A/N: I heard that most readers don't like drama after drama, so I'm going to write a few lighter chapters before I add the next blow of drama. Don't worry - big things are coming...
Song: Heaven by Bryan Adams
"Hey mom? This is Vance, can he stay over for dinner?"
Zaavan's mom spun around to examine me. Just as I was starting to feel uncomfortable, she pursed her lips and said: "That's alright, but what happened to that nice friend of yours? The girl with brown hair?"
I shifted uncomfortably and felt Zaavan tense up beside me. "Do you mean Katja?" he asked through clenched teeth.
"Yes, she's a very nice girl. You should invite her and some more female friends over sometime. Wouldn't that be nice?" Zaavan was clearly upset but before he could say anything, he was interrupted by a tall, arrogant looking man walking in.
It was clearly his dad. The second he laid his eyes upon me, he stopped dead in his tracks.
"Who is this?" he asked in a calm voice.
"He's my friend, Vance."
"I see. Well why don't you two help set the table?"
"Of course, Father," I said with a smile. Zaavan looked shocked at his dad's politeness, but since he was the town priest, it was expected of him.
Though as much as I hated the way Zaavan's mom treated him, I had to admit, that woman could cook.
"Beth honey, please put the phone away."
"But Mom, Kiana just got a new follower and now she has more than me and I need to have more than Kiana-"
"Listen to your mother Beth," Zaavan's dad warned as Jason rolled his eyes.
"Whatever," she mumbled. It seemed like an ordinary family dinner and under normal circumstances, it would've felt pretty comfortable. But it was as clear as day that the atmosphere around us was thick with tension. I could feel Zaavan's nervousness beside me. He didn't even once look up from his plate, as if he was afraid that his dad could smell the gay off of him.
So me being me decided to be a dick in an attempt to get him to lighten up a bit.
Underneath the table, I casually knocked my knee against Zaavan's. The physical contact sent shivers down my spine and Zaavan must've felt something too because he choked on the piece of chicken he was eating and started to cough.
I bit down on my lip and looked away to stop myself from bursting out laughing.
"Oh my gosh you are so disgusting," spat Beth bitterly. Boy, did she hate Zaavan.
His dad shook his head disapprovingly and Jason handed Zaavan a glass of water. He glared over the rim of his glass at me as he drank. I just gave him an innocent look.
"So Vance," started Zaavan's dad. Oh no. Here come the questions. "I see you're a church going man. It's very good to see you every Sunday."
"Thank you, Father. It's important to learn and take part in religion. Especially after the sacrifice of Jesus Christ and everything he had done for us." At this point, I didn't even know what I was saying anymore, I just wanted to impress Zaavan's dad.
"What a very good boy," emphasized his mom. Oh, so I'm a dog now? Zaavan tensed up beside me.
"And what did you get into Audrey Maeve's for?" he inquired.
"Being exceptional at hockey," I answered.
"My my, what a fine young lad indeed." His smiled offered little comfort. There was something else behind it, something malicious.
"Your parents must be very lucky to have you as a son. In fact, I've heard so much about you from your father. Vance, you are indeed a very intelligent, well disciplined boy. You'll grow into a fine man one day." I sat in silence, not knowing what to say. It wasn't until I snuck a glance at Zaavan that I realized what he was doing.
Zaavan hung his head low and he shrunk into his seat, as if he was begging to disappear. His hands were balled into fists as he clenched his fork and knife and his face twisted in frustration and hurt. He was using me to make Zaavan feel bad about himself.
"It's boys like you who are the real men in this world and masculinity is not something that can be faked by some girl who is a male wannabe." He paused and glared at Zaavan, who swallowed hard. I hated seeing his dad bash him like that and not being able to do anything about it. I mean, I couldn't exactly give him a hug or anything.
"Because real men are born men," he continued. I placed a hand reassuringly on Zaavan's knee. This time, he only jumped a little.
"And are actually able to have a family." I gave his knee a gentle squeeze.
"And will grow up and marry a respectable Christian woman." I laced my fingers through his and firmly held his hand. We're in this together.
"They're not confused little girls who like playing dress up," he shot, staring right into Zaavan's eyes. Was this really the man they got to be our priest?
Zaavan pulled his hand away from mine and abruptly stood up. "I'll do the dishes," he said, plastering on that fake smile he always made when he was hurt. He picked up all of the dishes and made his way to the kitchen. I just sat there, shocked.
"Well, I'm off to my book club meeting," said his mom. She got up and left as if nothing had happened. Was this an everyday thing?
"Boys! How would you two like to watch the game with me?" Zaavan didn't even bother turning around.
"Uh, I'll just go help Zaavan with the dishes," I said.
"Leave them! Housework is a woman's job," he laughed.
"It's really fine, Father." Before he could say another word, I got up and left for the kitchen.
However, before I turned the corner, I stopped to listen in on Jason's hushed whispers.
"Dad, you can't do that in front of his friend! You're humiliating him!" He said frantically.
"Stop saying those hideous things!"
"What? Using the pronouns that Zaavan wants?" he asked, clearly pissed off.
"Go to your room right now mister! You don't get to watch the game."
"Gladly," Jason said, taking a bow. "I have homework anyways."
When he left, Beth spoke up. "Someone needs to put her in her place. Jason doesn't know what he's talking about. She is disgusting. She is a sinner and..."
A knot formed in my stomach. It hurt too much to listen to Zaavan's sister talk about him like that. So I left and walked into the kitchen, just as Zaavan had finished the first dish. Man, he was slow.
"Need some help?" I offered. He smiled tiredly and nodded. It was then that I noticed why it was taking him so long to wash the dishes. He had bandaged them from his wrists up to his elbows.
"What's wrong with your arms?" I asked. Zaavan tensed up but continued washing the plate.
"Nothing. It's a soccer thing. We bandage our arms sometimes because it helps during practices," he said quickly. I raised an eyebrow and cocked my head to the side. I've never heard that before, but I guess it makes sense? What do I know, I play hockey.
"Okay, then you just dry them and put them away. I'll do the washing." We washed for a bit in an uncomfortable silence until I couldn't take it anymore.
"Zaavan, are you okay?"
"Yea I'm fine," he said, flawlessly faking a normal voice. But I knew him well enough.
I hesitated before I asked my next question. "Does your dad...does he always do this?"
"Hmmm, which part? Try to chase away all my male friends? Publicly humiliate me, look at me like I'm the biggest disappointment in the world, refer to me as his daughter? Yeah, he does," he said bitterly.
"Zaavan-"
"Can we just not talk about this?" He pleaded. I didn't know what to do. Did he want me to pry or actually leave him alone?
So like an idiot, I just said "okay." It was all I could do. I was never good with feelings.
Zaavan looked relieved and I wondered if he himself couldn't handle how he felt and just didn't want to feel anymore. Maybe that's why he doesn't want to talk about it because it'll make it feel more real.
"He really likes you," Zaavan said after a bit.
I snorted. "Yea, I don't think he would if he knew I was screwing around with his son." I was happy to see Zaavan smile at my use of the word "son." But just as quick as it came, his smile faded.
"Vance, what are we?" he asked. "Are we just fooling around?" he questioned nervously. "Because I don't just want to be something you're trying out, I just...feel like I...like you too much for that," he mumbled, refusing to meet my eyes.
As he finished drying the last of the dishes, I thought about it. What were we?
"We're just two guys who really like each other. Because I really do like you Zaavan. But tell me, what do you want. Because I'll do whatever you want. If you want to see where this goes then I'm all for that. But if you just want to be friends then I'll respect that. It's up to you." He finally looked up and I gazed into his confused and scared blue eyes.
Honestly, I think it'll kill me if he says we should go back to being friends. But I just want him to be happy.
"I dunno...I think that maybe we should give this a try? I mean, fuck, I really like you too..." he said in a quiet voice.
"So we're dating then," I whispered smiling.
"Yeah," he breathed. I took a moment to look at Zaavan. He really did look beautiful, with his brown hair and blue eyes, wearing baggy sweatpants and a baggy sweater but still managing to look perfect in it.
At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to kiss him, but with his dad in the living room , I couldn't exactly do that. So instead, I held out a fist.
"Here's to being more than friends," I smiled.
Zaavan hesitated. "What if we crash and burn," he asked.
"Then we crash and burn together."
Zaavan looked hesitant, but his face quickly changed. "Fuck it. See ya in hell," he smiled as we first bumped.
"Oh you know it," I laughed.
~~~
"Dammit Vance, do you really need to get bubble tea right now?" I groaned, looking at my watch. We were supposed to meet up at Ahmed's house and we were already late.
"Don't worry, it'll just take a minute." Yea right. This was the first bubble tea cafe that had opened in our town and the place was packed. Guess who was the first to apply as a barista?
"Hey guys! What would you like?" Smiled the overly perky brunette from behind the counter.
"Hey Katja," smiled Vance. She looked curiously over from me to Vance and back again a couple of times. Then, to my horror, I saw realization flash on her face. Crap, she figured it out.
"Uhhh...I'll go wait outside," I said quickly glaring at Katja, whose smile only seemed to grow wider (if that was even possible). That girl is...something.
It's been nearly a week since Vance and I started dating and I had to admit, things in my life were finally starting to look up. I honestly didn't think I'd ever meet someone who knew how screwed up I was and would still like me the same. Vance treated me like I was no different from everyone else. I guess he really meant it when he said that finding out that I was intersex didn't change anything.
I think he's happy that I was finally starting to ease up. I didn't freak out as much when he kissed me and I didn't tense up when he touched me. I trust Vance and I'm sure he wouldn't go this far just to play some dumb prank on me.
"You're welcome," smiled Vance as he passed me a cup.
"I didn't want anything. And what the hell is this." I know I sounded ungrateful, but he gave me some weird looking colourful drink with rainbow tapioca. It was identical to his.
"It's rainbow milk tea. Katja says it's a mystery flavour." I glared at him.
"Very funny," I said sarcastically. "Get me the girliest drink, right?" Vance looked genuinely confused, to the point that I actually felt bad.
"I just thought that, you know, rainbow as in pride? Because we're both not straight? I mean, I'm not at least," he said quietly.
"What are you..."
"I dunno," he sighed.
"It's cool. You don't have to label yourself," I said, smiling reassuringly.
"What about you?"
I took a deep breath and for the first time in my life, I said the one thing I've always refused to believe. I'm not even sure I still fully accept it, but it was there nonetheless.
"I'm gay," I whispered, looking down at my feet.
Vance placed a hand on my shoulder. "Well, I for one am glad you like boys." We were both grinning like idiots to the point that my face actually hurt. I don't think I've ever smiled this much until I met Vance.
Just as I was about to take a sip, I saw something on my cup. Confused, I held it up and read the words and read the words that were scrawled onto the cup in black Sharpie.
Will you be my boyfriend?
My mouth fell open and my blue eyes met Vance's green ones just before he looked away.
He smiled shyly and said: "only if you want."
"Yea-Yeah, of course I do," I stuttered.
"Too much?" he asked nervously.
I shook my head. "No, just the right kind of much."
It was a bittersweet moment because as much as I wanted to kiss him, I couldn't. There was no one around right now but what if someone saw somehow? We couldn't risk it.
So I just held my fist out and watched Vance bump it as a sorry excuse for a kiss.
But Vance wasn't having it. The second we cut into the park, Vance pulled me close and gave me a kiss on the lips.
Though the second he touched me, my mind flew into panic mode. "Vance!" I cried pushing him away. A look of hurt mixed with confusion flashed across his face.
"What happened? Did I do something wrong?"
"No, it's just...what if someone sees us?" I asked, my eyes scanning all around us.
"There's no one here though."
"You don't know that for sure."
"Oh shoot, you're right! Look there's someone hiding behind that garbage can just to spy on us because our fist bumping is too gay!" I gasped and turned around to look at the garbage can, but nobody was there. I turned back and glared at Vance, who simply sighed.
"Zaavan, you're being way to paranoid. It's okay, nobody is going to find out," he said softly. He took my hand in his, but he must've noticed how uncomfortable I felt because pretty soon, he let go.
I felt bad for everything that I was making Vance go through, but as much as I tried, I couldn't shake this paranoia.
"Hey Zaavan?"
"Yeah?"
"I think we should tell Ahmed and Zhang."
I stopped in my tracks and looked at him like he was crazy.
"No way!"
"Why not? They'd be cool with it! They didn't say anything about you being intersex..."
"Why do you want to tell them so bad," I said in an exasperated voice.
"Because I want to be able to act normal around our friends at least," he said quietly. "I can't even openly look at you without the fear of looking too gay. Zaavan, I know we have to keep this a secret but I want people to see that you're my boyfriend. Even if it's just our friends."
I had to admit, Vance did have a point. It sucked keeping things a secret, but then again, I wasn't going to go out myself. I wasn't that stupid. Or maybe I was.
"Okay, fine. But just Ahmed and Zhang. That's it." I figured I owed him that much at least.
I scowled as Vance ruffled my hair. Why did I have a feeling that I was going to regret this?
A/N: Since Zhang and Ahmed have become a big part of this story, I've added cast members for them too and their pictures on the cast chapter at the beginning :)