Chapter 75
Once a survivor always a fighter. But is it still a fight without him?
I've been called as the woman of hope, but can I still have the name if my own hope is slowly fading away? Born for survival, is it still a survival without him?
I've been trying, helping and reaching thousands of hand but why life can't let me hold his hands? My eyes have been looking for hundreds of beautiful images from pain to hope, sadness to laughter but why life can't let me look at his blue eyes forever? I've been whispering endless words of encouragement but why life can't let my voice reach out through his ears?
Why?
Why life can't give my single happiness?
Why life refused to give him to me?
Bakit kailangang bawiin sa akin ang kasiyahang inakala kong makakasama ko na habang buhay? Bakit sa libo-libong kamay na sinubukan kong hawakan, ang kamay ng lalaking pinakamamahal ko ang mga kamay na hindi ko maaaring hawakan nang mahigpit?
Hindi ba para sa akin si Pedro? Hindi ba ako maaaring bigyan ng kaligayahan kahit sa huling pagkakataon? Habang buhay na lang ba akong magmamahal ngunit paulit-ulit na iiwanan?
I've been a fighter, a fighter for others but I never had an opportunity to win with my own fight. Lagi na lamang akong talo at naiiwang mag-isa.
"Why?! Why?! Why?!" sumisigaw na tanong ko sa buong kalawakan na parang magagawa akong bigyan ng mga ito ng kasagutan.
Tuluyan na akong iniluwa ng eroplano kung saan naiwan ang lalaking mahal ko.
The capsule had a transparent cover letting me see my husband, he's standing near the edge of the control room that can also see the outer space.
Kapwa nakahawak ang aming mga kamay sa salamin habang kapwa nakatitig sa isa't-isa sa bawat paglaki ng aming distansya.
And ss the capsule sent me away and his image getting smaller, my tears can't stop from falling.
"Peter..Peter..baby, I know you can still hear me. I can't do this without you. I can't continue life without you, I am tired. Pagod na pagod na akong masaktan." I slowly caressed the transparent cover where all I can see is the broad space.
The space, the witness of my love and pain.
"H-How can I fight without you? H-How can I wake up without you? H-How can I smile without you? Araw-araw kitang hahanap-hanapin, araw-araw akong masasaktan Peter. I will live miserable. How could you do this to me? You shouldn't have let me fall in love with you! You shouldn't have tried competing with planes Peter! Sana ay hindi ako nasasaktan ng ganito." Lalo nang tumitindi ang pagsakit ng aking lalamunan.
I tried to punch the transparent cover repeatedly.
"Iiwan mo rin pala ako, iiwan mo rin pala ako. I am tired Peter, I am really tired. I am tired baby, bakit lagi nyo akong iniiwan? Bakit? May kulang ba? Tell me! Sabihin mo sa akin kung anong gusto mong gawin ko Peter. Please, don't do this to me."
"Peter! Answer me! Alam kong naririnig mo pa rin ako. Baby please, let me hear your voice. Talk to me." Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang pagmamakaawa na ang nagawa ko kay Pedro.
But I am willing to do this endlessly to keep him with me. Para lamang makasama siya.
"Isama mo na ako, Peter. Isama mo na ako..isama mo na ako." Hindi ko na inabalang punasan ang aking mga luha.
"H-How, how can I be selfish and bring you with me? If this world needs you the most? If my woman was born to save the world. Bakit kita ipagkakait sa mundong yumayakap sa'yo, Behati?" mas lalong humapdi ang aking dibdib nang marinig ko ang nahihirapang boses ni Pedro.
"Peter, isama mo na ako. Isama mo na ako." Wala nang lumalabas sa bibig ko kundi ito.
I want to come back, gusto ko siyang samahan hanggang sa huli.
"Behati, huwag na huwag mong iisipin na hindi kita gustong makasama. I really do baby, I really do. Hindi mo alam kung anong klase ng pagpipigil ang ibinalot ko sa aking sarili para lamang mapalayo ka na sa akin. I want you here baby, I want you here with me. Natatakot ako, ayoko pang mamatay Behati. Ayoko pang mamatay, ayoko pang mahiwalay sa'yo." Mas lalo akong nagwala sa loob ng capsule at ubod nang lakas ko nang pinagsusuntok ito na parang magagawa ko itong masira.
"I'll come back! I'll come back! Please Peter! Let me die with you! Let me die with you!"
"I want to live with you Behati, have our family and our home. I'm sorry baby for giving you failures, for my broken promises. Gusto kitang makasama pa nang mas matagal, I want to be with you. Pero Behati..think baby, kailangang may mabuhay sa ating dalawa. Someone must survive and it's you."
"Peter, this isn't survival anymore. You are killing me again! Pinapatay mo na ang natitirang buhay sa katauhan ko. Don't do this to me Peter, isama mo na ako parang awa mo na. Allow me to hold your hand, allow me to look at your eyes. Sabay tayong matakot Pedro, please..please.."
"Kailangang may mabuhay sa atin mahal ko. Kailangang may mabuhay sa atin. Mahal na mahal kita Behati."
"Peter! Peter! Please-- no!" ilang beses akong sumigaw nang sumigaw kasabay ng aking mga luha pero wala nang sumagot pa sa akin.
Sa halip ay narinig ko ang pamilyar na kanta na mas lalong nagpahagulhol sa akin.
Sitting here wasted and wounded
At this old piano
Trying hard to capture
The moment this morning I don't know
'Cause a bottle of vodka
Is still lodged in my head
And a pilot woman gave me nightmares
I think she is still in my bed
As I dream about movies
They won't make of me when I'm dead
"Peter.."
My astronaut, my husband is singing with our wedding song. Kasabay nang pagkanta niya ay ang paglakas ng hagulhol ko habang inaalala ang mga panahong magkasama pa kami.
Mga panahong abot-kamay ko pa siya, panahong nakikita ko pa ang kanyang mga asul na mata, nararamdaman ang init ng kanyang mga yakap at ang tamis ng kanyang mga halik.
With an ironclad fist I wake up and
French kiss the morning
While some marching band keeps
Its own beat in my head
While we're talking
About all of the things that I long to believe
About love and the truth and
What you mean to me
And the truth is baby you're all that I need
Our first meeting flashbacks, the first hug, the first kiss and our first night.
I want to lay you down on a bed of roses
For tonight I sleep on a bed on nails
I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is
And lay you down on bed of roses
I felt the increasing speed of the capsule, lalo itong bumibilis sa bawat segundo habang walang tigil sa pagyakap sa akin ang malamig na boses ni Pedro.
Hanggang sa marinig ko ang sarili kong boses na mahinang sumasabay sa aming awitin kasabay ng walang tigil na pagpatak ng aking mga luha.
Pedro's song never stopped until my capsule had a successful docked in with the mother plane. He's been singing with all his might to calm me down. His voice may not heal my arching heart at this moment, but it did stop me from talking and insisting.
Mahirap man tanggapin, mahirap man isipin, pero ayaw na niya. Hindi ko na siya mapilit, buo na ang desisyon ng lalaking mahal ko.
Handa na niya akong iwan.
I silently listened to his song.
Ang sakit, nakakatakot, nakakapanlambot at nakakapanghina na sa sandaling tumigil ang kanta.
Sa sandaling tumigil..
Kagat ko ang aking mga labi habang dahan-dahang nabubuksan ang capsule. I never bothered brushing my raining tears as the capsule stood up and slowly opened its cover with visible smoke.
Two astronauts were waiting, they gave me their salute. I never answered.
Huminga ako nang malalim habang pinakikinggan pa rin ang kanta na maging sa loob ng eroplanong ito ay kasalukuyang tumutugtog.
"Where's my plane?" halos hindi ko na marinig ang sarili kong boses.
Hindi na sila sumagot sa akin sa halip ay agad nila akong dinala sa lugar kung saan naghihintay sa akin ang eroplano.
Well I'm so far away
That each step that I take is on my way home
A king's ransom in dimes I'd given each night
Just to see through this payphone
Still I run out of time
Or it's hard to get through
Till the bird on the wire flies me back to you
I'll just close my eyes and whisper,
Baby blind love is true
Hindi kami bumilang ng ilang minuto nang makarating kami sa harap ng eroplano.
I hope that this plane was designed to destroy huge asteroid, but it wasn't. I've seen this kind of plane before, yes it can cause big damage but as powerful enough that can put a huge asteroid into half.
Walang salita akong sumakay sa eroplanong ito.
"Assist me, position yourselves. I'm about to enter the Earth." Mapait na sabi ko.
I connected the motherplane's system to my new plane allowing me to hear Peter's voice. I maximize the volume that can even ruin my eardrums.
Gusto kong boses lamang ni Pedro ang naririnig ko, gusto kong marinig ang boses niya sa huling labang ito.
Gusto kong matandaan ang boses niya. I want to remember everything about him.
My hands were shaking as I started to press the different commands for my plane. My tears can't help from falling, my heart is now burning and my soul keeps asking why?
"This is the Flight Lieutenant in Command, Merchist 872 speaking communicating to Earth's team flight lead in command."
"Monzanto," I heard Jensen's voice.
"Position the flock, I'm about to enter the Earth's surface." My eyes were now settled at the radar monitor where I can clearly see the approaching asteroid and in its opposite direction is the blinking light that represents the life of my husband.
Just few more minutes.
Before I enter the Earth, my plane should gather the data coming from the impact of explosion. The data that I'll be capturing will immediately be transported to all different airplane fighters, the moment my plane entered the Earth's surface. These will give them signals and accurate place on where to hit their firearms.We need to crash the remains coming from the asteroid.
"Preparing for take off," I put on my goggles.
I want to lay you down on a bed of roses
For tonight I sleep on a bed on nails
I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is
And lay you down on bed of roses
As my plane went out of the motherplane, nagsisimula nang humina ang boses ni Peter.
"Please, don't stop. Don't stop baby.."
Pero tuluyan na itong tumigil.
"I've been searching the sky and then, I found you."
"Peter.."
"I love you, Behati..more than the star, the Earth or even the universe. You are my sky baby.."
"Peter!" I shouted.
Muling umalingawngaw ang aming kanta at sa pagkakataong ito ay mas malakas na ang boses ni Pedro.
"And lay you down on bed of ro---"
The lyrics didn't end just the way it is, dahil isang malakas na pagsabog ang tumapos dito.
"Peter.." My hands tightened its grip.
Inagaw na siyang tuluyan ng kalawakan sa akin.
And for the very first time, I raised my arm to abruptly tears away. I held my head up with my burning mixture of emotions, just like a bomb which was about to explode.
I never warned everyone, I immediately boosted my speed directly at the Earth. It took just few minutes before I had the successful enter in the atmosphere.
And my speed isn't slowing down.
With my tears of sorrow and pain, with my loud voice of endless courage and with my commands fighting for life..
This is the Woman of Hope and her last vow to aviation,
I took a deep breath before shouting at the top of my lungs. Sumalubong sa akin ang napakaraming sasakyang panghimpapawid na kasalukuyan nang naghihintay sa akin.
"THIS IS LIEUTENANT BEHATI AZALEA MONZANTO - ARMSTRONG! Communicating to all the bravest pilots all over this planet! Raise your WINGS! Aim your ORDNANCE! Blaze your EYES! Sharpen your HANDS! FIGHT FOR OUR HEARTBEATS! THIS PLANET WILL SURVIVE!" I shouted with full of tears.
"ROGER!" sagot nilang lahat.
I smiled before hearing the coming sound of calamity. The remains of the asteroid.
Here they are Peter,
Ako ang tatapos, pangako. Mahal ko.
"CRASH THEM DOWN!" I shouted with fullness of power.
Kasabay nang pagsigaw ko ay ang sunod-sunod na putukan ng mga eroplano para pasabugin ang mga batong pipinsala sa aming lahat.
I won't be satisfied if I'll just give a command and watch. I quickly turned my plane in the opposite direction like it was just an easy task without a any risk of bumping to another plane. But that's my ability as a pilot, I was known for a risk taker pilot.
I made an intense upward movement and when my plane hit the ideal spot, I lower my speed waiting for the approaching part of the asteroid still with my opposite position. And when my own plane gave me warning, I made a spinning turn with my blasted missiles.
"Turn into dust,"
I never left the air as long as I can still see parts coming, patuloy akong lumalaban kasabay ng mga piloto sa bawat sulok ng mundong ito.
It took almost half an hour before the calamity ended and yes, we got the victory.
Napuno ng sigawan ng pasasalamat ang buong radyo. Pinili kong manatili sa ere habang unti-unti nang bumaba ang mga eroplanong kasamahan ko.
"Behati," I heard Commander Mitts voice.
"I can't, I'll just crash this plane with me." Lumuluhang sabi ko.
"No, don't waste his sacrifices. Don't waste it, Behati. You and Peter saved the Earth, now come down woman of hope. The whole world is waiting for you. Come down and stand in your word survival."
Wala sa sarili kong ibinaba ang aking eroplano. Nangangatal ang mga tuhod ko habang dahan-dahan ko nang inihahakbang papalabas ang aking mga paa.
And the moment I went out of my plane, numbers of smiling face answered my falling tears.
"I survived, but he didn't." Tuluyan nang bumigay ang mga tuhod ko kasabay nang pinipigilan kong paghagulhol.
"He's gone! He's gone! He's gone Commander Mitts!" sinapo ko ang aking mukha ng aking namamanhid na mga kamay.
Sinunod ko naman, dapat gumaan ang pakiramdam ko dahil tinupad ko ang kanyang kahilingan, pero ang wala, wala akong maramdaman kundi sakit.
"He's gone.." ramdam ko ang paglapit sa akin ni Commander Mitts at marahan nitong hinaplos ang aking likuran.
"He's a hero, you are a hero. Look, look at them Behati. Look at the people you've saved." How?
How can I look at them? Kung ang taong siyang gusto kong iligtas ay hindi ko nagawang tulungan?
"I can't, I really can't Commander Mitts. Please, allow me to leave away from here. Away from all, away from the people. I just want to be alone."
"Behati, please. You need to see this, you deserve to see them. The life." Marahang hinawi ni Commander Mitts ang buhok ko at tinulungan niya akong humarap sa mga tao.
Pilit kong pinalinaw ang aking mga mata sa kabila ng aking mga luha.
And my heart just melted for hundred of times when I saw numbers of people approaching in front of me. Karamihan ay mga pamilyar na mukha, hindi ako naghintay ng minuto hanggang sa tuluyan na akong palibutan ng hindi lamang daan ngunit libo-libong mga tao.
Unang itinaas ang bandila ng estados unidos, sumunod ang bandila ng Pilipinas, ang watawat mula sa myanmar, sa Thailand hanggang sa magsunod-sunod ang iba't-ibang bandila ng bawat bansa.
Natulala na ang aking mga mata kasabay ng pag-agos ng aking mga luha sa mga bandilang matayog na yumayagayway tangay ng hangin ng bagong pag-asa.
Naramdaman ko na lamang ang sabay na paghawak sa aking mga balikat.
"Stand up woman of hope," tipid na sabi ni Graham Bell.
"He's watching you from the sky, Behati." Mapait akong tumango sa sinabi ni Commander Sanders.
Slowly, I tried to stand up again. Kasabay ng puso kong patuloy na nahihirapan at nasasaktan.
Taas noo akong humarap sa napakaraming tao at nagsimula akong muling humakbang. Unti-unting humahawi ang mga tao sa aking bawat hakbang patungo sa lugar kung saan nais abutin ng aking mga kamay.
Sa bawat paghakbang ko ay ang patuloy na pagtulo ng aking mga luha. Hanggang sa makarating ako sa dulo at abutin ang bandila ng ahensiyang humubog sa akin upang matutong higit na lumaban.
At nang sandaling abutin ko ang maliit na metal na may dulong sumisimbolo ng kapangyarihan, agad akong tumakbo tangay ito na niyayakap na ng hangin.
Ibinigay ko ang aking natitirang lakas sa pagtakbo hanggang sa makarating ako sa isang bumulusok na eroplano. Lakas loob akong umakyat dito at matayog akong tumayo sa ibabaw nito dala ang bandila ng UASA.
Nagsisimula nang sumikat ang araw na siyang banayad na tumatama sa aking katawan.
Taas noo akong tinanaw ng mga tao, sa kanilang mga matang nagniningning ng pasasalamat, mga magagaang ngiting nakakapanindig balahibo at maging ang kanilang mga boses na umuusal ng panalangin.
Huminga ako nang malalim bago ko sila tuluyang talikuran at tumanaw sa asul na kalangitan. Asul na kalangitang katulad ng kanyang mga mata.
Sa huling pagkakataon, iwinagayway ng babaeng sumisimbolo ng pag-asa na may mga luha sa kanyang mga mata ang bandilang lumaban para sa bagong umaga.
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VentreCanard