We decided to go sa garden to talk about something. The ambience was really weird. It was quiet. I felt gawky all of a sudden sitting here. Wala akong ibang marinig except chirping of birds, gushing of the wind, and screeching of seesaw. I could sense that Rico has a lot of questions he wanted to ask. And when I say a lot. It means a lot.
"Come on, spill the beans. I know you have a lot of questions going on in your mind." I started and looked up at the sky. It was so serene. Ang layo-layo sa buhay ko ngayon.
He was standing not so far from me. And he wasn't looking at me. It was actually the moment I had to admit my friend was really an eye catcher. But I wasn't in the mood to praise his good looks. Umupo siya sa tabi ko but he didn't say a word.
He sighed. "I know what you're going through nowadays Gabs. I won't beat around the bush. I want to help you by becoming the solution."
I was expecting this sa totoo lang because two days ago Jessica informed me that he told Rico about my issues. Knowing the girl, hindi naman niya matatanggihan ito. And I understood why.
"Jessica told you." It wasn't a question but a statement of fact.
"Don't be mad at her. Ayaw niyang sabihin nung una pero pinilit ko siya and I also made a deal to her." He was grinning. Hindi ko alam kung dahil sa pagkakabanggit niya ng name ni Jess. I made a mental note and thought that one of these days I'm going to ask my dear friend about her so called friendship with this guy.
"I can never be mad at her. Besides, alam ko narin namang alam mo na. Sinabi sakin ni Jessica na nagkwento nga siya sayo."
"What can you say about my proposition?" He looked at me.
"To tell you honestly it's sounds really appealling." I shrugged nonchalantly. "But I could never betray a friend."
He was silent for more than a minute. Baka dina-digest pa ng utak niya ang mga sinabi ko. Hindi naman ako talaga nagbibiro. Jessica has always liked him. Anong klase akong kaibigan kung tataluhin ko si Rico? Bukod pa sa matagal narin kaming magkaibigan ng lalaking ito sa tabi ko. He's one of the few people I've learned to trust through time. When he first came to me two years ago saying that he likes me and he's going court me hindi ako naniwala. But seeing him now and offering himself to become the solution to my problem I had to say that this guy beside me might afterall serious about me. Pero hindi siguro pwedeng i-compare kung anong meron sila ni Jess dahil alam ko rin na gusto niya ang kaibigan ko hindi lang siguro niya maamin sa sarili niya. Pride na bareta. People nowadays.
"Until now you still don't believe me that I like you, do you?" He asked me and I had a glimpse of sadness in his eyes.
I sighed unable to find the right words to say. There was no easy way to break somebody's heart sabi nga nila. And I've always abhorred that I had to go through it. Siguro akala ng iba napakadali lang mambasted. Well I tell you, no. Lalo na kung naging importanteng tao din naman siya sa buhay mo.
"You have always been a good friend Rico. Actually parang kapatid na ang turing ko sayo like Cass and Jess. But I'm afraid that's all I can offer you." I looked away because I didn't want to see the dysphoria in his eyes.
I heard him sigh in defeat and rested his back on the hollows of seesaw. Ginaya ko siya at sumandal din. Inakbayan ko siya dahil tumahimik nanaman ang paligid. I could never get used to Rico being silent. He has always something to say.
"Hey. Cheer up man!" I beamed. "Hindi naman porque sinabi ko yun sayo ehh hindi na kita kaibigan. Importante ka sakin and you have to realize that."
He smiled at me and shook his head. "You're one hell of a lady talaga Gabs but don't get me wrong masaya parin ako na magkaibigan parin tayo sa totoo lang." And tapped my knee.
"Ikaw kasi nakabusangot yang mukha mo ohh! Kinakabahan tuloy ako dito." Sagot ko sa kaniya ng tumatawa I lifted my fingers at pinitik ang noo niya.
"Ouch! What was that for?" He rubbed his hands sa part na pinitik ko.
"I couldn't help it, forgive me but your face was really serious." I couldn't wipe the wide grin on my face.
"Pero seryoso Gabs salamat parin. Basta. Niligawan kita for two long years and I believe I became a better man like I always wanted. Kahit hindi mo sinabing maghintay ako at kahit ilang beses mo parin akong binasted I waited, silently hoping that you'll see right through me. But I guess it happens for real." He winked at me. "Hindi tumalab sayo ang kagwapuhan ko."
Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili kong bigyan siya ng kutos sa ulo.
"Kahit kelan talaga isa kading mayabang na kagaya ko. One day you'll realize kung bakit hindi tayo pwede maniwala ka sa mga salita kong makapangyarihan." I laughed at him for creasing his forehead.
"It's always been Simon for you right? Hindi ko alam nagkikita na pala uli kayo ng kulugong iyon."
"Of course not!" I hissed denying what he just said. Defensive lang ang dating...
"Ehh bakit ka nagpasundo sa condo niya? Gusto ko nga siyang sapakin kanina ehh ansama ng tingin niya sakin." I forgot to tell him my reason for being there.
"It wasn't intentional that I happen to be there. He became my saviour ng nalasing ako sa bar kagabi since he's the owner kargo de konsensiya daw niya pag may nangyari sakin. It was the first time I'd seen the monster personally after eight years." I explained to him what I felt ng nagising ako at hindi ko alam kung nasan ako.
"You should have called us to fetch you. Hindi ka na sana napahamak." He reprimanded me like Simon did this morning. Seriously? Ganito ba talaga ang mga lalaki? Hmmmm....Interesting I must say.
"Well ganon ako kalasing dahil hindi ko naisip iyan."
"Sa susunod huwag kanang pupunta sa lugar na ganon ng wala kang kasama. Are you sure he did nothing to you?" He lifted my arm to check.
I shook my head. "I am perfectly fine. Actually siya pa nga ang may sugat and it was because of me."
"You punched him?" He asked incredulously.
"As much as I wanted to, I restrained myself from doing so. Napa-away siya sa bar. Nakasapak siya ng lalaki when he tried to make pass at me." I said.
He stood up at sinalubong ang aso kong si inductance. Panis no? Aso palang superhero na ang dating...A minute has passed ng nagsalita uli siya without shifting his gaze to me.
"Aukong sakin manggaling at aminin but I think he likes you." I looked at him. He continued to play with my dog. As always he's very fond of him. Nagfi-frisbee na sila. He spoke the words in a way that it was almost inaudible to hear.
"Sus si Simon ba ang pinaguusapan natin? Kung ibang lalaki baka maniwala pako." Tumayo ako at nag-inat saglit sumakit narin ang likod ko dito sisiguraduhin kong makakabawi ako ng tulog mamaya.
"You're underrating yourself Gabs. Maganda ka, mabait, with good family background kung tutuusin bonus na ang pagiging successful woman mo."
"Wow! I never thought you speak so highly of me for real. Thanks for the compliment anyways. But you are talking about Simon and he never liked me. I tell you. Not now, not ever." Nag-decide akong pumwesto nalang sa damuhan at mag-indian seat. Not being aware of how adorable I was.
"Lalaki ako and I know how to admire a beautiful lady in front of me. Hindi naiiba si Simon. He likes you and I hate it because I could never compete with him." He wasn't looking at me but I know how he felt. Auko masyadong maniwala kay Rico pero iniisip ko palang na may gusto sakin si Rico kinikilig din naman ako...
I shrugged. "There's no competition. He used to be my world. He was like my everything. At a young age I had a taste of heartbreak." I let out a sighed. Aukong alalahanin pero minsan siguro ganon talaga. Bigla-bigla nalang may papasok sa isip mo tapos magiging sentimental ka na...gosh...
I was staring at inductance and Rico. Maybe if Jessica didn't have feelings for this guy and vice versa I could have taken him. Ewan ko ba kung bakit antagal ding marealize ng mokong nato na gusto rin niya si Jess. Kapag narealize na nilang dalawa na sila pala talaga magpapaparty talaga ko. Pati kayong mga readers invited...
"Can I ask you a personal question? And I want you to be honest." Umupo siya sa tabi ko at lumapit naman sa kandungan ko ang aso ko.
I nodded. "Fire away."
"Do you still have feelings for him now?"
I wasn't prepared to answer the question sa totoo lang. Do I still like him? Come on...I also resented the guy for quite a long time...I didn't know the answer sa tanong ni Rico.
"I don't know. But I am attracted to him still. Kung counted yun lang ang masasagot ko sayo. Hindi lang din naman kasi yun lang ang nararamdaman ko. Alongside with it are the feelings of hatred and disappointment."
He didn't utter a word after hearing what I'd said. Mula sa kung saan lumitaw naman si manang bitbit ang chordless phone sa living area. I asked her kung sino and she said it was Jessica on the line. Nagbilin narin ako na bigyan muna ng drinks ang bisita ko. Nagpaalam muna ako saglit kay Rico at ibinigay sa kaniya ang pet ko. I walked towards the pool area at doon nalang kausapin si Jess.
I seated sa isang rattan chair.
"What's up?" Sabi ko.
"Hey!! Kanina pako tumatawag sayo." She hissed. Naalala kong bigla ang phone ko. I checked my pockets and found none. I might have forgotten it sa library.
"Naku nawawala ang phone ko Jess naiwan ko ata sa library. I'm here sa bahay nina ermats at erpats why?" I asked her. Nakakapagtaka kasi na bigla siyang tatawag unless she has some gossip to share.
"Well gusto kitang kamustahin. Bruha ka. Alam kong andiyan si Rico sa inyo. He sent me a message. And I want to apologize dahil nasabi ko nga sa kaniya ang demise mo lately." She said apologetically.
"It's fine you shouldn't worry about it. I gave you my word hindi ko siya aagawin sayo kaya huwag kang magselos." I grinned as if we were talking personally.
"Baliw ka Gabs. Nang-aasar ka nanaman." Kung kaharap ko to malamang kanina pako nabato ng kung ano.
"But kidding aside bakit ka nga napatawag?"
"Pupunta nga sana ko diyan sa inyo. Tatambay besides I want to ask you something pero gusto ko personal."
What is it about this day that people around me wanted to throw questions?
"Okay. Ngayon na ba? I'll wait for you. Ayiiii maaabutan pa niya si Rico her loves..." I laughed out loud and I heard her groan. For sure parang tomato paste na ang mukha ng kaibigan ko sa inis sakin.
"Nope. Mag-grocery pako. Bukod pa sa aukong mag pang-abot kami ng impakto na iyon. Dadaigin pa namin malamang ang world war two."
"Sige. Just don't forget to bring blue berry cheesecake cake ganda."
"Kahit kelan ka talaga. Oo na. Basta bayaran mo ako." And she was laughing on the other side of the line.
"Kuripot ka alam mo iyon? Sige na ilang araw narin akong craving diyan ehh. I'll see you later." I said.
"Find your phone tatawagan nalang kita pag malapit nako. Mwah." I bid my goodbye and then we hanged up.
I stood up and walked to the door papasok sa loob ng bahay. Bigla akong nauhaw at iniisip kung anong itatanong ni Jess mamaya. Nagpunta kong kitchen and drank water. Ganon ako kauhaw dahil naubos ko ang laman ng pitchel namin. Bigla naman pumasok si manang.
"Gabriel nabigyan ko na ng merienda si Rico. Ikaw ba gusto mo?" She asked me.
"Naku hindi na po busog pa po ako. Pupuntahan ko nalang po ang bisita ko." I smiled at her and tinahak ang daan papuntang living area para ibalik ang chordless phone. Naabutan kong tulog si Rico sa garden. He was seating and arms folded across his chest. I seated beside him.
"Hey." I tapped his shoulders and he opened his eyes. "Do you want to go inside at magpahinga ka muna? You look tired. Pasensiya ka na at naistorbo kita ngayong araw."
"Naku wala un. Hindi narin ako magtatagal. Tumawag ang kapatid ko nagpapasundo sa mall. I'm just waiting for you at magpapaalam narin ako." He stood up. I nodded. Hinatid ko narin siya sa pinagparadahan niya ng sasakyan.
"Sina tito at tita ba? Hindi nako nakapagpaalam properly."
"Ako na ang magsasabi. They're preparing may lakad ata sila." He nodded at pumasok na sa loob ng sasakyan. But before he drove away he prodded na if ever kailanganin ko ang tulong niya ay tawagan ko siya agad. He's always there to help me. As a friend of course.
Binalikan ko sa garden ang alaga at binuhat papasok sa loob ng bahay. Ipinasuyo ko nalang din kay manang ang naiwan naming kalat. I needed to find my phone. I wasn't so sure kung nasa library nga iyon. Ibinilin ko nalang na darating si Jessica at katukin nalang ako sa kwarto ko kung sakali. I walked to the library and found my phone on top of the table. Katabi ng book na binabasa ko kanina. I grabbed both of it.
I looked at my wrist and realized na may oras pako na matulog. Nagpasiyang umidlip muna habang wala pa ang kaibigan ko. I went out of the library and headed towards my room.
I posed a dive towards my bed. Ah! This was life. I badly needed some rest.
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And that I'll fight my corner,
Maybe tonight I'll call ya,
After my blood turns into alcohol,
No, I just wanna hold ya.
Give a little time to me or burn this out,
We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,
All I want is the taste that your lips allow,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
I slowly opened my eyes with a knotted eyebrows. I suddenly had sense of deja vu...Kinakapa ko ang cellphone ko sa bedside table pero di ko mahanap. I turned around abruptly.
BLAG!! Hawak-hawak ko ang balakang ko. I didn't noticed I was at the end side of the bed. Patuloy parin ang pagriring ng phone ko. I muttered a series of unprintable oath as I was getting up. Napatungo ako and I accidentally saw a glimpse of what I was looking. I picked it up and answered.
At dahil nagmamadali akong sagutin hindi ko na nakita who's calling.
"Who's this?" I hissed. One thing I didn't like. Napuputol ang tulog ko.
"What is it with you na kapag tumatawag ako parang lagi kang galit sakin?" I recognized the voice. Of course it was Jess.
"Ehh ikaw. Why do you always call at the wrong time?" I lifted my wrist to see kung anong oras na. Pakiramdam ko five minutes ko palang napipikit ang mga magagandang mata ko.
"Ganon ba? Ibig sabihin lang niyan bumaba ka na dito Senorita kanina pa kaya ako andito."
"You should have just knocked here noh. Para naman nagising ako agad." I rolled my eyes. Ramdam na ramdam ko parin ang sakit sa balakang ko.
"Kung yun ngang tinatawagan kita para gisingin ehh nagiging tigre ka na, what more can you do pag inakyat pa kita diyan? I value my life girl." She answered in a comedic tone.
Sinabi ko nalang sa kaniya na aayusin ko muna ang sarili ko and I hanged up. It was already dark outside. I sighed and walked myself to the bathroom. Nag-toothbrush ako and washed my face. It felt invigorating. After I resolved fixing myself I went downstairs. Naabutan ko si Jess na naglalaptop. Binato ko siya ng throw pillow.
She narrowed her eyes at me and I sat beside her.
"Hoy bruha. Bawal manood ng erotic movies dito samin. Mamaya makita ka ni manang ikaw din." I shrugged my shoulders.
"Tange huwag mo nga akong itulad sayo na kababaeng tao puro green ang alam. Kung hindi ka lang talaga namin mabuting kaibigan matagal na kitang itinakwil."
I laughed at my hearts' content and made a face. Jessica has always been so blunt. One of the things we liked about her.
"Alam ko namang hindi mo yan magagawa. But seriously, anong ginagawa mo?" I asked her.
"I am checking our new designs sa boutique, siyempre negosyo muna." Her family ownes a clothing line. And she manages it. Shrewd business woman like me and Cass.
I saw the box of my favorite cake sa center table. Tumayo ako at binuksan ang box. Jessica shifted her gaze sa akin and shook her head.
"Pag sa pagkain talaga hindi ka nagpapahuli. I often wonder kung bakit hindi ka tumataba."
I dipped my finger sa icing at kinuha ang isang blueberry. Hmmmm this is heaven. I closed my eyes while chewing. Pagkatapos kong mag-moment sa cake ay bumalik ako sa pwesto ko.
"Mukha lang akong tamad pero nagwo-work out ako girl. Teka what took you so long? Akala ko di ka na pupunta. Gabi na ehh. Di mo tuloy naabutan si Rico your loves." Pag-iiba ko ng usapan.
"Wala ka na ba talagang trip kundi asarin kami nung impaktong iyon? Ehh ikaw nga ang nililigawan..." She arched her eyebrow while staring at me.
"Ehh di kung inaamin mo nalang yang unrequited love mo kay Rico baka mas maaga niyang narealized na iba ang nararamdaman niya sayo kesa sakin. Don't worry about me I already gave you my word." I winked at her. Binalik nalang niya ang tingin sa laptop niya. She was so serious doing her craft that's why it took me by surprised ng bigla siyang magsalita.
"Came from a woman who also has an unrequited love for someone." She smiled and I creased my forehead while hugging a pillow.
"Hindi yan totoo matagal ng tapos yun. Chaka hindi ako ang pinaguusapan dito ale. Ikaw." Tinuro ko siya. "Ano ba kasi talaga ang nangyari sa inyo ni Rico?"
Bukod sa alam kong elementary best of friends sila ay wala nakong alam sa naging takbo ng story nila na mas malala pa sa alitan ng presidente ng pilipinas at mga raliyista.
"It's a long story."
"Maaga pa. Kahit dito ka na matulog samin maikwento mo lang iyan."
"Chismosa ka talaga." She hissed.
"Whatever nag-mana lang ako sayo girl." I tapped her back. Itinabi na niya ang laptop niya. Sana magkwento na to para hindi na ko nanghuhula. She let out a sigh, defeated. I grinned.
"Fine."
Yes! Sa wakas! Malalaman ko nadin ang lihim. Wala akong pake kung muka akong ususera dito at least maganda ko haha.
I picked up the box of cake. She looked at me at nagtataka ng bigla akong tumayo. I said to her na lumipat kami sa library para may privacy. Habang naglalakad hindi ko naman maiwasang isipin kung bakit ni minsan di manlang umamin ng feelings si Jess. Samantalang ako nung high school kami mukha ng baliw na ipapasok sa mental kakasabi na gusto ko si Simon. Perhaps makapal lang talaga ang mukha ko. Knowing Jess as a ladylike being, she could never do that. I sighed. Iba-iba nga talaga ang tao...