I sat on the swing in the Maxwell garden. The winter sky was gray. Snow coated the hedges and plants and ground. It was cold, but I didn't care. I was lying there with eyes closed, thinking about everything. Tomorrow was Monday. Back to school. After everything that had happened, I couldn't imagine seeing Maya or Milo again. How could I look them in the eyes and pretend that everything was okay, lying right to their faces? They were my friends. We've been through almost everything together. And I was ashamed to think that I'd have to keep this from them. Especially Maya.
I heard footsteps crunching against the snow. My heart stumbled to catch a beat, but I steadied myself. I knew that wasn't Troy.
"Are you trying to get sick?" Jax asked, coming right behind me.
"If I do, then I won't have to practice self defense, right?" I replied with a smile. Two firm arms came around me, sending a stream of warmth through my body. His lips pressed against my cheek, and then they were in my ear.
"Please stay here again tonight," he requested. My heart lurched. I could hear his worry, the fear straining his voice. I hated being the cause of that.
"Jax, I can't. I have school in the morning," I said, which hardly mattered. That wasn't my reason for denying it.
"We can go to your house and pick up your things," he offered. I sighed and took a deep breath. I wanted to stay with Jax. I wanted to be with someone who made me feel safe, who didn't mind my nightmares. But the truth of why I couldn't settled on my bones with a heavy weight.
"I can't leave my mother," I said. I felt him tense. He forgot about that piece.
"Then I'll stay at your house," Jax continued. Another solution that I couldn't accept.
"No," I answered simply.
"No? Why not?" Jax asked. Because you can't be there, I wanted to say. You can't be there if Troy comes. He'll kill you.
"Jax..." I began. "I can't let you do that." It wasn't much of an explanation. Jax sighed.
"Listen, I don't care what we do," he said. "But I'm not leaving you and your mom alone. If you really believe I'd do that, then eighteen years of friendships didn't teach you enough." Yes. Almost eighteen years of friendship had taught me plenty. It taught me that Jax would die before he put my mother and I in harm's way, and it also taught me that he was determined enough to win this argument.
"I don't want you to see him," I said. "If he ever hurt you...I don't know if I could forgive myself." Jax's arms tightened.
"Don't you get it, Lis?" he began. "You've been trying to protect me from Troy for so long. And I get it. I would have done the same if I was in your position. But Lis, I want to protect you. And if he hurt you, I wouldn't forgive myself." I leaned into his embrace.
"I'm sorry. Sometimes it's just hard to believe," I whispered, because that was the truth.
"What's hard to believe?" he asked.
"That you could want to be with me after all this," I admitted. He kissed the top of my head.
"I love you," he said.
"I love you, too," I whispered. "I can't believe you're more stubborn than I am." He laughed.
"You're lucky I am. Now come inside, you'll catch a cold," he told me. I slid off the swing slowly.
"I won't catch a cold," I argued. Suddenly, he pulled me into his arms so that I was pressed up against his warm body.
"Now you won't," he whispered. I felt a blush crawl up my cheeks. A replay of that night in New York, when we were on the rooftop. I grinned. And then I stood up on my tiptoes and pressed my lips against his. He returned it with his own, gentle kiss. His warm breath warmed my face as he held me against him.
"Jax?" I began, with his lips just centimeters from my own.
"Yeah?"
"Am I...am I a good kisser?" I asked. It was a genuine question. I had never truly known. Jax laughed softly.
"Yes, you're a great kisser," he whispered. And as if to confirm that, he went in for another one. "I love your beautiful lips." I smiled and buried my face into his neck.
"What about me? Am I a good kisser?" he asked. I could hear the amusement in his voice. I rolled my eyes. He was a fantastic kisser, and he knew it.
"I figured you'd know, with all those girls singing your praises all the time," I muttered.
"Yeah, but you're the girl I want to sing my praises," he said.
"Well, in that case," I began, looking up at him. "Your kissing could use some work." He snickered, because he knew as well as I did that he was the best damn kisser this world has ever seen. His arm slipped over my shoulder and he led me back inside. My thighs were still sore from our training session this afternoon. I ended up watching him box a few rounds with Leo. To say the least, it had put some of my fears regarding Troy to ease. Jax was a good fighter. Really good. And if he was that good when he was fighting his friend...I couldn't imagine how ruthless he could be if Troy was in his way.
I decided not to think about it.
"What if your mom stayed here tonight? Or with Norah?" Jax suggested. Yeah, Norah would gladly lend my mom a room. But then we'd have to explain why, and I wasn't ready for that yet.
"I guess she could stay in one of our guest bedrooms, if I can convince her to," I said. Jax grinned.
"Good. I'll make you two dinner," he said. Honestly, he could probably do that better than my mom or I could.
"Can you make grilled chicken?" I asked.
"I don't know if I have chicken right now," he said thoughtfully. "But we could go to the store..."
"Do you have Kraft macaroni and cheese?" I asked. He laughed.
"Yes, but that's a lot different than grilled chicken."
"That's okay. I want that."
"How do you stay so skinny?"
"How do you stay so fit?" I asked. "You eat more than I do."
"I'm bigger. And I work out," he said.
"But I worked out today, so basically, we're the same," I countered. He rolled his eyes.
"If you call what you did today 'working out,' this training is going to be harder than I thought," he said.
"Ready to give up yet?" I asked. Jax just smiled.
"Like you said, I'm more stubborn than you are."
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The stress of picking a college and finishing my schoolwork was enough to keep my mind off Troy. For a while, at least. I wasn't really able to keep my mind off him when I had policemen in my house, or detectives asking me questions about him. But Jax was also a good distraction. He made me laugh when I was exhausted and hurting. And he was a good distraction for my mom, too, who would have been in the pits of depression if it weren't for her Jax and Norah and Mrs. Lynn from church always bringing us pies for no reason.
I was at Jax's house, curled up on the couch and doing my homework, when another distraction cropped up on my phone screen. Maya was calling.
"Hello?" I began. I was met with the sounds of harsh sobbing from the other side. "Maya? What's wrong? Are you okay?" More sobbing. "Maya?"
"A-Alyssa?" she began. "D-Dave and I b-broke up."
"Oh, honey, I'm so sorry," I started, mentally cursing Dave. "Don't worry, I'll come over to your house right now."
"Actually, I'm on my w-way to yours," she explained, hiccuping. Mine? She was going to my house? I thought about the police car parked out front right now, and my mom inside discussing things with Detective Blair. No, she couldn't go to my house right now.
"Maya, I'm not home," I told her quickly. She let out another gasping sob.
"W-where are you? C-can I come?" she asked, almost pleading. My heart lurched for her.
"Yes, Maya, of course you can come," I said immediately. And so I said the first thing that popped in my head. And it happened to be the truth. "I'm at Jax's house." Silence rung from the other end of the line, other than hiccuping. Shoot. That was suspicious. Of course she would suspect something. Alyssa, you idiot.
"Is Jax t-there?" she asked. I looked up from my seat on the couch, to where Jax was sprawled on a recliner, on his phone.
"He's been working out this whole time. He won't bother us, I swear," I said quickly. Jax glanced over at me and scowled, as if he knew I was talking about him...which he probably did.
I held my breath and waited for a response. Knowing Maya, she'd jump to the worst possible conclusion. And in this case, the worst possible conclusion was basically the truth.
"O-okay," she said through tears. Okay, well, I didn't expect that. It occurred to me that was probably too sad and depressed to consider anything.
"I love you. Drive safe. I'll have ice cream when you get here," I said.
"Th-thank you," she whispered. Yup. I was going to kill Dave. Then I hung up to find Jax staring at me suspiciously.
"What's that face for?" he asked. "Were you talking about me? Are you canceling our date?" He knew me all too well.
"Sorry, Jax. Maya just called. She needs me," I said. "She and Dave broke up." He raised an eyebrow.
"Honestly, I feel bad for her, but good. He's an ass," Jax said.
"Well, I gotta be here for her. Sorry," I said. He sighed.
"Do I really have to go work out?" he asked.
"Since you made me do it, I think it's only fair," I said with a smirk. He grinned and kissed me.
"Alright, good luck with her." Yeah. I had a feeling I'd need all the luck I could get.
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It had been twenty minutes since Maya got here, and she was still stumbling through the whole break-up process.
"So I t-told him that he c-can't just go on a road trip with his friends without telling me," she continued. "Especially with a b-bunch of girls. And he said that he didn't want to b-be exclusive anymore." She started crying all over again, and I brought a spoon full of cookie dough up to her lips. She took a tentative bite.
"Maya, you can do so much better than Dave," I said. "You're hot, girl! And you're smart and funny. He's missing out."
"Missing out? On this?" she began, gesturing to her sweatpants and bowl of half-eaten ice cream. "I'm a mess."
"You're gorgeous," I reminded her. "You have guys drooling over you left and right."
"Like who?" she asked, picking at her sprinkles.
"Please, I hear the football players talking about you all the time," I said, which was not a lie.
"They do?"
"Yes. You don't need Dave," I said. She nodded.
"I don't need Dave," she repeated.
"Wanna watch a show now?" I asked carefully. She nodded again. We were watching Friends, because she needed to laugh. And it was especially good for watching when you have ice cream and cookie dough. I turned it on and sat back, cuddling next to my heartbroken friend as she wiped her tears and poured more whipped cream in her bowl.
"Ugh," she mumbled. "My mom keeps texting me. She saw me crying and now she's all worried."
"Just tell her you're here with me," I said. "You don't want her freaking out. I can text her, if you want." Maya nodded quickly and returned her gaze to the television screen. It must have been fifteen minutes at the most when the front door opened.
My heart dropped. Jax was in the back, so who was here...
For one horrid moment, I thought for sure it was Troy. That somehow he found me, and was going to exact his revenge. But instead, in stepped two familiar faces. Milo and Ethan.
Maya groaned.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, stuffing her face in a pillow.
"Whoa," Milo began. "You're a mess." I shot him a deathly look, and he quickly changed the subject. "But, uh, Mom called me when I was at drum practice and asked me to check on you here, of all places." He nodded toward Ethan. "I was his ride, so he had to come."
"Hey, Alyssa," Ethan greeted me casually, then stepped into the living room. "Maya? Come out of there." She huffed dramatically and threw the pillow at him.
"Go away, Ethan. And Milo," she said. "I'm grieving."
"Maya, Dave's a jerk. I didn't even like the guy," Milo said. Suddenly, more footsteps approached from the other side of the room. I glanced up to see Jax there, in a t-shirt and sweatpants. Judging by his dripping hair, he had just gotten out of the shower after his work out session.
"Milo? I thought I heard you," he began. "What are you doing here, dude?"
"I came to check on my sister," Milo explained, glancing down at her.
"And I came along for the ride," Ethan interjected. He was clearly amused by all this.
"I see. Are you watching Friends?" Jax asked, this time to me. I nodded. He loved this show, and so did Milo, for that matter.
"Oh come on, this is like my favorite episode," Milo said suddenly, his eyes coming to the screen. "Can we stay?" Jax had come to sit beside me on the couch, not cuddling with me, because that would definitely raise questions. Maya had found another pillow to stuff her face into.
"Yes," she mumbled from the other side. "I guess." I smiled. Good. She needed more people around to comfort her. Then she took the pillow away and threw it, once again, at Ethan. "But no cookie dough."
"Can we have the ice cream?" Milo asked, plopping down beside Jax while Ethan came and sat on the other side of Maya.
"Fine," she said to Milo, but she was now glaring at Ethan, who just smirked at her.
We all sat back and stared at the TV. At some point, one episode of Friends had turned into four, and we were still watching. Jax's hand had discreetly snuck over mine, but no one noticed. Maya - despite her "grieving" - had taken up much better spirits, as she was (once again) arguing with Ethan.
And I felt my own spirits lift. There were so many bad things happening. So many that had already happened. But this...this moment...
This wasn't bad at all.