His lips moved slowly, not rushed, which made a slight sense of peace wash over me in the mist of all the chaotic butterflies I was feeling.
His hand moved from my cheek to my hair, where he gently pushed my head a little closer.
It didn't take long for him to roughen the kiss a bit, and it continued in a gradual yet rapid process. It's like he's been waiting, yearning for this. I took a soft sudden intake of breath when he added his tongue. I hesitated for a merely moment, feeling nervous, before continuing to kiss him back.
He suddenly started leaning in even more, forcing me backward. He kept going, not breaking the kiss, till I was laying down all the way, my back pressed to the ground. His elbows propped himself up on either side of my shoulders, leaving me trapped under him. His legs ended up in between mine, and it suddenly made me want to go further, something I wouldn't have considered before this. He was so dominant, it excited me. My heart was beating quickly, goosebumps covering my arms. I unconsciously bring one hand up into his hair while the other is on his collarbone, slowly moving down to his chest.
We were making out passionately by now, and the nervousness slipped away. I just felt a sense of reality, that this was really happening.
His right arm starts moving. First he places it on my shoulder, running it down my forearm. I knew he felt my goosebumps because he grinned slightly against my lips, satisfied with the effect he had on me. His hand slickly travelled down to my waist, his fingers playing with the hem of my shirt and touching my bare skin.
I cant lie and pretend like it wasn't turning me on.
Obviously he's feeling the same thing, because he brings his body closer to mine, mostly lower body, and starts slowly grinding on me. It doesn't go unnoticed that he seems to be getting harder, and I feel tingly.
He pulls his lips away from mine, and the very second their gone I miss them. I take deep breaths, trying to slow my heartbeat as he pecks his way down my cheek and to my jawline, where he gently sucked at my skin in a seemingly innocent manner. At the same time, he progressed to grinding a little harder on me, and I feel incredibly weak when I heard a moan escape from him. I didn't even notice that I had a handful of his shirt gripped in my hand, from how sexually stressed, and admittedly desperate, this was making me feel.
And of course Jungkook has to make things worse by teasing me, bringing his hand further up my shirt, getting dangerously close to my breast.
He sucked his way down my neck, thankfully not spending enough time there to leave a mark. Without warning or permission, he started lifting up my shirt, exposing my full stomach and the bottom part of my bra. After leaving a few pecks on my collarbone, he moved down to my stomach, leaving kisses down in a line. At the same time his other hand went down to caress and grip my upper thigh.
After leaving faint marks on my skin, he slowly separated himself from me. He came back up to my face, and gave me one last, soft kiss on the lips.
He pulled away, and finally opened his eyes. We stared at each other, breathing heavily but quietly.
He parted a few hairs away from my face and smiled faintly, then chuckled a little. He gently rested his forehead on mine as he whispered "You don't even know how long I've waited for that."
I don't even try to stop my smile from spreading, and I giggle a little too.
As amazing as I feel at the moment, I have to admit that not all of my desires are satisfied, and I'm slightly disappointed that he stopped. It felt... unfinished. But I didn't say a word, because it's obvious nothing's happening tonight.
He got off from on top of me, and grabbed my hand to pull me up into a sitting position. I'm sure I'm blushing furiously, because he can't wipe the grin off his face. He enjoys it too much.
"I'm checking on the wind outside." He said, before getting up and walking to the door. The second he opened it, he was almost knocked off his feet. I jumped up and went to go help him close the door. We pushed together and finally sealed the place shut again. We turned to look at each other at the same time.
"Looks like we're not going anywhere anytime soon." I say.
He smirks. "Good."
I possibly blush even more. He giggles and mutters "You're so cute." before going back to our blanket and sitting down. I follow.
"It's probably really late by now, shouldn't we try to get some sleep?" I suggest.
He cocks his head to the side. "Are you tired?"
"Kind of. Besides, what else can we even do in here?" Besides what we were just doing...
"Well I always have other things in mind." He replies with a wink. Tempting, but no.
"I'm really tired." I say quickly, and he laughs.
"Ok, then we'll sleep pillowlessly." He sighs, laying down with one arm behind his head.
"You'll sleep pillowlessly." I correct him. He looks at me with a confused expression. "Come on, do you expect me to suffer on Christmas?" I ask, laying down too, and mustering enough confidence to lay my head on his chest, cuddling close to him. He hesitated for a moment before putting his other arm around me, getting comfortable.
"Don't worry, I'm not suffering much." He says softly, and then I literally can't stop smiling.
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JEON JUNGKOOK'S POV, hours later, 8 am
I need to date her.
In my time of knowing Ji-won, we've always flirted with each other and messed around and had our little moments, but we obviously could never really be romantic. Not without an excuse anyways.
And now, when we were making out and cuddling and acting coupley, I feel like I need it to be official. Like, I love this so much. It made me so damn happy when she laid with me there without me making a first move for it, and the way she was blushing and smiling because she was happy too.
I love this, and now I want it to be like that every day.
I woke up a few minutes ago, but haven't moved a muscle because I just want to stay here for a while longer. I keep smiling to myself, just by watching her, and I feel kinda pathetic but she's just so cute that I can't control it.
What's happening to me??
But it doesn't even matter, because I love this feeling. We had a really great make out session, that should mean we're a thing right? I mean, she didn't necessarily say "I like you back" or anything, but her reaction said plenty. But, I never said I wanted to be her boyfriend, or go on a date. She said our kind-of-date wasn't a date before... so maybe right now she doesn't think we're a thing?
The point is that I need to clear things up, and tell her simply that I want us to be together. Just thinking about it is making me smile stupidly again.
I was sure she also liked Hoseok, but now I don't know. Why would she kiss me back and all if she was still conflicted? This should mean that I'm safe now, right? She hasn't done any of this with Hoseok. This means that Ji-won's practically already mine, right?
But there's no way of knowing for sure till I ask.
But for now, I just lay here, watching her. I'm replaying the scene from earlier all in my head, and I can't help but feel slightly disappointed.
I've known that Ji-won's a virgin, so I didn't really try anything. I don't want her to think I'm moving fast or trying to take advantage of her or anything, I want us to be for real, so I have to wait for her.
But that's so fucking difficult.
I haven't had sex with anyone since Sana, and it feels like it's been an eternity since I've gotten laid. I was already hard while we were making out, and touching her made it worse for the both of us. I had a difficult time even falling asleep because of all the perverted thoughts I had in my head. If only we'd gone a little further...
But no. We're not even dating yet. I'll have to be patient.
But that doesn't really mean we can't do other things.
I let my hand, which was around her waist, gently travel under her shirt like I had before. I liked how warm and smooth her skin felt. I innocently traced circles and things on her stomach with my thumb, moving upward as I continued.
As I got closer to her breast, I bit my lip and shut my eyes. God, I've never even touched them before. The closest I've gotten was when I left hickeys around the top, but barely. Being patient was already proving to be difficult.
I heard her deep breathing quiet down a bit, and she shifted her position slightly. She must be waking up. Instead of pulling my hand away, I smile faintly and continue, just closing my eyes.
Merely few seconds pass until I feel goosebumps form on her arms, and I know she's noticed.
"Good morning." I say, kissing the top of her head. If we were together I could do that whenever I want. It felt so natural.
She shifts again so that she's facing me more. "I'm still tired." And she doesn't say anything about my hand, or make a move to stop me.
"I've been awake for a little while. But if we stay here for that long the others will worry about us more." I say, despite wanting to stay.
Without opening her eyes, she mutters "Have you checked how it is outside?"
"No."
"Go check."
"I don't wanna get up." I whine, pulling her closer.
"Neither do I."
So neither of us moves, and to my satisfaction we cuddle there for a nice, long few minutes more before I forced myself to go outside.
When I opened the door it was perfectly peaceful. A slight wave of disappointment washes over me, but I know we have to go back now.
"Ji-wonnnn," I say. She doesn't move from her comfy spot on the floor. "We gotta go, sky's clear now and there's light."
"Later."
"Now."
"Soon."
"Now."
She ignores me, so I walk over, squat down next to her, and pick her up. Her eyes fly open. "What are you-"
"What does it look like? You don't want to move anyway." I say, I interrupting her. She smiles faintly and closes them again.
"Thank you."
I struggle to throw the blanket on her before walking out, slowly walking through the snow. My arms gave out really quickly so we switched to piggy back, but I was happy to carry her either way.
We talked for those few minutes on the way back, and I'm glad she wasn't acting awkward or weird or anything.
"Jungkook?" She suddenly says.
"Yeah?"
"Don't mention anything that happened." She says hesitantly.
I stop for a moment to lift her a little before continuing to walk. "I wasn't planning to, but why?"
She didn't speak for a few long seconds. "I'm still figuring things out."
I furrow my eyebrows. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Before she gets the chance to reply, we hear someone yelling from the cabin in the near distance. They were standing on the porch.
"Guys!!" The person I recognize as Jin yells. I drop Ji-won and we run the rest of the way to the cabin. Jin looked back and forth between the two of us. "Where the hell have you been? All of us barely slept because we were worrying so much. We were just about to go looking for you."
Just then Taehyung walked out of the cabin and on to the porch. When he sees us he gasps. "You found them already? What the hell man I told you to wait for me!" He pouted.
I laughed. "Yeah, we're safe and uninjured, thanks for asking Tae." I say.
Hoseok then came out, and when he saw us he did a double take.
"OH MY GOD WHEN DID YOU GUYS GET HERE I WAS SO FUCKING WORRIED!!" He yelled as we ran towards us. He grabbed Ji-won's shoulders and turned her from side to side, grabbing her chin and examining her face. "Are you hurt? Did anything happen?" He asked.
She laughed. "No, we're fine trust me." Hoseok sighed and and pulled her into a hug, which didn't bother me much at first because they're best friends and all.
But then I recall what she said before. I'm still figuring things out.
And then I realized what she was talking about when she hugged him back. And all of a sudden it did bother me.
"We should go inside." I say, interrupting their unimportant moment.
Once we all met up inside, me and Ji-won gave everyone a vague description of what happened, leaving out the good stuff. I really wanted to hint that we did things, for Hoseok's sake, but I knew I needed to respect Ji-won's "confusion" and drop it.
All of us spent last couple of hours together, and we had another great time. It was kept short today though because we wanted to get home early enough to still spend some Christmas with our families.
I flirted with Ji-won in our average way, not giving anything away, and truthfully in the back of my mind I was continuously thinking about how I should ask her out.
If I ask her out.
It's a possibility, and more likely, that she likes Hoseok too. How bad would it be if I got rejected just because of confusion? I could wait till a safer time, but I don't know how far away that is. For all I know, maybe Hoseok will make a move before I can and snatch her.
So yeah, I will ask her out. Soon enough. I have to think about how though.
Yeah, it seems stupid, all I need to say is "you wanna go out with me?"
But I've been playing our scenarios in my head all day. How it would go if I did it during tutoring and she said yes, if she said no, if I did it while we were just hanging out, during school, over the phone- and that idea was discarded quickly- but all of the scenarios get me nervous. It's never been hard for me to do this kind of thing.
I didn't have that much worry that she'd reject me, but it was still a possibility that saddened me. Every time I saw her laughing or being cute with him it made my heart sink by considering that.
No, I can't back down from her. Not when I've come to like her this much.
I'm gonna make her mine.