Chapter Seven
The phone beside me rang and I answered it hastily.
"Goo—"
"Bring me a cup of coffee." Nate said from the other line and ended the call. Moody much?
"Bring me a cup of coffee." I mimicked him, scrunching my nose and I heard a snort beside me making me jump from surprise. I looked up and saw Faye smiling wickedly at me. I returned the handset in the receiver and sighed.
Seriously?
"Our boss is moody, huh." I joked and Faye laughed, catching Genie's attention, just exactly what I needed. Genie made her way in my cubicle from her space and sat at my table, allowing her to get cozy.
"He's dreamy, though!" Genie said dramatically making us giggle.
"I second you to that." Faye interjected. Girls, girls, girls. I smiled at them knowing exactly what they were all about. I spent my high school life with Nate and during that time, I watched him grow to someone who was very attractive and could charm his way through everything. But it was just the tip of the iceberg also known as Nathaniel Hughes. I knew that he was just more than what he looked like; he was greater than the man who could charm his way probably to just any women’s pants.
But maybe the Nathaniel that I knew was now different, things change and I was pretty sure so was he.
"Are you not affected by his overwhelming charm?" Genie asked, looking at me disbelievingly. If only they knew.
"You're not?" Faye asked me, slightly aghast and I just laughed at their faces not bothering to answer them. The phone rang again stopping me from laughing and so I picked it up, putting a finger in my lips, hushing the giggling gossip girls.
"Where's the coffee I asked?" Nate snapped and he ended the call. I frowned at the innocent phone, looking for answer as to why this was happening to me. Genie and Faye just shrugged.
"I'll get his coffee, guys." I made my way to the office pantry and made the coffee. After that I made my way to his office and knocked. I rapped in the wooden door when his muffled voice invited me to come in.
I walked towards his table, placed the cup of coffee on the side and waited. He was working on some new project and was very busy. He took the cup and took a sip. He stilled for a while and returned the cup to the saucer, frowning.
"Did I make it too sweet?" I asked frowning at the cup, mentally checking if I added another scoop of sugar absentmindedly, I tend to do that sometimes.
"It's exactly how I wanted it." I nodded and made my way towards the door. It was such a relief, perhaps the frown was about him thinking for a reason to scold me or just to annoy me, knowing Nate, it wasn’t impossible. A frown marred my brows from where my thoughts were going. Did I still know him like the way I knew him back then?
I was about to exit when he spoke.
"You still know how I want my coffee, Ms. Smith." He stated in as a matter of fact tone and I stiffened. He was right and I didn't even realize it. I put two teaspoons of sugar and creamer in his coffee, just like how I always did six years ago. I didn't respond and continued my way outside his office.
I made a beeline towards my cubicle and wished the day to end. I arranged the documents regarding the project the firm was currently engaged in and when I checked what time it was, it was almost six thirty.
"Jane, dear," Kathy called my attention as she walked in my cubicle.
"Oh, hey, Kathy." I turned and smiled at her while I placed the folders in my filing cabinet.
"Everyone is going out tonight for a drink with Mr. Hughes, we're wondering if you want to come?" She asked politely and I paused for a while, thinking for a reason to decline her polite offer. I wasn’t up for another drink; I was still suffering from a mild headache.
"I'm not so sure...." I said. Plus, I still have to unpack my things because Nath would arrive on Wednesday. Just at the same moment, Nate went out of his office and smiled at his employees.
At least he's kind to his employees. I smiled inwardly.
"Mr. Hughes Jane says she's not sure if she's coming." Kathy declared and my face heated.
What the heck? It was as if this girl is framing me and is actually using the ‘boss’!
"No! You must come! It's a tradition; every new employee has to attend our monthly night out!" Genie exclaimed popping out of nowhere and I was glad for the distraction. I just hoped he didn't notice me blushing.
"I still have to unpack in my new apartment...see, I just moved in…" I reasoned, trying to get out of the situation.
"If I must help you, I will! You must go!" Genie persisted and she was actually whining. Whoa, it was as if we’d been friends for forever and she has the right to use the whiny voice to me, which even my friend, Amy, rarely used.
"Leave her alone, Genie." Jas came out from her space with her bag hitched on her shoulder.
"Boss, you should tell her to come..." Faye turned to Nate and I looked at him, asking him with my eyes to refuse. I used to do that six years ago, when things were still right and perfect between us. He would make fun of me by doing otherwise but I wouldn’t mind, because I knew he liked seeing me all worked up.
"You should go." He shrugged and went out of the glass double doors. Right, like what he used to do back then, somehow, I got this feeling that things didn’t change for Nate. Just maybe.
"That's it, you should go, our boss told you so you should go!" Genie gave me her puppy look and I sighed in defeat.
"Fine, just this one time." The next time, I have to look after Nath.
I claimed shotgun in Genie's car but Jas overran me and claimed the seat. Keith was with Paul and Faye was with Jerel. Uh-oh. This was actually nice and convenient; I didn't have to come since I didn't have anything to ride.
"Guys, I think you should go," I said, smiling. Ha-ha!
"Go with Mr. Hughes!" Faye shouted from the car and I frowned. Like hell I would do that. I was startled by a horn and turned to see a black Volvo C70 stopped in front of me, flashy car.
No, don't tell me I have to endure a whole ride with him inside that thing!
"Get in." He said as he opened the door for me. I looked at the departing cars of my officemates and sighed in defeat. Great, my day just kept on getting better. Note the sarcasm there. I went inside and buckled my seatbelt. He revved up the engine and we set off.
"Is it far from here?" I asked, looking everywhere but him. This is just great!
I brooded silently, cursing whoever made this happen, probably myself. I made this happen myself. Maybe if I took up my mom’s offer of working in her office I wouldn’t need to go here and I wouldn’t be employed in Dreamscape. I wouldn’t meet Nate again and I wouldn’t be here, inside his car, beside him, making small talk just to avoid the deafening silence.
"Thirty minutes ride." He answered. I nodded and went on my slumber. After a few moments he cleared his throat but I ignored him. I realized that I preferred the silence. He cleared his throat again and I turned to face him.
"Do you have a cold?" I asked.
"I don't. How are you?" He asked. I frowned, he was making me confused, earlier I believed that he wanted to forget everything and start acting like we just met but now he was asking how I was?
"I'm okay, as you can see, sir." I answered.
"I'm Nate outside the firm, Jane." He gave me a sideway glance but when he saw my eyes, he looked away abruptly. I sighed. This was going crazier by the moment.
"How about you, how are you?" I asked I might as well take advantage of this opportunity to know how he has been these past years.
"I'm great. As you can see I own my architectural firm, though it's small and still making its own identity." He shrugged and I examined him. His shoulders were broader and his blonde locks became slightly darker, but it still looked soft. His facial features were still the same especially his eyes. The most beautiful emerald green eyes I have ever seen. His body was muscle toned though not as muscular like Connor.
He was still dead gorgeous.
"You're firm is great and I'm happy for you... You deserve everything." I said quietly. His eyes were boring at the side of my face and I remembered that he was driving.
"Eyes on the road!" I snapped and glared at him. His eyebrows shot up in amusement and he snickered. Just like when we were seventeen. He laughed his full belly laugh and I smiled, losing my fight to maintain a straight face. My heart warmed and realized that I missed this Nate.
"You're still the same! Eyes on the road! You're still feisty." He laughed and I snorted in response. What feisty?
"Even the unladylike snort like of a pig’s!" He laughed more and I scowled at him, finding it irritating that he found me amusing.
"I am not!" I snapped.
"You are." He snickered.
"Am not."
"You are."
"Am not."
"You are." And he laughed again finally making me laugh too. Just like the old times. This was funny because just for a moment, it felt like we forgot what happened between the two of us, it felt like we went back to the time were everything was right and nothing was tearing us apart.
We fell into an uncomfortable silence and I cleared my throat.
"Thank you for saving me from those bastards last night." I said looking back at the blurring houses at the sidewalk.
"It's good that I was there." He frowned like he was thinking of something bad. I wanted to ask him about the girl he was with last night, but I didn't want him to be suspicious or get the wrong idea. I was just curious, that was all.
Like I care.
Yes, you care.
"Who's the man yesterday?" He asked, breaking my internal monologue. I blinked at him, figuring out who was he talking about.
"That guy who held you." He elaborated.
"How did you know what was I thinking?" I asked trying to divert the conversation from different topic.
"I know you enough to know what your expressions mean." He explained and I was stunned. He must have realized what he said because he cleared his throat.
"I mean, you look confused so I figured maybe you didn't get me." He explained again.
"Oh." I said and turned my gaze away from him.
"So, who's that?" He insisted and I sighed.
"Just some guy." I said vaguely.
Why don't you tell him, that if possible he's the man you would marry? The cat got your tongue, Jane?
"Like, a boyfriend type of guy?" He asked raising his brow. I sighed and smiled at him not really catching his eyes, masking the turmoil in my head.
"Yes." I said and he stilled. He didn't say anything and we fell into an uncomfortable silence again. I racked my brain for some lively conversations.
"So, how's Lulu?" I blurted and I regretted asking about that. Lulu was the she-dog I gave him on our first anniversary. He hated dogs back then so I thought I would give him something he would learn to love. He stiffened but answered me though.
"She’s doing good at my parent’s house." He answered, his tone clipped and I think he didn't like the topic so I kept quiet.
"She missed you. You stopped visiting her and she got distressed, I had to bring her to a vet." He said quietly and my heart clenched painfully. Poor Lulu.
"I missed you too. But there's no cure for it at that time." He continued and my heart jumped to my throat. I didn't say anything mostly because I didn’t know how to react. My phone rang and I thanked whoever it was for breaking the awkward moment. I answered the call without looking the caller ID.
"Hey." I said.
"Hi, Angel!" A relieved sigh escaped my lips when I recognized the voice.
"Connor? I thought you're on duty?" I said frowning. I shifted to my seat so my back was on Nate.
"Yes. I'm done, are you free?" He asked hopefully.
"Oh... I'm sorry, my colleagues dragged me with them, and we’re having drinks." I explained.
"Oh, is that so? It's okay. I'll just get a rest at home. Maybe I can help you unpack?" He said and I was sure he was smirking on the other end of the line.
"Oh, Mr. Connor York, don't tempt me with such invitation. I may take you for that." I smiled. Nate cleared his throat but I ignored him.
"Who's with you?" He asked.
"My boss. Hey, you still have my keys right? Just let yourself in. See you there later..." I said risking a glance towards the frowning Nate beside me.
"Okay. I'll sleep over okay! And bring me Pizza!" He said with a playful tone from his voice.
"Okay. Pizza for you, bye." and I hung up. I shifted in my seat so I was sitting straight.
"The boyfriend type of guy?" Nate mused without looking at me. His lips were set in a grim line, he was obviously frustrated.
"Maybe." I shrugged.
The night went on with a blur. It was fun, Genie was energetic, Faye was a good singer and she was so sweet with Jerel. Jas kept on cracking corny jokes but it still kept us laughing, she was different when inebriated. Keith kept on flirting with me, nonstop, but I just ignored him, like what Genie advised me to do and besides, Keith was kinda funny. Paul was very nice and the gentleman type of guy. Nate was quiet at the side but he laughed when appropriate.
Everyone was tipsy by 11:00 pm and I remembered the guy in my apartment. I bid goodbye to them. Paul insisted on bringing me home but I refused.
"I'll take the bus, just enjoy your night." I said but Paul ignored me.
"No, it's dangerous. I need to take you home." He slurred. He was drunk and I also learned it was easy to get him wasted.
"It's more dangerous if you'll drive me." I reasoned.
"Let her do what she wants to do, Paul. Just let her go, and she'll be happy." Nate slurred, he was drunk too so I just ignored his remark. He was never good with alcohol. He was the worst drinker of all times and he hasn’t changed.
"Maybe you should drive Mr. Hughes home, Jane. He's drunk!" Keith exclaimed and everyone agreed.
"I-I can't." I refused but they ushered us outside. Nate was using me for support and he was so heavy. We stumbled our way in his car, I took his keys from his pocket and opened the passenger's door and slid him inside. I buckled his seatbelt and when I looked up, we were nose to nose. He was looking at me intently with a pained expression that I last seen from him six years ago.
I thought I forgot how exactly I felt when he looked at me with those pained and pleading eyes, but again, I thought wrong. I turned away and made my way to the driver's side. I turned on the engine and drove away.
"What's your address?" I asked. He slurred his address and I drove quietly. We halted when the red light lit.
"It's good that you're happy with your man." He said quietly, my head snapped at his direction and I looked at him wide eyed. He was staring at me... more like frowning as if he was contemplating something he wished not to remember. My heart constricted painfully.
"It's good that you're happy too." I answered and I drove again.
"Yeah, I have to or else I'll go crazy thinking about you." He said. I didn't respond mainly because he was drunk; he didn't know what he was talking about. We fell in an unnerving silence. After a moment he spoke again, his voice was soft.
"I hoped to never see you again too." He said quietly. A tear fell from my eyes and I wiped it away. This wasn’t a good time to cry, crying while driving was never a good combination.
"I hated you. You know that?" He said again, looking away from my direction. Another tear fell from my eyes. Seriously, maybe my tear ducts were abnormal, why these tears kept on falling when I didn’t want it to! Damn it! It was good that the only light source was from the dashboard so he couldn’t see my face clearly.
"I know." I whispered as I didn’t trust my voice.
"Why do you have to show up again? I'm better off without you." He garbled.
"I hated you, to the point that I wanted to do the opposite of the thing you made me promise. I wanted to destroy myself to make you see how awful and hateful you are." He said thumping his chest with his fist and I could tell that it hurt by the sound it was creating.
“Stop that, Nate. You are hurting yourself!” I said, reached out to take his fist but he slapped my hand away. The back of my palm tingled from the hit.
“Don’t.” I returned my gaze at the road as he spoke. “Don’t you touch me, this? This is nothing compared to the pain you gave me, woman.”
"I'm sorry." I choked. Tears were blurring my eyes and a sob escaped my mouth so I bit my lips and hardened my jaw so the sobs would not escape me. My throat was painful as I fought the hysterical sobs spilling out from me.
"But I still did my best, because I felt that it is the only connection I have with you – those promises. It was stupid but I couldn’t severe those ties because I loved you, I can’t bear to lose you…completely. I was holding onto every piece you left me with, at least the memories and those fucking promises." He continued.
"I'm sorry." I repeated.
"You're not. You don't have the right. You never loved me like I loved you." He said and a tear fell from his eyes.
"I did. I swear I did." I cried and I parked in the side street abruptly, throwing us forward. I leaned my head on the stirring wheel and cried quietly. It was very hard for me to listen to him talk and spill the things I caused him. I knew I hurt him and that pain was so deep, but hearing it from him, from his mouth using his own words, it was far from what I expected. This was much painful than I thought.
Surprisingly, everything that I thought was wrong.
"I loved you. From everything that I did my whole life, that is the best thing I did, I loved you." I said but he didn't say anything.
"I hate you. You don't deserve me. You don't deserve to be loved." He whispered after a while. I felt a stabbing pain in my chest, and I felt like hyperventilating.
This pain is too much.
"You're right. I don't deserve you at all." I sobbed and I wiped my tears away, steeling myself because he was right. He was right about everything and he deserved to feel that way.
"Let's get you home." I said and revved up the engine.
"It was never home since you left me. Nothing felt like home since you were gone. You acted like a bitch and you treated me like a trash." He spat bitterly and I flinched from the hatred he was emanating.
This is just too much.
I drove him home. He slept the rest of the drive. When we arrived in his apartment, I ran to the guard and asked him to bring Nate inside his unit and left. I rode the bus home, ignoring the concerned glances from the other passengers. My tears kept on falling and my heart ached like it never did before. Losing him back then was the most painful thing but knowing how he felt was worse because I caused him that. It was all because of me.
I deserved this pain right now and it hurt even more. It was unbearable. It was crushing me.
"What happened?" Connor asked coming from the kitchen and hugged me. I slumped down the floor and cried helplessly while he crouched down with me, rubbing my back soothingly while my sobs rocked my body.
"What's wrong?" Connor asked again but I just cried. It was so painful to see him vulnerable like that. He was right though; I didn't deserve him that was why I set him free in the first place, I just didn’t need to hear it from him because I knew it perfectly well. I didn't deserve to be loved. I was miserable and he deserved the best, Connor deserved the best.
He hated me all along. Why was it so painful? It felt like hell.
I tried to push Connor away, “Stay away from me…”
“Why? What’s wrong, Jane? Who did this to you?”
“Me! I did this to myself. I deserve this and you have to stay away from me because you deserve better than to be with me!” I flailed in his arms but instead of disengaging from me, Connor hugged me tighter.
“You’re wrong.”
“No…” I cried.
'....promise me that we'll never meet again.'
'I hoped to never see you again too'
'I hated you...'
'You don't deserve me...'
'You don't deserve to be loved...'