SOME THINGS CHANGED over time but others didn't. Some books will always be as good as the first time you read it. Some people will always be bad and some will always be good. Some people will always make you feel the same way. Even after years of growth, change and reasonable height different between the two, his older sister always had a way of making Caleb feel smaller and so protected. Even if she didn't mean to.
When Kemi turned around, her eyes were rimmed with red and her face was wet with tears. She opened her mouth to speak but her words came out in hiccups. She opened her mouth to speak again and this time, tears rolled down her face. Caleb had to cross his arms over his chest to keep from embracing her.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered, her voice somehow higher than he'd ever remembered. "I didn't know what to do but I saw you at the hospital and I was so worried. I-I had no idea that this would happen. I'm so sorry."
Caleb wondered how it was that no matter how old he was, there were some things that he could never get rid of. He could never really stop himself from crossing his fingers underneath the table every time that he thought about dying. He could never stop the anger from boiling over in his chest whenever he thought about his father and he could never stop himself from wanting to hug his sister every time that he saw her cry. To wrap his arms around her and hold her despite the fact that she was stronger than he would ever be and despite the fact that she might never need him the way that he needed her. And he needed her. He didn't think about it often but now that she was in front of him, he realized all of the ways that she was embedded in the inscription of his heart.
Caleb clenched his jaw and forced his sympathy down his throat, allowing his eyes to glaze over with indifference. He reminded himself this was no longer the girl that always made something separate for him because he refused to eat fish like the rest of his family. He reminded himself that when he'd needed her the most, she'd abandoned him. Like he meant nothing.
"No. I mean what are you doing here? Why are you here now?"
Her hiccups stopped suddenly and she looked at Caleb with a sad look in her eyes. "She was my mother too."
Caleb felt the sympathy fade away and he put his hands into his pockets to keep from doing something that he would regret. He scoffed and laughed, a deep empty sound that reverberated in his body and caused him to double over. "That is rich," he started. "Because as far as I know, most people don't leave their sick mothers in the middle of the night because they are too selfish to stay."
Kemi's eyes watered. "I'm so sorry. I regretted leaving the moment I did. But everything was getting to me and I thought that if I could do something with my life then I could come back for you guys."
"And what happened when you did?" Caleb asked, kicking at the ground.
Kemi seemed taken aback by the question. She looked Caleb dead in the eyes and what stared back at her was unfamiliar. It was nothing like the brother she'd once known. The boy who was afraid of the dark and snuck into her bed when it rained because he was afraid of being alone. That boy was gone. "I was ashamed. I couldn't come back knowing that I'd done something so cowardly and I figured that you probably didn't want to see me anyways."
"Well, you were right about that."
Kemi looked up at him, brows drawn and eyes dark. She looked so heartbroken and so lost. "What happened to you?" she asked, her voice low and dripping with pity.
"What happened to me?" Caleb asked, narrowing his eyes at her in the dark, his lips parted in anger. "Life happened. I finally figured out that I couldn't keep waiting around for you to come back and change my life for me so I did something. And maybe that makes me a bad person but at least I stayed."
He stared at her dumbfounded expression and continued. "And you know what? We are doing fine. We don't need you or anything that you have to give. Don't bother trying to come back or to speak to Honey or Timothy because they don't want you back and they don't deserve to be hurt anymore. We're all better off without you."
Caleb knew that his words hurt her. It was obvious in the way that her face seemed to crumple and she seemed to cave in on herself. He should have felt guilty or at least sorry for making her feel that way but all that he felt was triumph at finally being able to hurt her the way that she'd hurt them. To make her sorry. He knew that it was wrong. It wasn't her fault and she was human. But he felt the need to blame somebody for what had happened.
He turned around before he could undo that decision and walked away. His heart was heavy and he knew that there wasn't a thing that he could do to fix this. He'd made his choice and it was one that he would have to live with. Caleb picked up his jacket, meticulously avoiding Kemi's gaze because he was sure that if he saw the heartbreak on her face, he would break. He threw the jacket over his shoulder and walked in the car, his mind racing. He kept waking until he was seated beside Shuri in the long, black van.
Caleb stared down at his hands to see that they trembled in the dark. He stared at it and inhaled quietly before exhaling again.
"Hey, are you alright?" Shuri asked beside him, her hand finding his shoulder. "You look like you've just seen a ghost."
He might have, he thought. Instead, he shook his head and stared ahead, ignoring the suspicious gaze of the people around him. "It's nothing," he said, although he was noticeably paler and he wouldn't stop shaking. "I just saw someone that I recognized."
"Who was it?" Honey asked, her watchful gaze both worried and suspicious.
"No one," Caleb answered shaking his head lightly. "No one important."
- - -
The moment that he entered the palace, Caleb ignored the herd of people who wanted to ask how he was feeling and instead, made his way over to the room that he shared with his siblings. He was still shaking and he wasn't sure why this bothered him as much as it did. He'd imagined it about a hundred times and every time, he told his sister the same thing that he'd told her today. Except in his imagination, he felt a lot better. There was no sinking feeling in his stomach and an ache in his heart.
Caleb pulled out the box that he'd brought with him and tossed clothes in too quickly to think. He was too preoccupied with his chaotic thoughts to think about folding them or making them appear neat. What did she really want? There was no way that she just wanted to be forgiven or fix things. Even she had to know that it was too late for that now. There was too much history there to fix it. And even if she do want to make an effort to fix things, why now? Why not when their mother was still alive? Where had she been when Caleb was forced to give up his life? When he'd had to pretend to be strong when all he wanted to do was scream? And now she thought that she could suddenly come into his life and pretend to be sorry and it would all be water under the bridge?
Caleb huffed as he tossed one more shirt into his suitcase and pushed down on it before zipping it up furiously. The sound of footsteps behind him caught his attention and he turned around to see Honey and Timothy staring at him from the doorway. "What is it?" he asked glancing away as he picked up his shoes and tossed it into a small bag.
"What are you doing?" he heard Timothy ask and he didn't need to glance around to imagine the confused look on his face.
"Packing," Caleb replied shortly putting the suitcase on the ground. "And I suggest you do the same."
"We're leaving?" Honey asked, her voice an octave higher.
"Well, yeah." He turned around long enough to get a small glance at her face. "You didn't expect that we'd stay here forever, did you?"
Timothy took a step closer to him and putting his hands on the edge of the bed. "Not forever." He paused. "Just not this little."
Caleb finally summoned the courage to turn around and the looks on his siblings' faces broke his heart. He swallowed before taking in a deep breath. "Look, we came here to..." he paused unable to find the words. He couldn't bring himself to talk about her. Couldn't bring himself to think about her before he fully stopped functioning. "And there's no need for that now so we have to go."
Honey and Timothy exchanged knowing looks. "You know that you don't have to be alone, right?" Honey asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You can talk to us."
Caleb suddenly felt defensive as if he was being out underneath a microscope. His every move being used against him. He shrugged her hand off his shoulder. "I don't need to talk. What I need to be alone. I need to pack."
He spotted the hurt expression on Honey's face as she jerked away from him. Caleb wanted to reach out and apologize or assure her that he would be alright. That they would be alright but he was stuck in his tracks, unable to do anything but watch as his siblings left the room, in defeat. He should have known that it wasn't over, though, because nearly five minutes later as he folded bedsheets, he heard the door open again and this time, Shuri was the one to walk in.
Caleb glanced away. He should have seen this coming. There was no way that they would give up this easily and they knew how hard it would be for him to say no to Shuri. The girl in question leaned against the doorframe watching him quietly, lost in her thoughts. There was a frown on her face and Caleb couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking as he knew that it was definitely about him. Finally she spoke, her voice quite and thoughtful. "What are you doing, Caleb?"
Caleb glanced sharply at her before he grabbed the other end of the bedsheets. "Cleaning up. I'd hate to leave this place a mess."
"You don't have to do that."
Caleb spoke to the fabric in his hands. "Do what? Clean up or leave?"
"Both," Shuri answered, pushing herself off the doorframe. She approached him and for a moment, Caleb was worried that she'd punch him with the furious expression on her face. Instead, she grabbed the opposite end of the covers from his hands.
"Actually I do," Caleb said avoiding her gaze. He let his eyes wander around the room. He'd miss this place. He'd miss not having to worry and being able to be free and happy in this place. "There's a lot that need to be taken care of and it's all up to me now. There's the rent and getting an extra job and essentially keeping them alive. If it were up to me, we'd stay for a few more days but we don't have that luxury."
Shuri stared sadly at him and he could practically see all the wheels turning in her head. "Then we'll come with you. Okoye and I," she said suddenly, a stubborn glint in her eyes.
"You will?"
"We will," she proclaimed and Caleb got the feeling that there was very little he could say to say to convince her otherwise. "You don't have to do everything alone. I'll help you out. Fix things with you. It'll be great besides we have that little project of ours."
Caleb stared at her in awe as she stepped beside him, folding the fabric once. He wasn't sure that there would ever come a day when he was not absolutely fascinated with Shuri Udaku. "You don't have to do this," he said shaking his head slowly.
He could have been referring to the bedsheets or about her coming with him. Or perhaps both. "I don't have to do anything but I want to do this," Shuri answered as she brought the other end closer to his end so that she stood right in front of him. Their faces were barely inches away from each other and Caleb could remember her lips on his. "If I have any say in it at all, you'll never have to be alone."
DETAILS.
We are quickly nearing the end of this book and I'm actually really excited. There's a lot more heartbreak coming but I hope I'm writing this correctly. I know that Caleb is being pretty regular about this but the reason will be obvious as the book progresses. As for Caleb and Shuri, they are sort of hitting a pause on their relationship for now because she know that he needs some time and that he might not be in the best place for a relationship right now but they also don't want to lose each other so we'll see how it goes. What do you think? Let me know.