Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to The Vampire Diaries, TV show or books. However I decided to have a little play around with the characters (I would definitely like to play with Damon).
Dear Diary
It's official, I HATE REBEKAH MIKAELSON! And right now, I'm really really mad at Damon!
DAMON SLEPT WITH REBEKAH!
Deep breaths, I know he did it to get back at me, despite what he says. He said it was nothing to do with me. I say bullshit! It had everything to do with me (or I hope it did). I admit I hope it is to do with me and not because I've left it too late and he's fallen for Rebekah (despite him being in favor of her dying). I say leaving it too late, but I don't know what too late is for yet. I just need more time.
It's not like I want to date him. He didn't cheat on me. But it felt like he had. It was horrible. I've never been so jealous in my life. I never got jealous of Stefan or Matt being around other women. But with Damon I do. I remember wanting to scratch Andie's eyes out. Now I feel guilty for that. At least she was genuinely interested in having a relationship with Damon and it wasn't for any vindictive reason.
Now I'm not saying the reason Rebekah slept with Damon was purely for vindictive reasons. You don't need one of those for an excuse to want to spend the night with Damon. He's oozes sex appeal, and he knows it.
I just don't understand why I get so jealous when Damon is around other women. I love Stefan. I can't love them both. My feelings for Damon are very different from what they are for Stefan. He just consumes me. I keep thinking it's just some stupid teenage crush. It can't be anything more than that because there's no way you can love two people at the same time. I know I care about him as a friend. And yes he is the sexiest man or vampire alive. But that doesn't mean I'm in love with him. It's lustful feelings towards a really hot friend who happens to be my ex-boyfriends brother.
Speaking of ex-boyfriend, Stefan is becoming more like his old self. He says he doesn't have feelings for me but I can see the hurt in his eyes. I still love him, even after everything he's done. Or at least I think I do. This is why I know that my feelings for Damon must be an infatuation. I mean how could I get into a relationship with Damon? We'd constantly fight and argue. Admittedly I like the idea of being free to do that with Damon. I wouldn't have to mind my tongue or try to be perfect with him. But it comes with a price, a high one, because he's too volatile. Every time something doesn't go right, he does something stupid, like sleep with Rebekah. I don't need that to worry about right now. I mean, how could I trust him after he did what he did with her?
My friends would hate me. Stefan would hate us both, and that's not fair on either one of them.
If Stefan comes around, everyone will expect me to go back to him, including my friends and probably Damon himself. I'm not ready to make that decision yet, in fact I don't think I'll ever be truly ready. If I go back to Stefan I will always wonder 'what would or could have been' with Damon. I am now beginning to understand Katherine. In fact I'm becoming a version of her, something I'd promised myself I never would.
God damn you Damon for being so adorable when the mask is dropped!
I just keep thinking if only I could have just one night with Damon. So that we can be free and real together, but it could never be more than that. No matter what we feel for each other, a relationship with each other is not a possibility.
Anyway, that brings me round to my dream. This is the closest I'm going to get to experiencing anything other than that sweet kiss we shared on the porch a couple of weeks ago. It's my only comfort. It's a good job nobody will ever read this diary. If Stefan or Damon found out, I think I'd die with embarrassment, and Stefan would never speak to me again. Especially the dream I had when I was marrying Damon. Stefan and I have never even discussed having a future together.
So the dream. This time it was triggered by me being jealous of Rebekah sleeping with Damon. I guess that's no surprise. I know that deep down I wish it had been me in his bed and not her.
If I do end up letting him go, he's going to look to date other women. Even if Stefan and I are back together, how will I cope seeing him with another woman, knowing that they've slept together? I'm so confused. My heart and head don't agree with what I want.
I just hope I can delay the inevitable until I'm more certain about what to do.
E
....the previous night's dream
Elena woke with a deep sense of guilt and regret for multiple reasons. In fact she'd hardly slept at all. She tossed and turned for about half an hour, trying to get back to sleep, but to no avail. Elena had too much on her mind, because for the first time in a long time, she knew she'd made a monumental mistake, even if she wouldn't admit it to anyone else but herself.
Firstly she'd practically thrown herself at Stefan, including him in her plans to get to Esther, which he'd gone along with. She'd mistaken his help for him wanting to get back with her, which it appeared might have been a very wrong assumption on her part, for which Elena couldn't work out who she was more angry with, Stefan or herself.
Secondly she wasn't happy with going along with Esther's plan. It had seemed like a good idea until she'd reflected back upon it when she'd left the company of the Original witch. She'd seen Elijah and blatantly lied to his face when she told him the purpose of the meeting was for his mother to apologize for trying to kill her. She wished she'd have told him the truth and he wouldn't have drank the champagne, but it was too late and she'd doomed him. Elena didn't think for one minute Elijah deserved this fate. She wasn't too bothered about the rest of the Original family, especially Klaus and Rebekah. Elena was fine with Esther trying to take them out, however she wanted to spare Elijah, therefore because they were linked, she needed to find a way to stop his mother from killing them all.
Finally and most importantly she was upset with her own treatment of Damon. For the past six months he'd been her rock. They'd grown close, although she knew perfectly well he was in love with her. Last night Elena had had Stefan snap his neck so she could go behind his back and plot to kill Klaus with Esther. For that she suspected Damon would forgive her when he found out the results. But what had happened next was something she was not proud of.
Damon had told her not to go to Esther because he loved her and she'd thrown his feeling back in his face. Or that was how it appeared when she'd said "Maybe that's the problem." Damon had taken it the wrong way when she meant he was letting his humanity get in the way, instead it sounded like him loving her was something she didn't want. And yes she was confused, but she didn't want Damon to think she'd used him until Stefan was back on the scene.
After she'd uttered those fateful words to Damon, he'd disappeared to help look for Matt, not wanting to listen to her trying to reason with him. The next thing she knew was he'd tried to kill Kol, one of the Original family. He'd stormed off into the night to get up to god knows what, because if there was one thing Elena knew about Damon, was that he would do something monumentally stupid by lashing out. She just hoped there hadn't been an innocent bystander in the way and it had only been him and a couple of bottles of bourbon.
Elena had tried calling Damon numerous times after she gotten home, but her calls had just gone straight through to his voicemail, confirming her worst fears. She dreaded what she was going to face when she found out what he'd done. If only she'd used her words more carefully. Deciding to start with the easier brother, Elena picked up her phone from her nightstand and dialed Stefan's number, however it just kept ringing. As Elena got up and walked over to her window seat, the call went through to Stefan's voicemail.
"Stefan, hey, umm...it's me. I really have to talk to you. Please call me back." Elena sighed, leaving the message before hanging up. Taking a deep breath, she pressed the speed dial for Damon, expecting it to do the same. However to Elena's surprise he picked up.
"What?" Damon asked haughtily.
"Hey, I- I called you ten times last night. We need to talk." Elena said, nerves slightly creeping into her voice.
"Sorry, I've been busy." Damon told her with the voice Elena had been dreading. He clearly had been up to something, lashing out at what she'd said. This gave Elena resolve as she now had an excuse to be annoyed back at Damon.
"If you're mad at me, Damon, you need to get over it." Elena told him forcefully.
"Oh, I'm over it." Damon replied in a way which almost broke her heart before hanging up on her. Was he over her? Had she completely ruined everything with Damon over the possibility of getting back with Stefan? Frustrated, Elena grabbed some clothes from her closet. She quickly showered and got ready before heading over to the boarding house to talk to Damon, if he was there.
Fifteen minutes later, Elena arrived at the boarding house. She got out of the car and headed towards the door, but before she could knock, it opened to reveal partially dressed Damon, who was only wearing his tuxedo pants from the previous night. Stood next to him was the woman who'd been keeping him, as he called it, busy all night, while he'd been ignoring her calls.
Rebekah Mikaelson stood there in the green dress she'd worn to the previous night's ball. Damon was clearly not expecting Elena to turn up so soon as he had the look of a child who'd been caught with his hands in the cookie jar. Rebekah on the other hand looked like the cat who'd got the cream. It didn't take a genius to work out what they'd been up to the previous night. Rebekah took a look at Elena and slowly walked out of the house with a victorious swagger, clearly aware she'd got one up on Elena. Damon just stood there, his mouth open, not knowing what to say. Finally Elena broke the silence.
"Are you going to let me in?" she snapped as Damon stood to one side and Elena walked in, still trying to get her head around what she'd just witnessed.
"I'll just go quickly shower and change." Damon winced as he vamp-sped upstairs leaving Elena all alone.
Elena wandered into the parlor to take in what she'd just seen. Anger didn't cover it. She was hurt. In fact it was the worst thing he could have done to hurt her. Elena had been around when Damon had had other women, Andie, Rose etc... and even though they shouldn't have at the time, they'd hurt and she'd been jealous, even though she was still with Stefan at the time. But this was on another level of hurt. Rebekah had tried to kill Elena only a couple of days ago. The Original sister was Elena's arch enemy. In one swoop, Damon had managed to break Elena's heart into a million pieces. He was the master of revenge. Elena just hoped she'd gotten Damon's part of it wrong and he was more innocent than it looked.
Damon returned five minutes later, smelling freshly showered. He was now wearing jeans and was in the process of buttoning up a shirt on as he came down to the parlor to meet her.
"Did you stop taking your vervain?" Elena asked, knowing it was a long shot.
"You think Rebekah had to compel me?" Damon chuckled.
"What's wrong with you? She tried to kill me less than forty eight hours ago." Elena demanded, feeling hurt by Damon's attitude.
"Can we just move pass that, Elena?" Damon said nonchalantly as he walked past her and over to the wet bar.
"So is that how it's going to be now?" Elena asked, swallowing away the tears. "I hurt your feelings and this is how you lash out at me?"
Damon poured himself a drink before replying. "Well, maybe, for once, something I did had nothing to do with you." he said holding up his glass before downing the contents.
"Bullshit!" Elena swore folding her arms. "Then what did it have to do with?" she asked.
"I thought you were busy with Stefan last night." Damon said sarcastically.
"Don't try changing the subject Damon. Stefan took me home, that's all." Elena told him. "You didn't answer my question."
"Fine, I was pissed off and decided to let off some steam." he said downing a glass of whiskey. "Happy now?" Damon asked.
"No!" Elena shouted.
"It has nothing to do with you." Damon shouted back as he refilled his glass.
"It has everything to do with me." Elena snarled. "It was Rebekah. You slept with Rebekah to hurt me." tears were beginning to form in her eyes.
"Elena." Damon lowered his voice. "Firstly I'm not your boyfriend. That dubious honor seems to be heading back my brother's way. That makes me single. Which means I can sleep with any woman I want, when I want. Which by my math means I'm not cheating on anyone, although you'd think I was with this conversation." he carried on, his voice slowly rising once more. "Secondly Rebekah was more than willing to oblige..." he started.
"Oh I bet she was." Elena huffed.
"And thirdly, you asked Stefan to snap my neck last night." Damon started to pour himself a third glass of whiskey. "I was pissed off, wound up and needed some way of releasing my anger. Surely it's a better way than me attacking an innocent bystander." he raised his glass and smiled to Elena before taking a swig.
"I had no choice." Elena unfolded her arms and walked over to the fireplace. "I needed to see Esther to find out what she was up to." she told him.
"And? Is she going to enter the Mystic Falls mommy of the year competition?" he asked sarcastically.
"Not exactly." Elena decided to tell Damon what happened at her meeting with Esther. "You should know that Esther is planning on killing her entire family. She's linked them all together with a spell. Whatever happens to one, happens to all of them." she explained.
"Well, that's great!" Damon grinned. "Klaus will finally be dead. We win." he narrowed his eyes at the expression of horror on Elena's face. "Why do you look like someone just shot a panda bear?" he stuck out his bottom lip sarcastically.
"Uh, because to kill Klaus she has to kill all of them, including Elijah." Elena explained. "And he doesn't deserve this!"
"I'm supposed to care about Elijah?" Damon frowned.
"Shouldn't you at least care about Rebekah? " Elena asked sarcastically.
"Two seconds ago, you were pissed that she attacked you." Damon sighed. "It's a win-win. And no I don't care about Rebekah, it was just sex." he added.
"So that's all it is to you, just meaningless sex." Elena rolled her eyes.
"With Rebekah, yes." Damon rolled his eyes. "Not that it's any of your business." he sighed shaking his head and pouring himself another drink.
Elena stormed over to Damon and stood in front of him, eyes blazing. "And what's this?" she asked pointing to Damon's glass. "Are you planning to get drunk all day?"
"I don't get why you're so pissed. If you must know haven't I had breakfast yet." Damon told her. "Anyway, what is it with the twenty questions? Why don't you just tootle along back to Stefan?" he asked, raising his arm as his hands mimicked a a pair of legs walking away. "It's not like you're PMS or something." he added raising his nose to the air before Elena slapped him hard across the face. "Oww!" he complained rubbing his cheek.
"Don't act like it hurts." Elena folded her arms, her face still flushed from embarrassment at Damon's comments regarding knowing about her menstrual cycle.
"Seriously Elena, I just don't get why you're so pissed with me." he sighed. "You and Stefan will get back together, because it will always be Stefan." Damon started. "And I will go back to having meaningless sex and the earth will be back on its axis." he sighed shaking his head. "I really don't get why you even care what I do." his added quietly as his eyes dropped.
"BECAUSE I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU IDIOT!" Elena screamed out before gasping and slapping her hand across her mouth in horror as she realized what she just admitted.
Damon blinked his eyes in surprise at Elena's bold statement. "Oh." he said. "That explains it."
"'Oh!' Is that all you can say?" Elena asked, her voice full of disappointment at his reaction.
Damon took a deep breath. "I need something stronger than whiskey." he frowned. "I'm getting a blood bag. Just...don't go anywhere." he added as he vamp-sped to the basement to get himself some blood while Elena waited in the parlor.
Deciding she was getting hot from embarrassment at what she'd revealed, against her better judgment Elena removed her scarf and coat. All she wanted to do was crawl into a hole and take away what she'd just told Damon. Not because she didn't mean it, because deep down she knew she did. The problem was Elena didn't want to tell anyone because she wasn't sure what to do about it. Right at this moment, part of her just wanted to run, but it was too late. She had to face the music. Damon was going to ask questions and demand answers she wasn't sure she was ready to give.
A few minutes later Damon returned to the parlor with two steaming mugs, he held one out to her.
"Coffee?" he asked as Elena simply nodded and took it from him before sitting down on the couch and sipping it. Damon put his on the wet bar and he lit the fire, then sat down on the couch opposite Elena before he said anything. "You're not going to shout at me now are you?" he asked, his voice was deadly serious.
"No." Elena replied in a small voice as she stared into her coffee, unable to look at the vampire in front of her.
Neither of them spoke for a couple of minutes. Damon had declared his feelings a long time ago when he was bitten by the werewolf. Even though she'd known for some time he was in love with her, Elena wasn't aware when the exact moment was when she started to fall in love with him. She knew it was after he killed Jeremy, but he'd just crept up on her. Even Rose had mentioned it when she was dying. It was a conversation Elena had never shared with anyone, although at the time she was convinced Rose was just being affected by the werewolf bite, Elena now knew Rose had spotted the obvious signs she was falling in love with Damon before Elena herself had.
Damon was the one to finally break the deafening silence. "How long?" he asked the question Elena had been dreading. "Before or after Stefan left to go with Klaus?"
"I don't know the exact time." Elena told him. "But my feelings for you were stronger than they should have been when Stefan left to go with Klaus." she admitted.
"So Katherine wasn't wrong." Damon surmised.
"She wasn't the first one to say those words." Elena said quietly. "Rose said exactly the same thing."
"And you never cared to share this with me or anyone else?" he asked.
"Caroline suspects, and so did Stefan when he was my bodyguard." Elena told him as she looked up at him through her eyelashes.
"And what about Stefan?" he asked. "How does he fit into the big picture? We've spent all summer trying to get him back so you can be with him."
"I don't know." Elena swallowed, putting her mug of coffee on the table next to the couch. She stood up and turned to look at the fire.
"I'm guessing you thought if you tried to ignore it, it might go away and once Stefan was back to munching on bunnies, everything would change, nobody would be any wiser. You and Stefan would have your epic love back, because it would always be Stefan and the world would be full of unicorns and rainbows." he said, his voice rising slightly.
Tears formed in Elena's eyes. Damon knew and understood her too well.
"I didn't want you to get hurt if Stefan and I got back together." she replied, trying to hide the wobble of her voice.
"And what about Stefan's feelings?" Damon asked. "Did you really things would go back to the way they were before Stefan left?" he said. Elena just nodded in reply. "Well I'm sorry to tell you but things with you and Stefan wouldn't be the same. Especially if Stefan suspected you had feelings for me, which would explain his recent behavior. Would I have ever found out? From you? From Stefan or just some random stranger who also happened to know, seeing as I'm the only person who wasn't aware."
"I don't know." Elena said sheepishly, tears silently falling.
"I'm guessing that you would never have told me, because despite your feelings, you couldn't bear the thought of me and you taking things further." he argued as she heard him get up and pour himself a drink at the wet bar.
"It's not that Damon." Elena pleaded, still not able to look at him.
"Then what is it?" he asked, his voice getting louder.
"You do things. You spiral." Elena argued as she finally turned to face him. "I mean look at last night, you tried kill Kol at their party." she snapped.
"For your information, he was trying to kill the quarterback. I was saving his life. But no, judge first, find out the truth later because it's Damon and he never does the right thing. Go back to Stefan and be all judgy about me with him. You're a perfect match." he snapped downing the glass of whiskey in one.
"Damon!" Elena begged as she walked over to Damon and her hand on his arm. "Please, how was I supposed to know?" she asked.
Damon shrugged her hand off him. "A few weeks ago you'd have asked me why I did it instead of jumping to conclusions. But five minutes with Saint Stefan and you change. You don't love me Elena. It was a rebound thing. Go back to Stefan, remember the guy who it will always be." he spat turning away from Elena.
"You don't get it do you?" Elena cried. "I'm scared Damon. My feelings for you scare the hell out of me. I'm only eighteen. I thought what I had with Stefan was going to be forever, be perfect. But my feelings for you, they're too intense. I know if I go there with you, I'll just fall even deeper. If anything happens, I don't know if I'd be able to survive losing you." Elena began to cry once more.
"You survived Stefan leaving." Damon's voice softened.
"It's not the same." Elena sniffed. "My feelings for you are completely different. They scare me." she whispered.
"What makes you think you'd lose me?" Damon turned around and looked at Elena, his eyes had softened.
"You slept with Rebekah." Elena sobbed. "What if I wasn't enough? Would you go running into another woman's bed when things went wrong or if we got into an argument?" she hiccuped prompting Damon to laugh. "What?" she asked.
"You really think I'd cheat on you?" Damon asked. "You clearly don't know me very well do you?" he said softly as Elena's face dropped, tears steaming down her cheeks. She knew she'd lost him. She'd said all the wrong things, confirmed she only believed the worst in him.
"I'm no better than Katherine." Elena wept as Damon lifted her chin.
"You're nothing like her." Damon whispered. "She toyed with us both for her own amusement. You're trying to protect us."
"Well I'm doing a fucking lousy job at it." Elena swore much to Damon's surprise and prompting him to suppress a laugh.
"Why Miss Gilbert, I don't think I've ever heard you curse before. Wash our mouth out." he joked, as Elena tried to smile. "Look, if you want we can pretend this conversation never happened, you go back to Stefan and try and work things out between you." Damon suggested.
"There you again being all selfless." Elena sniffed. "It's one of the reasons I love you." she raised her eyes to his. "I can't forget about this. And I know you won't be able to either, even though you'll pretend like it didn't happen."
"So what do we do?" Damon frowned.
"Maybe we could try and see if love can conquer all." Elena whispered hopefully as she cupped his face and stroked his cheek.
Damon thought about it for a moment and raised his hand to cover hers. "You do know we'll argue, just like we did just now." he warned her as he tucked a loose strand of hair behind Elena's ear.
"I know." Elena nodded, a small smile appeared on her lips as hope had begun to take hold. It looked like she hadn't ruined her chances with Damon after all, even if she was terrified of a future with him. "Hopefully not about the same thing though."
"It's not going to be all sweetness and light, like with Stefan." he said.
"I wouldn't have it any other way." Elena whispered. "Damon, I love you. The person you are, the person you are with me." she insisted.
"Your friends won't approve, especially Caroline." he warned her.
"They'll come round eventually." Elena smiled, tears still streaming as she knew Damon was just making sure she knew what she was getting herself in for.
"Why are you crying Elena?" Damon asked, a frown of concern etched all over his face as he gently stroked her cheek.
"I don't know." she said, wanting to bury her head in Damon's chest, but still unsure whether he was going to reject her or not.
Elena looked up at him through her eyelashes, his face was full of tenderness. Damon lowered his head and brushed his lips up against hers. Elena felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders just by the tenderness. Not prepared to let him go, Elena pulled him to her and returned the kiss, however hers was full of desperation for contact with him, even if it was just a small amount.
Damon broke the kiss and pulled back his eyes closed as he rested his forehead against hers.
"Please tell me this is real." Damon whispered.
"It's more than real." Elena smiled, realizing Damon was just as scared as she was.
To ease his worries Elena leaned up to kiss him once more. Her hands reached to the top of his shirt which was still unbuttoned. She slid one hand under the collar and around his neck, while the other remained flat to his chest. Ever since she'd first seen his naked torso on the day of the bachelor auction, which seemed like an eternity ago, Elena had longed to touch his smooth skin. Damon wrapped his arms around Elena's waist and pulled her in tight to him. Initially the kiss started off chaste, similar to the time they kissed on the porch, however chaste didn't last long as they both became absorbed in one another.
Once Elena touched Damon's chest, she couldn't help herself. Her hands seemed to have a mind of their own and began to roam of their own accord. All the while their kiss became more passionate. Their lips parted, allowing one another to explore and taste each other. Elena noted Damon tasted of mint and whiskey mixed with a unique taste which reminded Elena of his delicious, intoxicating scent. The one she'd never be able to get enough of. Now she knew he didn't just smell that way, he tasted as good and Elena wanted more.
Their tongues swept through each others mouths before meeting to dance and entwine. All the while Elena's hands explored Damon's chest even further. Every time she found a button obstructing her voyage of discovery, she quickly unfastened to. Damon moaned into her mouth her hands examined his naked flesh. Firstly around his collar bone, then making her way down the smooth, soft skin. Once she reached his nipples, she could feel the tufts of hair surrounding them, triggering a memory of the dark hair of his treasure trail. The thought sent heat into the pit of her stomach, turning her on immensely.
Damon's hands were roaming up and down Elena's back, his hand slid under her top. Their bodies molded together as their kiss became fiery. Elena hadn't set out for things to go this far so quickly, and she surmised Damon hadn't either. Their feelings for each other weren't based upon sexual attraction, even though they had chemistry which ran off the scale. But as soon as they started Elena couldn't stop, and it appeared neither could Damon. She needed all of him, as he was consuming her and she didn't have any idea of how she was going to be able to stop until he was inside her. To compound matters Elena could feel a bulge in Damon's jeans, which was enough to tell her Damon wanted her as much as she wanted him.
They simultaneously broke away from the kiss to allow Elena to breathe, however after one short breath, her her hands opened up the top of the shirt and her lips brushed against his collar bone.
"Uh...Elena..." Damon moaned. "You keep doing that and I'm not going to be able to stop."
"Who said I want either of us to stop?" she murmured as she undid the last button on Damon's shirt. Elena's hands moved up Damon's chest until she found his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders.
"You want to take this all the way?" Damon whispered into Elena's ear as Elena threw his shirt on the floor.
Elena pressed her hips against his. "Yes!" she replied, her voice barely audible to human ears, but perfectly loud enough for Damon's vampiric hearing. "That's if you're ready to." she added looking up at him through her eyelashes, a wicked smile on her face.
"I'm whipped already." Damon smirked as he bent is head to kiss her, running his fingers through her hair and down her back. "Maybe we should head upstairs, don't want any pesky Originals walking in and getting a free show." he said as he slowly walked backwards, pulling Elena with him, continuously kissing her.
"Not sure if we'll make it that far." Elena managed to say in between kisses as they walked up the parlor steps into the hallway.
Damon lifted Elena onto the console table, almost knocking the lamp. Elena wrapped her legs around Damon's hips, pulling him in towards her. The ever growing erection beneath his black jeans brushing up against Elena's denim clad pussy, causing Elena's breath to hitch at the sensation. Damon's mere presence was enough to turn Elena on, his hands and lips on her, combined with the feeling of his desire for her was having a knock on effect, making her need him even more.
"Damon." Elena moaned his name, almost in prayer, as Damon ghosted his fingers down the side of her body before finding the hem of her top and pulling it up and over her head.
Under normal circumstances Elena would have laughed to hide her embarrassment at the sight of her hair, however she didn't care and she knew Damon didn't. In fact she suspected Damon would approve because of the reason why her hair was such a mess, he'd probably just find it sexy.
As soon as Damon had divested Elena of her top, he cupped her black lace covered breast, stroking it gently, his thumb purposefully sweeping her nipple, causing it to pebble. His mouth made its way to Elena's earlobe, sucking on it, which tickled but was extremely sensual at the same time. He moved his mouth down Elena's neck, his lips peppering kisses down the side. Damon's tongue made its way back up to just below Elena's ear as he gently nipped his way back down, scraping his blunt teeth against her carotid artery, reminding her of what he was and just how dangerous he could really be, albeit not with her. With Elena he was the gentlest creature on the planet, unless she didn't want him to be. And for that she knew she only had to tell him.
Wanting to have a semblance of being in charge, Elena pushed Damon away from her and jumped off the console table before pushing him backwards and up against the wall. Damon offered no resistance, the expression on his face was one of bemusement, awaiting Elena's next move. She pinned him up against the wall and kissed him passionately, which he returned with a fervor.
Elena's hands made their way down Damon's chest as her lips followed. Firstly his collar bone, down to his nipples, to which she flicked with her tongue. She looked up him through her eyelashes to see his reaction. His arms were pressed up against the wall in mock surrender. He was allowing Elena to overpower him, for what reason Elena had no idea, but she didn't care. She'd finally freed herself to be with him which had seemingly unleashed a monster inside her.
Ever since the Miss Mystic Falls pageant she'd been sexually attracted to Damon, and that had been pent up ever since, growing more and more as she got to know him better. Damon had only made this worse when she got to know the man beneath the image of the monster he portrayed only to find he was as beautiful on the inside as he was on the outside. Which was saying something considering just how stunning looking he was. Elena wanted to examine every inch of his flesh to check he was really real. Because with his raven hair against his alabaster skin and icy blue eyes, he had an almost ethereal look about him.
Over time Elena had discovered what others usually missed. His surface beauty was only a small part of the picture. Dig deeper and you would find a man who was troubled and insecure. A lost boy wanting someone to see him and love him, because once he found the woman who truly saw him, she wouldn't be able to help herself from falling in love with him.
Loving him would be the easiest thing in the world, because although he didn't believe her deserved to be loved, it was a narrative he'd built around himself as a defense mechanism to cope with rejection, something he'd obviously had a lot of experience of, although he'd never told Elena, she could sense it. Elena could tell something had happened to him which had traumatized him at some point in his life. She suspected it might have been when he'd been a soldier in a war he didn't believe in, fighting for his father's approval, which instead just gained him even more disdain.
Although Elena couldn't comprehend the relationship problems with his father, trauma was something she was deeply familiar with, even if it was for a different reason. Elena knew just how much it affected a persons behavior. All of these things combined had created the monster, but underneath was still the misunderstood man, who could be gentle and kind. He was passionate beyond belief, which was something else Elena spotted they had in common. He loved until it consumed him, just like she did and suspected she might already feel that way for Damon. She'd certainly never wanted to be with Stefan like she did with Damon. Elena didn't just want to be with Damon sexually for pleasure. Elena wanted him to share himself with her, likewise she would be sharing herself with him. To give themselves to each other when they were at their most vulnerable. For her soul to finally be free of the constraints she placed upon herself around her friends and family, because Damon saw her like no other. She could be completely open with him. Good or bad, everything about her and Damon was real, and this would make their souls uniting together more real than she'd ever known. Elena suspected it would be the same for Damon too. This would make whatever happened in these next minutes, or however long their bodies spent getting to know one another, a pretty special occasion for both of them. Whether technique even would come into play, Elena wasn't sure, but all she cared about was the who it was with. That was what would make this special.
By this point Elena was getting impatient. Her need and desire for Damon was getting more and more urgent by the minute. Her hands and lips were all over his chest, taking in his freshly showered clean scent that was uniquely Damon. He reached behind her and unclipped the clasp of her bra, pulling the shoulder straps forward. Elena moved back slightly as he pulled them off and threw it on the floor. Taking advantage of Elena momentarily stopping, Damon picked her up and lifted her high, so his face was lined up with her breasts. Elena wrapped her legs around Damon's back as he walked them to the stairs. His tongue licking around her areola before he began to suck on her nipple, causing it to pebble further. Damon managed to make his way up the stairs until they reached the half landing, where he lay Elena down on her back and he stepped back down a few steps.
"I think I just died again, but this time I went to heaven." Damon grinned and he lent over Elena and began to kiss her stomach before balancing himself on his knee and started to unfasten Elena's jeans. "Not that they'd let me in." he glanced up with a wicked smile on his face causing Elena to giggle. Damon removed Elena's boots before he tugged at her jeans. Elena lifted her hips to help him as he revealed her black lace panties. "God you're beautiful." he murmured as his hands reached up to her breasts, massaging them and pinching her nipples, while simultaneously kissing the waistband of Elena's panties.
"God that is good." Elena moaned as Damon's hands and lips explored her stomach, before he sat back and rested on his knees. Damon took Elena's foot and kissed her instep. "Eww gross." Elena laughed.
"Not to me it isn't." Damon's face turned deadly serious. "To me every part of flesh on your body is beautiful, and I intend to become very well acquainted with it very quickly." he said seductively, his eyes turning dark with lust, taking Elena's breath away and sending heat to her pussy with his words alone.
Although Elena wasn't convinced with Damon's assessment of her, she felt the same way about him, and as far as she was concerned, no part of Damon's body was off limits to explore, as long as he wanted it too, and Elena suspected Damon was pretty open minded in that respect.
"And I the same." Elena whispered before her brain had the opportunity to engage with her mouth. She flushed bright red at her own words as she'd never been so sexually bold in her life. This was what Damon was doing to her.
It did occur to Elena, the huge difference between Damon and her previous sexual partners of Matt and Stefan, was he had been a man when he turned, not a teenager. The physical difference surprised her. Damon was more defined, more hair on his body, although there was still only a small amount. Yet these tiny differences had a huge effect. This in turn made Elena feel older, no longer a teenager but a woman with woman's needs, here with a man who was absolutely intent on fulfilling them for his own pleasure as much as hers.
Damon's hands and lips made their way up the inside of Elena's legs. He paid more careful attention as he closed in on the tops of her thighs. His fingers glancing the edge of her panties in a teasing fashion. Elena could tell she was getting wetter with anticipation as Damon's actions were sensual and turning her on like crazy. She wondered if he was going to use his mouth on her. Elena had never experienced oral sex, either giving or receiving, however she had a fair idea of what to do as Caroline had given a thorough explanation of how to do it. She'd also told Elena and Bonnie, Damon had used his mouth on her and he was a magician with his tongue. After just kissing him, Elena knew Caroline hadn't been exaggerating. Which led her to wonder quite how good it would feel if he wanted to go there. Although Elena was slightly nervous of anyone using their mouth on her most intimate parts, from what she could gather from Caroline, was that this was completely normal and heightened the experience for both parties. Hence Elena was more than willing to give it a try. She'd showered only an hour earlier, meaning she was clean, which meant she had no concerns and should have few reservations except to relax and enjoy what Damon would do, if he wanted to.
Once Damon had finished with one leg, he started on the other. Again kissing the instep and making his way slowly down to her thigh. After he'd finished he climbed up and over Elena, who was panting with desire. He lowered himself down and kissed her. However Elena had an idea and while he was busy kissing her she managed to get hold of his belt and unfasten it.
He broke away from the kiss and smiled as he felt the outside of Elena's panties. "Eager aren't we?" he asked, although it was more of a statement.
"You have no idea." Elena growled as she pushed him off of her and rolled him onto his back with surprising ease.
Elena unfastened his jeans as Damon kicked his boots off with enough force to send them thudding down the stairs. Damon lifted his hips as Elena pulled away his jeans and surprising her when she discovered he wasn't wearing anything underneath. However what surprised her even more was exactly how large Damon was. She'd seen him naked on her eighteenth birthday, but it was only a brief glance from afar and Damon was not in a state of full arousal like he was now. He was significantly larger than anything she'd ever seen before. She noticed the pre-cum glistening from the tip, feeling bold, she licked it off and swirled her tongue around him, causing Damon to hiss with pleasure.
Initially Elena was concerned by his size as she'd never done what she was about to do before, but Caroline had told her to relax her gag reflex when she did and it would make it much easier. Elena got on her knees to one side of Damon, she placed her hand on the base of his cock and began to gently pump her hand up and down the soft silky skin.
"Fuck...Elena..." Damon moaned as Elena quickly glanced at his face. His eyes were rolled into the back of his head and his lips parted, a vision of a man in pure sexual heaven.
Elena bent her head and wrapped her lips around his dick and she lowered her head to take as much in as she could before she pulled back, working in unison with her hand. She built up a rhythm, spurred on by his moans and pants. Suddenly Elena felt Damon pull her around and pick up one of her legs. Before she knew it, she was on all fours, her hand and mouth around Damon's cock, while her legs straddled Damon's head.
Damon moved Elena's panties to one side with his finger. "Beautiful. You're wet already." he whispered as he traced a line with his finger along her slit, from her pussy to her nub.
Elena moaned with pleasure, her mouth still wrapped around Damon's dick. Damon grabbed hold of Elena's hips and pulled her pelvis down closer to his face. Elena could feel the warmth of his breath on her pussy, which felt unbelievable. She'd neither given nor received oral sex before, and now she was doing both at the same time. Caroline had once told her about it, so she knew it was called a sixty nine. Elena swallowed her nerves and decided to not say anything and just let Damon get on with what he was going to do.
Soon Elena felt Damon's tongue following the line he'd made with his finger. The heat from his tongue and breath increased the throbbing in her pussy. He spread her folds apart and blew into her pussy before pressing his tongue inside her. Elena had never felt anything like it. She was already burning up with desire inside, but Damon was adding to it tenfold. His thumb pressed against her nub as he started to massage it while simultaneously pushing his tongue in and out of her as if he was making love to her with it.
As much as she tried, concentrating on what she was supposed to be doing to Damon, it was impossible. Her hand managed to continue pumping him and she managed to suck his dick, but there was no longer any rhythm or finesse to what she was doing. Damon's tongue was too talented and distracting for her.
To make matters worse, Damon upped the ante and used his tongue in her folds and around her nub, sucking and licking it. At the same time he inserted two fingers inside her and began to thrust inside her with them. Elena quickly lost all ability to think as she threw her head back. The throbbing inside her pussy was slowly beginning to pulsate, signaling the onset of her orgasm. She wanted to put it off and try to please Damon, but it appeared pleasing Damon was a non-issue as he was more interested in pleasing her, and the more pleasure she felt, the faster her strokes became.
Damon took her clit in his mouth and sucked on the bundle of nerves as he increased the pace of his thrusts and added a third finger. Elena could no longer hold off as her climax ripped through her body.
"Oh yes...yes...yes...oh...yes...oh yes...Damon." Elena cried out at the top of her voice as her pussy contracted hard around Damon's fingers.
Elena felt the heat in the pit of her stomach released from her pussy. Her back arched, pushing her hips even closer to Damon's face as wave after wave of orgasmic pleasure took over her body, threatening to never stop. Elena wasn't sure how much more she could take as her body had initially gone rigid, but now it was beginning to shake as the spasms continued to shoot through her pussy and up her spine, taking over her entire body. Damon must have picked up on her need to gently stop her release as he released his mouth from her nub and removed his fingers from her pussy.
As soon as she felt her orgasm slowing down, Elena decided she wanted to do the same for Damon as she started pumping his cock evwn more and wrapped her lips around him, taking him in as deep as she could.
"Stop!" Damon whispered as Elena collapsed on top of him. He rolled her off and met her face to face. "The first time I come with you, I want it to be inside you." he smiled as kissed Elena's nose. All Elena could do was nod in reply. Her legs were still like jello. Sensing her problem, Damon helped her up and picked her up bridal style. "Close your eyes." he instructed as she did as he said before she felt a whoosh. Opening her eyes she saw they were outside Damon's bedroom.
"Put me down." Elena instructed. Damon initially pouted before lowering Elena to the floor. "My legs are much better now." she told him as she backed herself up against the wall and pulled Damon towards her.
Elena wrapped one of her legs around Damon's waist and took hold of his cock. Initially she stroked him, before moving her hips so she could rub it up against her folds, coating him with her juices. Damon smirked at her gesture and bent his legs slightly to help. He took himself into his hand and positioned himself at her entrance.
"You ready?" Damon asked. "No going back after this." he warned.
"I don't think there was any going back from the first time we met." Elena smiled.
"True." Damon grinned before returning her kiss.
As he did, he gently pushed his cock inside her. The position was a little awkward, so he picked up Elena's other leg and wrapped that around his waist. Elena hooked her ankles together and held on tightly around Damon's neck as he continued to push up inside her. Surprisingly, considering his size, he wasn't uncomfortable. On the contrary, he could have been tailor made for her. A thought entered Elena's head, wondering whether they were soulmates, who had always been destined to be together and therefore perfectly made to fit with one another, because every single part of their body was gradually molding together is if it were one single being.
Elena rested her head back against the wood at the feeling of Damon filling and stretching her. No previous sexual encounter could have prepared her for this moment. It wasn't just his size or techniques which made the difference. This was all about who she was with and what it meant going forward. Damon had already been consuming her mind, right now he was consuming her body, and deep down she knew her heart was already in his hands. Those feelings alone made this moment more special than how it would appear from an onlooker. To an outsider it would appear as two people just having random sex against a wall. But to them it was about desperation to be together. They'd spent too long wanting each other and they weren't prepared to waste another precious second, and to make it to the bedroom they'd just be wasting more time.
Once Damon was inside her he pulled out slowly and thrust into her once more. Elena moved her hips to match his thrusts. They repeated the actions over and over, building up a rhythm as their hips collided, brushing Damon's pelvis up against Elena's clit, the friction feeding the heat pooling in the pit of her stomach. Their foreheads rested against one another, as they looked each other in the eyes. No words were needed as their moans and pants told the story of how good it felt. For the first time since her parents had died, Elena felt like she'd come home. Damon was her soulmate, and she needed him like she needed air to breathe.
"Close your eyes and hold on tight." Damon suddenly instructed. Knowing he was going to vamp-speed them into his room, Elena did as she was told. She felt the wind blowing through her hair and then the softness of Damon's mattress beneath her. "You can open them now." he said as Elena blinked up to see Damon smiling above her. "The sheets are clean." he told her. "I changed them when I showered."
"How?" Elena asked.
"Perks of being a vampire." Damon grinned. "Things that take hours to do as a human, take seconds as a vampire." he boasted. "Although not everything works like that." his smiled before his expression changed as he laced his fingers through hers and pushed her arms above her head before brushing his lips against hers and kissing her.
Once more Damon pushed his cock inside her. This time it needed no guidance, his dick seemed to know exactly where it should be. Their hips moved in unison, once again setting a rhythm and pace which they both automatically knew. The only sounds to be heard were their cries moans and pants of pleasure. They occasionally murmured each others names, and the noise of skin on skin as they grew hotter from the exertion. Their pace increased, suggesting they were both getting closer to their climax.
Damon released one of his hands from Elena's and slid it between their bodies, finding her nub. He began to massage it with a fervor as his thrusting became more intense. The heated throbbing inside Elena's pussy was ready to explode.
"I'm gonna come." Elena moaned.
"Me too." Damon panted as he thrust in deeper, with more force than before, sending Elena over the edge.
"Oh my god...Damon...Damon...yes...yes...Aargh..." Elena cried screwing her eyes closed as the throbbing in her pussy turned into spasms and the white hot heat in the pit of her stomach seemed to overflow like lava. Her climax was intense and seemed to go on forever as Damon continued to thrust in and out of her. Suddenly her back arched and her body went rigid as she could feel the contractions tightening around Damon's dick, milking him to his own release.
"Oh god...yes...fuck...Elena...yes...Aargh..." Damon growled as Elena's eyes flew open, not wishing to miss a moment of seeing Damon come undone for the first time with her. It was worth it as his face scrunched up in what could only be described as a cross between agony and ecstasy. A vision of beauty to her. Damon's body pressed into hers as she felt his warm seed fill up her womb. Damon collapsed on top of Elena. They were both breathless as they both recovered from their orgasms.
Eventually Damon rolled off Elena and onto his back. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his chest and kissed her on her head. Deciding now was a good time to apologize, Elena lifted her head and looked at him.
"I'm sorry for what I said last night." Elena told him. "I didn't mean it the way it sounded." she explained. "We always say that the thing which usually messes with our plans is someones humanity getting in the way. And for me the problem was your humanity was getting in the way of a plan to kill Klaus."
"I know." Damon sighed. "I didn't last night, but your little confession was enough to suggest you meant something else and it was the only other option." he said.
"Thank you." Elena smiled as she kissed him chastely on the lips before laying her head back on his chest. "Just please promise me you won't sleep with Rebekah again." she begged.
"Hey, like I said, I'm all yours." he told her, stroking her hair. "For however long you want me. I love you Elena, why would I need to think about being with another woman now?" he asked.
"I'm just worried that if we have an argument, you'll lash out and sleep with some random woman." she said, voicing her concerns.
"Look, last night I was free and single. That meant I could do whatever I wanted with whoever I wanted." Damon told her. "In the last hour, that status has changed, which means what I did last night is no longer an option. And you know something?" he asked.
"What?" Elena replied, lifting her head to look at him.
"It makes me the happiest man in the world." he grinned and stroked Elena's cheek as he studied her face and frowned. "You're tired." he observed.
"I didn't sleep much last night." Elena admitted, once again resting her head against Damon's chest.
"Come here." he said pulling her in tighter. "You get some sleep. I'm not going anywhere."
"And what are you going to do while I'm asleep?" Elena asked.
"Either I'll try and sleep myself, or I'll watch you sleep and consider myself the luckiest man in the world." Damon told her. "I suspect I'll not be able to sleep while I have you in my arms." he added.
"Okay." Elena said dreamily as she closed her eyes and held Damon tightly, but something felt wrong. He felt soft and furry.
Elena opened her eyes and saw she was holding her bear. She could still faintly smell Damon's scent on it. Elena buried her nose into the bears fur as tears ran down her eyes. If only she could've taken back those words. If only she'd listened to Damon in the first place, there was a possibility none of the things which had occurred since would have happened. However Esther had been dead set on getting Elena to see her, so eventually something would have happened, but the Rebekah incident with Damon probably wouldn't have. Unfortunately, Elena had learned there was one thing which magic wasn't capable of doing, and that was altering the past. Instead, she'd have to face the future and try and rectify her mistake. But in the meantime, at least she still had her dreams.
Elena reached under her bed and pulled her Damon dream diary out from under her bed. She sat up and pulled her knees up to her chest, opened the diary at the next empty page and began to write. Dear Diary...